So for context, I am f(25) and my boyfriend is m(35). We have been together for a solid year and a half. I just found out I’m pregnant and he wants me to have an abortion because he said he’s not ready yet and wants us to be better prepared. He has a house we live in together, a good job, and no previous marriages or kids. I have a decent job, still in school but have expressed I would make it work. He said he can’t force me to have an abortion and won’t abandon me or our kid if I decide to keep it but is strongly pushing that he’s not ready. I have told him that mentally it would destroy me. I’ve always been pro choice but now that I’m in the situation I’m in, I find it very hard to abort my baby. Yet, with the information he’s giving me, I also don’t want to force someone into fatherhood or raise a kid alone. I guess I was hoping for a different reaction. We have both wanted kids but he says he wanted one preferably in 3 years time. Anyways, I think I’m going to have this abortion because I just can’t force someone into fatherhood nor do I want to be a single mom but I’m starting to look at him ina different light with feelings of resentment. AITAH for having this abortion and leaving him?
AITAH for breaking up with my boyfriend who wants me to have an abortion?
r/AITAH
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Your body, your choice. One or the other or both of you might be TAH, but it doesn’t matter
10 year age difference.
35 years old but “not ready for a child” yet. But having unprotected sex without worries.
Wants you to abort your baby despite your misgivings.
Want to read through that and ask your question again?
I’d say have the baby if you know it’ll mentally destroy you then maybe he’ll change his mind about not wanting to be a father now
NAH but… what reaction were you hoping for? Presumably, you have previously sat down and discussed family / children plans with each other, having been together for a year and a half and (maybe?) not using protection(?) (but not trying to get pregnant?), so his feelings on the matter shouldn’t be a surprise to you. Were you hoping he’d miraculously change his mind? Just kinda feels like there’s something missing here.
Regardless, your body, your choice. And if you want kids and he doesn’t, then you’re probably not compatible going forward.
your body, your choice.
you should prioritize yourself here. for context, i am also pro choice. if you have misgivings about aborting now, there is high potential that if you do that, you will eventually regret/resent bf for it. but if you have the baby, he will have regrets and resents.
this looks like a no-win situation for the both of you, so i say do what YOU want.
He doesn’t want kids. You do. Looks like it’s time to go your own way.
Are YOU ready to have a baby?
Info: how many weeks pregnant are you and how long has he known?
Were you not on birth control or using protection. if not you were playing russian roulette, and now you will have a baby.
If you were on birth control and didn’t manage properly, then yes you are the AH.
Yea I’d feel resentment too. That would be such a lonely feeling. If you do have this abortion, I would for sure break up. There’s no coming back from something like that. Make sure you communicate fully before going thru with it. He might just be dragging his feet. I’m curious how he treats you and how it’s been going… NTA
Were you on birth control when this happened? Was he using condoms?
YTA for making irresponsible decisions and having someone else suffer the consequences.
A child with a single mom or a resentful dad would be rough, but they are better off than a dead child. If you don’t want to have babies, there’s plenty of ways to stop it from happening.
NTAH! Nobody is ever ready for a child. He’s an AH for trying to manipulate you into an abortion you clearly didn’t want to begin with. It will hurt either way. I’d rather be a single mom (which I have been 3 times over and still dont regret it one bit) and struggle through parenting alone. I was pregnant for the 5th time after having 3 kiddos and 1 early miscarriage. I kept thinking I wasn’t in a place or a position to have the baby, I was considering abortion and even adoption and by 21 weeks I was ready to keep my precious baby boy no matter the consequences. I would protect him against my (now ex) husband’s abusive daughter and I wouldn’t let anyone hurt him. I lost the baby at 37 weeks and felt like I lost my mind. Biggest regret I have is that I was thinking about aborting him to begin with because of bs.
At 35 your life is basically half over, this person will never be ready, no one is actually, people think midlife is 50 to 60 in reality it’s 35 to 40
If you’re going to leave him anyway, leave and have the baby. I know you said you don’t want to raise the baby alone, but it seems that if you have the abortion, you are going to regret it. (I am very pro-choice, just for clarity.) It sounds like you are letting him make the choice for you. He might come around after seeing the baby, but even if he doesn’t, you likely won’t be alone forever. There are good men out there who will love your child as their own. NTA, and I wish you nothing but good things, whatever choice you make.
Unless you forced him not to use any birth control, you are not forcing him into fatherhood. Men always have the option of wrapping it up, and knowing that even this option is not 100%.
