We both made some mistakes early on in our relationship. She cheated and lied about it, I retaliated by doing the same but we’ve since moved past it as much as you can from such a thing. Also I’m not saying I’m a victim here I’m fully aware I’m also a bad guy in this story. There was a period in time she wasn’t sure if she was going to choose me or him and it was a struggle to get through but ultimately I held out and we’re now in a monogamous relationship. Or so I thought.
We’ve been location sharing during our entire relationship but now all of a sudden she tells me she feels “smothered” so she’s been turning her location off periodically when going out. My argument is because of our rocky past with cheating we should keep our locations on to be able to feel a sense of security. We had a whole knock out drag out fight about it. At this point I’m basically prepared to die on this hill. I’m not saying she can’t go out with friends or have alone time but I’d like to know where’s she at. She sees this as an invasion of privacy suddenly when we’ve been location sharing for almost six months now. AITAH for not being okay with her wanting to turn off her location when out with her “friends” drinking?
AITAH For being upset my gf wants to turn her location off on girls night?
r/AITAH
Comments
NTA for feeling uneasy the cheating history explains why you want reassurance. But if she feels “smothered,” forcing location sharing won’t rebuild trust, it’ll just create more fights. The real issue is whether trust actually exists between you two.
YTA. It’s creepy to track people’s movements.
Just leave now bro. Write off the 6 months and move onto the next.
I presume location sharing was something that occurred as a way to build trust x now she turns it off then back on after going out?
While there is no trust between you at all
And the location sharing Isnt something you should need to be ok in a relationship.
She is absolutely turning it off for a reason, she cannot be trusted man. Just with the context of the back story and what she’s doing now.
Rethink this relationship
It’s obvious you two don’t trust each other given your past actions and honestly the best thing to do is to let each other go.
Dude, what are you doing with this person? Neither of you can trust the other, your relationship is broken. You mutually came up with something to give each other peace of mind, and now she’s wanting to ditch it. Ask yourself why that is.
The point is, though, that if you both need to track each other all the time, you don’t have a trusting relationship. I don’t see any point in wasting any more time with this person.
She’s probably cheating again, and all she has to do is leave her phone with her friends that she’s “hanging out with” while she goes off doing whatever she wants to, without her phone. Location tracking only works if she has her phone with her.
More info is needed. When she is out and has the location services on, do you constantly use it to message and stalk her or is it largely ignored and just there in case of an emergency?
You should have more respect for your. Dump your cheating girlfriend and work on your self esteem.
If you can’t trust her you shouldn’t be in the relationship. I wouldn’t trust her
The foundation’s already cracked if location sharing is the only thing holding it together the relationship is on life support.
The fact that you feel the need to have location sharing enabled in the first place tells me that you need to just move on.
To me…the only reason adults should NEED to share locations is if there are safety and/or medical concerns.
Sharing due to trust related issues? It’s over. You two are just going through the motions at this point.
Turning her location off specifically when she’s drinking with friends is suspicious. If she just wanted privacy, she’d turn it off all the time, not selectively.
It’s done, you just haven’t accepted it yet. Rip off the plaster.
NTA. For feeling uneasy with your history, it makes sense you’d want reassurance. But if she feels controlled, forcing location sharing won’t fix trust issues. The real question is whether you both actually rebuilt trust, because without that, no amount of tracking will help.
lol why you doing all this over 6 months?
Have some self respect
Was in a very similar situation few months ago and I left. No point wasting both your time, trust has been lost!
No disrespect but she goes out and you don’t make an issue your only hard line is sharing location . You aren’t smothering her you are trying to rebuild trust and she’s clearly showing you she doesn’t care if she can’t even share her location!! If she has nothing to hide and isnt up to mischief why hide her location? And she’s trying to gaslight you into thinking you are the issue. Sorry but I think it’s time to move on ! NTA
It only gets shut off for one reason, you know what you need to do
There’s no way you can be this desperate to put up with all this nonsense. Young men need to learn basic self-respect again.
