So I (24F) just got into med school. It’s a dream I’ve worked toward for literally the past five years. Studying, volunteering, shadowing, the whole deal. I was honestly starting to think it wouldn’t happen, and then… I got in. Problem is, it’s across the country.
I’ve been with my boyfriend (26M) for almost two years. We’ve had a good relationship overall. He’s supportive, funny, gets along with my family. He works from home, freelance stuff, so he’s pretty flexible.
When I told him I got accepted, he was happy — at first. But when I explained the program would mean I’d be living in another state for the next 4 years (with visits during breaks, of course), he got… weird. Like, quiet, distant, kind of sulky.
A few days later he says, “Can I be honest with you?” And then says he doesn’t think he can do long distance, especially for that long.
Okay, fair. I asked him what he meant by that. He said, “I mean, I know myself. If we’re apart for months at a time… I might slip up. Not intentionally, but like, it might happen.”
I just stared at him.
He continued, “I’m just saying I’d probably end up hooking up with someone eventually. I’m being honest.”
I said, “Cool. I’m being honest too. We’re done.”
He acted shocked. Said I was overreacting. That he was just being real, not planning anything. That it didn’t mean he didn’t love me.
I told him that loving me while admitting you’re already pre-justifying cheating isn’t love. It’s ego.
Now he’s texting me constantly, saying he didn’t mean it like that. That he was just scared. That he thought honesty would help.
I get it. I really do. But I’m not going to throw away a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to stay with someone who literally told me he’d cheat when things got hard.
So… AITAH?
Comments
NTA!
Right decision.
Nope, not the asshole. You just prioritized your dream over a guy who pre-declared infidelity like it was a weather forecast, good for you.
NTA and you didn’t sound very excited about him when you described him maybe. So you’re better off in every way.
NTA. HTA.
Js read the title and NTA!
Dump his ass. The idea he can even contemplate cheating on you is enough.
NTA he essentially told you he would fuck other people while you’re away. Dude must be a fuckin moron if he was expecting your trust after that.
NTA. He was honest about his views on LDR and you broke up with him. The last thing you need while you are studying is to worry if he is going to be faithful. Plus you will be so busy that you won’t have time for him any way. Congratulations on getting into medical school! The best of luck!
I’m gonna cheat on you. Wow…. At least he was honest so you wouldn’t waste your 4 years for a cheater.
You now have an amazing adventure opening for you with no limits! NTA!
Thank you! Finally a story with a happy ending.
You’d BTA if you stayed with this wingnut.
NTA
There’s a lot of things I want to say. First, it doesn’t sound like the ex is really supportive when he discovered the reality of what going to med school is like. Second, he sounds selfish. The fact that he didn’t think he could be loyal and faithful in a long distance relationship? That’s very telling. On the one hand, at least you know beforehand so that you can break up with him. On the other hand, what the heck?!
At any rate, you are NTA. He said that he doesn’t think that he can do a long distance relationship and will likely cheat. You don’t want to stay with someone who is likely going to cheat.
Congratulations on getting into med school. This is a big deal and nobody should give up their educational, career, and financial aspirations. You are leveling up and this internet stranger is proud of you. Continue your education, build your career, and get that financial independence.
As Elle Woods would say, you don’t need a boyfriend who is such a bonehead.
You dodged a bullet.
u/BurbNBougie
NTA, he’s obviously not important enough for you to prioritize so there’s no point in dragging this out. There’s no future with him even if you have no aspirations and just want to be a cashier.
Are you sure that your dream is to spend your prime years in medical school and then grind for the rest of your life in the hospital? I’ve seen very successful women forgetting to do simple arithmetic on at what age they want to get married and how many kids. Needless to say they struggle mightily with fertility/birth defects and most of their degrees became useless.
It’s perfectly fine if this is truly your dreams, just know that no one else really cares about your precious degree.
It sounds like you didn’t want to stay together anyway since he works from home and is flexible, but you weren’t planning on going together. NTA but maybe you were looking for a reason to move on anyway, food for thought.
What he wanted was your permission to sleep around and when he realized you weren’t down for that, he tried to back peddle. His an idiot an doesn’t deserve yoy at all
NTA but if he works from home, why doesn’t he move with you? I totally agree with the break up; too bad he didn’t think of moving instead of cheating. Congrats on getting into med school. Good luck!
Is this an exercise in creative writing?
NTA. Let your self respect shine bright, it’s a rarity these days. Congratulations on your med school acceptance. Go forth and live your best life.
NAH. 4 years LD is not for most people. You should have broken up because that’s not fair to either of you, but I guess that happened in a roundabout way so it’s all good.
Wow I’m so impressed OP.
You know your worth and you made the right decision.
Probably a good thing really. Now you can concentrate on your future and with finding a man without a wandering penis.
Good luck with school OP
NTA
may need glasses for that oh so impressive shiny spine.
I don’t think either one of you are THA. He was being honest and telling you that he didn’t think he could be celibate for four years and only wait for your breaks to have sex. You’re all excited about your new opportunity and he’s being left behind. Unless he can move to be with you going to school. I don’t see how it’s gonna work out. These type of long distance relationships are extremely difficult. And you’re going to be in medical school! You really shouldn’t even be dating if you want to concentrate on keeping up your grades. She’s probably just a good time to cut ties unless he’s going to move out there and be willing to put up with how little he sees you.
You’ve been dating this guy for 2 years and you didn’t explain to him until after you’d been accepted that this is a program that would take you away for 4 years?
I mean, obviously you shouldn’t prioritize a boyfriend over a lifelong dream, but at the same time I think you have to realize that this relationship was over the moment that you didn’t even have a conversation with the man about the future of your relationship.
