We are both virgins and agreed that we’d have sex once we are adults, and as we were talking about it he said how he didn’t want to ruin his first time by wearing a condom because, “he won’t get anything out of it.” And I got pissed and said that a condom changes nothing other than protecting me and him from and STI and me from pregnancy, and he proceeded to say I could get a surgery.
I told him I wasn’t going to go under any procedure or put myself on birth control for his own pleasure. He’s not respecting my body or my boundaries, and he went on this whole spill how if I didn’t want to do that then we won’t have sex.
I understand sex isn’t everything, but im only pissed off because he’s being selfish.
Edit: I will be taking down this post— I don’t really post my personal life on reddit, and I posted this because I was extremely pissed off, and believe me (I still am)
Thank you for the people giving me advice and support, however I know my boyfriend a lot more than people under this comment section do and I don’t mean that negatively. I know he’s a sweet guy, but sex has never been a sensitive topic for us. We ended up talking, and he agrees that it was selfish of him to act that way, and that it’s wrong to talk about medical procedures being done on me for his own pleasure.
On my behalf I wasn’t on my best behavior either, and called him names and ranted about this online to a bunch of strangers that don’t know our relationship, but we ARE still very young. He has a lot to learn (severely) and so do I.
Comments
Find a different boyfriend.
NTA – you need to dump him immediately.
This is absolutely ridiculous.
NTA, he clearly doesn’t respect you and expects you to risk yourself just for his own pleasure and convinience, break up with him.
Gross
Why would you want your first time to be someone like him? Also, with comments like that- are you sure he’s a virgin??
YTA for not dumping his ass as soon as you found out his thoughts on this matter.
Definitely NTA. You set a boundary and he straight up tried to guilt you into risking your health and comfort for his pleasure?? Huge red flag. If he can’t respect you now, he’s not ready
>he proceeded to say I could get a surgery.
The fuck is he talking about? Why did you let him go with this? What surgery is he thinking of? dump this selfish moron and find yourself someone who respects you. Jeez, this is so stupid, I’m wondering why you didn’t just get up and walk away. NTA
but I bet he’d be so against getting a vasectomy himself 🙄
Dump him. You can do a lot better.
NTA- Do yourself a favor and run! I made the mistake of letting my ex pressure me into not using a condom(we had used condoms before) and while I’m thankful that I didn’t get any STI’s or get pregnant, I wish I hadn’t let him pressure me.
NTA. HUGE red flag! Drop him
NTA. But condoms won’t 100% protect you. Invest in some kind of birth control, many variations exist that can work with your body. Wear a condom, use birth control. You’re responsible for your body, which means declining sex without a condom and making sure you’re taking preventive measures if you’re not seeking to become pregnant.
This is not the kind of guy you should be dating. He sounds like an incredibly selfish asshole.
NTA.
ESH
Neither of you want to personally take responsibility for protecting yourself and the other during sex. He doesn’t want to wear a condom. You don’t want to use any of the birth control methods for yourself. You both want the other to be the one to handle it.
Until you are both on the same page, don’t have sex. Neither of you is ready for the what ifs.
So, he’s now the ex, yes?
Given that you’re only 16, you’ve got more than a year before you’re an adult, so you have plenty of time before you need to dump him.
NTA- are you sure he’s a virgin? Cause this sounds like he’s trying to baby trap you so you’ll “forever be his” and control you for the rest of your life. Dump his ass and block him on everything.
Nta. 🚩
Don’t waste your virginity on him. Anyone would be psyched for sex with a condom when they’ve never had sex before
NTA – if he can’t respect your decision to want to use protection then he isn’t the right person to lose your virginity to and he sure isn’t someone worthy of any of your time!
Not selfish, reckless and dangerous. Find someone else who respects your body.
“My way or the highway” isn’t the attitude you want your partner to bring to sex.
Maybe he’s not the one for you.
He also seems poorly educated about sexual health and reproduction. Hold out for better. NTA
Dump him. He doesn’t respect you or understand what the “surgery” or “procedure” would entail. What a selfish jerk.
And, I wouldn’t trust him to sneak off the condom if he did agree to wear one.
He ain’t worth it, Sis.
He’s not an adult if he won’t use protection
Ew. No. Dump.
>“he won’t get anything out of it.”
NTA, he doesn’t need to be having sex with this false BS. This is like some TV or movie or some stereotype shit from like the 80s or something. Bruh its 2025, they have been making ultra thin as well as made to fit condoms for years. So he can throw this excuse put the window unless he just doesn’t have money and in that case he shouldn’t have sex.
