I got $5k from my grandmas inheritance and I was planning on paying off my CC ($2,100) with it, giving $1k of it to my husband to pay some on his CC (which is at $4,200). I would save the rest for whatever I needed to spend it on. My husband decided that was the wrong way to use it and he needs to pay off his CC first so he can buy all his other things he “needs” to buy. (Basically racking his card back up to $2k after he pays off his CC). I wouldn’t see a dime to help my bills at all. He says it’s for the good of the family but I have a different idea of how that should go to help us. I am pissed. He doesn’t think I should be. AITAH for being mad at him for not letting me have any of the funds?
AITAH for being mad my husband took my inheritance money
r/AITAH
Comments
NTA
Why does he have access to those funds at all? Don’t hand over anything. And since he’s playing that way, he deserves NOTHING
It’s your money and you decide what you want to do with it. NTA.
How are these questions even real? Husband wants to take MY money, am I a bad person? You don’t need us.
Wtf?
Inheritance money is personal property in most places, not marital property. Ultimately, legally, it is your decision on what to do with the finances. Your inheritance? Then you get to pay off your debt. Giving him $1000 for his (especially when he seems like a spender by the comment about “needing” stuff) is generous enough. He should be saying thank you. One ofnyou should have a good credit score lol
Oh, watch out paying your whole balance BTW, maybe even get a financial advisors opinion. Sometimes there are penalties for paying off a credit card balance in one chunk.
Fake or stupid. Reported
Go online and open a High-yield savings account then move the money there. Then you can give him the amount that you have decided … that’s IF you still want to give him any.
NTA, and not necessarily out of luck.
Inheritance by law in most states is NOT a shared income. Check the laws where you are and if this is true for you, inform hubs that he can pay you back asap or you will consider your legal options. The money literally wasnt his to use.
People will treat you as a doormat, only to the extent you allow them to do so.
Why does he even have a say in how you spend your separate money?
NTA. Say no. I really hope you haven’t given it to him.
NTA, it’s your money. It was a gift from your grandmother. You spend it, or save it, however you want. Your husband can give you input, he can ask for some of it, but it’s your money, your decision.
Show him this thread if you have too. Nobody is going to take his side in this.
Damn, I don’t know how he get access to the money to begin with but could have atleast left enough for you pay off your debt. Sounds like a crap situation.
Not one cent of the inheritance money belongs to your husband. Period. It is your money to do as you wish. You shouldn’t have given him any money at all. I’ll bet If the shoe were on the other foot, he’d keep it all himself and not share it with you because he’d say it was his inheritance. Do not give him anymore money—it is NOT his decision what you do with YOUR money
“letting” you? He doesn’t “let” you do shit. That is YOUR inheritance. Don’t give him access to ANY of it until he gets off his high horse and loses the entitlement.
User name checks out.
NTA you should’ve never put that into a joint account. You’re inheritance as yours and yours alone. It however, did become marital assets if you combined into a joint checking. You need to understand that he’s stole from you. If he has not already taken it then you need to take back your offer to give him a penny, and give him literally nothing.
Did this already happen. He took it from you ? What an A. why would you possibly be in the wrong.
Contact a domestic violence shelter NOW. They can help you get out. Get a cash advance on your credit card and leave NOW with that money. Tell your work to stop direct depositing and give you physical checks. Tell him there is an issue with direct deposit at work if you need to. If you need to save money, go to a food bank and use that for lunches.
edirt: typo
He basically stole the money from you as inheritance money is not family money but yours
NTA – your inheritance – your money. YOUR choice.
And I think you might need that money to get away from this controlling husband who wants your money to fund his “NEEDS”.
Give him nothing.
I mean your married what did he spend the money on? Was it things for the family or a golf trip with his friends. Either way you guys need to be better at communicating about finances
NTA, but I’m not sure why he has access to your money or why he’s allowed to take it? Move the entire amount to a private account only you have access to and then stick to your initial plan, which is more than fair.
It was legally your money. Not his. So he stole it. I would be pissed.
Wait, so he hasn’t even taken it yet? The title is misleading.. put it in an account that he doesn’t have access to and use it the way you intended. It’s really that simple.
Letting you have the funds? The fuck? They’re YOURS, tell him to pound sand
NTA. Did you deposit it into joint funds or something? I mean I used money I inherited for some debt we had I didn’t want to but my husband insisted. It was stuff in my name not his. But he was right I did it I’ve since saved the money back up so I’m happy about that anyway but yes paying off credit card debt is smart but you should have gotten first dibs not him, it was your inheritance. So if he inherits five grand is he going to hand it 5,000 over to you? That was so wrong of him I mean did he use all five grand I mean you said he only had 4,200 so there should be $800 floating around somewhere which should be put where he can’t get to it.
