My husband and I have a young adult (20 female) granddaughter. Her parents are divorced and they have both done so many things to get the kids to pick one side against the other. We have tried to keep a relationship with her even though her dad would stand us up when we tried to meet with her. We have since found out he blamed us for not showing up.
Since she became an adult, we decided to reach back out to try establish a better relationship. We’ve given her money as gifts, tried to meet her for meals, and various other times to spend time with her. She has lied more than once and called to cancel at the last minute.
One day, we stopped by the store she works at to say hello. We hadn’t talked with her in a few months so we were excited to see her. When she saw us, she turned away and buried her face in the chest of another person working there as if she was devastated we were there. Every person standing there looked at us as if we were monsters and I’m pretty certain that one of them would have called the police if we had not left.
We were so shocked at her reaction. We have tried, begged even, for her to spend time with us. We’ve been as kind, generous financially and supportive as we know how to be; we were so totally unprepared for her reaction and can’t understand what we could have done to deserve it.
Now for the AH part…after a few hours of digesting what happened, I deleted and blocked her on all media platforms as well as from my cellphone. She can still call our landline (yes, we still have one) but I’m not sure I want to spend any more energy trying to fix something I did not break. She does have mental health issues and is not compliant with medication or counseling.
Is there any moving forward? Was this an AH move?
Comments
Sounds like she’s not interested in a face to face, especially AT HER WORK.
NTA. My parents went through similar. It’s heartbreaking as the kids don’t know who to believe and lash out at those who genuinely love them. Protect your heart and give her space. I’m not saying she’s like this but one in my family was – be cautious if they come back asking for money. It can be a slippery slope and make the relationship even worse when it becomes only about what they can get from you.
NTA… nothing to see, move along…
Because she has no interest in you. Lost cause, respond with the same energy she invests
NTA, any chance of a future with your granddaughter? That depends on her, now doesn’t it. There is nothing you can do so for your own sake let go. You did not create this mess, according to you and you can’t clean it up. You can leave the door open for her to walk through if she chooses to, but chasing her is not going to do any good. You can also have some rules in your mind like not loaning or giving any money, not offering support of any kind, just a relationship, time together, if that is what you want and if she wants more the she is not coming to you of pure heart, but of greed and selfishness. It is ok to let go of someone that rejects you. No need for guilt for something you did not do or choose and is out of your control you can’t feel guilty for taking g steps to protect yourself.
I’m sorry, but she’s made it clear that she does not want contact with you. Save your sanity, back off, and if/when she’s ready, she will contact you.