She’s cheating bro. Those aren’t girls’ nights out…
I’m not a fan of location sharing. However, if that’s what you’ve agreed – that’s what you’ve agreed. And so it is suspicious that she is turning it off on nights out. Because clearly she doesn’t want you know where she is and who she is with. So NTA on that single issue.
However, more broadly, why are you both slogging away at this relationship? You’ve both cheated. You don’t trust each other. And you appear to be unhappy. Relationships shouldn’t be this difficult this early on. I’d suggest that everything points to the fact that you are incompatible.
Yes, ESH. Tracking each other’s location all the time is not healthy. If you feel the need to do that then it’s time to go. Man up and make the call, move on to (hopefully) something healthier down the road. There’s plenty of fish in the sea.
Just open your relationship, then she can do what she wants to do and be with someone else during girls night, when dude is done at least she’ll come home to you
I’ve had location sharing on with partners and friends, snapchat, google etc.
It’s handy.
The only time I wouldn’t want it on is if I actively don’t want that person to know where I am.
I don’t care if they know what bars or clubs I’m at if I was on a night out.
I’d definitely 100% care if I was cheating and at some random person’s house though.
I really can’t think of another scenario where it would bother me.
Once she starts hiding it you know she’s hiding more. The safety of knowing a loved one knows where you are should be all that’s needed.
TBH, you sound like someone whose self-respect is shaky, at best. When your “girlfriend” cheated, the right move was to walk away, and let the other guy have her. Do better for yourself, OP. There are other women out there.
She never picked between the two of you, she has both of you going right now
You gotta ask yourself why turn location off if you have nothing to hide? Then trust your instinct. It seems you two have come to an impasse. Sit and talk calmly about why this is not going to work for you, then more than likely, move on.
Nahh man she ain’t it.
>At this point I’m basically prepared to die on this hill.
But the real question is, are you prepared to kill (your relationship) on that hill?
You guys have and should have no trust! This relationship is dead. Just be decent enough to bury it.
NAH. You two seem incompatible.
Here’s the thing: location sharing is not a safeguard against cheating. At best it creates a false sense of safety. You either trust her, or you don’t. And it sounds like you don’t. Time to move on.
I am like your gf, I find location sharing invasive unless I am using it for a specific purpose. I think that as a woman, it is great when you are driving somewhere, hiking alone, or want someone to know exactly when you will show up. Other than that: feels like overkill. I want a partner who trusts me, not someone who is monitoring me to keep their insecurities in check.
You are right not to trust her considering that she cheated. But at what point has she proven she won’t ever do it again? Can she? And do you actually want to spend your life with someone you can’t completely relax with because you are constantly vigilant about her possibly doing it again? Think it through.
As the old saying goes once a cheater always a cheater. And nothing in my 52 years experience has proven that wrong yet.
Oh and ESH obviously.
dude this girl is a waste of time, just stop
lol 6 months and both have already cheated. Just move on.
You are if you don’t dump her and move on
She cheatin or will, NTA. Time
to move on bro.
I’ll be honest, I’ve never had a location on for someone I was dating unless I was going somewhere sketchy or unfamiliar and wanted them to check up on me or for them to come pick me up, so I don’t get the constant sharing of locations between people who are just dating, but I see your gf cheated on you before, so that makes more sense. I also don’t understand cheating back when you should leave when someone disrespects you and your relationship like that, but again, you do you. Also, if someone is actually telling you that they’re not sure if they want to choose you or someone else, PLEASE LEAVE. Please get your self esteem up, OP, no matter what you do. No one is worth all this.
Now, I don’t think you’re an asshole if this (sharing locations) was something y’all agreed to do. It would raise suspicion, and she should know that, if she needs to suddenly turn it off. I can see that it could come off as “reasonable” or not suspicious because she’s asking you to do it, but why? Unless she’s planning to be somewhere where she is not supposed to be, she should not need to turn it off. She is likely cheating already or planning to. Y’all have only been together 6 months, too. If you don’t leave this woman alone; y’all are doing way too much for it to only be 6 months, lol. I was expecting this to be a couple years of a relationship, at least. Y’all have got to stop putting up with stuff like this just to have someone.