You need to open up your own bank account and change your direct deposit.
You can bring a horse to water but you can’t make him drink. She will keep letting him control everything and do nothing . So sad
Leave him
What is he buying?
NTA but you use the word family as far as I’m concerned you and certainly your husband, don’t know what that means
YBTA for not being able to manage finances at all.
NTA. That’s YOUR money, meant for you.
You need to have your own account with just your name on it for things like this and then use it.
YTA for doing this to yourself.
NTA, but you two need a JOINT money plan asap. You’re married and have separate debt? you need to figure out your household budget and stop going into debt for “needs”.
How did your husband get access to the money?
Pay your bills, cards and don’t give him a dime. NTA
Why does he have your inheritance? The money was yours to do with as you see fit.
And him clearing his debt so he can rack the debt up again buying things is not “for the good of the family” it is pure selfishness.
Why did you give him everything? Why didn’t you give him the $1,000 you had budgeted for him?
so he stole your inheritance
YTA – grow a spine jfc
this is a type of abuse
Id have paid off the smaller things first then the big ones
Best practices for paying down debt is smallest to largest. Once one is payed off, apply its monthly payment to the next one. Rinse and repeat. Your husband is being a jerk and he shouldn’t have any credit cards. You can’t spend money you don’t have. I can say this because I’m one of those people who cannot have a credit card.
Inheritance is legally not a shared asset – he can’t take it. You have every right to decide what to do with it. Including give it to him, but once you give him the money it’s his money and his decision.
You clearly have separate finances if you have his and hers credit cards, so the smart answer is to just pay down yours and save the rest.
nta
YTA
You handed over control of your funds and they are mutual. No reason to be mad.
I read some of your comments on top of the post. You let a financially irresponsible man have control of your finances who then devalues your feelings about it. Why do you need us to tell you this isnt okay? Put your kids in this situation with an imaginary partner.
Would you be okay for them to be in a relationship like yours?
Also there was something about him saying you owed it to him for joint bills. Key word is joint so the responsibility of the bills is on him too. Stories like this are why im keeping my own bank account and the joint account will be strictly for the household not so your husband can use it as an emergency fund for his bad spending or your money in his personal fund.
Get your own separate account OP and if it causes a problem with him its cause he’s using you for your money to cover his bad financial habits.
It’s YOUR inheritance not his but once that money goes in a joint account is fair game. It’s wrong of your husband to spend it all on himself. Reevaluate your relationship because something’s not right about his thinking. Don’t let this go.
Not letting you have any of the funds? Not LETTING YOU HAVE ANY of YOUR money??? Who the fuck does this guy think he is? You’re seriously telling me he took your money? How did he get his hands on the money? You were being very generous giving him a portion and his greed made him do this to his own wife? WOW. Honestly this is very deceptive and disrespectful. If my husband did that, I’d divorce him. NTA.
No, that’s theft. I’d be livid. Why does he have access to it if he’s going to be like this?
JFC…stand the fuck up and get the damn doormat off your back 🙄😮💨
You absolutely are right to be upset about it! He doesn’t have the right to take it from you. If you have not receive it when you do open a bank account with just your name. NTA
NTA
So, he stole it from you! Call it what it is… he stole your money. He stole it because you weren’t going to do what he wanted!
You need to reevaluate the whole relationship. Do you enjoy being with a theif?
NTA – It’s your inheritance not community property.
You’re pissed but have no spine.
Right.
NTA. DO NOT give him the money. It belongs to YOU. It’s not his or ours. Its YOURS. If he doesn’t like it too bad. Keep all of the money and don’t give any to your husband as he selfishly wants it all for himself. Pay off your CC and spend it any way you want. Do you think he’d share his money with you if he inherited money? I highly doubt it. He can’t make you do anything. If he asks, tell him you already spent it on yourself or you put it into a private savings account. Your husband is acting selfish and is only thinking about what he wants to buy with YOUR money.
NTA – but you will be, if you stay with someone that was willing to steal your inheritance money from you. You need to immediately open a separate bank account in your name that he doesn’t have access to and then return the favor by taking $5000 out of your joint account and putting it in your personal account. He is spending more money to.get the things HE wants/needs with no regard for your needs or expenses. After you transfer YOUR money to your personal account and get any direct deposit from your employer switched to that new account, you should explain why you did it, offer counseling if you think the relationship is worth saving, and/or file for divorce if he isn’t willing to go to counseling or be more considerate of you. He can only take your money and walk all over you if you let him.
