I’ve 18F been dating this girl, sam, for a year. We met in 12th grade. She broke up with me a few days ago.
I have strict parents who usually don’t let me go out. So meeting her outside of school became difficult. The few times I did manage to were either for some work that I kind of turned into a date, or when she could come to my place for festivals and celebrations. Or just for no reason we’d go around town whenever I’m allowed.
Four days ago she came over with some friends of ours. She and I had our seperate moments and everything. She was very physical and talked a lot about loving me and stuff. The next day she texts me asking if I’m okay with her. I ask confused what she means by that. She then tells me that she’s falling out of love and doesn’t want to stay. I don’t stop her and she breaks up with me.
I’ve always been kind of busy and always studied at the library. From months november to February I was gone basically, I had a national entrance exam, board exams (so did she) and then a state entrance exam. She wasn’t angry about me being busy or when i couldn’t go on dates with her as frequently. And I live in a different town too. For months we were basically doing a long distance relationship. She went to the same college as our school was in and I got one that’s miles away. She was disappointed but supportive. Whenever she talked about her day, I heard her speak about all her new friends and her days out. Until one day our common friend sofia told me about peter. I didn’t know that boy even existed. Sofia told me how lonely she felt when everyone else were holding hands and walking around. Sam and this dude were one of them. She never even spoke of this guy to me. Then when I confronted her, she told me he’s just a friend. Then she talks about how she teases him all the time. Days later our friend connor tells me this peter dude is way too fucking close to her. He overheard Peter’s friends talking about “whatever you do, do it after (my name) leaves.”
Sam always denied him having feelings for her. I see him commenting with hearts and other sweet ass emojis under her stories and posts. She talks about how he also ships us.
I see a dude’s story and there she is, sitting right next to Peter, the whole side of the bed is empty. But she’s always with him. They go out and have side quests while others do their thing. He calls her before going home. When she came over, I heard her speaking to him. He’s going home and he’s asking when she’ll leave my place. So that they can go back home together. And she was actually considering it. I told her that I’m undeniably uncomfortable with peter. See, I don’t give a shit, we both have many friends we are very close to. But it’s the fact that she tells me everyone’s business and everyone she hangs out with but didn’t think to mention his existence. It was intentional cuz she was avoiding my questions when I confronted her about how they were close enough to hold hands and walk around the mueseum but she didn’t even mention him coming along even though she told me everything else about that day.
She said she fell out of love with me. And that she wants to stay but can’t. I asked her if she fell out of love or else did she fall in love with someone else. She denied it and talked about how it’s always only been me.
Said I’m way too far away. I mean i get it. We do live far from eachother.
When I ask her this (i unblocked her on Instagram), a day after she broke up with me, she says she wants us to be close as before and she didn’t text me all day on my number to give me space. She sent me a video of her crying and saying she loves me. And then the next morning Sofia tells me that she was crying the entire time and didn’t want to talk about anything. Everyone is telling me to take care and not be sad. I’m not though??? I for real saw this coming from a continent away. My best friend, he hates her for this. He was convinced she’s cheating on me to some minute degree. And now is counting the days until Peter and she gets together.
I’m angry about it. I don’t harbour any negative feels for her. But I do hate that she mockingly said “she tries”
When I tell her that I’m trying to get a chance to take her out. And then use that same thing against me and say “I know you try for me” when she broke up with me.
I feel like an asshole for possibly assuming things about her. She’s a nice person but right now I’m bitter.
And I think I’m just being an asshole by holding off contact and not trying to visit her one last time before I leave for college. Cuz we did start off as friends. Sofia wants me to speak to sam. She says sam is crying all the damn time and maybe I should talk to her. To clear things up cuz sofia is just as confused. For the record, sam posted multiple stories of her and i hugging and me lifting her up and kissing over instagram with very sweet captions. The next day, I’m just an ex.
Edit: people keep assuming I’m a guy, I’m not😠also I’m off to college in a week, hers started a month ago, that’s all
Comments
She wants to be able to end the relationship while still having you as a source of emotional support and a safety net.
