I genuinely cannot tell if I’m the AH or not. Most of my family seems to think I am but I feel as though they don’t know why I feel this way.
I(22F) live with my parents. I also pay $1200 in rent which covers their mortgage, and we have a lease agreement signed and notarized. Everything for the most part is fine, except when they try acting like I’m still a child. I can easily brush this off because I am their youngest and they will always feel this way about me.
About 2 weeks ago my mom had told me she was having my nieces party at our house. I was excited in the beginning because I absolutely love my niece. My mom’s history with having parties at our house is about a 50/50 chance that people will fight or everything will be fun. My dad was a little bit irritated that she told everyone that my nieces party was going to be here but he quickly got over it.
Last week my mom came to me saying that they didn’t have any extra money for the party(I think you can see where this is going), so she asked if I could “pitch in”. I asked about how much she needed, she said about $500. I told her I would give her $250 because my dad would get payed 2 days later. She said that she couldn’t buy everything she needed with $250 and $500 might not even cover everything. So I asked her to ask my nieces mom or my brother for the money as she is not my child and I can’t afford to give her $500 at that moment. (My dad makes over $150,000 a year salary) I do all of the grocery shopping and pay for it so my mom can do her outdoor projects at the house.
My mom has been upset with me ever since that conversation. Skip forward to today, she is once again upset with me because none of the house work is done for the party and I’m not working fast enough to help her… I’m the only one doing the housework today. The party is at 2:30pm and it’s currently 10:15am, and all the house work is done plus I made all of the sides she was going to make. She has been yelling at me to do everything, and I understand that she is stressed because a lot of people are coming over. But I told her in a moment of anger to “quit having parties at our house if you are going to get so angry at everyone trying to help you”. She told me I live in her house and she can do what she wants in it. If I’m going to be ungrateful for living in her home then I can move out. My dad told me that I have every right to be upset but I need to not talk to my mom like that. I agreed with him and went to apologize to my mom but she just said the damage is done and asked when I would be finding a new place to live. My dad doesn’t want me to move out because they are really relying on me to pay my rent during summer because they have so much to do on our property that they can afford the mortgage and projects. I asked my brother and uncle that are here, and they both said that I’m the AH for talking to my mom that way and that I should find a new place to live because I’m 22 and “living with mommy and daddy time is over”. So Reddit, AITA for telling my mom to quit having parties at their house?
AITAH For asking my parents to quit hosting parties at their house?
r/AITAH
Comments
It is their house… I agree with it being time to move out.
NTA, tell your mom to void your lease agreement and you’ll happily move out. She’s gonna keep bullying you as long as you keep rolling over and letting her. They need you, not the other way around.
How big is your family? $500 is an insane amount for a birthday party in a home (where I lie, anyway). I’d move out. Your mom is treating you as a wallet and a maid. The second someone starts yelling at others, they lose the dignity of receiving respect in return. Espcially if the person being yelled at pays the damn mortgage.
You need to move out..asap..this is their house and you all have an unhealthy relationship around money. You are over involved in their financial issues. Your dad makes $150k…a little weird that they need $500 for a party and that your $1200 is needed monthly to pay their mortgage. You should pay rent but this is a very codependent situation
No you aren’t but you really need to move out hun. Your mom will just make it worse for you now that you called out her behavior. Just smile and walk away until you can move out. It’s not your responsibility to help pay so they can do what they need..SORRY DAD… Protect your peace and start looking for a new place. Good luck
NTA
Do your siblings know you are paying the mortgage and groceries? Because that changes a lot of perspectives. If you were mooching, then while it is nor ok, she may have lost her temper due to frustrations. As it is, she is cutting off her nose to spite her face. Ask her to confirm in writing that she is releasing you from the lease and finding something else.
NTA, even though they are your parents you, you are considered a tenant who is paying rent. Maybe it’s just me but I would have said the same thing to my mother. You decide to host a party you cannot afford, don’t clean the house and expect me to make food…. Don’t host if you can’t afford to and don’t wanna do the chores that come with it.
Not sure where you live but 1200 can get you a place to live in peace
Time to move.
NTA and move out. If they can’t appreciate that they don’t have to rent to a stranger it’s time to move. You don’t live there for free, you’re not on their mercy and good moods. I don’t think you said anything bad either. If I’m helping and somebody is yelling at me, I’m gone.
Tell your dad that unless your mom apologizes you (and your rent money) will be moving out. PERIOD.
Not sure what country you’re living in but in the US $1200 a month is a LOT to live in a house with your parents (and maybe your brother and uncle?) Your mom should not be bullying you for extra money or expecting you to be the housecleaner as well.
Either pay the rent and ONLY keep your room clean and clean the bathroom you use and the kitchen when you cook. Or use you $1200/mo for your own place. But make sure your “lease” with you parents is only month to month so can give 30 days notice so they don’t try to make you pay for their crap while you’re paying for yourself.
It’s time to void your lease and move out. You’re already paying $1200/mo in rent, doing chores, and paying for all the groceries. You may as well do that in your own space without being expected to pay/do extra for your mom’s side projects and events.
I’m betting you can easily afford your own place, bigger than your bedroom, with more independence and freedom.
Move out. Move out. Move out.
These problems would not exist if you lived on your own or shared with a roommate.
Easily solved.
