long, i’m sorry!!
I 21f) have a sister (20f) that recently got a place with me and my partner (21f). before we moved in all together, i lived in an apartment with my partner and our two cats kiwi and tanner. my sister lived with my parents and had two cats, raini and rush that never got along. she had rush first and raini terrorized her from the second they got her. this went on for months. several times, i offered to take rush if she would continue to financially support her because i couldn’t afford it. she denied and kept saying she was going to rehome raini but never did. she was always so stressed and guilty over it. eventually she agreed to let me take rush. she grew up with kiwi and tanner and was still traumatized from raini but absolutely thrived after moving in with us. that being said, it was a lot. we now had three cats in a one bedroom apartment. she had to be separated for the first week ish while we introduced them which led to our bathroom being a MESS of wet food and litter everywhere. she shed so so much more than our cats, and feeding, grooming, and scooping after a third cat was a lot to take on. however, i knew that my sister needed it so i never complained. not once did i make her feel bad. she deserved it and so did rush.
fast forward, rush lives with us for a few months and when our lease ends we decide to all three move in together. about a month after we move in, rush got outside. she was gone for a few days and sadly, got hit by a car and passed. we found her right away. we all said our goodbyes and i went with my dad to get her cremated so savanna could stay home and rest. her passing hit all of us hard. being in the new place without her was a horrible adjustment.
for a while, i had been wanting a dog. i love animals and with rush being gone and being in a bigger place, as well as getting a better paying job, i really started to consider it. my partner and sister agreed but it was made clear that he is my responsibility and commitment. they will help me as they can but i will take on the brunt of the work. my partner and i went to the shelter with full intent to get an adult, medium energy dog. when we were taking a look at all the dogs that needed homes, i absolutely fell in love with this four month old puppy named frodo (now fynn). the second we got to his kennel he just sat and started at us with these big eyes. we got to meet him individually and he was the sweetest thing. he played a little then laid on my legs. he was so so sweet. i spoke with the workers and he had been brought back to the shelter after being fostered with his brother because he would start fights. i knew the task it would be raising a dog his age with signs of aggression already but i knew i was ready for the responsibility. the first few months were good! he was pretty chill. loved to play and cuddle. everyone loved him. once he hit 6 months, adolescence started and it has not been as smooth sailing.
at first my partner and sister were willing to help, take him out when i couldn’t, keep an eye on him, etc. after 6 months they, especially my sister, want nothing to do with him (understandably). she used to take him out for me while i worked and she’s home but even this became too much so i come home on my lunches. (my work schedule also changed unexpectedly when i got him so we’ve had to make adjustments). all in all, i completely understand and don’t expect either of them to take care of him. the help is appreciated but never expected.
now to the recent events. the last few weeks have been hard to say the least. my car broke down, i’m struggling financially, and taking care of an 8 month old puppy on top of everything else. it is a lot. my mom invited me, my partner, and all my siblings over for a movie night. when i got there and started talking to my mom, i completely broke down. i realized how much stress i had been under and just needed a good cry. my sisters came home during this time and saw me crying and heard how heavy everything had been lately. we watch the movie and my sister decides she’s gonna head home before us. it had been a few hours so i asked if she would let fynn out when she gets home. she groaned and didn’t answer. i snapped (regrettably) and said “it’ll take five minutes”. she walked away and mumbled “it’s not my dog” under her breath. i said what? and she repeated it. “it’s not my dog”. i didn’t say anything and that was that but that comment seriously bothered me. she’s completely allowed to not want to or say no, but that comment hurt my feelings.
i thought it over and on my way home later, i sent two voice recordings and a message to her. to be clear i am a talker. i wasn’t yelling, i wasn’t rude, i was explaining how that comment was unnecessary. i took care of her cat for months, i still take raini to the vet when she needs it, i booked appointments for rush when she was sick, i even fed and took care of rush after we moved in together and it was her turn to do the feedings/groomings. i understand she didn’t want to and i shouldn’t have raised my voice but that comment was irrelevant. he is my dog. in no way have i made him anyone else’s responsibility without clear communication and gratitude. the comment made me feel as if i dont deserve help. as if shes willing to accept my help when she needs it but the second shes not in the mood, “it’s not her dog”. i wasn’t always in the mood to take care of her cats but i cared so i did, it was NEVER “it’s not my cat”.
she replied and said she’s not listening to my voice memos. that there’s no reason for me to send all of that over one comment that didn’t matter. she said im being dramatic and throwing things i do for her in her face. that i only did anything to make myself look better and never really cared about rush. that i’m using her dead cat against her. i did say that when she’s mad she acts manipulative and demeaning (calling me dramatic and literally laughing at the fact that i had so much to say). but other than that, i don’t regret a thing i said. i do care about her and i cared about rush. i am proud of who i am and what i do for the people i love. and i do not expect it in return but i believe i deserve it. i made it very clear i was not upset she didn’t want to do it, just about the comment. but she is convinced that i never gave a shit about rush and only do things to help to use it as leverage later on.
please help reddit, am i the asshole?
