MY (35M) GF (31F) has a friend Sara (31) who is married to Mark (32M). My GF has been friends with Sara since they were kids and we hang out with Sara and Mark once every month or so, fairly often. Sara is extremely braggadocious about every aspect of her life. She is the type of girl to always one up you. You went on vacation? She’s been somewhere better. You ate at a new restaurant? She ate somewhere better. You went to the gym today and are sore? She goes everyday and never gets sore. It’s quite annoying but I put up with it because my GF and Sara are friends, so I just ignore really. Mark overall is pretty chill and doesn’t do that.
We were at dinner with Sara and Mark the other day and Sara was asking us some questions about where we plan to move since we’re planning to move and get our own place at the end of the year. We told her what neighborhood and she of course, has a uncle who lives in that neighborhood in a million dollar luxury condo and it’s just the best condo in the area… No helpful information about the neighborhood, just another time she can one up us. I ignore that part of it but then she says that if I had a better job maybe we’d have a better budget and could live in a condo like her uncle’s. I pause and say excuse me? She says that maybe if I had a job like her brother does, we’d have a higher budget and could actually live somewhere nice. I tell her I don’t understand this at all because we’re planning to move in the same neighborhood as her uncle, even if not the same building. She says its not the same as living where he lives and repeats, maybe our budget would be better if I had a job like her brother.
This is where I finally had enough of her attitude and say something. I say, “It’s easy to have a good job like your brother when he’s a nepo baby.” She askes me what I mean. I tell her that her brother is a nepo baby so it’s no wonder he has such a good job we should all be so impressed by. She says he’s not a nepo baby. I tell her she’s told us multiple times he got his job through her family and he didn’t deserve that job. She protests saying he’s not a nepo hire. I ask, “Didn’t you tell us before his degree has nothing to do with his job?” She says yes. I ask, “Didn’t you tell us before he barely passed his degree?” Mark says yeah, that’s true, even though he did the easiest degree possible. (I get the feeling Mark was happy I called her bro out) I ask, “Didn’t you tell us before he only got this job because your uncle is like the VP and gave him it?” She says that doesn’t make him a nepo hire. I say “That’s literally what a napo baby is, he got a job he had no business getting, wasn’t even remotely qualified for but was handed it because of family connections. He’s a nepo baby so don’t brag about him and tell me I have a worse job when I earned my career and you have zero clue how much I make because I don’t feel the need to brag about myself every chance I get.” She tells me I probably only make like 50k and starts laughing at me. I tell her I make 120K and my salary is published online if she doesn’t believe me – where we live, government workers have their salaries published publicly. She freezes, says nothing but looks visibly upset.
My GF changes topics and we try to continue the dinner after that. Things wrapped up shortly after and the goodbye was cold obviously. My GF says I should apologize because I called him a nepo ‘baby’ and I took things too far. She agrees Sara brags too much and it’s annoying but it’s her friend and she won’t want to hang out after I mocked her bother. I said I don’t need to apologize, she brought him up as a way to insult me. We can’t let her keep having this kind of attitude and she’s just upset she finally got called out for it.
AITAH for calling Sara out and not wanting to apologize?
Comments
NTA and your wife shouldn’t be taking her friend’s side in this situation. It’s not like you called the friend’s Brother a nepo out of context, and the friend basically goaded you into a fight.
Yes you could have said something a bit more deflective such as “What a strange thing to say”, when she questioned your salary, but I understand it’s difficult in a situation like that sometimes. Still not an AH, just a thought.
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NTA if someone was belittling my partner like this, I would hope they would stand up for themselves like you did. Otherwise, I would’ve done the same as you. Sounds like this person has never been put in her place or called out for her shitty behavior/attitude.
Though why your gf wants to remain friends with someone like this is beyond me.
My woman would have immediately stood up for me. Don’t be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t have your back in EVERY situation, even when you’re wrong.
Marriage is two people against the world. Both of you should always defend the marriage and your partner against those who try to tear it or yourselves down. Always.
NTA – pretty funny actually.
She treated you disrespectfully multiple times, calling you out for not earning as much, and kept bringing it up.
If she isn’t going to apologize for mistreating you, why should you apologize?
Nope. She’s an asshole. Your wife needs to check her friend. She had absolutely no business insulting you. Why tf didn’t your wife have your back?
in all fairness, i find it unfortunate that you focused on the brother when he’s not the point AT ALL. what she was saying was simply rude. telling someone that if they made more money they could have a bigger budget/house/lifestyle is just stupid, what good does it do?
i wish you had focused on that, on the rudeness of what she was saying. her brother being a nepo baby is besides the point, and you clearly have different values (e.g. you value merit over having things handed to you). but i get it, you’d had enough and it came out the way it did. if anything, i’d apologize about your reaction, but nothing else. that’s if you wanna keep the peace and move forward.
