Husband (43M) is very triggered by my (37F) suggestion that he remove his ‘single’ status from his FB account (that he’s had since he was single). He says he hasn’t been active on it, besides using FB marketplace. He blames me of being suspicious of his intentions. I, on the other hand, only want him to acknowledge our marriage and show me some respect as his wife. (We’ve been married for 8 years now). I personally find his status very disrespectful. I don’t believe he would cheat on me, but honestly such behavior doesn’t really help. He expects me to fully trust him but doesn’t put in the work to reassure me. Anyone visiting his profile would definitely think he was ‘single’. He lost his temper at me, making it seem like I was the one being unreasonable. Like, am I missing something here?
Makes me sad to even be asking, but AITAH?
AITAH for expecting husband to remove his ‘single’ status from FB account.
r/AITAH
Comments
What if he changed it to “Married but looking”?
u r not the ah. after 8 years married, he should update his status to show respect. it’s about u feeling valued, not suspicion. he should understand and not get mad. ur feelings matter.
If your own husband can’t change his relationship status, that’s a serious problem. I don’t know how else to say it.
You’re not being unreasonable at all. Wanting your partner to reflect your marriage on social media isn’t about control, it’s about respect. If he’s getting that defensive over something so basic, it’s worth asking why.
NTA. I joined Facebook way back when because my girlfriend at the time apparently had the status of “looking for play“. We had been together for two years when she joined Facebook. It’s OK to not be linked in a relationship on Facebook, but to have your status as single is just incorrect, the same way he would update if he moved to a different town
No, anyone who visits his profile would think “Wow, he hasn’t updated this in ages.” Besides that, who gives a shit about facebook nowadays? If anything, all this paranoia makes me think YOU are the one who’s cheating.
after 8 years, it is not an oversight. Kick him to the curb, it will only get worse. NTAH
NTA. I can definitely understand the sentiment of not going on Facebook enough to change it. I haven’t used Facebook in years so not even sure if it says I’m in a relationship with my fiancée. But if she asked me to update it I would, because it’s not hard and it literally doesn’t matter to me at all. Sure why not if it makes her happy idc. I have no idea what the hang up would be.
NTA. It might just be Facebook to him, but if he knows it bothers you and still refuses to change it, that’s a problem. Trust goes both ways, and showing you’re in a committed relationship online is a pretty low-effort way to show that.
Honestly, if I were in his position, I’d be excited to update my status right after the wedding. That’s what people do when they’re proud to be with someone.
Causally bring it up. A simple conversation could fix it
Er, do it for him, as a guy I have no relationship status because my account is from before those were a thing, and lord help me if I had to navigate it these days
Honestly I even check marketplace from messenger to avoid the ever changing bother that is…
If it’s not an issue he’ll gladly let you
Girl that is a big red flag. If he isn’t actively using FB it shouldn’t be a big deal to change it to married or nothing. If he’s insisting on leaving it on single there’s a reason.
Mine did the same thing, so I changed my status to “complicated,” then changed back to my maiden name. Why acknowledge him if he isn’t acknowledging you?
Nta. His reaction is uncalled for…and in little words, suss.
What a petty thing that’s also factually incorrect for him to be upset about, what next? You’ll be asking him to delete his dating apps
NTA, changing the status takes minutes and no one on FB marketplace would care… unless they care
I don’t believe for a second that this is the only issue related to him being shady. What other things are going on?
NTA but we need more details.
Seems pretty simple, he has problems. I would ask if he is ashamed being married to you.
Why is this coming up now after 8 years of marriage? Super odd that all of a sudden this is an issue. I am 45, divorced, and pretty sure my FB said I might still be married. Not sure. Never really use FB anymore.
Yeah I think this is the damn minimum. NTA
Yes, you’re the asshole. You’re plenty old enough to grow up. It’s a status message on a social media platform. My advice? Get off social media and focus on your family and friends. You seem to lack the emotional maturity to handle it.
NTA. My ex husband did this, and was 100% doing it to cheat. Removed any tags I put on photos or statuses.
He’s insecure as hell for thinking you were suggesting anything other than he do literally THE RIGHT THING. Fb has a dating section doesn’t it? (I don’t have one). I would not trust my partner especially married, if they didn’t change their Facebook status to reflect a relationship if I was in a committed one
NTA but you tolerated this for 8 years. I personally wouldn’t have married him if he couldn’t update his FB status. If it doesn’t matter, he should have no problem changing his status. Obviously it matters and he’s trying to present himself as single online. However the problem again is you tolerated this for 8 years.
NTA I find it odd that the man that supposedly loves you doesn’t want to change it and broadcast to the world that you two are married.
YTA. You are in crazy town territory here. No one pays attention to facebook statuses. I haven’t even opened facebook in like a decade. I think my elderly mom might still use it? Who still updates that shit?
“It’s complicated” sounds fitting.
Yes, your missing that your husband is most definitely cheating on you, one way or another.
