I (37F) am a wedding photographer. I have been a photographer for 14yrs. Over the years my sisters have used me for everything from family to newborn pics and never paid me or even offered – to me it’s not the payment it’s the offer that means more to me, shows you appreciate me – to pay me. It’s annoyed me and I’ve made little comments here and there over the years about not getting paid and just offering and still got nothing. It never fully bothered me because it was maybe 3hrs of my life including the session and editing so not a huge deal I’d just let it go.
August of 2024 my nephew was getting married. Before he popped the question my sister (45F) asked me if I’d do the wedding. I said yes and we AGREED on a price of $2000. Now let me say my pricing for what she wanted is $5200, I’m not a cheap photographer, in my area I’m on the higher end. Anyways, we came to an agreement, settled payment dates etc. My nephew pops the question and she says yes. Fast forward to 1 month before the wedding. My sister pays me $1000 and says she will pay me more asap. – Now I know what you’re thinking but she has 3 jobs and paid for a huge portion of the wedding herself, but we had dates agreed on because I know she’d need more time to pay me off. It’s not what I usually do, usually you have to pay off the balance 1 month before the wedding but like I said she’s doing it on her own and she’s my sister so I didn’t think it would be an issue – I do the wedding and everything is amazing.
1 month later I tell my sister the pictures are done and her bill is due soon and as soon as she pays the pics will be released, and she says I’ll pay asap. Ok. Sure. 2 months, still nothing. 3 months I send her a few texts over this time reminding her and she still says the same thing. 4 months later I’m starting to feel really bad for my nephew and his new wife that they don’t have their pics. I’m always a push over with my family but my husband (39M) told me to NOT give her the pics until she paid in full, but it’s killing me inside because my nephew and his wife are paying for his moms fuck up. At month 5 my other sister (39F) calls me and tells me my sister is going around telling everyone “I’m holding the pics hostage trying to get more money than we agreed on”, “I was only there for a few hours”, “he’s her nephew she should have done it for free”, “she’s lucky she got anything from me since she didn’t do much” and a whole slew of other things. I lost it. I texted her that I heard what she said and she didn’t deny a thing, even went as far as to blame me for everything. My family started calling me asking why I was doing this and I had to send screen shots of our whole condos and everything to show she’s lying. 7 months later she just started to pay me the remainder she owed me.
I know she was waiting for me to hand over the pics and wipe my hands clean and forget about the money or tell her to pay me whenever she can like I’ve always done being the push over but like I said my husband wouldn’t let me because I did the job and should get paid for it. Come to find out she told my other sister “why couldn’t she just edit them and send them like usual so I don’t have to pay anymore like she always does” so needless to say AITAH for sticking to my guns and not releasing the pics and telling her I want nothing to do with her after this?
Comments
YTA for even charging her ..
If she lied then she can also lie in future
Ding-ding! You are the champion. NTA.
Edit: “You should do it for free, you’re family”. “No, love, you shouldn’t stiff me on my discounted pay, bullshit me for months and then go around telling lies about me, potentially damaging my business, in an effort to extort me through emotional blackmail. That will be one thousand bucks please”.
NTA
Not one thing is YOUR job, another thing is family, it’s like she makes cakes and you “buy” one for any event but you will never pay because they are family
Hell yeah NTA for not caving in to her BS. I mean seriously, she agreed on a price, delivered subpar photos and then tried to weasel out of it? Total dick move
Family or no family, you gotta hold people accountable when they don’t pull their weight. And let’s be real, if she didn’t want to pay up front, she shouldn’t’ve asked in the first place
NTA. Absolutely have nothing to do with her after this, and start charging family for your work. You’ve done enough already.
You are a professional wedding photographer. Your sister hired you knowing that. Then she decided to change the rules of the game and wanted you to work for free. That’s just not on. She’s a customer and that means that if a customer doesn’t pay, she doesn’t get the pictures. Simple as. Who needs someone in their lives who can’t be trusted and who backstabs you the moment your back is turned? You did well!
Esh you should’ve never let her take advantage of you prior. And the sister is obvious why she is one.
