My FiL, Rooter recently passed. He and my husband Harry werent close growing up. Rooter got overwhelmed with fatherhood and commitment and left Harry and his mom when Harry was 2 y/o. He has been VERY vocal to the day he died he’d never love anyone like he did Harry’s mom. Rooter met another woman Judy a few years after leaving Harry’s mom. They got pregnant almost immediately and he married her, not for love. Everyone was well aware they HATED each other. But Rooter was very clear he didn’t want to leave another family he had created and Harry’s mom would never take him back.
Harry only saw Rooter, Judy, and their son Lero a few times a year. Judy despised Harry and his mom for the love Rooter had for them. So she took it out on Harry every time he’d visit, she was a narcissist and manipulative, which is why Harry wouldn’t visit more than a couple times a year. Harry and Rooter got closer in adulthood once he and I got married and had our own kids. He visited us without Judy. It was great! Father and son reconnecting over bull riding experiences and ranching issues stories, but that only lasted a couple years.
He finally left Judy and went to Harry’s grandmas ranch, and according to texts of their fight about the marriage that night, he officially felt worthless like he didn’t matter and couldn’t go on. He passed that night. Harry was devastated.
He immediately left the ranch and drove 8 hours to his grandmas to be with his family. Judy asked Harry what he wanted of his father’s, he said he wasnt sure yet, his dad was a cowboy, they dont have much. I mentioned to Harry, his spurs. Everytime he talked about him, he’d recall the jingle of his spurs. They were the only good childhood memory of him. Once Harry gets to his family’s, he learns Judy and Lero have already set aside a large amount of things they wanted. Leaving Harry with a cinch, breast collar to a saddle, a sign from tractor supply, junk they didnt want! Stuff that likely never even got touched by Rooter.
His grandma informs him a saddle Rooter wanted to give Harry was tucked hidden away so Judy couldnt take that as well.
Harry asked for the spurs, Judy told him “absolutely not, I’m talking all the riding equipment”. So she put them in her truck.
Funeral time. As everyone is conversing, Harry’s sister, aunts, and cousins break into Judy’s truck, and steal the spurs! They put them in Harry’s truck and he doesn’t find out until he’s driving 8 hours back home! He’s upset at his family for stealing them and wants to give them back but I’m trying to talk him into keeping them. He had nothing meaningful of his father’s until now. His step mom and half brother took everything else. Are his family the AH for stealing from a funeral?
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT – DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read this before contacting the mod team.
My FiL, Rooter recently passed. He and my husband Harry werent close growing up. Rooter got overwhelmed with fatherhood and commitment and left Harry and his mom when Harry was 2 y/o. He has been VERY vocal to the day he died he’d never love anyone like he did Harry’s mom. Rooter met another woman Judy a few years after leaving Harry’s mom. They got pregnant almost immediately and he married her, not for love. Everyone was well aware they HATED each other. But Rooter was very clear he didn’t want to leave another family he had created and Harry’s mom would never take him back.
Harry only saw Rooter, Judy, and their son Lero a few times a year. Judy despised Harry and his mom for the love Rooter had for them. So she took it out on Harry every time he’d visit, she was a narcissist and manipulative, which is why Harry wouldn’t visit more than a couple times a year. Harry and Rooter got closer in adulthood once he and I got married and had our own kids. He visited us without Judy. It was great! Father and son reconnecting over bull riding experiences and ranching issues stories, but that only lasted a couple years.
He finally left Judy and went to Harry’s grandmas ranch, and according to texts of their fight about the marriage that night, he officially felt worthless like he didn’t matter and couldn’t go on. He passed that night. Harry was devastated.
He immediately left the ranch and drove 8 hours to his grandmas to be with his family. Judy asked Harry what he wanted of his father’s, he said he wasnt sure yet, his dad was a cowboy, they dont have much. I mentioned to Harry, his spurs. Everytime he talked about him, he’d recall the jingle of his spurs. They were the only good childhood memory of him. Once Harry gets to his family’s, he learns Judy and Lero have already set aside a large amount of things they wanted. Leaving Harry with a cinch, breast collar to a saddle, a sign from tractor supply, junk they didnt want! Stuff that likely never even got touched by Rooter.
His grandma informs him a saddle Rooter wanted to give Harry was tucked hidden away so Judy couldnt take that as well.
Harry asked for the spurs, Judy told him “absolutely not, I’m talking all the riding equipment”. So she put them in her truck.
Funeral time. As everyone is conversing, Harry’s sister, aunts, and cousins break into Judy’s truck, and steal the spurs! They put them in Harry’s truck and he doesn’t find out until he’s driving 8 hours back home! He’s upset at his family for stealing them and wants to give them back but I’m trying to talk him into keeping them. He had nothing meaningful of his father’s until now. His step mom and half brother took everything else. Are his family the AH for stealing from a funeral?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Husbands family steals a cherished childhood memory for him so he can have it and his evil stepmother wants it.
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
yta
Family prioritizing spurs over feelings shows a lack of respect for Harry’s grief.
NTA
The step mom is the AH
This is one of the worst things a stepparent can do. NTA. The woman is acting like she’s the only one that lost him, and this is sadly common behavior when someone dies. People fight to keep whatever they can get their hands on. That was your husband’s father, he deserves at least SOMETHING to remember him by.
Well you’re NTA because you didn’t steal anything and neither did your husband. But everyone else is AHs. That’s not how any of this works. If Rooter has a will, then his wishes need to be followed. That includes his wishes with all personal property. If he didn’t have a will, then the intestacy laws need to be followed. Everyone here is treating this stuff like they can just claim it and nobody seems to give a shit about the law.
ESH except Harry. Stepmom shouldn’t have taken everything. Rooter should’ve left a will. Family shouldn’t have broken in and stolen things. It’s just messy.
NTA – This would make a great movie. Step-Mom is the villain obviously.
ESH
Anyone involved with that vehicle break in and theft is an ah. This means anyone directly involved and anyone that knew it was going to happen. I don’t know where this took place, but where most of us (in the world) are from, that is a felony.
The fact that you’d even need to ask is alarming. I feel bad for Harry. Half his family treats him like shit and the other half make him an accessory to a felony.
So let me get this straight.
They broke into a car to steal something worth around $20-100? And that was all they took?
And Judy was not willing to give something that cheap because she… needed it? Could your husband not have offered to buy a new one in trade?
And your husband wants to give it back because he’d feel guilty keeping it since it was stolen.
Your husband is a good man, and YTA for trying to talk him into not confessing what his family did.
However, tell him he could offer to buy a brand new set of spurs identical to the ones stolen if she will let him keep the ones that were owned by his dad.
NTA. The step mother is definitely the AH. He shoukd keep them. It’s not like they are worth much money wise so the loss of them won’t devastate the step mother financially. Never mind ahell properly just sell all of it. Keep them.