So here’s the deal.
I (30F) bought my first house last year. Nothing fancy—just a cute little 2-bedroom fixer-upper that I’ve been pouring my time and money into. About three months ago, my younger sister (26F) asked if she could stay with me “for a couple of weeks” after she broke up with her boyfriend. I said yes—of course. I love her. She was a mess and needed a place to land.
Week one: all good. She cried, we binged Bridgerton, ate ice cream, the whole post-breakup vibe.
Week two: she stopped job hunting and started treating my house like a spa. Sleeping in late, leaving dishes everywhere, using my expensive shampoo like it’s hotel complimentary stuff. She even started inviting friends over without asking me, and I came home once to find them eating my leftovers and using my candles like it was a girls’ retreat.
Week three: I politely asked her if she could contribute a little for groceries or help out with cleaning. She rolled her eyes and said, “You’re acting like I’m some kind of freeloader.” Which… I mean??
By week five, I told her if she was staying past the original two weeks, she’d need to pay some rent—like, super reasonable: $400/month (my mortgage is $1,300). She laughed and said, “This is why no one likes living with you—you treat everything like a transaction.”
I finally snapped and said, “No, I treat everything like an adult who pays for their own home and doesn’t want to be treated like a live-in maid.”
Now she’s mad. My mom says I should “be more compassionate” and that “family helps family.” Some friends think I was being too soft for letting it go on that long. My sister is now crashing on someone else’s couch and telling people I “kicked her out over money.”
So… AITAH for asking my sister to pay rent after her two-week stay turned into a full-blown squatter situation?
Comments
The family helps family line says it all .. if it’s true, throw her ass out unless she pays
NTA. You offered your home out of love, not to be turned into a free Airbnb with maid service. Two weeks turned into months, job hunting became lounging, and now you’re the bad guy for expecting basic respect and contribution? Nah. Family helps family—yes—but that doesn’t mean enabling someone to treat you like a doormat. She didn’t need compassion, she needed a wake-up call. You gave her both.
NTA. Sis turned into a full-time spa guest and thought it was all free? Nah, fam. You gave her a place to crash, but the “couple of weeks” turned into “I live here now and don’t want to lift a finger.” Honestly, the fact that you waited FIVE weeks before charging her is pretty chill. You definitely shouldn’t have to be a maid just because you’re family. Rent is a normal thing, and I’m sure if she had her own place, she’d be paying some rent too.
The “treat everything like a transaction” line? Bruh, she’s the one treating your house like an all-inclusive resort without pitching in. Family helps family, but family also doesn’t leave their dirty dishes around while eating your food and draining your fancy shampoo like it’s free. You’re not the bad guy here. Good for you for setting boundaries!
NTA this would even be a discussion for me your sister would’ve just returned to your with all her crap on the front step
NTA. Make sure everyone knows what a leech she is. I’m sure the person she’s sponging off of now will find out soon enough.
Tell dear old mom that she needs to put up or shut up.
NTA
Family helps family – you’ve helped her for 6ish weeks sounds like it’s moms turn
NTA. Don’t bother asking for rent, you know she’ll just laugh at you and not pay. Kick her lame ass over to mommy’s. Since family helps family.
NTA. Bet she was freeloading at her bf’s and he was done with her shit too. She’s definitely the problem and entitled.
Family helps family yet your mother didn’t offer any financial help to cover the extra costs of her living there. Why should you have to swallow the costs of the extra food, electric, water. It was kind of you to let her stay with you for as long as you did. I think she’ll struggle to find a friend that lets her stay for as long as you did for free so then she’ll find out what it really means to be kicked out
Time for little sis to go home to mommy and dad, where mom can treat her compassionate. Yes, I mean right now.
FAKE
Em dashes, lots of quotes, family helps family, and the last sentence beginning with So…
She didn’t even have a job when she arrived sat your place….. is this why her relationship failed?
Shouldn’t “family helps family” go both ways? Why isn’t your sister expected to help you pay for the bills? It’s not like you would be paying the same amount without her, she’s using your water, your electricity, and eating your food. Sounds like your mom has been coddling the baby of the family, super common dynamic. Charging rent is a good idea, write up a month to month lease and get it notarized too. This will get her to move out sooner, don’t make it so comfortable that she’s incentivized to stay with you indefinitely.