Awesome!! Congrats because you just dropped deadweight. Good luck on your future endeavors and trust me you’ll find a much better catch while or after chasing your dreams 🥳
NTA. He does not sound like a truly supportive partner. And Congratulations on med school!
I don’t get this story …he works from home, freelance – can’t he work from anywhere? Like why doesn’t he move with you?
But no, every time you guys would get together, he’d have to have updated paperwork only a day or two old saying he’s clean. Oh, yeah, he would love that!
NTA
really quickly, and this is about a situation of mine that is similar to yours. but do u guys think it was also bad that my bf told me he turned down going to a party because he was worried he might get drunk and make out with another girl? he also said he didn’t mean it like that bur idk..drunk actions are sober thoughts right? i don’t mean to make this about myself, ur post js reminded me of my situation so i js need some quick answers
NTA. Stay strong, he was looking for a loop hole to sleep around. Had you reacted a different way. 1 year maybe 2 years later when he did “hook up with someone “ He would brought it up saying you didn’t break up with him when he openly admitted that he “might slip up” .
It’s best you break up. No need for childish nonsense when you’re on your path.
He was just being honest and you were being honest in return. Honest that you don’t want to date someone who would say they will cheat on you rather than break up or try to guilt you into not going to med school. You are so much better off without him. Med school is going to be hard so you need to be able to focus not worry about whether he’s cheating on you or not. Best of luck with school!
NTA – never stay with somebody who wants you to make yourself smaller to stay with them.
Make sure to tell everybody the reason why you broke up by the way – he sounds like the type of loser that’s going to lie about it.
NTA congratulations on med school! You have an exciting adventure ahead of you. Bonus, You lost a loser and created space for someone that isn’t looking for excuse to cheat when things get hard”
Was he expecting praise, like you would a child, for being honest. He never learned honesty isn’t a get out of jail free card. His thought wasn’t that it won’t work so how about he go with you, it was hes cheating.
NTA. And I definitely wouldn’t date someone who tells me outright that he can’t control who he has sex with.
Why didn’t you guys discuss him moving there with you?
Leave him behind and live your dream
he’s probably better off with someone that wouldn’t choose work over their relationship anyway.
NTA.
Did he think that saying he couldn’t do long distance meant you’d still be together? Or that you’d be cool with an “open relationship” so he can sleep with others? Nah, you did tell right thing. Good luck in med school!
If it had been that he didn’t see it at wrong, and it is just a conflict of character then yeah you would’ve been but only to the extent of the uncerimonious nature of “we’re done.”
But no he recognized it as wrong, and said he might do it anyway.
Like personally a open long-distance relationship isn’t a deal breaker to me, but i understand that it is to others.
Unless you’re are married and in lock step about medical school, no one has any business being in a relationship while going to medical school. The medical field is universally known as the world where relationships die.
If your med school thought you needed a relationship, it’d be part of the curriculum. Go to school, study hard and let life come as it may. No need to force someone to respect you.
There are some things you just can’t justify as a man to your lady… that’s one of em for sure lol NTAH
NtA he said this on purpose so you wouldn’t go. He wanted you to say ” omg I need to stay here and keep you satisfied like a good housewife” what an absolute idiot of a man. Good riddance to him you go and become a doctor and let him stay a loser 💅
NTA. Move on and don’t look back.
NTA at all! He doesn’t want to do long distance.. fine. End of story. What a chode to cry about it
NTA and very smart to give yourself time to grieve the relationship before you’re in the thick of med school.
This happened to a friend of a friend. What ended up happening was that she found – without even trying – was 100% better for her, down there. He? Well, he is single & still pining after “the one that got away” at 35.
NTA & rock that stuff at medical school!
Are you smart enough for med school? Having to ask this question makes me wonder.
Nta. You made the right decision. So he will cheat if you can’t provide intimacy. What if you get sick? What about when you are pregnant, if you want kids? Well he cheat then? He is saying if he isn’t getting it from you, he will get it elsewhere. Definitely do not give this opportunity up for a guy that will eventually cheat on you regardless.
You’re better off, good to know now than being more invested in someone that’s more worried about their selfish needs than looking at the bigger picture and y’all’s future together. Don’t let him convince you that he didn’t mean it because he did. You deserve so much better, prioritize yourself and your peace. Best of luck and congratulations on getting accepted, and now you won’t have to be burdened by guilt to leave or stay, he’s made that decision clear. He’s shown you who he is, believe him.
NTA “I told him that loving me while admitting you’re already pre-justifying cheating isn’t love. It’s ego.”
I’m glad you saw through his manipulation. Pre-justifying cheating is a good description, to try to keep you from leaving, to give up what you’ve worked so hard to achieve.
Congratulations on getting into med school! I am proud of you and l wish you all the best at med school and life in general. Take care.
Nope. You chose yourself. Good on you.
NAH. It was unreasonable to expect the relationship to continue and to act like a breakup wasn’t inevitable. You should have just broken up. He was honest but also unnecessarily so. He should have also recognized that the relationship is over.
It’s kind of sad that it ended on this awkward note. It could have been a much nicer and more mature mutual breakup.
Enjoy med school as a single person who doesn’t have to worry about maintaining a long distance situation. You deserve all the rewards of your hard work.
I mean I wouldn’t be able to do 4y of LDR either, but I wouldn’t let those words leave my mouth. That said, one day you might appreciate his honesty. NTA.
NTA. He is going to cheat and blame you for his cheating anyways so you did the right thing. Maybe he thought you would give permission for him to sleep around lol.