The most important thing is what you want. This is your body and ultimately your choice. If you feel strongly about having this baby, think carefully about the emotional impact that an abortion might have on you. I’ve seen firsthand how being pressured into a decision you don’t truly want can leave lasting pain.At the same time, if you know you’re not ready or if you feel you can’t give this baby the love, care, and stability it deserves, then choosing abortion is also valid. What matters most is that the decision comes from your heart, not from outside pressure, even from your boyfriend. You’re the one who will be carrying the pregnancy for 40 weeks, making sacrifices, and living with the outcome.Whatever choice you make, be prepared that it could put strain on your relationship. That’s why it’s also important to have an honest conversation with your boyfriend about his feelings. If he’s 35 and says he isn’t ready for parenthood, it’s worth reflecting on whether that aligns with your values and long-term goals.
In the end, this is about what feels right for you and the life you want to build.
You are pro-choice and you choose to keep your baby! Don’t let him bully you. You will regret losing the baby and will resent him. Your relationship is changing, either way.
I am curious who is responsible for the protection? Is he the type to “dislike condoms cause they don’t feel good”? If yes, ESH and tell him to wrap it up unless you are willing to go through this again.
I am definitely pro choice, but pro choice in the sense that you do it because it’s best for you not to keep a man child in your life who, I bet you $1000, will dump you for a newer model when he gets a chance. The age gap is very concerning. There’s a reason older men go for younger women, they are so easily manipulated.
You don’t need to have an abortion today. Take a few days and breathe. Maybe you thought he would be happy or change his mind and is normal to feel upset he would not.
If he is saying he would be there regardless maybe it’s just fear. Did he have a good dad growing up?
You’re not the AH. If you’re feeling resentment, you’re going to wind up with no boyfriend, no baby, and a lifetime of guilt. If he’s not ready at his age, he probably won’t ever be ready. Who knows if you’ll ever be able to conceive again, and if it takes 5 years, he’ll probably say he’s too old. Keep the baby, and in the meantime, build yourself a solid support system and a solid exit strategy. Make sure you have a good education, a good job, and know how to do everyday things such as paying bills and writing a resume. You can learn these things online or reach out to college’s adult education, libraries or social services.
Keep your baby if thats what you want. He is not being forced into fatherhood by anyone. One has sex with the understanding that it can lead to a pregnancy, and that applies to both of you. Realistically I would feel pretty resentful too if I felt pressured to abort a kid I wanted or go after an unwilling partner for support. For me, unless he changed his mind, the relationship would be too strained either way. So you might as well do what you want. Or at least leave him.
Also of note. Sperm degrades with age (as well as your own pregnancies), so if he is actually interested in ever having kids, and you are both able to do so, now is the time.
You’ll be a single mom whether you’re with him or not. If you’re together, he’ll be absent and never help and give you the “you’re the one who wanted a baby” and your pregnancy will be terrible because you’ll feel alone, and if you’re broken up he’ll either be absent and send a check or the court will make him be present (MOST courts are 50/50 now unless deemed completely necessary to withhold a child, which is HARD) and he’ll be a shitty dad.
DO NOT have a child with this person.
NTA. If you have the abortion, please break up with him. He’s already done this with a previous ex? GTFOH. This guy is an AH. He also says he regrets it, but here he is again, with another pregnant girlfriend?
He’s probably not going to be “ready” in three years, and/or you’re going to always have resentments about it. If you stay with him, are you going to tell your future kids that they would have an older sibling, but daddy wasn’t ready to be a dad, so you had an abortion.
It’s your body and your choice, period. You will have to deal with the consequences of your choice, either way. Make the choice that you will most easily be able to live with.
Personally, I’ve always been pro-choice, but if I had a good job and was finishing up school and was in a fairly stable relationship, I’d be pissed off at my partner for suggesting an abortion. Especially if they thought they would be ready in a few years. Tough shit dude, get ready now. I’d feel like he did a bait and switch and he’s been faking it the whole time that he was ready for a commitment.
It is your choice. If your 35 year old partner says he’s not ready and pressuring you to get an abortion after being together for a year and a half and unwilling to compromise, I would strongly reconsider this relationship and leave him. Sounds like he is emotionally immature and likely has mental health issues he needs to seek professional help for. If you have friends and/or family that will support you, take yourself and the baby and leave. You can make this work without him if you choose to keep the baby.
Rage bait.
but for real: if you’re asking Reddit for family planning advice, get that abortion and then sterilize yourself while you’re at it.
NAH
He can communicate his preferences on how he would like to proceed. He even told you he wouldn’t “force” your decision.
You can proceed however you like of course but if you do have one, I think it will doom your relationship….you will always feel like he forced you to have one due to doing what he wanted.
I think you will be single regardless of your choice, so you do what is best for you.
Read it again but pretend that it’s your daughter, sister or friend. At 35 he’s not ready for children? If he’s not ready now he may never be. If you can manage to raise your baby alone I would move out.