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Backup of the post’s body: long, i’m sorry!!
I 21f) have a sister (20f) that recently got a place with me and my partner (21f). before we moved in all together, i lived in an apartment with my partner and our two cats kiwi and tanner. my sister lived with my parents and had two cats, raini and rush that never got along. she had rush first and raini terrorized her from the second they got her. this went on for months. several times, i offered to take rush if she would continue to financially support her because i couldn’t afford it. she denied and kept saying she was going to rehome raini but never did. she was always so stressed and guilty over it. eventually she agreed to let me take rush. she grew up with kiwi and tanner and was still traumatized from raini but absolutely thrived after moving in with us. that being said, it was a lot. we now had three cats in a one bedroom apartment. she had to be separated for the first week ish while we introduced them which led to our bathroom being a MESS of wet food and litter everywhere. she shed so so much more than our cats, and feeding, grooming, and scooping after a third cat was a lot to take on. however, i knew that my sister needed it so i never complained. not once did i make her feel bad. she deserved it and so did rush.
fast forward, rush lives with us for a few months and when our lease ends we decide to all three move in together. about a month after we move in, rush got outside. she was gone for a few days and sadly, got hit by a car and passed. we found her right away. we all said our goodbyes and i went with my dad to get her cremated so savanna could stay home and rest. her passing hit all of us hard. being in the new place without her was a horrible adjustment.
for a while, i had been wanting a dog. i love animals and with rush being gone and being in a bigger place, as well as getting a better paying job, i really started to consider it. my partner and sister agreed but it was made clear that he is my responsibility and commitment. they will help me as they can but i will take on the brunt of the work. my partner and i went to the shelter with full intent to get an adult, medium energy dog. when we were taking a look at all the dogs that needed homes, i absolutely fell in love with this four month old puppy named frodo (now fynn). the second we got to his kennel he just sat and started at us with these big eyes. we got to meet him individually and he was the sweetest thing. he played a little then laid on my legs. he was so so sweet. i spoke with the workers and he had been brought back to the shelter after being fostered with his brother because he would start fights. i knew the task it would be raising a dog his age with signs of aggression already but i knew i was ready for the responsibility. the first few months were good! he was pretty chill. loved to play and cuddle. everyone loved him. once he hit 6 months, adolescence started and it has not been as smooth sailing.
at first my partner and sister were willing to help, take him out when i couldn’t, keep an eye on him, etc. after 6 months they, especially my sister, want nothing to do with him (understandably). she used to take him out for me while i worked and she’s home but even this became too much so i come home on my lunches. (my work schedule also changed unexpectedly when i got him so we’ve had to make adjustments). all in all, i completely understand and don’t expect either of them to take care of him. the help is appreciated but never expected.
now to the recent events. the last few weeks have been hard to say the least. my car broke down, i’m struggling financially, and taking care of an 8 month old puppy on top of everything else. it is a lot. my mom invited me, my partner, and all my siblings over for a movie night. when i got there and started talking to my mom, i completely broke down. i realized how much stress i had been under and just needed a good cry. my sisters came home during this time and saw me crying and heard how heavy everything had been lately. we watch the movie and my sister decides she’s gonna head home before us. it had been a few hours so i asked if she would let fynn out when she gets home. she groaned and didn’t answer. i snapped (regrettably) and said “it’ll take five minutes”. she walked away and mumbled “it’s not my dog” under her breath. i said what? and she repeated it. “it’s not my dog”. i didn’t say anything and that was that but that comment seriously bothered me. she’s completely allowed to not want to or say no, but that comment hurt my feelings.
i thought it over and on my way home later, i sent two voice recordings and a message to her. to be clear i am a talker. i wasn’t yelling, i wasn’t rude, i was explaining how that comment was unnecessary. i took care of her cat for months, i still take raini to the vet when she needs it, i booked appointments for rush when she was sick, i even fed and took care of rush after we moved in together and it was her turn to do the feedings/groomings. i understand she didn’t want to and i shouldn’t have raised my voice but that comment was irrelevant. he is my dog. in no way have i made him anyone else’s responsibility without clear communication and gratitude. the comment made me feel as if i dont deserve help. as if shes willing to accept my help when she needs it but the second shes not in the mood, “it’s not her dog”. i wasn’t always in the mood to take care of her cats but i cared so i did, it was NEVER “it’s not my cat”.
she replied and said she’s not listening to my voice memos. that there’s no reason for me to send all of that over one comment that didn’t matter. she said im being dramatic and throwing things i do for her in her face. that i only did anything to make myself look better and never really cared about rush. that i’m using her dead cat against her. i did say that when she’s mad she acts manipulative and demeaning (calling me dramatic and literally laughing at the fact that i had so much to say). but other than that, i don’t regret a thing i said. i do care about her and i cared about rush. i am proud of who i am and what i do for the people i love. and i do not expect it in return but i believe i deserve it. i made it very clear i was not upset she didn’t want to do it, just about the comment. but she is convinced that i never gave a shit about rush and only do things to help to use it as leverage later on.
please help reddit, am i the asshole?
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