At this point I would delete the pictures, tell everyone they are gone, and tell her to piss off permanently.
NTA
NTA at all, although I kind of wonder whether cutting her out of your life completely isn’t a bit of a nuclear option. But you do you.
Also don’t release the pics until she pays, obviously.
Your sister is a liar and an entitled mooch. Two qualities you don’t need in your life. NTA.
NTA! I would let your whole family know going forward there will be no more freebies!! Pay up from the start like everyone else or find another photographer!!
Never do anything for free or a discount for her again.
I will say this, my sister is also a very high end photographer. She has done many of our family portraits, she never asks for money but I always send her gifts after. Last time I sent her a $250 Disneyland gift card because she spends a lot of her time there. As far as the wedding is concerned, I honestly think for your nephew, $1,000 is plenty. My sister did our nieces wedding as a wedding gift. Your sister works three jobs so I’m assuming $1,000 is a lot of money for her. Family is family period. As far as her lying, she sucks for that and you have every right to be pissed.
nta
NTA, your sister got used to taking advantage of you. Good on your husband for telling you not to release the photos. I have an aunt who’s a photographer and could never ask her to shoot anything without asking her rates and insisting on paying.
I have a similar business where I proved a service to customers. The idea of making family members pay is completely foreign to me. I have two rules, if I ever need help, they better be there (within reason) and I won’t bump paying customers for them without a REALLY compelling reason.
You both agreed to something, and you stuck to your guns, so good for that, but it just seems weird to me.
NTA. Lesson finally learned. The words from now on are NO FREEBIES FOR ANYONE. When asked why, just tell them that sister ruined a good thing for everyone.
If ever asked again, just send the list of prices.
It’s one type of shitty behaviour to expect freebies because its family. It’s entirely another one to lie and slander you because you held to your boundaries.
Cut out toxic people, even if they were related to you.
NTA
NTA.
But you may need to accept that your relationship with your sister is now dead. And you may wish to recalibrate accordingly.
For example, your family will continue to ask you to take provide your services for free. So you could always answer “Ever since my sister tried to steal £1,000 from me, and then badmouthed me to my entire family, before refusing to pay me back, I no longer do that. I’m so sorry. But it’s entirely my sister’s fault, for being both a thief and a liar.”
Or you could agree on a solitary condition. Tell them you’ll do so if your mother marches your sister from door to door, with you present, telling the same message to every household within a mile-radius of your sister’s home. A pre-agreed spiel, not to be deviated from, ending with the words “Do not trust my daughter. And never help her. She is a thief and a liar. I am ashamed of her.” And then you’ll do it for free!
NTA. You are within your rights to hold onto the pictures, but if it were me… I would give the pictures directly to your nephew and his wife. I would let them know why you held onto them for so long and I would let this go for my own peace.
I would never speak to my sister again.
Well, you did the right thing!
I’m sorry this is blowing up your sisterly relationship!
My wife has been doing my her sisters hair for decades— for free (wife is a cosmetologist and had her own shop for years)—— SIL and I had a falling out—- now she won’t even answer my wife’s suggestion that we have a conversation!!?
Some time it takes years to really get to know people— even your own siblings!!!!!
NTA. Sadly, the fact that you’ve done so much work at no charge has created an expectation that you do indeed work for family for free and they don’t have to pay you. However, that doesn’t excuse your sister backing out of an agreement to actually pay you a significant discounted price and then lying to family to try to shame you into giving up the agreed payment. I’m glad your husband stood up for you and insisted you stand up for yourself. I wouldn’t be contacting my sister anymore, either, but I’d also make sure the whole family knows what really happened. You can include that in a conversation that you’ll consider working for family members at a small discount on a case by case basis.
NTA And now, no more family discounts unless the idea is yours to gift to someone. Keep your shiny new spine. Well done with your husband having your back! He’s the MVP
Never agree to do any photography for your sister again.
Get a lawyer, give her a deadline and charge her full price. When she complains about the price and the agreement you had, that’s when you tell her that she didn’t stick to agreement so therefore it’s void and you’re charging her as you would for any other customer, and if she likes she can pay a late fee if she keeps delaying payment. Actions have consequences