NTA, part of being pro choice is being supportive of the choice to keep the baby. As long as you’re financially stable and you want the baby, you do you girl. Congrats on your pregnancy, I hope it goes smoothly and safely!
Do not have an abortion unless you are 100% sure BY URSELF. It will haunt you if you have one for someone else. I’m pro choice but this is your body. You’re not forcing a 35 year old MAN into fatherhood by having this baby. He knew the repercussions of unprotected sex. Please consider only yourself in this situation.
I honestly couldn’t read much more after you said he doesn’t wear condoms. Like you both were dumb but at least you were prepared to deal with the natural consequences. His whole “it’s not fair to me” line is wild when he doesn’t wear condoms. Like bro, it’s not fair to your partner that you think that you can have sex with no birth control and then expect her to use abortion as a birth control method. Gtfo
Do some soul searching about what you want. Let him know that if you have to abort, the fetus will be dead to you but so will he. This is the SECOND time this has happened! Man is just getting comfortable allowing a D&C to do the work so his dick feels better when he’s getting it wet. Honestly, he sounds 35 going on 16. Break up, don’t look back, be glad you dodged a bullet. Also, for you, learn a lesson from this. You’re never too old to talk about sec and it’s natural consequences in a relationship. Before you let someone put a part of their body inside a part of your body, ensure that you are both on the same page…not just about what to do with an unexpected pregnancy, but also about your STD status, any medical conditions that might present in coitus (so he has a heart condition?…don’t let him tie you to the bed for fun sexy games unless you can reach the handcuff key…he has type 1 diabetes…make sure you have some orange juice bedside). Ugh, this guy sucks. Even if he is nice and charming and personable, he’s letting his dick make the decisions and leaving you holding the bag when they are questionable. You said an abortion would mentally destroy you. Then 1000% don’t do it. You can always adopt the child out to a loving home if you can’t support it yourself. But don’t let this cheese dick take any more of your peace of mind.
NTA .. being pro-choice is about Choice. If you want to keep the baby don’t let his reaction be the deciding factor … Time may not be on your side depending on state you are in ..but weigh the options and if you decide to leave him whether or not you get an abortion.. they are all choices
Baby, 25 years old is “not ready for a baby” but 35 years old and owns a house? He is just a little boy who realized he fucked up and doesn’t know how he’ll explain getting his gf who is 10 years younger than him pregnant. That’s the honest truth.
Please do whatever you think is best for your life and leave this Peter Pan boy to the streets. Refocus on your military career and job. Best of luck.
Don’t stay with this guy!! Are you ready to be a single parent?
Why is a 35 yr old man who doesn’t want kids not ejaculating responsibly??? Leave him and put his ass on child support
He doesn’t want a child, a very high chance you will become that single parent you don’t want to be. Have the abortion and save yourself a world of pain down the line. If that means the relationship ends then at least you get a clean break and don’t have to be in each other’s lives forever.
So you will have to rearrange your life when he is ready . This is the here & now . Stay healthy .
I would concentrate on what YOU want and how YOU feel you can continue through your life with your decision. Take him out of it for a second. Get a clear picture in your mind about the person you want to be….. what do you see?
NTA He should have worn a condom if he wasn’t ready for a child.
Do not have an abortion for HIM. Do it if it is what you want to do. He doesn’t have to be a father. He has to cut a check to pay the consequences. Carefully consider YOURSELF.
tell him if he doesn’t want kids to wear a condom.
He’s 35, has a solid job that pays well, owns his home and is still “not ready”. IMO, He’s never going to be and he doesn’t have the courage to say the words “I don’t want kids” out loud. 5 years from now he’s 40 and you’re 30. Not for nothing, but how old you are when your kids are out of school and it’s finally time to go back to being “you” instead of “Mom” or “wife”, is sure nice when young enough to enjoy it. I say this as a 55 yr old with a 35 yr old, 30 yr old and 27 yr old. Life is good and a heck of a lot of fun. Seems like I’m a lot happier these days than my friends who didn’t have kids until their 30’s and 40’s are now 60+ figuring out how to pay for college and their retirement. If you’re ready emotionally and financially to do this on your own without depending on anyone else, (if he stays in the picture, great, if not, no skin off your back, you’ve got this with or without him) than honey, you make the decision that is best for you. If you’re not 100% certain you’re ready or able to do it all on your own if he ops for bailing (which he likely will become just a check in the mail every month) than give yourself the time and space to think it through and then decide. Best wishes to you and the lil bug, no matter what you decide.
I am pro choice. However, you mention that you have endometriosis, which can cause infertility. Suppose that you abort this fetus, and your endometriosis prevents you from ever getting pregnant again? I would speak to your doctor and find out the risk your endometriosis poses with your future fertility. After you have that info, make your decision as to whether to abort or not.
