AITAH for expecting a small favour?

r/

I am going to be starting therapy next week. As I work a 9-5, it is awkward finding a therapist who is available when I’m not working.

I’d prefer in person but everyone I could find only did virtual after 5pm and most of them only did this 1 or 2 days a week.

I found a therapist that I will be seeing and I will have my sessions on Tuesdays at 5:30. I live with my girlfriend in a two bedroom apartment but the walls are quite thin and even with the doors closed it’s still pretty easy to hear noises from other rooms.

This makes me uneasy as I don’t want anyone overhearing my sessions. I asked my girlfriend if she would go to the gym when my sessions are on as she goes a few times a week anyway.

She said no as she does classes at the gym and they aren’t on on a Tuesday. I suggested seeing family or friends but she refused those options too.

I asked if she’d mind using headphones for the hour I’m at in the session just so I know I’m not going to be overheard.

She refused and said she shouldn’t have to wear headphones in her home but I just mentioned that it was a pretty small ask since it was just for one hour a week.

She refused again and said I shouldn’t be expecting her to do it but I just told her it was a small favour to ask but she told me I should drop it.

AITAH for expecting a small favour?

Comments

  1. AutoModerator Avatar

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    I am going to be starting therapy next week. As I work a 9-5, it is awkward finding a therapist who is available when I’m not working.

    I’d prefer in person but everyone I could find only did virtual after 5pm and most of them only did this 1 or 2 days a week.

    I found a therapist that I will be seeing and I will have my sessions on Tuesdays at 5:30. I live with my girlfriend in a two bedroom apartment but the walls are quite thin and even with the doors closed it’s still pretty easy to hear noises from other rooms.

    This makes me uneasy as I don’t want anyone overhearing my sessions. I asked my girlfriend if she would go to the gym when my sessions are on as she goes a few times a week anyway.

    She said no as she does classes at the gym and they aren’t on on a Tuesday. I suggested seeing family or friends but she refused those options too.

    I asked if she’d mind using headphones for the hour I’m at in the session just so I know I’m not going to be overheard.

    She refused and said she shouldn’t have to wear headphones in her home but I just mentioned that it was a pretty small ask since it was just for one hour a week.

    She refused again and said I shouldn’t be expecting her to do it but I just told her it was a small favour to ask but she told me I should drop it.

    AITAH for expecting a small favour?

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    OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:

    > Expected a small favour from my partner. She said I should drop it and she shouldn’t have to wear headphones at home

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  3. obsessedsim1 Avatar

    Can you get a noise machine? Theyre 30$ and therapist offices use a few of them to muffle sound for privacy.

    That may help!

    Your gf isnt being helpful tho. Weird.

  4. Affectionate_Fox5824 Avatar

    YTA YYou want to inconvenience your GF in her home? Go to to the therapist’s office instead and have your privacy like everyone else. Problem solved.

  5. Oona22 Avatar

    NTA, and I have a funny feeling finding a nicer partner who treats you with some kindness and consideration is one of the “answers” that will come of your therapy. (Good for you for taking care of your mental health and I’m very sorry your partner is so unempathetic and selfish.)

  6. LaylasWeb Avatar

    You are NTA for requesting for a little favour from a partner for therapy and not for selfish reason.

  7. helpfulluna Avatar

    No you’re not the asshole wanting privacy in therapy is normal her refusal feels dismissive of something really important to you

  8. Leigeofgoblins Avatar

    NTA – if it was my partner I wouldn’t even have to be asked.

    You’ve offered multiple suggestions and there’s no compromise in return.

    As someone who also does therapy remotely I feel you.

    Your partner sounds incredibly selfish and rigid. If I were you’d I’d maybe have a look over the relationship and see if there’s anywhere else there’s no room for compromise and talk about it if so. Maybe point out areas where you’ve been willing to compromise in a similar way and say you’re just asking for the same kind of care and understanding.

  9. Dittoheadforever Avatar

    You’re NTA. She is being rather inflexible and selfish. Does she actually want to overhear your therapy sessions?

    Do you have a car you can sit in for the duration of your sessions, since she has already decided not to cooperate with your request?

  10. Mother_Ship_7913 Avatar

    I see no true AH here. Public libraries have small study rooms for use. I think it is incumbent on YOU to find a place you feel comfortable with. She shouldn’t be put out of the home because you have therapy. Your therapy could take months. Be a problem solver or just not worry about what she might hear

  11. Hexas87 Avatar

    NTA. If she can’t do you a small favour for one hour a week, then I don’t think she will do you any bigger favours also. I have a suspicion that she wants to hear your sessions if she can.

  12. terra_terror Avatar

    NTA. Your girlfriend is being selfish. This isn’t a roommate, this is your partner. She should be willing to do small things like this for you, just as you should be willing to do it for her. It is bizarre that she is refusing to leave your home for an hour. She could literally go for a walk, go to a cafe, go see a friend, get errands done, etc.

    I do this for my sister all the time. I just go outside and take a walk or sit on the porch and enjoy nature for a while. It’s not a huge ask.