All you have to do is put your status as “married” and then add him as the one you’re married to. It will send a request to him to accept the tag.
Then it will show him as married to you.
Girl RUN he thinks a few taps of a button is too much effort to make you comfortable. Like I’m sorry but this is just really not nice of him at all, he’s kinda being a big baby about it. NTA in the slightest.
The only reasons he would keep it as single … do not look good.
Either he doesn’t want to admit he’s married to you.
Or he wants people / women to think he’s single in case an upgrade comes along. He doesn’t want to miss an opportunity.
Frankly, after being married for 30 days without updating this is completely disrespectful.
NTA! That’s super weird. When I got married my husband freaked out on me that I hadn’t changed my name on my facebook profile. (i had definitely changed my relationship status to married). I quickly changed my name to reflect my change of last name because I didn’t want him to feel bad. Your husband not changing his status is on its own definitely suspect, and getting mad that you ask him and refusing to do it is super suspect.
NTA. Your husband’s insistence is strange, at best.
NTA. It takes a second to change, and “married” would be accurate.
Does he wear a wedding ring?
This shows a high level of contempt.
Rather than beg him more, I think both of you need to go into marital counseling and find out why he dislikes you so much.
Right, so he probably should change this because you asked.
But, if my wife was so insecure that she spent time worrying that I wasnt respectful of our marriage because I had not change my status on Facebook, of all things, I would be deeply concerned about the way she saw our marriage.
I can’t imagine my wife would even bother to notice it let alone think it was even consequential enough to ask me about it.
I think the husband should change it, but acting like its a normal thing for a healthy married adult to be worrying about, screams a level of immaturity on their part.
Its the sort of thing we worried about when we were in school.
He’d rather have a fight than change it? Side eyeing your husband…
This is fake or hes cheating..
NTA just in case
Yeah… NTA. You need to not take the bait when he tries to gaslight and/or throw it back on you.
The real question is… for what reason would a married man keep his status as single? There is only one that makes sense, and it is a horrible reason. It is not justifiable, and his anger about it shows he is digging in his heels. If you asked 5 of your closest couple friends, it is no doubt that the vote would clearly go in your favor… unless you have horrible people as your friends.
OP has a new account and this smells like FAKE RAGE BAIT. Obviously the husband ChatGPT created is Red Flag City. Thank G-d he’s not real.
Change your status to single and see how he likes it.
YTA. why are you worrying about facebook profiles at your age? isnt that something teenagers do?
Just as bad , if not worse does he have pictures of you and him together? You are not being and asshole . It sounds like he is .
If it’s “just Facebook” and doesn’t really matter, then it shouldn’t be a big deal to change it to reflect that he’s married.
Maybe he doesn’t want to be.
You’ve been married for 8 years and suddenly NOW it’s a problem? Grow up dude
NTA. It takes 10 seconds to update a status. The fact that he would rather accuse you of being “suspicious” than do the bare minimum to acknowledge his own marriage is a red flag. Respect in a relationship isn’t just about trust, its also about effort.
NTA.
If it’s an important ask for you, then no, you’re justified. For me, I don’t put anything personal as a social media status as I like my privacy a lot. I prefer focusing on actual conversation topics without strangers knowing any of my personal business, which is not relevant to any of the topics I participate in. I don’t disclose my gender or appearance or real name because none of those things matter to what I use social media for. I definitely don’t discuss or show my personal relationships online. If my spouse had any particular opinion about it, I would cheerfully add a “married” tag, but they don’t. I can’t speak as to whether your spouse just prefers privacy or something else is motivating them, but for me it’s 100% the ‘my personal life is none of your business’ thing. So it’s possible theirs is too.
How would he feel if you changed your status to single? 🤔
That should have been a day one thing.
YTA
NTA. It’s all very bizarre, it’s not 2009, why even have your relationship status on there? Has he said why he doesn’t want to change it? Is he a very private person perhaps?
Maybe just get him to remove the status completely, as a compromise? If he doesn’t use it much or even if he does, he’s MARRIED, so it shouldn’t matter to him at all, but either remove it or change it to married.
If he’s not active on Facebook, then why does he care what his status is? Seems like a small thing he could do to reassure you if it truly means nothing to him and doesn’t matter. His reaction is telling you all you need to know. Definitely NTA, but you need to figure out what’s going on. Don’t let him convince you that you’re crazy.
Wtf! Sometimes i wonder if this shit is even real. Are people really this stupid now?
So he has an inactive Facebook account and you’re causing arguments over a toggle that shows whether he’s single or not? Did you go back to his MySpace days too?
He isn’t annoyed because he’s hiding something. He’s annoyed because that shouldn’t be something that concerns you.
You shouldn’t even be linking that with the idea of him cheating. It sounds overbearing. I doubt there isn’t more to this type of behaviour too. Leave it else YTA.