Edited to add: I’ve seen this enabling of adult children, including with my own younger sibling, go so far that it basically ruins the adult child’s life. People need some financial pressure to get their shit together, learn budgeting, seek job promotions, etc. You read horror stories of adults who are suddenly destitute when their parents die and feel entitled to start living off their siblings and cousins instead. If your mom wants to hobble your sister in this way, you can’t really stop her, but you can avoid being part of the problem yourself. After a certain point “helping” does more harm than good. Don’t let anyone convince you that you’re the bad guy here, you’ve already gone above and beyond.
NTA, honestly, your sister’s behavior sounds like a serious case of entitlement, and it’s just baffling how little self-awareness she seems to have, plus, doesn’t a little bit of respect and reciprocity seem like a fair exchange for sharing your space, wouldn’t you agree?
Your sister turned your home into her personal resort and had the audacity to complain when you asked for basic respect. Asking for rent after five weeks of freeloading is not cruelty, it’s boundaries with receipts.
Maybe your Mom’s right, family does help family, you should immediately help your sister throw off the shackles you placed on her by way of making it “transactional” by not letting her back. Your Mom is family she can help 2 members of the family by letting her daughter, your sister, move in with her – that helps both you & your sister out. GO MOM!!!
NTA
NTA. Roommates pay rent. She’s not a guest at this point. Now you know why her boyfriend broke up with her – even sex with her wasn’t worth her crap. Time for her to grow up and become a responsible adult.
NTA. Mom’s right though family helps family and in this case family pays 400 towards the mortgage if they want to stay with you for 2 months or more in your house
You let it go on too long
If thats her opinion s can live with your mom
NTA
Your sister is an entitled jerk.
And your mom is some kind of pushover doormat.
If your mom is so keen…sis can be there
So, you’re basically asking if you’re a monster for wanting your sister to chip in after she’s been living with you for ages and behaving like… well, like a guest who thinks your home is their personal resort, NTA. Honestly, it’s your place, you pay the bills, expecting some contribution, even a tiny one, isn’t unreasonable, is it? But maybe… are you worried you’re being too harsh, or perhaps just tired of being the nice one?
You were kind and she took advantage. Nta
NTA. They will figure out soon enough that she’s a leech. Hopefully she will get it together sooner rather than later.
NTA. A person who sees their family taken advantage of them and starting to put down boundaries asap to stop being a maid. Crazy how entitled family can be. Kick her out if she doesnt want to be an adult. It’s not your job to hold her hand on how to get over a breakup and move on with her life. She’s 100% treating you like a resort/vacation.
NTA.
If “family helps family”, sounds like your mom is willing to take her in.
NTA, seems like you’ve also found out why her relationship failed. The real reason. Lol. Sorry for your loss. You know.. the loss of a good sister that turned into a bum, unfortunately.
Oh hell, no. Your sister is still thinking like a child. Treat her that way. Send her back to Mommy if Mommy thinks you’re too strict.
Why didn’t your mom take her in if “family helps family”? TELL your friends and family that she wasn’t put out over money but her bad, slovenly, entitled behavior and her refusal to get a job.
NTA – If your sister can’t financially help, she can clean, cook, do laundry…
Your family obligation ended at week 2! If mom is upset, she can have her daughter stay with her!
Let your sister say what she wants. Keep quiet and let her couch surfing talk for you. Word will get out on its own.
Please dump everything she doesn’t put away on her bed, including dirty dishes.
Send her to go live with your mother. She is unemployed and entitled.
NTA. You offered her a safe space during a tough time, but she’s taking advantage of your kindness. Setting boundaries isn’t unkind, it’s necessary. You’re not running a free hotel.
NTA. Your sister needs to grow up and face reality. She is not your responsibility.
This is clearly chatGPT generated. Do better.
Of course you are not the AH- she was taking advantage of your kindness. If your parents felt like you should have let her to continue to squat and not contribute, they can take her on.
NTA! Your house, your rules!
NTA
If your mom wants to be the compassionate one, then she can let your sister live there rent free and see how long that fuckwhittery lasts.
And take control of the narrative. Dont let someone badmouth you and get away with it. Post what you have here on Facebook so everyone knows. And to anyone backing her, tell them, great. When she outstays her welcome I will let her know your put her up.
Not even a little bit. Let her tell her sob story and if she asks to come back, let her for rent. Also, let mom know that you did “help your family” for 5 weeks and she took advantage of you.
It’s your mom’s responsibility, not yours.
The friend will feel the same way when her temporary crash is extended. She is acting like she should get a pass from adult responsibilities just because she broke up with her boyfriend. She would probably get over the break up quicker if she did act like an adult and got a job and a life this could perhaps be the reason she and the boyfriend broke up if she did not have a job prior to the break up.