NTA
NTA. Move out. You are not living there as their child, but their renter. They need to respect that difference. You do not owe them chores and groceries on top of rent payments.
What is your culture? This smacks of an Asian heritage where you must bow to all the parents demands, regardless of reality.
You are being USED. You are behaving like a doormat and they are counting on your obedience / respect / or whatever cultural definition you want to put on this. AND you are being financially abused.
You pay rent. That alone gives you the right to tell them to F off, that they have no say over your coming and goings, and you owe them zilch as to cooking, cleaning, etc. unless it is for yourself. Instead you buy all the groceries for the entire family (!!) and work as an unpaid maid in the home, only to be berated if it’s not up to mom’s standards. Again, you are a doormat.
You need to LEAVE, get your own place or a roommate, and let them handle their own finances. Mom gave you permission to do so with her rant, which I imagine whe will backpedal so fast once she sees you actually doing it.
You own nothing to them paying their own mortgage or household expenses. When they ask for money, your kneejerk response from now on needs to be “Sorry, that doesn’t work for me right now.” Just keep saying it.
If they come back with the “You OWE us” or “You must RESPECT our wishes and demands” then you know where you stand. Children are NOT responsible to take care of their parents, regardless of culture. That is on them. AND according to you Dad earns enough to handle it all, or should.
Respect yourself and break this cycle of abuse.
Move out, their projects are not more important than you having peace in the home you live in. Projects are not necessities. If they can’t be respectful that you are the one housing them then move out and let them figure it out. So what if your mother doesn’t have any spending money? Why should you foot the bill for everyone else’s pleasure and get treated like a child at the same time. Either you are a child and they need to support you or you are an adult supporting just yourself. Choose yourself.
Your mom is wrong to ask for any additional money or chores not in the agreement. If your agreement allows you to move out with notice, make notice immediately and get out. This entire dynamic is toxic. If you can’t get out of the agreement then make it clear you will not provide them with additional funds for anything, nor do any chores outside of the agreement. If they don’t like that, then you’ll give them the option to terminate.
you’re not wrong for setting a boundary. it’s hard when family expects your support but doesn’t show the same care in return. you were just asking for consideration, not control.
You are 22 paying $1500 in rent and buying all the groceries..
It’s time for you to sign a lease with a proper landlord who will respect to your rights a tenant and an adult and not be hitting you up for extra money and guilt tripping you.
Why TF are you still staying there?
It’s time to start apartment hunting or even looking for roomates to share an apartment with.
It’s not your circus that they want to do projects on their house..
You need to grow up
Your uncle and brother are 100% right
It’s time for you to move out of that house
Nta. She needed to hear it. It’s crazy that someone making $150,000 a year is living paycheck to paycheck while someone else is covering their mortgage. I would move out before they sunk me into whatever money pit they’re feeding.
Move out already. Then mom can do whatever she wants in her house. If op is paying the full mortgage there, she can afford her own place.
You are a tenant. Not a cleaner, not a cohost, not an atm. You are paying $1200 plus all groceries etc. time to move out. They are being ahs.
Move out and be a guest- imposing the same expectations as everyone else. Drop in, eat their food and have them cater to you. Make some comments about the lack of cleanliness when you leave. Build a better life.
Move out.
YtA to yourself here. You’re being taking the piss out of and you know it.
Why are you paying all the bills. If dad makes that money. Where does his money go? I would be out of there so fast. They are using you to be the responsible adult and pay the bills while they do their own thing.
You’re NTA but this brouhaha is the PERFECT excuse to move out.
It would be their (your parents) loss. Being taken for granted isn’t a healthy situation.
And when you pointed out that your mother had to sleep in the bed she made, you were made the bad person for saying that.
Just start looking for a rental and move on. Maybe next time you can just “attend the party” instead of paying for it and being the party slave and getting yelled at for not working fast enough.
NTA. They are using you as their cash cow. Get out now and don’t keep supporting their lifestyle, which they clearly cannot afford.
Yep. Time to move out. Summer is almost over, so a 90 day notice is plenty.
NTA but stop giving them money and doing all the work for their party. You are paying the mortgage, buying the food, doing the housework and giving them more money on top of that? Wouldn’t it be easier to live on your own? It looks to me like they are taking advantage of you.
They signed and notarized a lease with parents? That’s insanity. If I can’t trust my parents I’d find new digs
I honestly do not get the math here. Your dad makes $150K a year, and you are being asked to pitch in $500 for a simple party? Is he cheap, or does he not want to be involved in anything? Your family sounds like an absolute disaster. Find a new living situation and get out of there and never look back. You are paying $1,200 to be treated like a servant. This is ridiculous.
Look into renters rights in your state, your lease may not even be legally enforceable, but also they have to follow the laws, if it is, and laws typically include not harassing your tenants for extra money.
Move out. Save yourself the headaches.
I think it’s funny that your brother and uncle told you to move out. Don’t they know about the finances?
I think you could have been a little smoother, but I can’t blame you for being frustrated. Mom needs to quit being so unrealistic. If she wants to host parties, she needs to keep them within her limits. You already support them, you don’t need to support Mom’s party addiction.
Just move out, get your freedom and let them suffer paying for the mortgage. 150k, no small kids and struggling?
NTA
Even $250 sounds like a ridiculous price for a party
NTA. You pay $1,200 in rent AND all the grocery bills? Plus you contribute your time and effort? For that amount of money you should be able to find someplace else to live that won’t demand more more more like that.