Why would you expect him to have a different reaction when you were aware he doesn’t want kids now? Where you using birth control or condoms? Your body, your choice. NTA for whatever you decide but this seems relationship ending either way.
Edit: I see he refuses to wear condoms and knows unprotected sex will result in pregnancy. You are NOT forcing him into fatherhood, he chose unprotected sex therefore he chooses pregnancy smh
At 35 years old this guy is not ready for any kind of commitment. Do not have the abortion if YOU do not want it. It will mess up your mental health for years!! Joe 35yo not ready dude should have put a jacket on it if he did not want an unplanned pregnancy.
I think there is a chance he will come around. There is also a chance he will not and than you will make it work for your baby and you.
Don’t go for an abortion wenn you want to keep it: he is a grown ass man: he knows how unprotected sex works. He is allowed to give his opinion but he should not pressure you this much.
If I am being honest: at his age he sounds very imature. I think the real question is: do you want to be a part of his life forever (what will happen if you keep the baby)?
NTAH if this is real.
You should keep your child if you don’t want to have an abortion.
You would still get child support. That is money your child is entitled to and you would be TA if you didn’t pursue it.
This feels fake because it feels like someone trying to get redditors to encourage a woman who doesn’t want an abortion to get one.
Your comment about “I’m pro-choice but …” Rings fake too because the whole POINT of being pro-choice is that women get to CHOOSE. Wanting to keep your baby isn’t contrary to being pro-choice.
Age gap is sketchy and if he “regrets” his ex’s abortion, why didn’t he make sure he didn’t accidentally knock someone else up? He’s 35.
But anyway … It sounds like you are emotionally, physically, and financially prepared to have a baby and you don’t want an abortion. The is no reason to get one. You aren’t “forcing” him into fatherhood, at his big age he knew the risks when he chose to have sex.
NTA
He’s 35. At his age he should be ready for marriage and children.
So either he will never be ready or he doesn’t see you are the one to do it with. Either way – time to end things.
I do not recommend to try to raise this baby on your own. My vote would be to abort and break up so you have no ties to this man.
FFS he’s 35 if he isn’t ready for a kid now he will never be! Nobody is ever ready there’s always financial worries, life happens. Don’t be forced into anything! Only resentment will come out on both your sides. Do what YOU want and let the chips fall where they may.
YTA for claiming your pro life but then consider getting one anyway. Stop calling yourself something you’re not.
He articulated his feelings which he has the right to do. They do not align with yours. At the end of the day, pro choice means that it’s your choice.
You’re still pro-choice. Being pro-choice doesn’t mean you have to have an abortion, it means you get to choose
It’s your body and your choice, but you need to be honest with yourself and understand that you WILL be a single mother of you elect to have this child. You need to plan accordingly. Hope for the best, but plan for the worst.
Info: why are you willing to have unprotected sex with him? You know this is a possible outcome, right?
Wow from the man who claims he loves you is pushing you in towards an abortion says a lot about his character. He busted his nut all inside you. What did he think was gonna happend Did he think you were on birth control or infertile??? Abortion takes a lot on the body but would say the sooner, the better. It will happen again if you dont get on birth control unless you plan to have another abortion. He’s 35 and isn’t ready hmmm I guess he’s waiting till he’s 40… then you’ll be 30
Fyi, pro choice just means you’re pro women having a choice, wether it’s to keep the baby or not. In your case your choice is to keep the baby which you’re allowed to do, you can still be pro choice.
NTA tho. Regardless of why you want to keep your baby (existing baby wish, raging hormones, personal moral obligation) you have a right to do what is right for you, and if you live in America, some states have already decided that for you. Having an abortion is heavy, physically and mentally, and lots of women struggle with regret and sadness, EVEN if they still stand by their choice later on. There’s chances at complications, and there’s no guarantee you can easily get pregnant later on if you have undiagnosed fertility issues. Also, your boyfriend is 35, if he’s not ready now, then when?? Some men actually do mature once they’re thrown in the deep, other times, they just don’t get ready ever and find out by delays that in fact they just never want kids at all.
Abort this guy . Not the baby. He is an ahole for killing a baby.
You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. It’s ok to keep the baby. (Or have an abortion, but it sounds like you do not want an abortion.) you can be pro choice and not want an abortion. You just don’t want to limit everyone’s chance to choose what to do with their bodies. Leave him. You’ll make it through, if that’s what you want. I’m sorry you’re in this situation with a man child.
35 and not ready? He won’t be. Not ever.
Pro-Choice means there is a choice. You get to make the right one for you.
NTA.