My daughter Jennifer, (f39) has a son Cole (not real names) who is 16 who got into an argument with her husband Jay (stepfather). Her husband then put his hands on him (hit him) and they got into a mini skirmish. She then sided with Jay even though he started it. Cole then left and walked ten miles to my home when he told his grandmother (my wife) what had happened. The following morning after I woke up and was told what happened by my wife, I called her and told her he was fine and I was bringing him over so he could get dressed and go to school.
When we arrived she had every piece of belongings in trash bags and told me she did not want him living there anymore. So we loaded all his stuff and got back to my house and set up what is now his room. I then later on that day put him on my family cell phone plan so he could communicate with us in the event of a problem or early pickup from school. When she was told by Cole about the phone and phone number she called me yelling that I had no right to give him a phone and from that moment on she wanted nothing to do with us her parents.
I thought about the whole situation and penned a rather long letter calling her out on her behaviors involving the totality of her emotional abuse. She then went on to paint some sort of narrative to her older sister who has sided with her and she penned a letter to me calling me a piece of shit for getting involved in matters that are none of my business. Neither are speaking to me and are basically no contact.
All because I got my grandson a cell phone and didn’t get her consent. My position is that she lost the moral high ground when she told her son to get out of her house and told me she doesn’t want him there ever again. And, she has no right to dictate what goes on in my house. There are a lot more moving parts but this is the crux of the entire situation. So am I the AH?
Comments
You protected that boy when his own mom wouldn’t, that’s not overstepping, that’s stepping up. If they’re mad about that, it says more about them than it ever will about you.
Time to write your daughter out of the will. You don’t need to tell her that though.
She put his stuff in trash bags and kicked him out. She doesn’t get a say anymore. You’re his safe person now, of course you’d get him a phone.
You’re not the AH for protecting your grandson, but that long call-out letter? Yeah, prob not the move. You did what mattered, kept the kid safe, that’s all that counts.
You did exactly what you needed to do. It’s unfortunate when things like this need to happen, but kids need someone to show up for them, and you did – when his own mom didn’t. Let your daughters carry on. They’ll get tired of hearing themselves eventually.
Step dad is lucky his ass isn’t in jail for hitting a minor. You are definitely the hero here they are the assholes.
NTA. He is 16, and she kicked him out. Who he goes to, or who buys him a phone, ceased to be her business from that moment forward.
He’s in that grey zone between 16 and 18. A lot of displaced kids fall through the cracks at that age. Too old for the parents to be held fully accountable, yet too young to be a legal adult. You did what needed to be done.
Nah Pops, ur good mate, keep on being the GC you already are !!
NTA. Thank you for stepping up and being the safe harbor that your grandson needed. From here on out, he is your priority. I would care less about your daughter and her ignorant decisions because it’s not about her now. There will be a day when she regrets her actions. Poor Cole. He probably told her about the phone hoping she would care that he’s going to be ok but no she wanted it to be about you painting her as the horrible parent. Truth is right in front of her face. You are a better parent to him than she is. Which is evident by her husband putting hands on her minor child. Your next step is family court. Get custody of Cole squared away so she doesn’t think she can just toy w/that boys heart and hope like a yo-yo. Shame on her.
NTA you’re a great father I can tell and a good man also a killer grandpa thank you for protecting him you did nothing wrong and not only did you just do the right thing by your blood but the right thing morally he is lucky to have you and will be so much better off with your guidance protection and support! shame on that mother for choosing a man over her son all he needs is love and you’re that and then some bless you ❤️
NTA she chose dick over her flesh and blood
She kicked out a minor child after her husband put hands on said minor child.
She has no say on anyone getting him anything.
She should be charged for child abandonment.
He should be charged with abuse, which would most likely also give her a neglect charge (failure to protect), which she deserves.
You are NTA. You made sure he was safe and taken care of when she failed at being his mother. She really should be careful going forward because what she did is against the law. She’s lucky you were there to take him in and that you didn’t decide to turn her in for abandonment.
NTAH
She kicked him out so she has no say in what happens or how you take care of your grandson.
As a mother to a teenager- wtf is she doing? Youre doing right.
Updateme
Absolutely NTA. Her own son is not safe in her home. She kicked him out. She lost her say. Thank you for standing up for your grandson. Kids need to feel safe and wanted. I’m guessing she did neither of those for him.
NTA. Please make this situation legal before she reports him as a runaway and you as a kidnapper.
You need to protect your rights and his.