NTA— I told my ex if he wasn’t going to change his fb status I didn’t wanna be with him. I let him manipulate me into believing I was just being crazy for not trusting him because “he didn’t even use fb,” whole time he’s cheating on me with MULTIPLE women lmfao. he brought me home multiple STDs, including an incurable one. I’m not trying to project, but definitely listen to your gut. I ignored mine and I’ve regret it ever since. listen to your gut. wishing you lots of luck.
edit: fixed typo
NTA. My boyfriend doesn’t use facebook. Not at all, I have to tell him to check when I add statuses he’s tagged in. He has one, but he has like 20 friends. He still changed his status to “in a relationship” with me when we started dating, and his profile picture! He should be just as excited to have his status be married to you, I’m so sorry OP.
NTA but wow your husband is. He wants to appear single and he has zero respect for you. He’s the AH here.
Yes he needs to respect your wishes on this. Why wouldn’t he?
I’ve actually seen this exact type of post before with the roles reversed and the responses were very different saying the guy was being insecure and it’s “just Facebook”
Not that I agree with that sentiment whatsoever I just thought it was hilarious that now all a sudden it’s not a big ask.. which is it isn’t.
Not the asshole at all OP. Facebook isn’t “just Facebook”
It’s anything that “just Facebook” these days. Facebook sits right below Snapchat as the place a spouse or significant other who’s looking to digitally step out on their relationship would go. I wouldn’t go harping on your husband about it anymore though. I would let it go and start keeping an eye on this. Where there’s smoke there’s fire and the fact that he didn’t automatically think to change the status to married when you guys got married is very suspicious and a lot of smoke.
That’s……….. weird…
NTA but I think I know where your husband is coming from. Facebook is irritating to me, and I begrudgingly keep a burner account just so I can use Marketplace. If I hadn’t deactivated my old account, I would still just leave it as a relic frozen at the time when I stopped being active there. It’s hard to explain but updating my relationship status would feel like I was going back to a place that I wanted to leave behind for good, I’ve moved on and I want to keep it that way.
I would change mine to single. He will see how you feel then
NTA. If he just didn’t want to have any status up I’d say that’s okay. But saying “single” is a deliberate lie.
Yikes, he actively wants to appear single on Facebook.
NTA. This seems pretty straightforward.
Changing the relationship status on Facebook is low-effort, takes about a minute to do, and is an easy way to acknowledge your marriage. There are zero downsides to doing it. Even if we can all acknowledge that Facebook relationship statuses are seemingly trivial, these types of low-stakes, small-scale gestures gradually build up trust and reassurance in a relationship. It sounds like there is a bit of underlying insecurity that isn’t being adequately addressed. That’s a problem. And his refusal to change the relationship status just added fuel to the fire.
Overall, the request is reasonable and your feelings are valid. Obligatory “addressing some of this in therapy could help” advice. Cliched, sometimes annoying, but it’s just such an important step to take for situations like this.
I was gonna say FB isn’t this important and if he’s not using it much then no reason for you to push on that, BUT his reaction is a big fat tell that he’s lying about something, hiding something or cheating on you, and this is a reminder that cheating isn’t just about sleeping with someone
He’s gaslighting you he has hoes on the side
Make yours single. Shoot, tag him and comment on it. 😂 Stir that pot.
My husband never gets on FB but has it for messenger for the family. He asked me to go in and change it when I told him I was updating mine a few months after lol
NTA, and getting that defensive over it is a definite red flag. I’d be like “cool, I’ll just change mine then, since it isn’t a big deal” and see what he says.
NTA. It’s a small ask
Just change your status to single. Don’t say anything about it. See how fast that dick notices.
It’s very weird he doesn’t want to change it. If he doesn’t want people in his business then he can hide his relationship status from his profile all together, rather than have ‘single’ on display.
NTA
If he doesn’t use it etc. Why does he care that you want him to change it? I understand if he never updated it because he doesn’t use it, didn’t think about or notice it, but then when you did &asked him to, why would that be a big deal, your wanting him to be happy and flaunt the fact he is happily married. NTAH
After 8 years?? Wow you are a lot more forgiving than I am. NTA
Definitely NTA and its so sus that he doesn’t get where you’re coming from 💯
Suspicious. If your husband’s use of Facebook is as small a thing as he makes it sound, then changing his status shouldn’t be a big deal. NTA
NTA if I was happily married it would be displayed
NTA.
If it really was something meaningless to him, being that he rarely uses fb, then why would he be so adamant to turn things around on you for not trusting him instead of just changing his status?
YATA – its been a years and I’m sure everyone that needs to know youre married already know. And the Facebook community neither needs to know or cares.
Social media is wild for arguments between couples 😆
Most men would shrug off the request as “whatever” and acquiesce – because they ARE married, after all. And it’s just a social media thing and if stating marital status ACCURATELY makes the wife happy, by all means.
The fact that this guy is refusing to do this and even gaslighting the wife – I agree with another poster here – dude has a reason.
Ugh.