By the way, if your dad knows how much they rely on you financially, why isn’t he standing up for you to your mom?
You’re not getting your money’s worth out of these people.
NTA Move out that’s your only solution. They don’t see you as a real tenant
NTA Seems like your Mum is acting like the Big I Am on your money.
Like someone before said, ask her to void the lease and tell them you’ll be moving out ASAP, even if you don’t want to. This will give her the jolt she needs probably from your Dad, that they need you. Also worth noting, that it’s you who is essentially allowing them to improve THEIR property with what you contribute.
You’re paying a lot to live with your parents. For $1200 you can get your own place in most areas, and doesn’t sound like you live in a big city. They are right, 22 is time to move out if these petty struggles start.
If your mom can’t afford to host a party, she shouldn’t be volunteering to host one. With what you say your father makes and your ridiculously high rent & grocery contribution your parents shouldn’t be asking you for money at all.
Why do you still live there? Your mother is using you. That would be a reason for me to gtfo.
I don’t understand why YOU should pay anything for a party that’s not for your child, and you did not plan to have.
It just doesn’t make sense. Buy a gift, absolutely. But why isn’t the childs parents paying for the party? Like in what universe is it your problem.
Move out! 1200$ btw is 2 months rent for me, it’s not like you are not paying for yourself already.
I’m sorry you are paying a lot to rent a room also.
NTA move out. 1200 PLUS groceries? u could live alone or rent a room with more respect
Paying $1250 to stay at home is insane. And if it’s true that that covers their mortgage that’s even more of an issue. It’s their house why are you paying for everything?
You should try to get your own place. Save for land. Tiny is the way to go. They are taking advantage of you for sure.Too much drama in my opinion.
Your dad makes $150k a year, and you cover their mortgage. Where is their money going?
They shouldn’t be asking for more than the rent. Their party is not your financial responsibility. Nor is cleaning for the party, and not paying for their groceries. NTA but consider moving out unless you establish boundaries.
Of course NTA. Are we missing context? This doesn’t even make sense.
You pay the rent? Well, there’s your bargaining chip right there. If they don’t want to have more respect and consideration for you, then you can easily get a place of your own. NTA.
If you are covering mortgage and groceries, I just don’t understand how your parents with $150K income are somehow living paycheck to paycheck asking you for money…
NTA for your reason for asking for no more parties. But you also could have just said no (to paying, helping etc for the party, and just made yourself scarce).
You are paying the mortgage, paying for groceries, cooking the food, cleaning the house, paying for parties so your mother can do her “outside activities” and while your father has a six figure income? You aren’t a daughter, you are a slave paying to be a slave. Pack up, move out and stop paying for your parents lifestyle. Let them lose the house to foreclosure. Let them go hungry. Let them live in filth. You have done enough.
NTA. If this is real, you’re allowing yourself to be a complete doormat. Apparently, you’re paying for everything and doing all the work in the house and being ordered around. With what you’re paying for rent there, you should be able to find a small apartment. Get out and live your own life. I think you’ll be surprised at how happy you will be. Go low contact with your family for a while if you need to in order to get them to realize you are now an adult. Y T A to yourself if you stay there and keep putting up with abuse.
No, I would have lost my temper, too. You are paying their mortgage, and yet your mother treats you like a slave. I don’t see a future for you in this house. If you could find your own place, even a humble abode could be a place of peace that you might really appreciate. You sound like a responsible, caring, and extremely generous daughter, but your parents aren’t showing appreciation for the fact that you are paying their mortgage!
Since your dad seems to be the more reasonable of the two, I would tell him that you would like to talk with him privately. Tell him that your mother is expecting too much, asking you to fork over money for a party and expecting you to do most of the prep work. Tell him that you have decided that it’s time for you to be on your own. Tell him that if you stay, it”s extremely possible that you will lose your temper again because your mother is way too difficult to get along with. In my opinion, you have been their purse and their slave for too long.
Update: I realize that you could afford more than a humble abode. I forgot that you are paying for the groceries. Take the advice of the others who have mentioned getting the lease voided. This is one crazy situation. Talk about treating an adult child like crap!
Tell them you’re planning on vacating to somewhere the landlord/roommate won’t manipulate and take advantage of you.
NTA, move out and let them know the damage is done and moms an AH
This is abuse, find your own place and that will lead to greater happiness
YTA to yourself.
There’s a Chinese proverb of a frog in the well thinks that’s his entire world.
Once you get out of your well, you’ll be able to breathe and discover what you will and will not be able to put up with …. Find out about roommates or live on your own.
Also, grow a spine!!! Stand up for yourself. Dont get advice from those relatives who side with her. Your mother is way out of line and treats you like a servant. She should apologize to you. Tell her to get a dog if she wants blind obedience.
Please update….
NTA for what you said. You are the AH for allowing them to take advantage of you. $1200 will get you your own apartment unless your are in a really HCOL.
What are you waiting on? Your dad makes good money yet you are paying their mortgage. WTH?
It is time to quit being a doormat.
If you are paying $1200 rent plus (at least) groceries for everyone, then you can afford your own place.
NTA
I think it’s time for you to move on. Get the lease voided and go. Get your own apartment. Then your mom can’t control you. Mom and dad need to learn to live withing their budget. Projects can be put aside temporarily.