NTA
Some how, both your daughters have developed into awful, self-indulgent pickme’s who will hoe your grandson for an abusive dude who isn’t even husband to one of them. I assure you, if anyone’s an asshole it’s not fuckin you.
NTA, but she better be careful. Her son can charge her husband for assault on a minor.
Might as well think about going scorched earth. Report Jay for assaulting a minor and report her for kicking her minor son out of his home. They both committed crimes against your grandson, and they should be held accountable. Having the evidence come out would help others see your POV, and it would show your grandson you’re willing to do what is necessary to defend him because someone needs to. You also need to have legal custody of him. If there are other kids in her custody, they may need protection, too. NTA.
Shes the ah….. you did the right thing, when I was a teenager I rang away to my grandparents house well attempted to, told my cousin then she told my grandparents and my grandfather came to pick me up while my grandmother rang my mother and told her I was safe and was going to stay there the weekend. Which is what I wanted so I could hang out with my cousin. By the end of the weekend my aunty took me home and my mother was just grateful that I went somewhere safe
Now-make it legal.
Only thing you left undone was failing to file a police report on the stepfather for hitting your grandson and filing a report with Dept of Children’s Services for child abandonment on your daughter. Then go to court, get custody and child support.
This is what grandparents are for when a parent is off the rails. You’re a good grandpa
She literally just wants him to suffer and be homeless, and he’s not even 18, wants him to be reliant on her to the point of endangering his wellbeing. Fuck her tbh
Why the fuck do people keep thinking they can kick people out of their house? Especially their children? That’s fucking illegal. Call CPS and get legal guardianship over this kid and charge them with abandonment.
You need to file for legal guardianship. Get him a guardian as lítem lawyer. And document, document, document. Contact the school. Let them know she threw his clothes out in garbage bags and didn’t want him and that he’s living with you. Tell them his step father physically engaged. Ask for counseling for him at the school.
Hug him. Many times a day.
And be ok with the girls bonding over the mistreatment of a child. It lets you know what type of people they are.
Good luck.
Women siding with stepfathers over their children is extremely common. He needs to be removed from that home. I’m glad you took him.
NTA and might I suggest taking her to family court and ask for judgement for child support.
NTA
She tossed the kid out of the house when you brought him over – you had no choice but to be involved. And the kid should have a phone for communication and safety.
Whatever is happening, it seems there’s a teen who needs help. Your daughters are adults and can take care of themselves. That kid can’t.
And again, as the grandparent, it falls on you to pick up the slack. This is your chance to do better, too.
I’d take her ass to court and make her sorry ass pay child support.
It’s a shame your other daughter won’t hear your side. I hope she comes around. Maybe send her a letter explaining what actually happened.
Thank you for taking care of your grandson.
Watch out for your daughter, abusers first steps are to be charming, second it to remove support struts from their victim.
If they’re creating narratives and poisoning your daughters mind against her son and parents, it’s to isolate her so the real abuse can start – you’ve already outlined how he’s put his hands on your grandson, he is an abuser, and he’s reeling your daughter in.
Get her help.
Assuming 16 in your state (if in the U.S.) is the age of consent for family living situations, go you. And get the kid therapy ASAP.
If you need state approval, call CPS to avoid having it called on you.
NTA
And you didn’t call the police why, when Jay hit Cole? It’s time to get custody.
NTA
I’d call cps on her ass and have jay arrested for assault.
Report the abuse to the police and CPS.
Then go after her for child support.
Get full guardianship too.
Updateme, just in case.
I have a sister just like your daughter. Every advantage my parents could afford, religious upbringing, good schools & supportive extended family. Still a bitch. Can’t stand the r say she treats my parents.
This is not on you or your wife. People make poor life decisions & want to blame everyone around them.
God your kids suck.
NTA. She’s lucky you didn’t call the police for child abandonment. She chucked her own son away like garbage, telling him to his face he’s unwanted and she doesn’t care in so many words, and then gets mad that y’all get him a cell phone so you can properly take care of him? And his aunt blindly believes her? What the hell those two drinking together?
Y’all did the right thing taking your grandson in. I’d document everything tho (video, photo, text, screen shot) and plan on getting legal custody so she doesn’t force y’all to take him back out of spite.
You are NTA. You were there for your grandson when he needed you most. I commend you and your wife for protecting him. You guys are awesome. Please never think you were wrong for protecting a child in need of protection.
Also, I really don’t blame you for writing the letter. She is your daughter. It’s not wrong of you for wanting her to know how you feel about the situation.
