I ended 9 years old relationship and started dating again. I installed Tinder and for me it wasn’t that bad as people say it is. I swiped left a lot but the matches I had were good quality and most ended in dates. Not all dates went well but none was a bad experience.
I am a 30 years old woman and I look better than I did in my 20s. I am more fit, I have a better income so I have better skin care, hair care, dress better. And I did well on tinder.
Yet this guy is trying to put me down all the time. He is my coworker and we often talk (with all my colleagues about personal stuff. With some I am friends). I started dating (from tinder) a guy who is a business owner, has a good car and is smart and good looking. We have good chemistry. Read the same books, love the same old movies and have the same values in life. I have met his friends already and he wants me to meet his sister this weekend. He is my age more or less. I am 30 and he is 33
And this dude keeps telling me I am way too optimistic. At first he just said Tinder doesn’t work and women don’t know how to talk (I saw his tinder matches. He turned sexual with the women within 5 minutes). Before I met this guy he also told me I have an age and for most high value guys I am not even on radar because of baggae and the amount of men I must have been with before. LOL I was with one but even so, this guy I am seeing now didn’t even ask about it and doesn’t seem to care about it.
And my other male coworker showed me a text he receieved from this guy. The text said: I pity her because she thinks that chad wants her more than recreationally. If he didn’t have money she wouldn’t have looked at him.
And I said he is (What the title said). Not in his face but in front of this other dude.
I don’t really get why guys (because this is the first time it happened to me, but I saw this attitude plenty of times) are obsessed with our age and calling us names and constantly put as down just because we also have preferences in men (just like they do in women)
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Sounds like he was projecting his own insecurities onto you. People who are genuinely happy with themselves don’t go out of their way to tear others down.
It’s hilarious how some guys think they can just throw shade because they’re jealous of your glow-up. Keep shining, girl.
NTA. Don’t dish out what you can’t take
Dude is an incel. You do you and enjoy this budding relationship. Your coworker is a miserable asshole who is just trying to bring you down to make himself feel better
NAH as a 31 year old guy there’s no such things as damaged goods when it comes to people.
Its a revenge fantasy.
They have difficulty finding someone.
And when someone else (women) doesnt, they just get jelous and make up these whole scenarios im their heads how women will be undesirable once they are old, how all women are hoes, how all women have baggage etc.
Its coping and hes online way to much.
Hi. For what it’s worth. I met my now wife on tinder. About half of the women I’ve dated was from tinder actually.
Wouldn’t say all guys are like your co-worker though as I’ve met both women and men that act that way. They are insecure and try to bring others down due to their own unhappiness.
Goodluck with the tinder guy and meeting his sister and going forward.
He fancies you and is pissed off you’re ignoring him so he is getting his own back by putting you down
💯 Coming from a place of insecurity. Man boys like that need to degrade women to justify why they can’t date them by saying “They never would. She’s damaged goods, not a high value woman etc” I guess that’s easier than admitting to themselves that they never could have in the first place. Fuck that guy, have fun on your dates.
You co worker thinks he’s high value and can understand why the women aren’t falling over him. Rather than reflect he’s thinking he’s the victim. He’s so insecure.
Keep glowing !!
Seems like a lot of projection from your coworker.
Don’t listen to him. Follow your own instincts with this new relationship and base your decisions on what happens between you two and how this man treat you – not what your coworker says. Seems like your coworker isn’t having luck on tinder and is annoyed and jealous you have had luck on it and is now trying to ruin a good thing for you.
You know that saying: misery loves company. He probably goes around saying how much tinder suck and how much people on tinder suck. If no one is around saying anything opposite this, it sounds like a tinder problem. You now are saying how you have met someone great on tinder, so people around him are prob like maybe it’s not a tinder problem, it’s a him problem. He wants you to reinforce the tinder suck narrative and you didn’t so he’s now trying to shit on your relationship.
Don’t listen to this coworker!
Also to say to you that you are damaged goods, is disgusting. But it says more about him and his character than you.
You do you girl!
I wish you luck on your relationship.
Its an unspoken conspiracy to keep certain women “available” and insecure. Older women, overweight women, women of color, and tomboys. All have a reputation of being easy.
NTA… if he can’t take them in return, then he shouldn’t have started insulting you in the first time
Your colleague has swallowed the red pill, he needs help.
ESH because this is your workplace and you’re making it sound like HS. O had a colleague like this once and we all chat and are friendly – but she didn’t realise we don’t talk like her when she’s not around (she over shared a lot, pulling out tinder etc.). Just check yourself.
Yea you’re an asshole. Eye for an eye makes the whole world blind and in the midst of your glow up you’re seemingly hanging onto your old behaviors. A fruit can look ripe on the outside yet still be rotten.
Why not just report the behavior and move on? You’ve essentially done what they did to you so why does it matter what they said anymore? I haven’t seen their Reddit post looking for affirmation of their douchery yet.
Don’t bother girl, he’s just projecting. He knows he can’t find anyone decent or have had someone humbling him in the past, so seeing you doing well and having hope sets him off. Guys like that hate being reminded that someone else’s dating life is better than theirs. Just keep doing your thing with your date
Well, you are not dating the fat loser so who cares what he thinks?
The difference of income is big between you and your date?
This guy has fallen down the manosphere rabbit-hole, where the bros are telling him that all women are shallow bitches who reject “nice guys” like him because he isn’t over six feet tall, with a six-pack, making six figures. And at the same time, he somehow isn’t a shallow bitch for rejecting women who have “hit the wall” (ie. turned 30), or have “baggage” or a “too-high body count”.
The manosphere teaches these guys that negging (repeatedly putting a woman down with the aim of reducing her self-esteem) will soften a woman up for sex or a relationship. That all you have to do to get a woman is to “be an alpha” and dominate her, and that’s why he’s waving his pee-pee at them after a few messages on Tinder.
Tinder doesn’t work for him because he doesn’t know how to self-reflect and write a decent bio about himself, and he doesn’t know how to have a conversation with a woman, and set a foundation for the development of a relationship, the way you are doing with the guy you’re dating. It’s always possible that he’s conning you, but you’re taking it slowly enough that hopefully you’ll spot it if he is.
It’s hilarious how he’s deluding himself that his negging is actually concern and pity for you, rather than bitterness on his part.
NTA – this guy is delusional. He’s an incel that wants to think he is a brick without any feeling, but he is suppressing so much he’s closer to a virus.
As soon as he said the phrase “high value guys”, I would have walked away. NAH, gross incel dog whistling.
But then he followed it up with chad? Honey this guy is long gone into the 4chan world – he’s projecting angry insecurities onto you because he’s mega jealous of the guys you are dating. He is sad, and he is a loser – and he’s making it worse for himself with this faux sociological gender crap. Tell him to start respecting women (and himself) as more than high/ low value chad fuck toys, and he might be happier.
Or just punch him in the face. Sometimes a short sharp shock knocks the dirty water blocking these guys’ ears out.
Because their own (dating) life sucks, so they harp on old misogynistic clichés, putting (usually more successful) women down to make them feel better about themselves.
Sounds like he is creating a hostile working environment, time to get HR involved.
Your coworker is an incel and is using incel keywords, you should stop speaking to him about this (and anyone at work tbh) NTA