YTA. She broke up with her boyfriend and needed a place to stay. Sounds like she lived with him and didn’t have a job. You can’t get a job and an apartment within 2 weeks. You know this. She was asking you to be her new boyfriend.
Just kidding NTA. But for real you should have known.
If “family helps family” your mom can pay her rent, or take your sister in. NTA
NTA she’s a grown adult and needs to contribute with paying and cleaning.
So, was that the reason the ex dumped her?
Whoever said “family helps family” should get a sister delivery, direct from your house to theirs.
NTA
Make sure mommy helps her daughter and she can be the “compassionate”. Let-her-go
NTA. If she’s living there, she needs to contribute in some way. A decent guest would at least clean up after themselves and not put their hosts out by inviting people over without permission. They’d contribute at least to the grocery bill. Your sister was clearly looking to stay with you long-term without contributing anything at all.
Plus, you didn’t kick her out. You gave her longer than she said she’d be there, and then asked her to start contributing, as any reasonable person would want. It was your sister who decided couch surfing with friends was preferable to paying rent. She chose to move out, she wasn’t kicked out.
You let it go on too long. The red flags started flying when your sister stopped job-hunting and started treating your place like a spa that second week. You agreed to two weeks, you should have had this conversation the second it became clear she was staying longer than that. But I can also understand why you didn’t. She’s your sister, she was going through a break up, and I think it’s pretty clear your mum would be on your sister’s side about not paying rent. In which case, your mum can take her in. I think you’re used to letting things slide with your sister because you know you won’t be backed up, but have also learned to stand up for yourself. That explains the delay in dealing with the issue while also the fact you did stand your ground in the end. But it also explains why you’re second-guessing yourself for the actions any normal person would have taken in this situation. You’re used to mum siding with sis, and you’re used to backing down and letting sis get away with stuff, so it’s unusual for you to stick to your guns like this.
Listen to your friends, not mum and sis. They have the right of it, you took too long, but you got there and did the right thing. Sis just wants a free place to live and no responsibilities, and mum just wants sis to get whatever she wants without having to deal with it herself. This is your life and your home, though, what you want counts a lot more than what sis or mum wants in your home.
Send her to her (the “understanding”) mother’s house…
NTA. The reality is that your expenses go up when you have additional people living in your home. Food and utility usage increases. That alone means that the cost to keep your home functional is more expensive. Had she been a short term guest, that’s not a big deal. A gift you’re willing to pay. However, that wasn’t turning out to be the case.
Your sister is behaving like a spoiled, entitled freeloader. She knew what she was doing. She said 2 weeks. She said she’d find a job. She failed to do either. What’s especially offensive is that she didn’t bother to be respectful of your home and clean up after herself. She’s an adult. Part of adulting is cleaning up and doing housework in the home you’re living in. It’s also paying your own contributions to the household expenses unless there’s a specific agreement in place that waives financial obligations. You agreed to two weeks. She took 5. She was a slob and took advantage of your kindness by allowing her friends to use your stuff without permission as well.
You were reasonable to ask her to pay room and board. You could have told her she needed to contribute to 50% of All household expenses if she planned to stay longer. But giving her only a small percentage of expenses was generous and reasonable.
Look at it this way, you are not responsible for her. She’s an adult. Anyone who argues with you, can open up their home to her to crash at and take advantage of. Let her move back home to your mother. As for her friends, she’s setting herself up for failure. She’s actually inadvertently warning her friends that she is a freeloader who will take advantage of them, by saying that you “kicked her out over money”. She is basically saying, I refuse to pay room and board to my sister. Her friends will soon see what she does to them and will tell her to go elsewhere too. It will resolve itself in time. In the meantime, enjoy your regained peace and clean space.
NTA! Since your mom is talking compassion then she officially volunteered to take your sister in. If you decide to let her stay, shine up your spine and set clear cut rules otherwise tell her it is time to go.
Good job on kicking her out. It would’ve gotten worse. I see the future and it’s her always being a burden to others and blaming others. Move on, go no contact for awhile. She will call every 6 months asking for money. Don’t pick up the phone. 📱
“Exactly, mom. Family helps family. I helped her with a place to live. Now it’s HER TURN to help me with the bills she created.”
NTA. The more people kick her out the more people will return to your side of things. They’ll realize their mistake in a few weeks and she’ll have to move to a different couch. After a few of these happen, your family will side with you.