I (F27) have been dating my Boyfriend for 7 years now, I have an amazing relationship with his entire family aside from his aunt (F47) I’ll call Amanda. She’s always made little comments at me/about me to the rest of his family, she’ll call me chubby, eye candy and a slew of other mean names for literally NO reason. This has gone on for about 3 years now, for a while she was not on speaking terms with her sister (my boyfriend’s mother) so she didn’t really come to any family events so the first 4 years of our relationship I haven’t had to deal with her. I haven’t had an interaction with her where I was mean at all she for some reason just doesn’t like me.
It’s gotten to the point where I’ve told my boyfriend, his dad and his mom that I don’t feel comfortable being around her anymore. The straw that broke the camels back was earlier today we were having a barbecue at my boyfriends parents house, they have a pool so we we’re transitioning from the pool -> eating/drinking -> pool again. So while we were eating most of us were still in our swim suits, I was in a bikini. While sitting down to eat I sat in between my boyfriend and his dad, it was kind of packed tight with how many people were sitting at the table and our backs/chairs were against the wall.
I got up to go and get a soda (they were in the cooler by the pool) so I had to squeeze past my boyfriends dad, nothing was weird about it at all (at least to everyone aside from Aunt Amanda). I lightly grazed my boyfriend’s dad while I was squeezing behind him, and he scooted in as much as possible and I said I was sorry and he laughed and said don’t worry about it. Completely normal interaction. Aunt Amanda turned it into I was shoving my ass in my boyfriends dads face. I only found this out later because she said this while I was walking over to the pool out of ear shot, when I got back to the table I could tell things were kind of awkward but I just thought maybe I was reading everyone wrong. I only found out she said this after my boyfriend and I left and he told me what she said.
We hold major holidays at the house that my boyfriend and I rent and I’ve since banned her from coming. My boyfriend and his father both agree with me, I’ve yet to hear from his mom or anyone else in the family for that matter but I’m sure it’ll trickle down the grape vine. I’m curious if you think ITA for this?
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I have been dating my Boyfriend for 7 years now, I have an amazing relationship with his entire family aside from his aunt (F47) I’ll call Amanda. She’s always made little comments at me/about me to the rest of his family, she’ll call me chubby, eye candy and a slew of other mean names for literally NO reason. This has gone on for about 3 years now, for a while she was not on speaking terms with her sister (my boyfriend’s mother) so she didn’t really come to any family events so the first 4 years of our relationship I haven’t had to deal with her. I haven’t had an interaction with her where I was mean at all she for some reason just doesn’t like me.
It’s gotten to the point where I’ve told my boyfriend, his dad and his mom that I don’t feel comfortable being around her anymore. The straw that broke the camels back was earlier today we were having a barbecue at my boyfriends parents house, they have a pool so we we’re transitioning from the pool -> eating/drinking -> pool again. So while we were eating most of us were still in our swim suits, I was in a bikini. While sitting down to eat I sat in between my boyfriend and his dad, it was kind of packed tight with how many people were sitting at the table and our backs/chairs were against the wall.
I got up to go and get a soda (they were in the cooler by the pool) so I had to squeeze past my boyfriends dad, nothing was weird about it at all (at least to everyone aside from Aunt Amanda). I lightly grazed my boyfriend’s dad while I was squeezing behind him, and he scooted in as much as possible and I said I was sorry and he laughed and said don’t worry about it. Completely normal interaction. Aunt Amanda turned it into I was shoving my ass in my boyfriends dads face. I only found this out later because she said this while I was walking over to the pool out of ear shot, when I got back to the table I could tell things were kind of awkward but I just thought maybe I was reading everyone wrong. I only found out she said this after my boyfriend and I left and he told me what she said.
We hold major holidays at the house that my boyfriend and I rent and I’ve since banned her from coming. My boyfriend and his father both agree with me, I’ve yet to hear from his mom or anyone else in the family for that matter but I’m sure it’ll trickle down the grape vine. I’m curious if you think ITA for this?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I banned my boyfriends aunt from being at our house, I feel this may make me the AH because she’ll miss holidays
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Your house, your rules….which under the circumstances sound very reasonable to me. NTA.
NTA justified
Your family needs to stop inviting her because she’s just a heartless person, and she really needs to learn consequences to her actions, if she won’t stop she’s not invited to things anymore
NTA. Miss Amanda can just stay away until she learns to be less malicious.
NTA – that kind of talk and behaviour is completely unnecessary, it honestly sounds like she’s quite jealous of you. Either that, or she’s just a generally mean person.
You’re not the asshole. Setting boundaries with toxic people is essential for your wellbeing.
NTA at all, dude. Ain’t nobody gotta put up with that kinda BS, especially in their own house. Family or not, toxic is toxic, period. Real talk, we all need boundaries and if Aunt Amanda can’t respect yours, she ain’t gotta be part of your celebrations, periodt. Stay firm, my guy. Respect to you for setting those limits!✌️💯
NTA
I think you have every right to ban someone who makes you uncomfortable!
NTA. You can’t be expected to have her come and humiliate you in your own space. Your home is supposed to be the place you’re most comfortable don’t bring her bad energy around your safe space. She sounds insufferable. Glad your boyfriend and his dad are with you on the ban.