So here’s the deal. I’m exhausted. Like… bone deep tired. And not just physically. Mentally, emotionally, all of it. My husband and I let his sister stay with us after she lost her apartment. I didn’t hesitate. She said it would be “a few weeks tops.” That was six months ago. Six. Months. I cook. I clean. I work part-time. And somehow, I still find energy to make our tiny apartment livable. Meanwhile, she’s out here acting like she’s staying in a hotel mess everywhere, dirty dishes stacked like it’s Jenga, laundry overflowing. She just scrolls on her phone, watches reality TV, and occasionally throws in her unsolicited opinions. And oh my god the opinions. Nothing I do is ever “right.” Mop too early? “That’s not how you do it.” Fold towels a certain way? “Looks sloppy.” Use store brand detergent? “No wonder your clothes fade.” LIKE. I. ASKED. She doesn’t even lift a finger to help, yet she critiques everything. I swear, I was trying to be patient. I told myself she’s going through stuff. But I’m going through stuff too, you know?
And I don’t get to dump it on everyone around me. I finally snapped last night. I was wiping down the counters after cleaning the whole kitchen alone, and she walked in and straight up told me I missed a spot. I looked her dead in the eye and said, “You know what? If you’re gonna live here rent free, the least you can do is pick up a damn broom instead of running your mouth.” She got real quiet. Then stormed off to her room and slammed the door. My husband thinks I overreacted and that I should’ve just ignored her like always. He says “she’s family” and “we just have to bear with her.” Bear with her?? I’m already carrying everything! Now the house is filled with tension. She won’t talk to me. He’s passive aggressively siding with her. And I’m stuck wondering if I’m the bad guy for finally saying something. Maybe I could’ve said it nicer? Maybe I waited too long and let the resentment build up? idk. So… AITAH?
Comments
Nope, you did the best thing you could do !!!
NTA , your husband should have your back, you didn’t agree to be her maid. It seems like neither of them are showing respect, why is she still there? Why isn’t she looking for a new place or at least contributing to the household chores, did she lose her apartment because she was lazy and the owner kicked her out? Why is hubby just letting it happen? What was he like before she moved in? Is it even possible for you to have a respectful conversation with your sister in law? How old is she because she’s acting like a contrary teenager. Idk, but yeah, you guys need to talk this out.
NTA. You need to have a serious talk with your husband and make a plan to get her out of your home ASAP. This situation is unbearable and unnecessary. It’s ruining your home and your marriage. It’s not helping her since she’s somehow free to mooch off your hard work and is doing nothing to improve her own life. Your husband needs to man up and get his sister out.
Maybe it’s time for an intervention where everyone gets assigned chores or better yet, a reality show where the winner gets their own apartment back.
NTA – I’d kick her out
NTA, I’d go stay elsewhere and leave him with her. Nothing more annoying than a temporary stay that turns in to ‘living on my back’.
NTA. You have a SIL problem and a husband problem. I don’t understand how she can act so entitled. How does she not feel deep shame in not contributing a single thing while she just mooches. She’s absolutely taking advantage of your generosity and she needs a reality check. Your husband is 100% enabling and she sounds like a spoiled teenage brat. I’m sorry you have to deal with that.
Apparently being “family” means she gets to mooch off of you and be hypercritical of you. You are NTAH. But your husband is an enabling AH.
NTA. Your SIL is a leech, but your husband wins the gold medal for parasite behavior. What does your husband do other than consume oxygen and gaslight you? Why isn’t he picking up the slack? Why is he demanding you put your time, energy, health, and sanity aside for someone who disrespects you and treats you like a servant? Your husband has made his priorities known with his words and actions that you matter less, that you’re only valuable to him when his sister is happy, and that your comfort means nothing.
Kick them both out and let them live together happily- away from your peace. Your husband should be ashamed of himself. What a pathetic excuse of a man to treat you like this. I would reevaluate your relationship I highly doubt he’s doing anything that constitutes bare minimum in other aspects of your relationship.
NTA
6 months! And she does nothing!!
Time for her to
A. Find a new place to live
Or B be given a strict chore chart which includes cooking most meals, all washing up, and most cleaning duties.
But preferably A
Oh, and if your spineless, ungrateful husband doesn’t back you up…. Time to go on strike… cook only for you, only do your laundry etc
NTA. If she is not talking to you that’s for the best. Your husband can clean up after her.
Nta. Can you go stay someewhere until he shows he has your back. You reached your limit and shes an armchair critic
Stop cleaning. Stop cleaning everything. Both of them think you’re the mom. Stop cleaning.