As an adult there is nothing wrong with them expecting you to pay rent to stay in the house. Depending on the area where you live you’d likely be paying the same or more for a place of your own, before all the utilities currently being paid for by your parents. That doesn’t give you any rights to dictate what they can and cannot do with THEIR property. And just because you live there does not make you obligated to pay for things that your mother decides to do. If she can’t afford it, she should not be offering. And I disagree with another poster here who said you don’t need them, they need you – if your dad makes $150k a year they do NOT “need” you, they’ll get on fine without you.
ESH. You don’t get to tell your parents what they can and cannot do with THEIR home, and your mother shouldn’t be offering to host parties she can’t afford to pay for.
NTA but please move out right away.
$1,200 per month to live with your parents?! Are you a cash cow? Wtf is wrong with you! Move out and claim your adulthood, ffs.
If your dad’s $150,00 a year salary isn’t enough to take care of the mortgage every month, what the hell are they spending it on? As for your brother and uncle saying you need to move out. 1: Your dad wants you there to pay the mortgage. 2: They have 0 say in anything over there. 3: Next time mom says it’s her house, remind her you have an agreement in writing and you’re paying their mortgage.
Although, you should probably start looking for your own place so you dont have to deal with stupid stuff like this.
$1200 a month to live in your parent’s house is ridiculous.
Does your lease agreement have anything about having to clean the entire house (maid service), paying for the groceries for everybody, pitching in extra money when asked? No? Didn’t think so. Stop doing all of that. Any family members that think you are in the wrong need to be told all of the financial facts.
NTA, I agree with everyone else, it’s time to move out. You’re paying a healthy amount of rent, which could be used to pay someone else’s mortgage that would respect your lease agreement. Plus you’re buying groceries for the house, which could easily be another $500 a month. On top of that, you’re funding whatever other money they ask. You’d end up saving money by moving out. Your parents need to figure out their own finances.
NTA.
if you were living rent free, that’d be one thing, but you’re paying 1,200 a month. if you had an extra 500 a month to spend, you could afford a 2 bedroom apartment to YOURSELF where I live.
I think you need to remind both of your parents that while you appreciated them letting you live at home still, the financial aspect has changed a LOT of co-habitation rules, and if they can’t respect you as a paying adult, you’ll move, and they can re-structure their budget about it.
NTA your mom is a greedy, immature, leech and your dad is a lazy enabler. Get out. You’re supplementing their lifestyle when you could be putting that $1200 towards your own place and peace.
NTA. Your parents, moreso your mom, act like entitled children and put you in a parenting role. They’re taking advantage of you financially. You should move out, they need to figure out how to cover their bills and projects without you.
NTA they are taken advantage of u. With what your paying, you could easily afford your own place. A place you don’t have to be expected to jump through hoops.
what kind of deal is this? You pay and pay and pay while she does projects that she can’t afford and decides to throw a huge party. What world does she live in…unless this s not tre.
“Thou shalt not covet thy child’s money”
What does she need to spend money on?
Make it potluck, since it’s a family party, buy a cake for $75, and call it a day.
For that matter, what do they spend their money on? They have no mortgage payment.
For that matter, maybe she can get a second job, or become an emergency babysitter. Or sell some stuff.
The lease needs voiding first or they can legally expect you to pay even after she’s effectively kicked you out.
NTA she’s expecting you to pay to be a housemaid and party planner as well as keeping them comfortable. I disagree with the way your family worded the mommy and daddy time, but it does definitely sounds like it’s time to fly the nest and let them look after themselves.
When you DO leave, IMMEDIATELY stop helping fund anything or they’ll still keep coming with their hands out even you’re out
Your paying 1200$, pay all the groceries and do most of if not all the housework? NTA. Moving out at this point is not only cheaper but also way less work. Do yourself a favour and move out.
NTA. You can tell mommy dearest that she can feel free to void your lease and you’ll happily see yourself out, and good luck with her mortgage. I’d also gleefully remind your asshole brother and uncle that you’re footing the bill for the house your parents are living in, so they should probably STFU. Since they want to cast aspersions and lecture you about living with mommy and daddy.
NTA, Couldn’t even finish reading this…what are you doing? Why are you paying for your parents’ mortgage??? This is seriously the best deal you deal you can get locally? They are using you! And still treating you like a kid, a servant, and an ATM all at the same time. Helping your parents is one thing, but they are royally screwing you over so the can spend their money on other things. its gross.
>I asked my brother and uncle that are here, and they both said that I’m the AH for talking to my mom that way and that I should find a new place to live because I’m 22 and “living with mommy and daddy time is over”.
Do they know you’re paying the mortgage and buying the groceries? What kind of projects are your parents doing that makes it so they are living paycheck to paycheck on a $150k income? Are they sending money to help support any of your siblings or other relatives?
They are right that “living with mommy and daddy time is over”, or is should be soon. Mommy and daddy need to learn to support themselves. You are going to burn yourself out trying to please your mom. Move out. Experience freedom. (Do NOT continue to send them money after you move out!)
I would tell them that as long as you’re paying the mortgage, it’s YOUR rules in the house. If they don’t like it, void the rental agreement and you’ll leave.
Then tell them that for every party they throw, you will withhold rent that month.
