I 24M, am in a relationship with 23F, for about 2 years(20 months approximately) now, and she has a lot of expectations, like I should buy her flowers every now and then, buy thoughtful gifts for her every now and then, take her out, she expects me to treat her like a princess.
and I must tell you I have no problem with doing all of these for my partner, but the problem arises when things become one sided in a relationship and that exactly what has happened.
She expects me that I should always text her first, I tried to make her understand that I am a guy who has a very hectic schedule, a lot of stress, and I may miss out sometimes, she on the other hand, is a home tutor and has enough enough time for herself, but she is unsupportive and cannot take the effort to text or call first.
not only that, she expects I will baby her always, uses me as an emotional punching bag whenever she is upset, and when I objected to it, she started telling me I am not a good partner and that I am not emotionally mature. I have never lashed out at her when I was stressed or angry but I am the one who is emotionally immature, ok noted.
she watches k dramas and Instagram reels all the time, follows those “how to become a high value woman” pages, and sends me snippets of how guys always plan dates, give princess treatment, give this give that, a toddler mind in the body of an adult.
There are certain things I must say:-)
- she expected me to plan a surprise date for her, I did, 3 times in 2 years, not once she did the same.
- next, she indirectly expected me to plan a birthday party, I did, but when it came to my birthday, I just got a text and even on that day she said to me “where’s the treat?”
- I provided her emotional support every-time she was upset, but it when it came to me, she ignored.
and many other, there are many such instances,
I finally started feeling used, burnt out, one sided, and when I spoke it to her about it that I wanted equal efforts, she said I am expecting too much for a man, and called me a “princess, date a man then”, a “princess”, for expecting equal efforts.
that made me angry and disappointed, AITAH here?
I am thinking of breaking up finally, can’t tolerate s*** anymore, can’t stand one sidedness anymore!!
Comments
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I 24M, am in a relationship with 23F, for about 2 years(20 months approximately) now, and she has a lot of expectations, like I should buy her flowers every now and then, buy thoughtful gifts for her every now and then, take her out, she expects me to treat her like a princess.
and I must tell you I have no problem with doing all of these for my partner, but the problem arises when things become one sided in a relationship and that exactly what has happened.
She expects me that I should always text her first, I tried to make her understand that I am a guy who has a very hectic schedule, a lot of stress, and I may miss out sometimes, she on the other hand, is a home tutor and has enough enough time for herself, but she is unsupportive and cannot take the effort to text or call first.
not only that, she expects I will baby her always, uses me as an emotional punching bag whenever she is upset, and when I objected to it, she started telling me I am not a good partner and that I am not emotionally mature. I have never lashed out at her when I was stressed or angry but I am the one who is emotionally immature, ok noted.
she watches k dramas and Instagram reels all the time, follows those “how to become a high value woman” pages, and sends me snippets of how guys always plan dates, give princess treatment, give this give that, a toddler mind in the body of an adult.
There are certain things I must say:-)
and many other, there are many such instances,
I finally started feeling used, burnt out, one sided, and when I spoke it to her about it that I wanted equal efforts, she said I am expecting too much for a man, and called me a “princess, date a man then”, a “princess”, for expecting equal efforts.
that made me angry and disappointed, AITAH here?
I am thinking of breaking up finally, can’t tolerate s*** anymore, can’t stand one sidedness anymore!!
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. Get out.
INFO – Do you two even LIKE each other?
NTA. This does, however, sound more like relationship advice than an AITA post.
NTA just break up with her and find someone who will appreciate you.
Most relationships have a certain give and take. You put up with some shit of your partner because in return, they put up with some shit of yours and also, you get something positive from the relationship too.
It sounds like you have the feeling that you have to give more than you want and that you have to put up with more shit than you are willing to. That means that it is time to decide if the overall balance of what you have to give for this relationship and what you get back, is no longer favorable to you. It is not about being an asshole or not.
You are not obligated to be or stay in a relationship. NTA.
So she doesn’t want to put any effort into making you feel loved and emotionally abuses you, and you have nothing but resentment and contempt for her. Do either of you actually like the other? Because it sounds like you two are a mutually toxic mess.
When someone does not treat you decently, you leave. If you stay, either you get beaten down to nothing or you become mutually abusive. Neither of those is healthy, which is why you should have left when you started to feel that way, rather than stewing and building up contempt. Contempt is one of the ultimate love killers. You have to respect someone to love them, so when you start feeling contempt, you should take that as a signal that the relationship is unsustainable and unhealthy.