She’s an entitled leech who should’ve been booted out a long time ago. When her ‘few weeks’ ended, she needed to find somewhere else, not plant her sorry ass in your home and refuse to leave. You’re paying for her to live under your roof and blatantly disrespect you. Husband doesn’t get to throw the ‘she’s family’ card at you, because that’s just a sh*tty cop out. Family shouldn’t treat each other like a free hostel and ATM.
Your fake posts are so formulaic. This one is a little better with the grammar though 👍
NTA
No way would I put up with that
Just clean up your own mess. When your husband realizes he has to wash his own dishes, cook his own food, do his laundry, and also hers, he might get the reality check he deserves
Don’t be a doormat for inconsiderate people.
Stop doing housework. Do just as much as they are. I know it is hard but people nee to realize what you are doing for chores and what it looks like if you Show the same effort.
NTA
There has to be a move out date. Tell the husband to tell his sister.
Stop doing everything for the ingrates. Your husband has failed you. The sook should have shut his sisters shit down the moment in started. You don’t have to take her shit. You do not have to take his shit. The pair have an audacity. Don’t do shit did the lazy, driveling whinging whiners.
Nope
No grin and bearing it, if your husband thinks that is the answer then let him do everything you’re doing. Take a break!! Down tools. Take a bath.
You need a break so make the space for your mental health. 1. Cook for one and only do you dishes, eat before expected dinner time 2. Get out of the house 3. Only do your laundry 4. Clean the bath and shower before you use it 5. Catch up with friends 6. Get more sleep.
If you husband ask – ask what the problem is ? Get him to explain ? And if he asks you to do something like can you clean this day, it’s not dirty. Or why don’t you do it OR it’s okay and then walk away.
There is no way my husband would ever put me in this kind of situation where his sibling was in our home disturbing my peace for half a year, that shows an incredible lack of respect on his behalf. Call his bluff, say you can’t live like this anymore it’s impacting your mental state and you will not be continually disrespected in your own home, he’s made it clear who his priorities lie with and he’s showed such huge disrespect to you, then tell him you need space to think about what kind of future you see for yourself. Then pack your stuff up, and leave, or if it’s your house then ask them both to pack their stuff. If he gives a fuck, he’ll correct these issues, if he doesn’t you’ve learnt a hard life lesson, and will need to start thinking seriously about your future.
You’re NTA and I’m sorry to tell you that your husband sucks.
After 6 months I’d be moving out and leaving brother and sister to look after themselves.
“I finally snapped last night” seems to be this week’s “blowing up the phone.”
YTA for a fake story.
How or perhaps better WHY did you wait that long??? You got a PT Job get an airborne or budget hotel for a week and let THEM fight it out!!! FREELOADER SIL vs DOUCHBAG HB …and the winner is YOU. FL SIL either smartens up or get kicked out, BONUS for YOU it ain’t you doing it. In addition DB HB may actually figure out what he has (had?)and show some appreciation. Meanwhile if finances allow DON’T GO BACK TILL the problem is RECTIFIED.
NTA – can you not stay somewhere for a day or two and let him see how bad it is? Or, stop doing the housework. This is your husband’s family, let him wipe his sisters arse. To critique your cleaning whilst doing fuck all is a piss take.
Or, treat them like the children they are and do a rota chart – I’d also award with gold stars – “You didn’t miss a bit – here, have a star!” “You got out of bed and washed up today – gold star for you, sis!”
You cannot keep going like this.
Updateme
Seriously your husband should have your back on this. Not acceptable. She should have been told early on what is expected. But just common courtesy would be to clean up after herself. If possible can you stay with someone for a week or two? Tell your husband to give her a date to leave. She’s got to find another free hotel
Nta at all
Take the check book or credit card and tell your husband that he and his sister can deal with the house, you are going to a nice hotel until either his sister moves out or there are divorce papers for him to sign and by the way tell him he’s paying for the hotel. See what he says.
“Maybe I waited too long and let the resentment build up?”
As someone who does this all the time(there are things I could name right now that I am bottling up), we have to accept some degree of fault for the inevitable explosion that comes because we didn’t speak up sooner.
That being said, it doesn’t excuse whatever it was you were upset about to begin with. In this case, being rightfully pissed off that a lazy, slobbish, AH is living in your home and offering advice on things she’s unwilling to do herself.
Is an apology owed? I don’t think so. Your blow up was quite tame no matter what tone it was given in. And everyone here is an adult, you shouldn’t have to say anything about cleaning up her own shit and making up her lack of rent by doing even more than that. It’s also not on you to educate someone as to how incredibly rude it is to offer cleaning tips while sitting on their ass.
Nta.
Tell your spineless husband either she moves out or you do.
Updateme!
I would have a very serious conversation with him. Either she goes. Or they can both leave.
NTA.
Time to put your foot down. Either she moves out, or you will.