NTA. Your mom is egotistical and delusional, I’d much rather pay rent, buy groceries and pay bills on my own than waste my money and effort for a toxic, ungrateful parent. Get your own place and live your best life. If your mom wants a party then she better do the work.
NTA – very sincerely, please move out. You pay rent, you’re not in “her” house. As a ROOMMATE, routine household chores and community groceries should be SPLIT appropriately. Specialty and luxury items have to be agreed on, as do parties in your shared space. I totally get that these are your parents and I too would probably offer a lot more leeway on that front myself. However, NTA at “I’m upset at you for not paying me a lot of money to fulfill an obligation I took on without discussing it with you first”. As a parent of 4 kids, I understand that $$ is tight but my kids are small and you are the youngest and are basically self sufficient to there is absolutely no reason in the world that your dad should be paycheck to paycheck on $150k per year unless your parents are living well beyond their means and that is not your problem.
Girl. If your dad is making over $150k a year and you are paying the entire mortgage with your $1200 a month rent, they don’t need you. You are nothing but the ATM for your mother’s poor spending habits. That is why your dad wants you to stay. Time to move out.
Move out , let them figure out money
Stop buying groceries and paying for anything else. You are financing your parents’ living expenses at the moment. You need to save your money for your own place, so you are not able to spend anything beyond what is contained in the lease. As soon as you can secure a new place to live, start packing things and then give written notice of your intent to vacate. In the duration between now & your exit, source food for yourself only. When they complain, say “I am operating according to our contract as a tenant.” Tell the relatives “after careful consideration of all the advice given to me by all the relatives who weighed in on things, I am going to do exactly as they said and move out of mom & dad’s house”
So your dad makes $150K per year. If you pay $1200 per month which covers the ENTIRE mortgage payment AND YOU pay for all the groceries in the house… uhh, essentially you don’t live with them, they live with you. Their name is just on the mortgage. You’re basically paying off their assets for them. Hell, once the house is paid off… your mom might even talk your dad into passing the house down to one of your older siblings instead of you since “you’re in a better position and they need more help”
LOL.. and even after paying for almost all the living expenses, they want you to “chip in” $500 for SOMEONE ELSE’S KIDS’ BIRTHDAY PARTY???
Move out.
NTA
You should just move out. She’s using you up acting like you’re her slave. You’re the one paying the mortgage and then funding her parties and making the food for her party. That’s just so wrong
I’m 63M and have 4 grown kids that are 20-30 year old. You are NOT the AH. The situation you described is the reason that our kids didn’t live in our house much as adults. You are likely not going to get your mom to change her ways. If I were you, I’d continue to set boundaries with her on things, and start scaling back on your extra financial contributions beyond the rent you are paying… which is not cheap rent for a room. I would pile up some money and plan to move out on your own. It will be more healthy for you and your parents for there to be some separation so that when you are together you have less stress.
quit fucking around and move.
Nah. Your mom needed to be put in her place. Stop giving them money too. Fuck that.
NTA. Your mom thinks she is doing you a favor when this is a mutual thing. Just move on and get a small apartment. She’ll never treat you with respect because you are in her roof even if you’re paying rent.
Time to move out. Their house is not your problem.
NTA. What are you their slave? You’re paying their mortgage, pay for the groceries, doing free labor, helping to pay for parties? What do your parents even do? They’re financially abusing you. LEAVE THAT HOUSE.
I wouldn’t say YTA but unfortunately even if you’re paying rent you are not the homeowner. Your mother is manipulating you and clearly living above her means. How do you throw a party that you can’t afford and expect others to pay for it.
The dynamic of this is a little weird In the sense that if your Dad makes that much why didn’t she go to him? And does your mom work, where is her money?
This is definitely not your responsibility, your mom needs to get over it and stop screaming at you and ordering you around. You are an adult that contributes to the home, she could at least show a little respect. With that being said, the only way to not have to deal with any of the drama is to move out or respectfully defend yourself.
Your dad makes $150k and they need you to pay the mortgage?
NTA. You are paying rent that means you have a say in what happens unless, otherwise, stated in the lease. Maybe it’s time for you to move and time for your mom to quit treating you like a baby. She also shouldn’t be volunteering for parties if she can’t afford to pay for one.
Tell your mom that the 500$ wil be taken out from your rent. and that soon you will be living elsewhere. she can start to find a job and a maiden.
don’t accept any discussion until SHE apologizes.
NTA
Your entire family appear be TA, if this is genuine.
Nah it’s time for you to move out. You pay your rent and they want more and expect you to bend over backwards and treat you like a child. If your dad who makes 150k a year cannot afford their mortgage that is a them problem not a you problem. You aren’t being an asshole by saying No.
It’s time to move out and be an independent person. It is no longer feasible living at home. Cut the umbilical cord. Your mom cannot SEE you as an individual outside of your place as her daughter. Until you’re on your own this is your life. Good luck 😊
Not the AH. Take your $ and gtfo. They are taking advantage of you. If Dad makes that much and they still can’t afford to live there, they can’t afford to live there. We have been preached at our entire lives to live within our means. Use your $ to live somewhere you are happy.
Im guessing the lease isn’t even leagle!!!
Op, MOVE OUT- STOP giving your looser, manipulative parents money! Fuck them. Your mom needs a job & you need your freedom & therapy! Get an air b b if you have to
When you move out, make sure you cut off all financial contact or else they’ll start dipping into your accounts to make up for the loss of your income.
