I 35F filed an HR complaint against a coworker 22F yesterday and now I’m having second thoughts and feeling like the asshole. We work in Healthcare.
So my coworker 22f, Jane, has never grown out of her high school “mean girl” tendencies. She’s the type of person who being rude or talking rude gives her some sort of superiority complex. We’ve both been with the company for about 2 years.
It hasn’t really ever been particularly directed towards me, but I do know that bullying coworkers got her fired at her last job. We’ve been going through a transition since 4 of our coworkers all got pregnant around the same time and are all going on leave, we also had 1 person quit (because of Jane and she openly told this to management), and 1 move away. So we have a pretty much all new team which has been nice to just start fresh with new people.
I’m in a position where I train the new folks how to do their job, and it’s been great just starting fresh. Then I heard her say about me and my other coworker who are close,
“I’m not sure why anyone would hang out with those 2, one is a divorced single mom whose been to prison (me), and the other is a divorced lesbian (my friend).”
Me going to prison isn’t information I like to share around the workplace. It happened over a decade ago, it isn’t secret and is easy to figure out by googling my name (which is how she knows) but it was discouraging to have all my new hires know that about me.
I was pretty fucking shocked, and I was pissed. This was my last straw with her, she also consistently tells the men we work with not to cross their legs because it “looks gay” while we have openly gay men on our team. On our company trip this year she pulled down another coworkers swimsuit top in the pool infront of everyone and filmed it, that coworker ended up quitting shortly after because the girl faced no consequences.
She also accused me of throwing away certain medical instruments since I’m the only one who cleans up after everyone (this is true) so if something is missing i must be tossing it. She also hates both of the doctors and tells the new employees not to listen to them.
I’ve never filed a formal complaint against someone ever. But my life is already a fucking shit show and I don’t need a coworker who can’t grow the fuck up to make my work life hell.
HR and the practice manager were both extremely supportive, and also extremely shocked by this behavior. I am also not the first to complain to management about her, but I’m the only one who has ever escalated it.
They didn’t share what they are doing to discipline her, but essentially told me she’s going to be given an option on what she has to do to rectify the situation, or quit herself.
I’m worried that I escalated it and may have just rocked the boat.
Aitah?
Tldr: filed a formal hr complaint against a coworker for her nasty behavior.
Comments
Of course NTA. None of her behavior is within the bounds of professional conduct for any workplace.
Well, either she quits, gets let go, or you have a shit show where she escalates her mean girl bully tactics. At which point, you document EVERYTHING you overhear or is said to you and go, yet again, to HR and continue to escalate.
You also might mention hostile workplace. Since she’s a one-woman show leading to a hostile workplace, and has already been the cause of employees leaving, this should resonate, as it’s legally actionable on the employer to not address such an issue.
NTA- she pulled down another coworkers swimsuit top in the pool infront of everyone and filmed it
She should have been fired for this.
After years in business, one thing I learned, is that the loudest person in the office, is the person doing the least amount of work. NTA
you’re actually mandated to report behavior like this as a healthcare professional, in the interest of your patients! Don’t let girls like her shut down the difference that YOU make each and every day, NTA
updateme
NTA, not by a long shot! It sounds like she’s done so many things she should have been fired for a long time ago. Thank goodness you escalated it, I’m shocked no one else had ever escalated it before this. It’s about time Jane gets a good old dose of karma.
You did the right thing complaining. She is a bully and is engaging in illegal harassment of other employees (assaulting an employee by pulling their bathing suit top down and comments about their sexual orientation) and insubordination (telling employees not to listen to doctors). Someone like that should be fired asap.
NTA. You might be saving some future coworker some pain by giving her consequences now. They thank you ahead of time.
Let us know what happened
HR wouldn’t have accepted the complaint if it wasn’t valid, so according to them you’re NTA.
What more validation do you need?
You would have only been an AH if you hadn’t reported her.
The swimsuit incident alone should have had her visit the police station. Throwing away supplies, that is a one-way ticket out the door. This isn’t a mean girl. She sounds more like a sociopath. Being fired from one job didn’t matter to her. This is who she is.
Work in the medical field is stressful enough. No one needs this type of person to make things worse.
NTA.
Odd to be shocked when you’re not the first to complain
No!! She is toxic. I hope she gets canned.