Hope everything works out for your grandson!
File a police report on his behalf for both the assault and making him homeless, file for emergency guardianship, go after her for child support and rewrite your will so both of them are cut off.
Can’t say if you’re the AH or not, im guessing there’s a whole heap of backstory that we’re not hearing about here
NTA, but your daughter is. Sorry she’s choosing a stranger over her own flesh and blood. She blew it big time and did a lot of damage. She should divorce “Jay” for being abusive. He could be charged with assault if Cole wants to press charges.
NTA. Your daughters sound like some AHs in my family, including my mother and her brothers. So i just have to say, THANK YOU FOR BEING A SAFE PERSON FOR YOUR GRANDSON!!!
I had NO ONE and it was hellish!!! There were a lot of pretenses but even those who KNEW how she/they (her, her mom and 2 brothers) was, did nothing because the rare one who spoke up to them was treated just the way you’re daughters are handling you all now. I was lucky/unlucky enough to overhear one person try to speak up for us (me and my siblings)
My mothers cousin went into my mothers room w her and my grandmother (aka my cousins AUNT) and was pleading our case and basically letting them know their behavior was harmful, she literally had written a letter to read to them!! Yea, they didn’t even let her FINISH before tearing into her and she left IN TEARS. It was the last time her and her kids ever came to spend time w us, and they made sure before she even made it back HOME, they had spread all through the family that she was a wh0re and a liar, and had the nerve to try and “make up stories” about my mom because she was trying to “f*ck my dad”.
Smh anyway sorry for the total derailment of my comment, its just the bs of kicking him out then being pissed at you helping him really triggered me.
Monsters like that don’t just want to not have to deal w a person, they want that person to SUFFER. They want everyone possible to turn on them, for them to go through hell, to validate their insanity (you’re nothing without me/nobody cares like me etc)
Long story not so short, absolutely not the AH and i bet your grandson counts you as his hero!!
I’m so sorry your daughters are horrible. Please updateme if you can.
NTA on so many levels. You guys were there for him when he needed somewhere to go after being hit, making her TA. Did they even go out looking for him? (Not that it matters, but how old is Cole?)
You brought him back to get changed so you could get him to school. To be met with all his belongings in a trash bag and told he wasn’t allowed back there. Really. Who does that?
So now that she disowned him. You set him up at your place and get him a phone so he could communicate with you in an emergency(which could even be her or her husband), pickups or anything. You live in an age where it is better our kids have a phone and not need it, than not having one and needing it. And it’s your house he lives in, so it’s your rules he is to follow.
Would be no different if he had a phone with his mom and you took it from him because you are against kids having them.
NTA
Cole has child support coming from deadbeat irresponsible mom and if his bio dad is paying it as well then mom needs to give it to grandpa. Make it hurt.
NTA. Total Hero ‼️
Nta. But your daughter’s are
Please consult a family attorney. Also file a police report and contact your state’s CPS. Also, write down in detail everything that’s happened, and if possible record any VMs or conversations. I agree with everyone saying go scorched earth, within the legal advice you and your wife obtain. Your grandson is lucky to have you.
I would go a step further…for the benefit of the child and his safety, please file a police report, and make contact with your county courts, and petition to be his guardian..your daughter has major problems, and you need to protect your grandchild and yourself..we have six adult children..they will do what they want to do regardless of our intentions..
Good luck
You need to get legal custody of your grandson so that you can protect him, and also so that while he’s with you, you have the right to enroll him in school, get him medical care, etc.
NTA. Sounds like Cole is better off with you.
NTA. She forfeited her right when she kicked out her 16 yr old son. I get it. Raising a teenager is no picnic. Co-parenting with a stepparent is really hard at times because mom and stepdad not always on the same page regarding discipline, chores etc. That there itself is an argument waiting to happen. But kicking him out, throwing all his belongings in trash bags and telling him never to come home and siding with stepparent is even worse than physical abuse. It is so demoralizing. I am so glad he has awesome grandparents to welcome him open arms. So many teens fall through the cracks in incidents just like this.
Talk to a lawyer asap. Explain everything from the physical abuse to him being kicked out and all his things bagged up like garbage. See what you need to do to become his legal guardian so his mom can’t accuse you of kidnapping and illegally holding her so.
NTA
Your grandson is lucky to have someone that gives a shit. She lost any moral authority when she allowed bf to put hands on that child. You keep doing what you’re doing.
Update me
How could you be involved when the “matter” shows up on your doorstep?