NTA – Move out. This arrangement is too confusing. You’re either a) an adult child living with her parents who get to dictate how things go OR b) a paying tenant who is only responsible for yourself. Not both. That’s some BS. Do not pitch in money again for another party. Period. Clean your room, your bathroom, and tidy up after yourself in common areas. Period. $1200 is a lot of money to charge a kid, then treat them like a payday loan center.
NTA, call the police. Next time, she has a party, and they are causing a disturbance. You’re a tenant at this point and have rights to reasonable peace and quiet.
Fake
So what I just read is they did an Uno reverse and now you’re the parent for your parents. BUT…where they fucked up is they made you a legal tenant.
As a legal tenant, they are now your landlords. Landlords don’t get to dictate what you do and when you do it and they for sure don’t get to insist you foot the bill for their shit. It’s up to you to enforce that.
However, that being said, it sounds like you have enough money to afford your own place and still feed yourself, so I think you should do just that: get your own place and cut them off financially. It’s not your problem they can’t live within a very comfy 6-figure salary. That’s on them to work out, not you.
NTA. You honestly should move out. This doesn’t sound like a situation where you couldn’t afford to. You’re paying their mortgage and for all the groceries? That’s ridiculous. And your brother and uncle can stfu about “living with mommy and daddy” because it sounds like you are supporting mommy and daddy.
Deduct it from next month’s rent. Including your time and labor.
you’re mom is being petty and emotionally immature.
as a ‘tenant’, you should be able to have a saying in what type of living conditions you want. And because of this, you also deserve to live in the conditions you want. It’s not just their house anymore – it’s a shared home.
depending on your tone and volume, maybe the way you told her could have been wrong BUT to me it seems justified if this is a reoccurring pattern behavior around celebrations.
as a reminder – you do not need them for survival. It seems like your quite capable of providing for yourself (and others), so if you feel ready, have her adjust or void the lease agreement and move out! You’ll soon realize that it’s worth paying the price for peace.
NTA. Move out. You’re subsidizing your parents and Mom sees you as a personal piggy bank.
$500 for a party? WTF kind of party was it that you need $500?
Mom is entitled and you’re being manipulated. Move out. NTA.
I don’t know who’s at fault but you guys are AWFUL with money.
This is financial abuse. Seriously. This is advise. You are being abused by your parents. You need to move out. They’re going to guilt you for it, try to make it seem like they will fall apart without you, make it seem like you’re responsible for trading care of them, but they can take care of themselves, truly. It’s time to take care of yourself, outside of their house.
Having your kids pay rent imo never works. Parents will never treat you like a tenant unless of course it is not a shared property. You need to move. That’s the only solution.
ESH. Your mom volunteered to host this party. It’s her responsibility.
I’ve never heard of any young adult have a successful landlord/ tenant relationship living with their parents. Compare pros & cons & risks & benefits & decided whether you want to stay or go. I don’t know costs of living in your area, but I live in a pretty high COL state & in neighboring cities to me you can get a decent 1 bedroom apartment for what you say you’re paying. If you don’t want to deal with the kinds of problems you’re running into, you’re better off finding an actual landlord to rent from.
You’re NTA
Tell your mother that even though she is your mom and you her daughter, you are grown and she does not to get to disrespect you and put her anger out on you
You are an adult and a LEGAL Tenant of the house per a RENTAL LEASE. It is also your house per that agreement and while you pay your share.
She can either also apologize to you, or she can have two options. 1) Void the lease agreement where you are no longer liable to cover the remaining payment as you move out prior to 30 day notice (as many have suggested and also this is technically illegal but people do it especially if agreed upon) 2) or you can give official 60 day notice to move out and you’ll provide the rent u til then but thereafter per a legal lease closure notice you will no longer need to provide rent or “pitch in” on her financial whims.
NTA.
You literally are a tenant. Who the f* expects someone living at their house to pay hundreds of dollars for their parties. That’s literally insane!
Living with your parents stopped being “Living with mommy and daddy time” as soon as you started kicking in more than $14,000 per year.
Her brain needs realignment but unfortunately, I don’t expect that’s gonna happen
If you told her you weren’t going to contribute, you probably wouldn’t have been invited. And if you brought up the fact that nobody invited to the party was going to be contributing either and shouldn’t get to go under the same rules, she wouldn’t even get it.
If you actually live in a place where there’s a 50% chance of a fight at a party, you should want no part of this. Especially when you have a father who makes $150,000 per year and can’t rustle up a little money for a party.
You have a lease agreement, so do exactly that nothing more until you can leave. Best case scenario is that you find a place with two more reasonable roommates, and the odds are you’ll spend less per month.
In the end, you should be thankful that this AH move by your parents gets you out sooner instead of having to deal with this kind of garbage longer.
I had this same argument with my Mom when I was 21. I did not have a formal lease so I was gone 2 weeks later and never moved back. It was the best move I ever made.
Your mom was way out of line to ask you for money for a party she wants. Ask her to void your lease and move out. She’s treating you like a servant!
Get the hell out. ASAP
Sure, we all may say something in the heat of the moment, and she literally pushed your buttons, so a bit if trace is given.
But, you definitely need to move out, for her to realize what ALL YOU DID!!!! She literally is picking a fight with a person, that pays their mortgage, groceries and what not!!!!
