So some context I am (21) Female and my boyfriend is (26) Male. We have been together for almost two years.
Pretty much this weekend my family was staying near us and i went to go hang out with them at their airbnb. My place is about 20 minutes from my family’s airbnb so it wasn’t that far out of the way, this is important for later.
So i ended up meeting up with them around 3pm and texted my bf the addy in case he also wanted to meet up. Me and my bf had been talking about this for a couple days so it was no surprise when i invited him.
He texted me back at like 5 saying that he was gonna come over, i was super excited my family loves him and it would just be nice to spend quality time. So as we continue through the night is silence i haven’t heard from him since and it was about 9 o’clock and that is when i started to go nuclear. pretty much i spammed him with texts along the lines of if you can’t keep your word i don’t know what else you can. Sending a lot of texts asking are you coming or not, “stop making me look like a dumbass” bc i told everyone he was coming and people are constantly asking.
and this has happened before but i must preface this i had been drinking for the past 4 hours im not a regular drinker so i was very close to my end. He had been playing music with his friends for the whole time and thats why he didn’t respond. which is understand he was doing his own thing and having a good time but how long would it take to sent a simple text just letting me know he wasn’t coming.
I know im definitely in the wrong for how i responded to the situation like fr i sent voicemails texts it was really bad. I took accountability for all of that and owned up to my actions and that was a wrong way to respond to how i was feeling. But now i feel like im the one who’s apologizing and he just keeps putting it in my face that i am making him depressed. And i just dont know if he gets why i was upset. And we haven’t had an actual face to face conversation about everything and he was planning to
come over today. But idk
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So some context I am (21) Female and my boyfriend is (26) Male. We have been together for almost two years. Pretty much this weekend my family was staying near us and i went to go hang out with them at their airbnb. My place is about 20 minutes from my family’s airbnb so it wasn’t that far out of the way, this is important for later. So i ended up meeting up with them around 3pm and texted my bf the addy in case he also wanted to meet up. Me and my bf had been talking about this for a couple days so it was no surprise when i invited him. He texted me back at like 5 saying that he was gonna come over, i was super excited my family loves him and it would just be nice to spend quality time. So as we continue through the night is silence i haven’t heard from him since and it was about 9 o’clock and that is when i started to go nuclear. Sending a lot of texts asking are you coming or not, “stop making me look like a dumbass” bc i told everyone he was coming and people are constantly asking. and this has happened before but i must preface this i had been drinking for the past 4 hours im not a regular drinker so i was very close to my end. He had been playing music with his friends for the whole time and thats why he didn’t respond. which is understand he was doing his own thing and having a good time but how long would it take to sent a simple text just letting me know he wasn’t coming. I know im definitely in the wrong for how i responded to the situation like fr i sent voicemails texts it was really bad. I took accountability for all of that and owned up to my actions and that was a wrong way to respond to how i was feeling. But now i feel like im the one who’s apologizing and he just keeps putting it in my face that i am making him depressed. And i just dont know if he gets why i was upset. And we haven’t had an actual face to face conversation about everything and he was planning to
come over today. But idk
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NTA. There is definitely a lack of consideration and respect for you from his end. I would definitely try to get these issues addressed with him in a peaceful way and mature talk so that you guys can talk through your expectations and how it makes you feel when he doesn’t take outa quick moment out of his time to update you and communicate with you
NTA, but there seems to be a lot of things you need to review in this relationship, but is this the first time he is seeing your family? It seems he didn’t make any plans to see he future in-laws when they came to the same town and he couldn’t care less, also what 26 year old “plays music with his friends” as an excuse for 4 hours
NTA because saying at 5 that you’re going to go somewhere and then ghosting for 4 hours is very shitty behavior.
However, it sounds like you should learn to control your anger as well. Depending on what “going nuclear” really means, you may be AH, and it sounds like you do recognize that.
You both need to grow up a bit. You’re young, have fun, but you aren’t teenagers with no responsibilities. You owe each other proper communication.
Info : are you used to act like that, is there a pattern ? He was wrong for not telling you but you overreacted and him saying you “make him depressed” makes me think it’s not the first time.
Edit : ESH
ESH-
He’s a selfish ass but the “he’s done this before” is telling
You need to learn how to communicate like and adult and understand that people don’t change unless they want to. If he wanted to be a good partner with healthy communication and respect, he would.
Time to grow up and move on… also; If alcohol is your excuse for poor behavior.. stop drinking as you have a problem.
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ESH. Not trying to add more stress but maybe he’s seeing someone else. Unless he was under the influence of something, it’d be pretty hard to immediately forget plans he just made with you.
ESH
He should have definitely texted you/called to let you know. It only takes a minute to send a text.
BUT, I also think you reacted quite badly. You were drunk and went nuclear as you yourself said.
So while I do think you should apologize for the way you reacted (I just saw you did apologize, so ignore what I just said lol) I also think you have a valid reason to be angry. He should definitely apologize for not communicating with you and then for continuously avoiding the main subject and acting like you were the only one in the wrong.
Does he often try to absolve himself of the blame? Or try to make it your fault somehow?
Because if this is a common occurrence, I’d be over it. You are so young, and will definitely find someone who actually apologizes and takes accountability for the way they act.
What was he doing for the 4 hours he ghosted you? Four hours is a long time.
NTA. 2 years into a relationship, and he doesn’t want to suck it up 1 night and spend time with your family is a red flag. If he has long term plans to be with you he would of shown up.
He’s got no respect for your time. Soon to be ex?
NTA. It was inconsiderate that he didn’t show up like he promised. It was equally disrespectful that he didn’t answer any of your attempted calls or texts. No one can climb into his head to know what he intended, but if it was the exception, you said your piece. If you think it was intentional, time to reevaluate your relationship.
Seems kinda like the AH here to me. Not to say your boyfriend’s innocent, but blowing up at him all crazy like can be definitely detrimental to his mental health and your closeness as a couple. I can definitely see why you’d be upset, but to the extent it was taken to is what makes me lean to the AH.
ESH.
By your own admission, you both suck. I had almost the exact same situation happen with visiting family. It wasn’t my significant other but the visiting families’ sister and Mom that ghosted. They chose to say they were on their way and then decided to stay home without telling us. Rather than freaking out and escalating, we just decided to have a good time and to let them be shitty.
If this is a big deal to you, then express that. And if you don’t see significant change, move on. You’re both young.