I (34 F) knew RM (23F) had a fear of cops. Like deathly scared because of her history with them. We had a verbal argument because she took my WiFi power cord after I changed the password, and locked herself in her room with it. I told her that she can have the new password when she pays her part of the rent. RM didn’t want to, so, I told her to give my property back or I’m calling the cops.
RM didn’t budge, she became more hysterical after I said that, so I decided to just remove myself to step outside, and call.
Once the Sheriff arrived while I was sitting on my front porch, I explained the situation.
So Sheriff went inside to talk to RM, and I stayed outside. Sheriff came back out, my cord in hand, then asked if I want to press charges. I said no, and just was glad the situation ended.
Now RM has been saying how could I use her fear against her like that. I do feel bad given the heat of the moment, and understand maybe this was a breach of trust somehow.
BACKGROUND INFO: I was worried for how it would escalate as she’s gotten physical before/came from a physical situation herself. As for the police, the Non-emergency number was called as that’s what you’re supposed to call in the US for civil disputes/matters. She also has blocked me via electronically AND physically by closing door in my face anytime I tried to confront anything with her. I pay for half the rent, and ALL utilities while she only pays the other half, as that’s what was agreed. WiFi is legally, completely in my name.
Comments
You called the police over a cable??? Really?? A 2 to 5 dollar cable sold in literally any electronics store?
YTA.
Seems like a waste of resources to me. ESH
YTA and a very big one at that. You called the cops over a stupid cord, waisting tax payer money and preventing the cops from going to real emergencies and dealing with real crimes? Probably considered it a domestic dispute. You’re both acting like complete idiots. Hope you know, next time you call the cops making false reports like this, you can and will get arrested. Why don’t you both go to the ER and take a real good look at what a victim of a domestic dispute really looks like. Bring on the downvotes. Just shows you have no common sense.
Whatever sob story she told you about the “situation” she moved from, in order to guilt you into letting her get away with not paying her fair share of living costs….yeah more like she was the situation
You’re not using her fear against her, especially when she has a history of escalating to violence and breaking things/damaging property, your priority is for your own safety, not her feelings, her actions have consequences and it’s long overdue time that she learnt that.
NTA, you should’ve kicked her ass out long ago
NTA. She stole your property. You warned her what you would do, but she refused to listen to you.
NTA You warned her that if she didn’t give your stolen property back that you’d call them. She still refused to do so. She chose to have the police come and now is trying to blame you to guilt trip and manipulate you into feeling bad for her so you’ll let her off the hook for the rent. Time to start eviction.
> Like deathly scared because of her history with them.
Info: Why is RM afraid of cops?
Is RM a POC who has legitimate trauma regarding cops?Edit: Does RM have legitimate trauma regarding cops?
NTA
Why didn’t you buy another cord and evict her? You could add the cord to your final bill.
NTA. Like, what else were you supposed to do. Break down the door and force her to return your stolen property? She acted like a child and you gave her a warning. If you didn’t call the cops, what else would she have stolen since she would think she could get away with having a temper tantrum.
I was wondering how middle school kids had their own apartment. Then, I saw your ages.
NTA. Because it starts off with a cord then escalates to other things. You set a boundary. Had you not called the cops she would push the boundaries to see what she could get away with before you actually do it. She was hoping your knowledge of her fear of them would make you reconsider using that against her. She was abusing your kindness because had she kept thinking “oh she won’t call because she knows I’m afraid of them” she would’ve gotten away with so much more.
YTA for calling the cops about this at all.
Time for a new roommate. This is not going to get better.
YTA
You called the Cops because she didn’t give you your wife router cable. WTF. You should be charged for wasting resources on trivial shit.
NTA it doesn’t matter if you can just go buy another one ….it’s the principle ….she stole from you and you shouldn’t have to replace something that didn’t belong to her to begin with . Don’t be a doormat or let these folks in the comments convince you otherwise . You did right by calling because you gave her plenty of chances
YTA
NTA. She’s a thief. Thieves should be afraid of cops.
ESH. Period. You – for leveraging her trauma in such a cruel way over a cord. Her – for being a petty violent thief. Cop – for his life choice of becoming a cop.
If she was actually afraid of the cops she wouldn’t be doing shit that requires cops…
If I was deathly afraid of cops, I wouldn’t steal shit and I wouldn’t play chicken with someone who told me they were going to call the cops. But maybe that’s just me.