>he proceeded to say I could get a surgery.
Oh he can fuck off with this one. I don’t even know what his talking about nor do I need to know. Its not just the issue of getting pregnant if thats what he means, you also started you wanted perfection from STI’s, you can get STI’s for multiple causes. He doesn’t sound educated enough to have sex.
On top of that he’s stomping your boundaries.
NTA.
Get a surgery??? What kind of surgery? Lmao DO NOT LET HIM FUCK YOU.
Btw it’s absolutely untrue that he won’t get anything out of condom sex
It only slightly dulls the experience at most.
One of you is STILL not an adult. And it’s not you.
Nta. never have sex without a condom unless you are trying for a baby with someone whose full health has been tested for you to examine the results. HE IS BEING SELFISH AND STUPID AND YOU CAN DO BETTER.
run from that man! he’s nasty and sounds like a bad person!
The question I have is how would he know the difference between having a condom on or not if he’s been abstaining?
NTAH.
NTA. This outburst makes him a bit untrustworthy, but if this is really the first time for both, the likelyhood of an STI is minimal. The chance of a pregnancy is not.
Now, my suggestion would be to postpone (in case you are reluctant to break up with him, what I would support). He needs to understand that the use of a condom is a non-negotiable condition to get sexual access to you. Also, not everywhere, but in many places, stealthing (the act of removing a condom during a sex act without the knowledge or consent of the other party or parties) is a crime. In some jurisdictions, it is akeen to sexual assault.
Just in case, yes, for a penis haver, having sex with a condom feels different than without… for about a minute. Once you are in the heat of things, it does not matter, you don’t even think about it.
My opinion, not only you are NTA, but having safer sex is a very reasonable requirement.
Please don’t have sex with him, and break up with him. He has no respect for you.
I doubt he is a virgin, because if he was he wouldn’t say “he won’t get anything out of it”.
Break up with him and save yourself for someone who actually loves you and respects your boundaries.
NTA
He’s an idiot, both stupid and selfish. Why are you even considering having sex with someone like this?
You’re being mature & smart. Protect yourself. He’s not good enough for you. Don’t waste a precious moment with this immature selfish fool. Tell him to f all the way off.
He’s ignorant if it thinks a someone is going to ruin things and for real “you can get surgery.”
I don’t think he’s mature enough for sex. And also pregnancy is an extremely real thing and it’d you who suffers the most if you get pregnant. Stand your ground here.
You could take the quick route and dump his DA.
Or, simply don’t have unprotected sex with him, until he comes to the same understanding as you.
Omg no of course not, you need to dump that man bc your body and health are more important than anything else!!!
NTA, however, no way he can make that statement about “won’t get anything out of it” as a virgin. He’s lying and if you believe him, then you the idiot.
NTA. Don’t have sex with this idiot. In fact, break up with him.
NTA please don’t ever stop getting mad at people who don’t respect your boundaries 💙
NTA and as others said, how does he know he “won’t get anything out of it” as a virgin?
DO NOT EVER HAVE SEX WITH HIM. He does not respect you and I guarantee your first time will be miserable with him.
If this is so, you probably don’t even need to have a serious breaking up conversation, just say NAH.
Simple: No glove = No love. If he refuses to wear a condom then no PoV sex. I’d get on birth control as well. Be safe and protected.
Approximately two to five percent of condoms tear during use. The majority of these failures are caused by human error, which can include not using enough lube and creating microscopic tears with rings or long, sharp, or jagged fingernails, among other possibilities.
You could always offer to wear a diaphragm if he wears a condom then you are both being responsible for your sexual health
Couple things WAY wrong about this whole thing:
him, as a virgin, saying “he won’t get anything out of it” is laughable. His dick will be so happy he won’t know what to do with itself.
you saying a condom changes nothing is also laughable. Condoms absolutely and inarguably alter the way sex feels. It’s a layer between friction and it doesn’t feel as good as sex without. Still feels great, but noticeably inferior to sex without. That is NOT a reason to not use one. You absolutely should use a condom – especially if that’s a limit for you – without question. BUT, honesty is important and you can’t just make shit up because it helps an argument. I’m coming at this mostly from a man’s POV, but my wife (when she was my GF) initially went on birth control because she disliked how condoms felt.
him suggesting that you should have a surgery to prep for something you’ve never experienced together (or ever) is beyond idiocy. Honestly, I wouldn’t have sex with him. He’s talking out his ass, he’s suggesting unnecessary medical procedures that can have long term impacts instead of buying a $2 condom, and he’s focusing solely on himself. He doesn’t really value you and he’s not at all responsible enough with his thoughts to engage in sex. Can you imagine the mental gymnastics he’d wind himself into to justify shitty behavior if you all got pregnant??? You say that you’re “adults” but nothing about what you’ve shared with us would give any rational person the idea he is anything other than a horny kid.