Move out, as she literally voided your lease agreement by telling you to find a her place.
UpDateMe!
NTA, but if you can afford $1200 in rent and groceries, I’d look at moving out. Your parents are taking advantage of you, IMO.
Mom, I’m going away to visit my friend x y z. I’ll be back in 3 days. Have a good party and say hi to everyone for me. Then go . . Somewhere, any where and let “her” handle the party that ” she” is throwing
When you get back, then see what her mindset is. Good luck. Hang tough!
Hey, you are a legal tenant with legal rights and paying a sizable amount to live. Your mom sounds like she’s trying to impress others outside of you and your dad. She didn’t even ask either of you if you thought it was a good idea to host this party and now for some reason she wants you to chip in on the cost. And what a slap in the face to tell you to get out because she’s not getting her way and your money. Even after you cleaned everything and made the side dishes?
NTA. You pay $1200/mo to be her live in labor and the recipient of her outbursts because she can’t get her shit together. Move out and let her figure out how to cope with her own life.
Screw that. Your Mum is taking the P! You would easily find your own place for that amount and not have to put up with that shit.
Time to go love. Rip the bandaid off.
NTAH.
Man, your family, except for maybe your dad, is messed up. YOU pay the ENTIRE MORTGAGE PAYMENT for your PARENT’S house, and your mom says you’re living in HER (their) house? Imo, you should have more rights than you do, especially since you pay the whole mortgage payment AND groceries every month. And at only 22 years old.
And tell your uncles and whoever else, that you’re not “living with mommy and daddy” for free. It’s more like THEY’RE living with YOU for free, and abusing that privilege of your wallet.
How can they not afford projects and a $1200 mortgage payment on a $150,000 salary? I make less than half that per year, and pay significantly more on my rent each month. Granted, I don’t own a house and have projects that need done, but I still get by on my meager little salary.
Maybe it’s time that you DO move out, but only so you can start gaining your own independence, and your parents can gain their independence as well, since they won’t have you to depend on anymore.
You have every right to an opinion on what happens in that house, since financially speaking, it appears to be more yours than theirs anyway.
NTA
Edited to fix mortgage amount.
Tell your dad that your mom’s mind seems to be made up about you needing to find your own place, so you are going to be doing that. Follow through. You’re just going to end up resenting them all if you stay. It doesn’t need to he about revenge. It can be about “this really doesn’t seem to be working.”
Haha, call their bluff and actually move out. Buying groceries and bills for one is cheaper than for three.
Break the lease and pay whatever penalties there are, if any (probably nothing worth getting all worked up about). Get a new place and move. Don’t give them a single dime more. Your problem is solved. Theirs, well, who cares; that’s their issue, not yours.
Move out you can afford it and it’s better to save your relationship with your parents. They’ll have to put some projects on hold or just prioritize. But it’s not worth it. To pay their mortgage and still have your parent child relationship and lack of autonomy or say. It would be best for you to move out.
Your relationship with your parents sounds unhealthy as hell. They’re soaking you dry. It’s time to move out into a place on your own. Then they can have the parties they want without inconveniencing you.
So, let me get this straight.
You’re paying your parents 1400$ per month in rent, then pay for all of the HH groceries (yours, too), then do housework in their home, including their yard work?
If that’s the case, you’re actually paying far more than 1400$ monthly in rent!
You are NO LONGER their adult daughter they get to boss & bully around, but a Tenant in that has rights in their home.
Instead of a long & drawn out explanation as to why your Parental Units are ginormous AH’s, just move out.
You also don’t owe your Mum an apology, either.
As Tenant you have the right to peace & quiet in the space you rent from these entitled/disrespectful clods, too.
Again, I’m going to stress you are NOW a Tenant with Tenants rights that are being clearly trampled by your selfish parents.
Please move out, asap.
NTA
Move out.
Updateme
NTA – their financial situation isn’t your burden. If I was in your situation, I’d move out. Give them the guidelines for continuing contact. I have a feeling they will constantly bug you to “borrow” or “give” money to do one thing or another.
$150K is nothing to choke on. they should be able to do what they need to do with it. If they are not managing their finances appropriately, that’s on them.
Sorry – your parents are acting like children and your “family” isn’t giving you good advice. Go forth and conquer the world!
You’re nuts for living there, sounds like you’re being both financially and emotionally abused.
Why on earth are you shelling out all that money in rent? You could probably get your own apartment for that or at least a share. And then to ask u to pay further for groceries and parties is breathtaking. Why is your sister not paying for her own daughter’s party?
NTAH,
Updateme
NTA-if you’re paying rent along with other things, your parents/mom need to understand the dynamics isn’t just child/parent, it’s landlord/tenant and you can very well ask/demand things. If you have something in that lease agreement to reference, even better!!
If she’s throwing a party, she should most definitely pay for it. If she can’t afford it, not your problem and she should not expect you to help her get ready!
IT IS TIME FOR YOU TO MOVE OUT! Take the hint the universe is sending you and GTFO!
Edited to add NTA
If you can afford to pay the entire mortgage why don’t you just move into your own place and be done with it?
ESH. It is her house, she can have parties if she wants. Expecting you to be the maid, the cook, and pay rent and pay for the party is absurd. Move out.
NTA. Your mom is what I refer to as “a piece of work”.