ESH, but she’s worse.
Honest question, what does your partner bring to the relationship because it sounds like they don’t contribute anything at this point. NTA
NTA. It sounds like she found the women’s equivalent to Andrew Tate. That shit is so toxic and it also sounds like she’s homophobic, so that’s another mark against her. Relationships should have some level of reciprocity. It will always build resentment if one partner is expected to plan everything and provide emotional support without receiving it. Women have to deal with that all the time, and it’s no more acceptable because you’re a man. I would get out while you can.
She sounds fun
NTA, this clearly isn’t working for you. Probably best to cut your losses and move on in life, sitting her down and explaining your standpoint to her didn’t work. You would only be the AH to yourself if you continue to let yourself be treated like a doormat.
NTA – Those “high value” women in those guides are often just vampires that leech off your efforts, feelings, money, and love… They take and do not give. You have to set a limit for yourself to say the ratio of giving to receiving in everything. Those stupid guides think they’re showing how to make women “hard to get” but instead just makes them “hard to want”, and they think every man is beneath them. Personally I’d be setting up an exit plan if it’s this bad, or thinking of some sort of couple’s therapy. Relationships that give nothing in return for either party’s effort are no different than going to work and not getting paid. If there’s no value in being there, why continue going?
NTA, not even close. She sounds like an entitled brat. There are people out there that would be far better suited to you. I would suggest getting out of that relationship ASAP and finding someone actually worthwhile
NTA. You seem to be done with this relationship, and that’s fine. Just break up already.
Your feelings are valid. Planning Dates and surprises is one thing, but if she doesn’t even support you emotionally when you need it, this relationship is clearly one-sided.
You are better off moving on.
NTA
Why the f are you still with this child? She is blatantly using and taking advantage of you. Obviously you’re NTA for wanting some basic reciprocity after 2 years.
She sounds awful. Im guessing shes really pretty or you wouldn’t have stayed this long and she wouldn’t expect this.
Leave her, and outline EXACTLY why you are. She needs to know. She’s border line abusive.
NTA- sounds like she’s just using you. Have some self respect and leave this shit show.
NTA.
Well apart from to yourself.
There are lots of ladies who will give equal effort out there and truly appreciate yours and not insult you when you try to talk to them about your wants and needs.
Your GF sounds very immature and like her mind was screwed by these “high quality podcasts”. (High quality doesn’t mean looking for a sugar daddy though. It means you value yourself. But it also means you pull your weight in the relationship. Partner who only take, take, take are not high quality).
I would like to highlight something you said:
> a toddler mind in the body of an adult
That’s exactly what it is. You’re a parent to a grown woman. Do you want to be a parent to your partner? That’s the question you need to answer yourself and if the answer is no than go value yourself and do what’s best for you.
Why would you stay with someone like that?
NTA, fucking run.
NTA. I have been in a relationship like this; always getting answers like that and “You need to be wrapped in cotton wool all the time” (Translated expression). Whenever I expressed my feelings.
Withstood years of gaslighting and psychological abuse from my ex-wife.
That and you are going to get tired of constantly having to treat her like “a princess”. If you don’t or “slack off” on it just a bit. She will find someone else who make her happy.
I suggest you marry her off to the prince of a rival kingdom to gain influence.
Why are you even dating her? She’s the exact type of woman men cry about lol. Go find someone normal
NTA. Why are with this person. Relationships need to be give and take on both directions. She’s a crap partner.
Why are you still together?
These posts frequently sound like made-up bullshit. In this case, it’s hard to imagine someone so awful is real life.
You know the answer here – get out now.
Just read it back and come to your own conclusion dude.
NTA. She’s disrespectful and insulting and abusive and not worth all your efforts. You’re currently in a toxic relationship, you’ll be happier without it.
NTA. It doesn’t sound like this relationship has any positive effect on your life—only negative. That’s a pretty clear sign to leave.
NTA. She sounds sexist. My wife and I have an equal partnership and it’s never been so one sided ever. This sounds horribly toxic for you.
Why are you still with that gold digging, princess. End it and move on. She’s not worth the money, time or sadness.
She needs to grow up and you need to get away.
people asking why I was with her for so long despite all of these, I believe I was too forgiving and kind, also I had genuine feelings for her, didn’t think she would turn out like this, also I overlooked her red flags