Friends with this person for a while. I would say we were “best friends” in our early 20s. She had kids in our late 20s and opted to have them at home. I was surprised by this, but respected her decision, as it’s her body, her birth experience, etc.
Then she didn’t vaccinate either child. It drove a massive wedge in our friendship, at least from my side. I will never understand this decision. I don’t feel like this is simply a personal choice, but a selfish and misinformed action that can impact other children and the vulnerable.
We’ve not spoken much over the last few years due to my putting distance between us. Sometimes I wonder if I’ve been too judgmental? Maybe I should have been a better friend and tried to understand? Or were we just more different than I thought and quickly grew apart? AITAH?
Comments
I don’t think you’re wrong for setting boundaries. Choosing not to vaccinate isn’t just a personal parenting decision, it affects everyone around them. If her values were so fundamentally different from yours, it makes sense the friendship wouldn’t last the same way.
Vaccinated for what?
NTAH
I get a little peeved myself when I see friends do this and it gives me a different perspective of them. I appreciate my friends for intellect to some degree and doing this shows completely lack of it.
Wow I think you were. If yours are vaccinated why are you worried? So sad
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Vaccines are poison…your friend is right…are you following R⁰FKjr? It’s all coming out.
NTA. Protect yourself and your kids. Anti-vaxers have no critical thinking ability. You/your children hanging around them will make you less intelligent.
Yes you are
No you’re not
NTA. When kids are involved, vaccination isn’t just a personal choice, it’s about community safety and protecting vulnerable children/sick people. That’s not really something most people compromise on.
Your friend’s decision puts other people at risk, and it’s reasonable to step back if your values and priorities don’t align, especially when it affects others health.
NTAH. Being anti vax or pro vax are two very different lifestyles and you’re no longer compatible as friends. Not wanting to believe science and not carrying about others safety, are two things that would break up a friendship for me.
A lot, including an entire pandemic, has happened in the last few years. We have seen measles return, RFK spew nonsense as Health Secretary (not the least of which is around vaccines). Now FL gas done away with mandates for public health. If there was ever a time to judge it’s now.
NTA. It’s entirely her choice (unfortunately), but you also have the choice to remove yourself from the possibility of having to watch her innocent kids die agonizing deaths.
NTA. There’s nothing to understand. You did the right thing.
NTA. Vaccines have single-handedly saved millions of people. To not vaccinate is just dumb.
I don’t understand at all. Why do you care? I care because I’m allergic to one of the vaccines and actually was hospitalized as a 3-year-old child! But if your kids are fully vaccinated and you are fully vaccinated, what does it matter?
Think of vaccines like bug spray. Your kids are wearing it, her kids aren’t and they all go outside. What do you think is going to happen? Even if the mosquitoes find her kids they’re going to leave yours alone because yours are protected! (Yes it’s a loose analogy but you get the idea)
So what’s the problem? Is this one of those things where she didn’t vaccinate because of a political reason and that’s the honest answer on why you don’t want to talk to her anymore? Because if you want to quit being friends with somebody over politics then just do it. Don’t make up reasons.
Unless you’re talking about the whole recent 2020 vaccine in which case that is one that’s not supposed to work the way the polio vaccine works LOL. So you can still catch it which is a different story.
But I can go around people who have had the MMR vaccine even though I have not. And in fact I prefer to be around them because they won’t be giving me one of the MMR which would likely kill me. So if you’re just talking about the 20 million vaccines kids have to have, I don’t see a reason why her choices should affect you.
NTA
I think people have the right to choose their own medical care, but it’s sad to deny vaccines to children and leave them vulnerable to preventable disease. I try to mind my business about other people’s medical choices like that but it would make me unsure about how closely we align on an intellectual level (and political).
NTA even a little bit. Protect your babies and your community
She was your best friend, your friend whatever. But not your girl. And you give your opinion on the way she gave birth and vaccinated her children or not?? If it can reassure you, no it has no impact on other children whether their own children are vaccinated or not. And we don’t care about your judgment. I’m not saying that what she did I did. I’m just saying you have nothing to say about it at all!! What is this again 🤣
NTA a core belief is very different for both of you. You could try to talk to her now but this is a huge divide sadly.
NTA. Two hard rules in our household when it comes to this. No anti-vaxxers and no guns.
you’re NTA
I would struggle to keep a person or friend close to me
If i thought that they couldnt comprehend the simplicities of critical thinking.
In an age where you have every bit of information at your finger tips, they have chosen to
Bury their heads in the sand.
No I wont be friends with someone who cant think for them selves, look for unbias information
Speard dangerous misinformation and most importantly, put theirs and others children at risk.
I was so excited to reconnect with an old friend until I discovered she’s an anti-vaxxer. My partner at the time had grown up with an anti-vax mother and wanted me to end the friendship. I did. I did have regrets but at the same time I didn’t agree with what she did and I did make me feel less of her, so the friendship was doomed
NTA.
While there are cases in which there is a true medical reason to not vaccinate (i.e. a history of allergic reactions to vaccines) odds are your friend just didn’t want to. They fell prone to the misinformation trap. There is no understanding, no reason. It’s a self-ish and moronic choice to make that puts both her kids and other members of the community at risk. I see this as a flag you two were more different than you probably realized, this was just the red flag that made you realize something was amiss.
You being judgemental about the home birth is really weird! How is that a bad thing in anyway? Just because the western world makes you believe you need to be in a hospital? based on that I’d say you are a pretty judgmental person off the hop. I agree with you that anti vaxxers are dumb, but you are a judgmental, uninformed person
Did you talk to her about it? Ask why and provide your opinion and some info?
You can always do what you want, as can she. But if she doesn’t even know you were against this, let alone that it was the reason you stopped seeing her, YTA. Not much of a bff if you weren’t sharing the hot tip about vaccinating kids. If my friend was having a home birth, I’d inquire hard to make sure they had understand what they’d been sold
If you did express your opinion and she refused to listen, there you’re NTA and there are two options, leave, or stay and accept that you have differing opinions
There was this couple in our neighborhood at our last house. They were vaccine free. We had a pool and they begged for the kids to use it every day. We said no bc the kids were in a public school, everything was everywhere and I was doing chemo. They called me racist, a child hater, selfish, you name it. They even let the kids call me names. Fast forward 2 years. The mom was diagnosed with adult leukemia. 3/4 of they was through her treatments.. The kids picked up the measles. With mom’s weakened immune system, she passed away from pneumonia that came on as side effect of the measles. After the kids recovered and after her funeral. Dad took all of them to be vaccinated for everything. If they had just vaccinated them, mom would be alive. The kids wouldn’t be destroyed blaming themselves for mom’s death, and so on and so forth.
NTA. Tolerating stupid in a friend is fine. But when stupid harms others, stepping away is the right thing to do.
YTA. From my point of view, you sound like a politician or preacher who uses adultery to talk about forgiveness and redemption but cannot miss an opportunity to condemn gay relationships. Because it’s even odds you’re doing something that is in some way potentially harmful to a large number of people. This is a “let (s)he who is without sin cast the first stone” situation.