Naw, hell no!!! NTA. Your GF is borderline AH for enabling a Topper. AS for Sara, major AH with hemorrhoids. You actually did her a favor by calling out her crap in a detailed way. Next time she won’t be so quick to start talking crap around you.
NTA. It graduated from doing a one up brag to a flat out insult. Im not sure if this was the healthiest way to go about addressing the issue, but it can be so cathartic.
NTA. And stop going out with this asshole
NTA. Your wife should be backing you.
Your wife is too njce, a little too easy on her friend. Good job on calling the friend out, I ought to do the same to someone in my circle, one of these days.
You do whatever keeps the peace at home but know that the internet supports you in your fight. I think Mark does too, but whatever.
Your girlfriend needs some therapy to figure out why she has her head so far up Sara’s ass.
It was your girlfriend’s job to come to your defense because it’s her “friend”. Your girlfriend also needs to learn what a friend actually is.
But I can tell her what it is not… It is not someone who continually brags about everything because they’re either so stuck up or so insecure about themselves that they have to do anything and everything to make themselves feel better.
The fact that your girlfriend even wants to subject you to this idiot on a semi-regular basis does not speak well your girlfriend or her ability to discern decent people.
Decent people don’t put other people down. Decent people don’t talk shit about people they with a dinner. Decent people don’t have to run up their friends that have returned. And apparently, your girlfriend is unaware of all of this.
And then for her to be more worried about Sara than she is about the insults that Sara threw your way?
Sarah either has something on your girlfriend, or your girlfriend never grew out of high school and wanting to be part of the “in“ crowd.
Either way, I don’t feel she’s adult enough to actually have an adult relationship. Because she shares the hell doesn’t understand what it means. And it certainly doesn’t mean trying to get your partner to apologize for speaking the truth just so you can continue to hang out with a garbage person.
Definately NTA.
No apology necessary she literally disrespected your job 3 times. Maybe remind your girlfriend that Sara is her friend whilst you are her partner and therefore she should have had your back and stopped her from calling you out on what you earn!
NTA and your wife should have your back. Her friend is an AH and your wife should have shut that shit down, not tell you to apologize.
NTA. Sara can get one upped for ONCE!
NTA. If you can endure her braggadocio for your girlfriend’s sake, they can both endure your honesty.
NTA.
You have nothing to apologize for. You called Sara out on her bullshit, she couldn’t deny everything you asked because it was true.
Why are they friends?
My woman would have shut that shit down the first time we hung out, or better yet, my woman wouldn’t be friends with a slag like Sara. God she sounds miserable to be around. Good for you for standing up for yourself!
NTA. Why is your girlfriend fine with her friend talking to you like that? She actually wants you to apologise to this brat because she was rude and you just responded with half the attitude she did? I don’t get why she would want to be friends with someone that ridiculous. Says something about her I guess. Had someone talked to my husband like that, she would have been emotionally damaged after I was done with her.
She insinuated and insulted your career path and worth.
She got called out.
It was well deserved and if anyone should apologize, it’s her.
NTA
Totally aside, but why would anyone want to live in a condo. All the responsibilities/ expenses of ownership, while living under whoever is on the condo board’s rules. Personally would rather rent or buy a house than live like that. Back to topic You are definitely not the ah. That woman is obnoxious af. I agree you probably did her a favour calling her out. In a perfect and deliberate way. Don’t let her get so under your skin next time. She is very insecure, to the point of it being almost sad, that the way she builds herself up is to put down others. It is really too pathetic to allow yourself to be reactive to it. For your own peace, try deescalating with a neutral comment, joke, or diversion. It’s not easy at first, but it’s definitely less stressful in the long term. Here are a few examples. #3, 4, and 7 are pretty universal.
How to Respond to Narcissists When They Disrespect You | by Rebecca Zung | Medium https://share.google/Xkmo69eN4fTeZzNY9
Hope that helps.
NTA…lets hope your gf is right and you don’t have to hang out with Sarah anymore. Let Sarah and your gf have girls nights. You won here in so many ways my dude.
NTA and you should apologize for absolutely nothing. Someone has had to shut Sara up for a long time, glad someone finally did.
NTA
Doesn’t she even know what nepotism is?
You literally described it, a guy getting a job he isn’t qualified or experienced in because his family is on the board…
Tell your wife you’re not apologising to someone who tried to implicitly mock you and when called out tried directly mocking you.
That’s literally what bullies deserve.
NTA
Doesn’t she even know what nepotism is?
You literally described it, a guy getting a job he isn’t qualified or experienced in because his family is on the board…
Tell your wife you’re not apologising to someone who tried to implicitly mock you and when called out tried directly mocking you.
That’s literally what bullies deserve.