Oh hell No! I have my own account and that’s where my
Money would go, but my husband def would never do that. We both have our own accounts. He got a $20,000 bonus and used 14 to pay off debt 1/2 and 1/2 the rest was to book us a vacay. Throw the whole man away.
This is financial abuse. Open your own bank account and try to save a little at a time, then get the hell away from this sorry excuse of a man.
NTA
Your grandma=your Monty.
I got $20k when my mom died, my husband insisted it was all mine to do with as I pleased.
Your husband’s an asshole.
Inheritance does not count as marital property. You were a fool to hand it over. Sorry. Kinda the AH to yourself.
NTA. That was not his choice to make. He stole from you. Don’t put anything in a joint account ever again. He cannot be trusted.
What are you even doing? You need to stand up for yourself and stop letting him steal your money. 😒
I’m a be honest you should probably look at getting out of that relationship unless your a degenerate like my wife with her credit card. My wife gets an allowance and has a shared credit card with me now since both myself and my in law have paid over 10k in paying off her credit card debt. My wife ultimately agreed because my MIL told me to leave her if it happened again and honestly I could keep draining my emergency fund for her. Some people need that kind of control, but you don’t sound that way.
Before any of you come at me my wife had no bills I paid for everything her money was her money prior from her job.
Lmao i always read posts like this and automatically assume the OP is dumb as rocks. Re-read what you wrote. Do you really need the internet for help?
NTA but if you notice this isn’t a one time thing where he’s able to see what he did was wrong, I’d seriously think about having a talk with him in terms of separating finances. Not because “you don’t trust him” but because it’ll be a way for you to make sure you’re doing what you need to on your end to keep the family safe. In the future if he needs money from you, he can ask and should be okay if you disagree with the use of funds and reject it. You’re not an extra bank account for your husband. You’re a person who should be given safety and reassurances to safety by loved ones.
My personal perception is he’s just not thinking clearly about how something like this can impact you while he’s thinking he’s doing the right thing and you’ll eventually see that. But life does not work that way anywhere, some countries still have a husband pay the traditional dowry in order to let their partner know they won’t struggle. It’s clear to me you’re mad but love him very much. Talk more with him and possibly consider having some backup supoort on the financial issues. You can beat this argument ethically and also logically.
He’s not thinking straight at all if his goal was to add more back to the CC after paying it off. The goal should be to knock off each debt individually one at a time until you guys have no debt at all, why want to stay in debt lol I’ve never seen the math work in a way where you’re actually saving all that much unless you have business accounts
Nth…hubby is.
He shouldn’t be touching your inheritance unless you freely offer it. Use it how you see fit and he can be grateful that you give him any.
NTA for being mad but definitely YTA for giving him access to spend it in the first place
NTA – you are married to a selfish AH.
Why wasn’t the money in your own personal bank account?
if you have not already given them the funds, do not do so. If you’re in the states, usually any inheritance is for the person intended; it is not community property. Check your state laws on that. If this is the case, tell him to go pound sand. All he will do is re-rack his credit cards and it’s as if he never received any money at all.
Years ago I took a 2nd job and dedicated that salary to paying off credit cards and auto loan. I wound up paying off my husband’s Home Depot card twice before I took away from him.
He can fuck right off. Give him nothing
NTA, a spouse has no claim to an inheritance so if he takes it it is theft. Pay off your credit card and put the rest and savings for an emergency.
Why the f did you give him access to your $. Wake up.
If you’re saying he’s already taken the money then this should be called what it is: financial abuse.
It might be helpful to do some reflection and really think about other instances where this type of behavior has materialized. Is this a one-off instance or have there been other times?
One of the hardest things sometimes about identifying patterns is that each incident might seem isolated. Like it was reliant upon a certain set of circumstances that aren’t tied to anything else… but once you’re actually able to reflect and “see the forest for the trees” it’s actually a pattern.
If he hasn’t taken the money yet: don’t let him. Don’t put it in a joint account. Use it for what you want to use it for. Your plan doesn’t sound selfish and it’s legally your windfall.
Max his credit cards out on yourself, case closed 🤙
Time to start selling his valuable shit until you get your money back
Did he take it or did you give it to him?
Sue him because inheritance money is not marital property. He had no right to it… unless YOU comingled it. If so, shame on you.
That’s despicable. That money is YOURS to spend how you wish and your plan sounds exactly what I would do with it.
He does not get a say and he does NOT get to “let you” do anything honey. It’s your money and you spend it how you wish.
No one is this stupid. Fake!