Healthy and happy relationships do not require location sharing, ever.
Write it off. Neither of you is good for the other
Turn off your location sharing. She either won’t notice, or flip her lid.
You’re breaking up, either way. Start moving on. You shouldn’t have been together in the first place.
Its sad that men have so few options these days and are so afraid to be alone forever they will just tank the most hilariously stupid manipulation and abuse. Please leave this nightmare.
Your relationship is dead, time to leave. You don’t trust her and she wants to keep secrets. Staying will bring nothing but grief.
If someone cannot decide between you and someone else choose yourself and walk away.
Your relationship is already ruined. Longer you stay the more the toxic will seep into your body and the worse it will get. Leave the toxic.
Dude,
Leave this relationship. It doesn’t need to be dramatic, just close it out and move on. it just shouldn’t be this hard. You’ll be fine and I’m sure you’ll take what you’ve learned here to better your next relationship.
She’s absolutely cheating on you. Just end it
ESH This is a toxic relationship.
Dump da hoe
I’ve never known a tiger to change its stripes.
Bail. ASAP.
You two really don’t trust each other. Why are you still together?
Why would she care if you knew where she was if she didnt have something to hide
Sharing locations with your partner is literally the weirdest thing you can do in a relationship. The fact that you aren’t doing it for safety / emergency reasons means you’re in too deep man. You don’t get back with people who cheat, it will never the same. For your peace of mind you need to free yourself.
The reddest of red flags.
6 months isn’t anything. just end it. ESH
If you cannot trust each other, and have cheated on each other, then just break up for good.
Tracking each other’s location is creepy.
Leave now.
Can only be one reason 1 She wants to turn it off and u know it. She is suddenly smoothered if u can see where she is when she is out with ‘girlfriends’. Just replace the word ‘grilfriends’ with ‘the other guy she is fucking’.
She doesn’t want to share locations, how she gonna feel when you ask for a paternity test?
Me and my wife share locations all the time. We never turn it off. To want to turn it off says you are going somewhere you don’t want your significant other to see.
You should have ended the relationship when she cheated. By cheating yourself you dropped yourself in the gutter with her.
Your relationship is dead, your not married, just end it.
Sharing locations is for children. Trust or move on.
Whether you have a rocky past or not, sharing location is a safety issue. I literally just buried someone this week (I work in a cemetery) where they were able to get the person on life support so the family could say goodbye BECAUSE his partner had a rough idea where he was.
Also, as a woman, my partner has my location 24/7. He has agreed to call me if something looks sus before jumping to any conclusions (not because I’ve personally done anything but his ex was something else) but also because if I get kidnapped or in a bad situation I’d like him to know where my last known location was.
She’s lying about seeing girlfriends or is delusional. You had a set boundary with good reasons and now she doesn’t want it. She knows the consequences of this.
You are both TAH to each other.
Have you ever used the location app to show up unexpectedly at where she was?
Neither of you is ready for an emotionally mature, serious relationship. The overwhelming need for control and reassurance that you are displaying tells the tale on your end.
There is ZERO trust in this relationship.
End it and move on. Stay single for a little while and work on your emotional self.
‘I’m tracking you because I don’t trust you’ as opposed to ‘I’m have the ability to track you so I can keep you safe if necessary’ are two very different things. One is caring, the other is toxic. Don’t be toxic.
You’ve only been going out for 6 months and already have all this drama, tit for tat cheating, and phone tracking when you are still essentially strangers. Hell no. Cut your losses now, this has all the makings of an absolute disaster.
You are both AH’s for trying to prolong this.
🚩🚩🚩🚩
Move on.
Once a cheater, always a cheater
If I was going on a girls night I would WANT my bf to have my location in case I need his help or collecting. She sounds like she has bad intentions or has something to hide.
Yeah, you cheated also. Right.
Preventive attack, brother, next week you tell him that that night it is bad for you to share the location, due to suffocation
Honestly the relationship died a long time ago.
The fact that you guys share location because you don’t trust each other is indicative of that.
And she’s probably going to cheat on you again.
Just end it already.