I (21M) have been friends with this guy (20M) since middle school who I’m just going to refer to as “Eric” for the sake of the story. He’s a great guy – funny, kind, and charismatic. Genuinely the kind of person anyone would love as a friend. Everyone loved him, including my parents. And I mean my parents absolutely LOVED him. Which made sense, of course, he was a great kid who was always polite and respectful around them.
Unfortunately, Eric’s mom passed away when we were in the 6th grade. Which, of course, was hard on him. It was around this time that the two of us started becoming closer friends and we would spend a lot of time at each other’s houses. Overtime, we would spend more and more time together and it got to the point where one year I wanted to invite him on one of our family vacations. My parents not only embraced the idea, they encouraged it from then on our whenever we would travel, even if we were just going up to our cabin for a night or two, he was always invited along.
Again, my parents both adored him, but my mom just DOTED on him. She would often refer to her as her “other child” or “4th child” (I have two older siblings). Anytime we’d be in public with him, she would flat out tell strangers that he was her child. He would have him on practically all of our vacation photos and post them all over Facebook. Again, displaying him as if he was her child. I had always been under the impression that because his mom had passed away, she was just trying to step up and be a motherly figure to him and a lot of people, including myself, thought it was just sweet and innocent. Then we got into high school and things got weird.
It got to the point where she wasn’t just inviting him places to hang out with me, but she would take him places herself. She would take him to the grocery store, out to lunch, she would even take him to mall and bought him Apple Watch once among many other experiences gifts which he would often try to give back because he would feel so guilty about how much money she spent on him.
During the summertime, we would go up to our cabin a lot and, of course, he was with us more often than not. After we would eat dinner, the two of them got into the routine where they would go lay down together. At this time, we would’ve probably been around 14-15 when it started. I walked in on it multiple times and they’d literally be doing nothing but laying in bed and talking, sometimes my mom would be in nothing but a bathrobe which… yeah. I very vividly remember having a conversation with my sister about how she seemed more interested in spending time and money on him than she did her own children.
I recently told her in a recent conversation that we had that I thought her behavior towards him was weird and how much it sucked that she seemed wanted him as a child more than me. She thought I was completely out of line and is now giving me the cold shoulder.
AITAH?
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I (21M) have been friends with this guy (20M) since middle school who I’m just going to refer to as “Eric” for the sake of the story. He’s a great guy – funny, kind, and charismatic. Genuinely the kind of person anyone would love as a friend. Everyone loved him, including my parents. And I mean my parents absolutely LOVED him. Which made sense, of course, he was a great kid who was always polite and respectful around them.
Unfortunately, Eric’s mom passed away when we were in the 6th grade. Which, of course, was hard on him. It was around this time that the two of us started becoming closer friends and we would spend a lot of time at each other’s houses. Overtime, we would spend more and more time together and it got to the point where one year I wanted to invite him on one of our family vacations. My parents not only embraced the idea, they encouraged it from then on our whenever we would travel, even if we were just going up to our cabin for a night or two, he was always invited along.
Again, my parents both adored him, but my mom just DOTED on him. She would often refer to her as her “other child” or “4th child” (I have two older siblings). Anytime we’d be in public with him, she would flat out tell strangers that he was her child. He would have him on practically all of our vacation photos and post them all over Facebook. Again, displaying him as if he was her child. I had always been under the impression that because his mom had passed away, she was just trying to step up and be a motherly figure to him and a lot of people, including myself, thought it was just sweet and innocent. Then we got into high school and things got weird.
It got to the point where she wasn’t just inviting him places to hang out with me, but she would take him places herself. She would take him to the grocery store, out to lunch, she would even take him to mall and bought him Apple Watch once among many other experiences gifts which he would often try to give back because he would feel so guilty about how much money she spent on him.
During the summertime, we would go up to our cabin a lot and, of course, he was with us more often than not. After we would eat dinner, the two of them got into the routine where they would go lay down together. At this time, we would’ve probably been around 14-15 when it started. I walked in on it multiple times and they’d literally be doing nothing but laying in bed and talking, sometimes my mom would be in nothing but a bathrobe which… yeah. I very vividly remember having a conversation with my sister about how she seemed more interested in spending time and money on him than she did her own children.
I recently told her in a recent conversation that we had that I thought her behavior towards him was weird and how much it sucked that she seemed wanted him as a child more than me. She thought I was completely out of line and is now giving me the cold shoulder.
AITAH?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) Called my mom out for giving my friend the attention that she did
(2) I know she was trying to do a good thing, so it might’ve been a little harsh
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA dude. That’s some super weird behavior from your mom. For sure she’s got a good heart tryna be there for Eric but there’s a line ya know? Imho not okay to make you or your siblings feel second best, and laying in bed with a teenager is shady, no matter how innocent she says it is. You’ve got every right to feel weirded out and voice your concerns, man. Stick to your guns. Also, talk to Eric about this if you haven’t already, might be awkward but he needs to know what’s up. This whole situation sounds like it needs a serious sit-down chat. You all gotta figure this out together. Good luck bro.
INFO: Have you talked with Eric about this and how he feels? Is it at all possible he needs a mother figure and is enjoying the company?
From an outsiders perspective – yeah, this is weird. It has hints of grooming, but it could also be that you are reading a lot more into it than is there. Not enough info is here without Eric’s perspective, IMO.
NTA, but she certainly is. This is completely inappropriate, and it sounds like her behavior has cost her your respect.
This story seems to be built in all the recent News Stories of teachers having sex with young boys after starting their grooming of the young men around age 11.
I call “ BULL!”
NTA. This is weird and creepy. It’s nice that your parents welcomed him into your home, but this is over the top. Do you know how Eric felt about this? What did your father think/do about their after-dinner liedown together? Is this still going on?
NTA – you were justified in expressing your feelings to your mom about her behavior towards your best friend. it’s understandable that her constant doting and spending on him could make you and your siblings feel like she prefers him over her own children. while her intentions may have been coming from a good place, it’s important for her to acknowledge the impact of her actions on you and your feelings.
INFO: what does Eric say about all this ? Are they still close and does he still spend this much time with your family? Or alone with your mom ? What do your other siblings and your dad and Eric’s dad say ?
this is way past ‘motherly affection’… this sounds like emotional enmeshment at best and borderline grooming at worst. Your gut is absolutely right to feel weird about this. Moms don’t just ‘lay in bed talking’ with teenage boys in robes.
You were literally watching your mom emotionally replace you (and possibly your siblings) with your best friend.
NTA.
NTA Her behaviour is weird and inappropriate.
Your mom sounds like a groomer
It sounds like your mother is grooming Eric.
You need to talk to Eric. I don’t know I have a feeling she’s going to pounce when he turns 18.
NTA. No offense but your mom is weird. I’m sorry about his mom but maybe just invite him over for the holidays. And cash app him on his birthday. This has gone way too far and is way outside the norm of simply caring and feeling bad for someone. She might want to take some time to herself and talk to a counselor about these attachment feelings and how to get past them.
NTA sounds like your mom had adult feeling towards your CHILD friend! That’s just ew
Oh wow. A bathrobe, seriously??? That’s not good at all