Dude, she broke up with you. You don’t owe her emotional labor after she dipped, especially when there’s all this Peter mess lurking in the background. Sounds like she wanted out but also wants to keep you around as an emotional safety net, and that’s not fair to you. You’re allowed to be “unbothered”, that’s just you protecting yourself
“She was very physical and talked a lot about loving me and stuff. The next day she… tells me that she’s falling out of love and doesn’t want to stay. I don’t stop her and she breaks up with me.”
Everything that comes after this is redundant. Your ex isn’t even worth the effort of writing the rest of this message out. She’s messed you about and you should cut her off for decades at least. NTA.
EDIT: Tell your friends to not even bother mentioning her.
>And I think I’m just being an asshole by holding off contact and not trying to visit her one last time before I leave for college.
I think that’s a you problem. You can make any choice you like here. There’s a risk to each of them.
And NTA.
She likes you, but you are not firm ground she can stand on…
You’re in 12 and your parents don’t let you out? And you dont fight for freedom?
She breaks up w yo essentially saying, ” I like you but I go to bed hungry every night for a relationship and you’re like, “OK.”
She likes you, but even when she has you…she doesnt have you. If you like her, you fight for her. If youre a mangina, you say “OK” and let her hook up w some other guy. Its not like she’s gonna wear a chastity belt for you. And she should expect you to be pissed. You’re letting her walk out of your life and dont fight for her dont care about her and she’s hurt because she does care for you.
She broke up. Game Over.
Cut the crap and tell her good luck with her still- not- boyfriend- already.
Nta
She broke up and probably cheated on you. Go study and go to the gym and focus on yourself and who deserves your presence, like your best friend. Just send a message saying that you need to focus on you and that now she is free to be with the guy and that please don’t contact her or use your mutual friends because now you have to focus on your studies and on you and that it hurts what she did, but it will pass. And for those who disturb you after that, send this link and say that you will start to select your friendships if they don’t stop hindering your high growth.
Look she broke up. That all you need to take from this. You don’t owe her anything, not even a conversation. She probably want you as her backup plan
I recommend you go no contact as it seems to affect your mental peace.
She’s not mature enough for a relationship. You’re heading off to college, so you don’t need to be tied down anyways.Â
NTA, She broke up with you but also expects you to make her feel better about it. You don’t need to stay friends when you barely had time for a relationship. tell her its been real and keep her blocked. You’re going away to college, move on.
Bruddah…..SHE’S NOT YOUR PROBLEM ANYMORE 😠(although she def cheated in one way or another)
The relationship is over. Block her for your own piece of mind. You won’t know for sure if she did anything physical with the other person or not. It is highly likely that she is attracted to them even if they didn’t do anything physical yet. That is her choice. The reason to block her is so that you don’t have to interact with her and can move on.
NTA – there’s a lot to unpack here, but it seems to me you kind of saw this coming by both what she said and then what you observed around this Peter business. So I think it’s natural that you feel unbothered because you’ve already come to grips with her pulling away.
Here’s the thing, your relationship with her was pretty doomed because of the difference in your circumstances right now. She’s in college. You’re in high school. That’s a very tough dynamic for a boyfriend and girlfriend. HS Relationships quite often don’t survive college years. There are a lot of exceptions, but in general people that go to college want to have fun go to parties and flirt and hook up.
She’s there at college missing you watching her friends, have romances and hook ups with guys and she’s alone. So that’s how this Peter thing developed. It may be that she’s not fully into Peter but he’s somebody there that’s nice and she likes him.
From her standpoint, I think the issue is that, all things being equal, she would probably want to be with you. That’s why, even though she’s the one that did the breaking up, she is upset.
It’s not your fault that you’re not all broken up about it. You’re going to college soon and very likely you’re gonna meet some women there. I think this is all for the best.
You also don’t owe her anything as far as being her emotional support given that she broke up with you. Let her friends take care of her and tell them that.
Just go to college have fun, if maybe down the line the two of you reconnect so be it but at least while you’re in college, I would not keep in contact with her unless it’s just as friends