YTA. The cops for a cord? Then you edit in “she’s been physical in the past” BS to justify your over reaction. A cord? The police? The police for a fucking cord? Ridiculous
YTA.. if she isn’t paying the rent , you tell the landlord.. you escalated it to the police over a petty thing , and she has proof to take it to the landlord since there was no need for it to get that far..
This is why I avoid roommates unless they fit the following criteria:
What it boils down to for me has been people I have known for several years that are stable and independent.
I had great roommates and awful ones. Sometimes you just have to say no to someone if you know it isn’t a good fit.
NTA. Evict her! The bills are in your name, the Wifi is yours & she knows that. She took your property & you warned her if she didn’t give it back you would call the cops. Honestly considering that she has gotten physical with you in the past it doesn’t make sense to have her keep staying with you, especially if she’s not paying her rent on time. I suspect that because you called the cops on her she will get really upset at you for days. Go through the legal process of evicting her & look for a new roommate.
Ironically, her fear that you ‘must’ respect is she is afraid of law enforcement. So you aren’t allowed to call law enforcement to aid you while she steals property and acts hysterically in a household you also pay for. So, not following civil acts and going on your own accord would more than likely allow her to call law enforcement for you being aggressive towards her. You did not simply use a FEAR against someone, that would be licking a germaphobes item before they grabbed it. You called law enforcement to enforce laws on someone WHO BROKE A LAW. The fact that an officer asked if you wanted to press charges should tell you enough that this isn’t simply you being annoyed, but that they actively broke the law and are now using a “fear” to justify their actions. NTA, your roommate is hysterical and unpredictable, I’d think about getting out
Nta, and how she got herself in this situation of having the police called on her?
By stealing from you and not paying her part of the rent she owed, she doesn’t get to play victim after causing trouble that got herself into that situation,
Like, everyone has issues and is not perfect, but there’s a limit, and she is beyond the limit at this point, especially once she started getting physical and stealing just in general,
But she is just supposed to be paying rent and just has some basic rules. It’s not that hard, so she is getting herself in trouble for no reason other than she thinks. She can get away with it with you. That’s why she is hamming up the “you used my trauma” after again stealing and not paying her part of the rent,
and you need to quickly remind her the next time she opens her mouth about “you used my trauma,” nonsense, that her actions got herself into that situation, and it won’t be the last time this happens if she,
Doesn’t pay her part of the rent again.
Steal from you ever again.
And 3. And definitely, most importantly, if she dares to put her hands on you, ever again instantly getting the cops called, no excuses cause she shouldn’t.
She breached trust a long time ago before you did, by stealing, not paying, and even getting physical with you more then once, and again, if she didn’t want that to happen, she should have never did those things to you, she can’t have her cake and eat it too here, she either follow the rules/arrangement or face the consequences of her actions,
If she has issues, she needs to use her words and communication with you or get therapy to help with issues to communicate with you cause,
And especially not put her hands on anyone unjustly, likes she has with you.
NTA
She chose to be a thief. Thieves get police called on them. You even gave her the chance to give your own back before involving the police and she decided to fafo. This is all her. You do need to speak to your landlord about her not paying her half, since she’s also stealing resources doing that.
ESH.
This whole thing is a clusterfuck.
Suffice to say, neither of you can sincerely trust the other, now.
Get a new roommate. Even if you have to move.
Calling the cops on someone in todays world is fairly close to attempted murder. get a new roomate or move. calling cops over a cord issue is childish, stuipid and reckless. doesn’t matter if your situation is shitty.
Cops come out for disagreements over Wifi? What a waste of taxpayer money
Usually people who fear police have a reason. So don’t do anything that will have the police at your door. Hope she won’t be your roommate for long.
How could u? The same way she weaponized it.
NTA I’m afraid of cops that means I do not do things that would have cops on my doorstep. Like not taking people’s things not picking fights etc. She knew what she was doing and she was baking on your kindness to keep herself out of trouble
wtf is with you Americans and calling the cops all the time? I know most US cops have nothing to do because they are afraid of real criminals but really this is the most pressing emergency?
Yta, but for wasting emergency resources for something like that
She fucked around and found out.
It’s not the cops she fears, but “finding out”.
I would bet she has a whole list of fears and people to blame for holding her accountable for her poor decisions.