    So your girlfriend is being a selfish partner by refusing to help with this. But I also think that she is being manipulative. Your girlfriend is probably refusing to do all of this because she wants to listen in on your sessions.

  13. Frost_Quail_230 Avatar

    NTA. I have no secrets from my husband and still have a whitenoise machine outside my room for telehealth and my husband stays on different floor watching TV. That’s just basic respect. On a practical note, see if your local library has rooms for rent, lots have basic soundproofing small rooms for study groups.

  14. MaeSilver909 Avatar

    No, you’re not. You may want to speak to your therapist about your GF red flags. Do you have family/friends in your area who will allow you privacy? I realize you are going to wear headphones but people may hear your side of the conversation.

  15. LoveColonels Avatar

    NTA. I think it’s a reasonable request.

    If it’s not too hot where you live, you could drive somewhere else and do the therapy from your car. This is what I do.

    I’m guessing the relationship is going to be one of your topics.

  16. MinuteBubbly9249 Avatar

    First of all, its only a favor if you can take no for answer. Otherwise its a demand.

    Second, you want to do something in a home where you both live but you expect your GF to change her habits? Why?

    You can schedule your sessions when you’re home alone or you can find a private place outside of home.

    YTA for expecting her to comply with your schedule with no regard for her.

  17. iOawe Avatar

    I don’t understand why your girlfriend, the one person who probably (hopefully) knows everything about you. The one person you trust, the one person you share everything with (hopefully) has to wear headphones, go somewhere else, etc. 

    The only reason I could think of is because it’s about her and you don’t want her hearing you talking about her. What about your neighbors? Are you alright with them hearing you talking about your girlfriend? 

    YTA.

  18. Dramatic-Change6103 Avatar

    YTA. It’s your appointment and therefore your responsibility to make a plan for privacy. Go take the call in your car, book a conference room at work, or use headphones so you can speak more quietly at home and still be heard.

  19. thechipperhalf Avatar

    Nta she wants to listen in

  20. Otherwise_Unit_2602 Avatar

    NTA. Two out of three people in my house do remote therapy. Most of the time everyone is home during other’s therapy. 
    Your girlfriend sucks here. We all make accommodations for the person in therapy. Sometimes that means leaving the house, sometimes playing music and wearing headphones when leaving isn’t possible or is very inconvenient. 

    More rarely the person in therapy will do it in the car. If you have a car, driving to a parking lot and parking at the back where no cars are is also a possibility. 

    I’m sorry that your gf is being insanely thoughtless and selfish. 

  21. CannibalisticVampyre Avatar

    It isn’t a small favor, though. Asking someone to remove themself from their own home on a regular basis is a bigger ask than that and headphones can get pretty uncomfortable, pretty quick. I Know that privacy is required for effective therapy and that it can often be difficult to find and schedule with any doctor, but you should attempt to find something that works for both of you. Try rescheduling for when she has gym classes or while she’s at work, or much better, keep looking for an in-person, which you’ve already stated would be your preference anyway.

  22. shiny1988 Avatar

    My husband pushed back too. Finally he did agree to wear headphones. If he hadn’t I would have gone out to my car.

  23. ServelanDarrow Avatar

    NTA and her attitude is concerning.

  24. Cute-Transition3234 Avatar

    “I asked if she’d mind using headphones for the hour I’m at in the session”. At this point you are annoying, but you are not yet an a h o l e. 

    “She refused and said she shouldn’t have to wear headphones in her home”. At this point your girlfriend is slightly annoying, but she is not an a h o l e. 

    “But I just mentioned that it was a pretty small ask”. At this point you have crossed over from being annoying to being YTA.

    “She refused again and said I shouldn’t be expecting her to do it”. At this point, your girlfriend retains the same status (just slightly annoying, that’s all) because the poor thing is dealing with an a h o l e so she is allowed to be a bit stern without her status deteriorating. 

    “But I just told her it was a small favour to ask”. At this point, your status deteriorates from “YTA” to “YTA and a massive one too”.

    Conclusion: Asking is annoying but acceptable. Pushing it is ahole behaviour. 

  25. Whispering_Wolf Avatar

    NTA. It’s a minor inconvenience for her. If she actually likes you, she’d do you the favor.

  26. lavenderblueberries Avatar
  27. paul_rudds_drag_race Avatar

    I’ve seen near-identical posts pop up here every few months, even down to the detail about the gym. The vote is usually NTA.

  28. Whitelakebrazen Avatar

    NTA – my partner had therapy for a while and I either went out when he was having a session, or I would at least be in another room with headphones on watching or listening to something.

  29. SpeckledRain Avatar

    Dude, just the other day I shut myself in the bedroom and played games on my phone/looked at reddit/read a book for an hour so my partner could have privacy for their telegealth therapy session. I would’ve put on music if I could hear anything. Therapy is just very private. You are NTA, your partner sure is though.

  30. Moose-Live Avatar

    NTA. This is not a frivolous or unreasonable request.