NTA…she needs to learn she is in WORK not fkin high school anymore and needs to grow up and behave like an adult and not a toxic b!tch because all she will do is try to belittle everyone else that may come to work there
NTA this problem should have been taken care of long before now and not allowed to escalate to this level. She is creating a hostile workplace, sexually harassing coworkers and making defamatory statements. All of which, individually are enough for termination. Don’t feel bad.
NTA she’s terrible
NTA she sexually assaulted a coworker, and filmed it, she’s sexually harassing the men, and showing homophobic tendencies. She needs to be fired if not blacklisted.
Go back and read what she did, you are absolutely NTA
NTA. Her behavior is unprofessional and, frankly, neither you nor your co-workers should have to tolerate her nonsense. If she isn’t stopped, she’s going to keep pushing and pushing until someone gets fed up and responds violently, so best to nip it in the bud now.
Updateme!
Never feel bad for reporting a horrible person to HR! If she doesn’t like it then maybe she should stop being such a horrible monster of a person. She needs to find a job where she doesn’t interact with any people or have someone become an even bigger queen been and take her down. Preferably that would be someone who only focuses on her and then stops once she has learned her lesson.
NTA and good on you for reporting her. Bullying should NOT be tolerated!
NTA, you’re the fucking hero is what you are. Get your divorced lesbian friend to do the same, hell get everyone to report her holy shit she gotta gooo.
O M G
N T A
I am so glad I’m retired and don’t have to deal with that BS. Good grief.
NTA under any circumstances. People like her should be thought a lesson. She did not seem to learn after getting fired from a first job and what is worse is that one coworker quit because of her. I hope they get rid of her as someone has already quit and she is causing trouble for you and others.
They need to dump the trash out.
Updateme!
NTA. This is extremely inappropriate, and should have been stopped long ago.
NTA and honestly you need to do more. Keep pushing it. Notate and report everything to HR. If you suffer any consequences—that’s retaliation and report your employer to the state. People act like this because they get away with it. What she is doing is not ok AT ALL. Good for you for not taking it anymore. It’s hard to stand up for what’s right but it’s worth it! Also, don’t let anyone shame you for your past. People make mistakes. It’s what you do afterwards that matters.
NTA. I’d have escalated to a formal complain a long time ago. She’s not right in the head.
Rock the boat! Rock the boat! This coworker is toxic and damaging the practice, costing money when new personnel have to be trained, and frankly, she’s a lawsuit waiting to happen. If you don’t stand up, who will? If management don’t see this, you need to exit the situation asap and find a better place to work.
NTAH!!!! Escalate it further. Turn her in to the police. There is a victim, recorded evidence and sex crimes aren’t taken lightly and the victim would’ve gotten an indecent exposure charge if she had done it herself let alone be put on a list. It’s not tattling if its a serious enough issue and clearly that bish needs a reality check so no, you’re not the AH. Feel good about standing up for what you believe is right. Her behavior is appalling and beyond the scope of “mean girl”
Keep us updated. She is disgusting.
NTA. Mean girls never change. Getting her out of your office environment will help everyone.
NTA. You deserve to work in a lot less hostile of an environment than what she’s making it. She has a lot of growing up to do, and hopefully whatever happens helps her to do that.
NTA. She is the cause for an extremely toxic work environment. People who create such environments need to be shut down
Here’s the deal…you’re a fully formed 35 year old adult. You KNOW her behavior is absolutely, completely, unequivocally atrocious & horrendous. You KNOW it should not be tolerated in any way, shape, or form.
So…get a backbone & stop feeling so “unsure” & helpless. The point is stop second-guessing yourself & entertaining this bullshit. Out of everything you posted, THAT is what bothers me the most.
This is not something to do mental-gymnastics over. Get a mental grip already.
NTAH and don’t ever apologize for reporting a toxic work environment/coworker! You are not just defending yourself but anyone else she’s abused. Good on you!
Coworker is an asshole. Report everything. Formally. She solidified her creation of a hostile work environment. She can live with the consequences.
Rock the boat!
That coworker who quit over the swim incident shoulda gone further and filed sexual assault. Bullies get away with stuff like that cause people don’t take reporting if far enough. It’s not just a work concern, she is likely doing this and more outside of the workplace
You feel bad for a reason. You made a complaint against someone you’ve already said hasn’t directed any nastiness toward you.
NTA. She needs to grow up. Don’t waste your time worrying about her. She’s certainly not giving you a second thought.
Really? What else does she need to do to file a complain? Eat babies?
UpdateMe
NTA. She’s doing this to herself.