NTA
Next time, I’d say:
“sorry I don’t have money to give you for the party, but I can give you a $250 advance on my August rent if you want. Also, I will not be available to help prep for the party you are hosting.”
> If I’m going to be ungrateful for living in her home then I can move out.
Do it. Time for mom to FAFO. NTA.
NTA. My mom behaved similarly when having parties (except I was not living at her home and not chipping in $$), but she would expect me to come early to help with parties I was attending and while I was happy to help she would get snippy and rude with me for not working fast enough or if I needed something. Guess who doesn’t help with that shit anymore????
This is not an appropriate way to treat hired domestic help, let alone your own child. Move out, move a little far away (like 30 minutes to an hour) and realize that your quality of life is much improved by being away from ungrateful, mooching bullies. A $1200 mortgage is insanely cheap, your dad is making plenty enough money to pay for it.
I strongly suggest therapy to help open your eyes to just how enmeshed your family is, your brother and uncle shouldn’t be getting involved in your arguments with your parents, and your parents shouldn’t be relying on their child for their mortgage, especially when they make $150k a year. If that money isn’t going to housing or groceries, where is it going???
MOVE. OUT. Stop supporting your ungrateful family. You have no idea right now but your life will be much better once you get away from them. I’m angry for you right now just reading this. The entitlement and ingratitude is staggering. Please move out and don’t look back for even a second.
NTA. Maybe the way you said it wasn’t that nice, but your mom wasn’t being nice either. She doesn’t have a right to treat you or talk to you that way either. Respect goes both ways. When everyone has calmer heads, you should talk. Tell her if she’s having parties, you shouldn’t be expected to pay for it. That should be on the parents of the child. You shouldn’t be expected to clean for it or be yelled at for helping. You aren’t living off them, you’re paying rent. But if she wants you to move, that’s fine. Tell her to void your lease and you can take your rent money elsewhere. If they need money, they can rent your room to someone else (who won’t pay or clean for parties).
At this point just use the $1.2k to get you an apartment
NTA. If they rely on you to pay their mortgage, you’re the one putting a roof over their heads. Move out. Trust me, you’ll save a lot of money. You’d be surprised how much money you can save when you’re supporting one person and not three.
If her dad makes $150,000 a year and they depend on her to pay the mortgage and buy their food- where is his money going??
You aren’t living with “mommy and daddy”, you are a tenant and paying through the nose for it, without any tenant perks. Move out. Let your mother lay in the bed she’s making. You aren’t responsible for them making it work. She can go out and get a job to pay her bills. NTA.
For 1,200/mo you can go and get a 1 bedroom and not have to deal with this shit. You literally pay their mortgage, probably double that bc I dont know anyone with a 1200 mortgage. You should 10000000% move out. Let them deal with their own house and their own shit.
NTA but please move out. You are being taken advantage of. Your dad makes 150,000 a year and they can’t pay a 1200 mortgage and afford food? They need to get a handle on their own finances and you need to take care of yourself.
NTA- You are living with your landlords. Your landlord asked you for money for a party, that you need to setup and have at the place you rent. It’s not just her house if you pay rent. Leave.
Do future parties “potluck” where everyone brings a dish to share. Low work, low cost. I’d move out if I could financially swing it. You may find that you save more money and less work and aggravation than living at home. And your parents may find a new respect and appreciation for all the ways you have helped them.
NTA. You’re paying 1300, rent, buying groceries and doing housework? There’s often tension when adult children still live at home, but most parents give their kids a break on the rent. Sorry to say your mother sounds spoiled and selfish. Do you really want to stay living there? Doesn’t sound like you’re getting a very good deal.
NTA. You’re doing entirely too much already and they’re taking advantage of it. Your mother sounds more the like the child here and you’re way more responsible. I’d be finding a new place, not give them another dime and not look back.
OMG NTA and get out. You are being USED. When they ask for money outside of the 1200 rent, tell them, “I already pay your mortgage and groceries. I can’t give you money I don’t have”. Get out, go low contact, PLEASE build a life for yourself with boundaries for family. If they email or text or send a voicemail, don’t answer for 24 hours. You don’t need to explain why, but this may make their impulsivity to expect money from you wane. If need be, tell them in a text (because then you have a record of it), I’m setting some boundaries for my own mental well being. 1. I’m happy to help out with house parties but will only be available once a month to help and will contribute no more than $100. 2. There will be no discussions involving guilting me about my boundaries and if they start I will cut off all help and contact. 3. Family should not be transactional. You can ask for help but not demand it. I’m the child. You are the parent. I am not your banker. 4. If I say “No thank you”to a request for money, that’s a full sentence. The conversation is over.
you’re the AH for staying! you can be on your own with what you pay your parents. your parents are the REAL AH, in my opinion. its insane what they charge you that much. it would be different if you lived alone and rented from them. get your own place, and set your own rules and boundaries!
Damn imagine making your child pay $1200 a month to live at home at 22 and then demanding she pay groceries and fund parties?! NTA
Your mum is TA.
Taking advantage of you.
Get your own place
NTA – What do you have to be grateful for? You pay $1200 in rent which covers their mortgage and your dad admits that they’re relying on your rent so next time your mother gets high and mighty like she’s doing you a favour then remind her of who’s actually doing who a favour.
Is it really worth it to still live at home?