It sounds like he has been sitting around talking with “da boyz” and he’s listening to other boys talk out their ass about shit they don’t understand.
First of all, I don’t like the way this guy is talking to you at all. Immaturity and naivety aside, he shouldn’t be trying to bully you into unprotected sex OR into taking a medication with lots of side effects or having a surgery (WTF). But it seems like you like him and none of us can decide for you so here is some information that might be helpful to your conversation.
There are lots of condoms out there that are thin enough not to ruin the fun. In reality, a condom might make the sex better because the first time for a guy is often VERY fast, like the girl gets no pleasure because it’s over as soon as it starts. The condom slightly lessening sensation will probably help with this and make him last longer. Also something to let him know is that some guys like the feel of condoms enough that they actually wear them to masturbate. Just because he has heard a few of his (probably also inexperienced friends) parrot this “sex sucks with a condom” thing doesn’t make it true.
Again, not loving how this kid is approaching this. Sounds like he might not be mature enough yet to handle other parts of having sex, such as emotional attachment, difficult conversations, and the possibility (very real) of ANY birth control method failing and you getting pregnant. Just something to think about, because YOUR first time is important, too.
lol. Definitely don’t do it with him and break up.
Then to mess with him call a week later and be like “you’re right a first time definitely didn’t need a condom, it was better without”
He’ll lose his mind
Oh hun noooo. I don’t give advice to teens much, but I have made one thing very clear to anyone who’s ever asked me. Always ALWAYS use the condom you wont know the difference if you always use it the moment you stop (and this goes for boys and girls). You’re not gonna wanna bother with it anymore. He’s stupid and you’re young and naive to these things therefore you are stupid. Do NOT let him cross this boundary.
My first thought was how does he know he won’t get anything out of it by using a condom if he’s a “virgin”? Everyone forgets that condoms are not 100% effective.
NTA. But neither of you are ready to have sex. Physically, yes. Seriously, the two of you can’t even navigate a relationship around just talking about sex. Suggesting sterilization at this point proves it. If he won’t wear protection, it’s a no go.
Point out to him that if he truly is a virgin, he
a) Wouldn’t know the comparison difference at first.
b) Is a guy getting laid. Reread that to him a few times. He is going to get some and is nitpicking.
For certain, stand your ground on this. Completely.
NTA He’s just demonstrated to you that he is a terrible human who cares more about five minutes (if that) of getting his rocks off than the possible permanent consequences that could happen to you. He’s literally willing to have you get pregnant and have an abortion rather than forgo tiny bit of extra pleasure for himself.
That’s just straight up selfish and vile. Cut him off immediately.
Look, my first time was without a condom because the girl (also first time) was religious and had the idea that the condom was sin.
I can tell you I enjoyed it 1/2 of what I should have because I was more nervous about the consequences.
And you already know that even a single time without a condom can get a woman pregnant.
NTA. Leave. Don’t waste any more time.
NTA. If your loser boyfriend isn’t mature enough to wear a condom (and thinks that abortions are so easy to get) then he’s just not ready to have sex yet. Full stop. Do not lose your virginity to this guy.
He just told you he doesn’t respect you. Read what you wrote like it was your best friend telling you this.
Girl I know someone who’s bf told her you can’t get pregnant the first time you have sex and you can guess what happened. Guys will tell you anything to get some. There are plenty of other men out there who will not give you any problem about wearing a condom. They’d just be happy they have someone to have sex with. This is a red flag. Please really think about what he said to you.
NTA, but it’s time to go. My bf and I have a combo thing going, he uses condoms, I’m on birth control. We want kids but not right now. Don’t say you love him, because if you catch something from him or get pregnant, he’ll run faster than Shaggy in a race with Scoobey-Doo and Usain Bolt
Run, dude
“He proceeded to say that I could get a surgery” – um excuse me? What?
That is the most unhinged thing I have heard in a while, and I am on Reddit, daily 🥴
You’re smart to hold this boundary, but in your place, I always insisted on two forms of birth control.
He is a fool. Don’t waste your time on him.
Don’t let this ignorant, manipulative boy inside your body! Get rid of him.
We are talking about YOUR body. YOU get to decide the price of admission – and it’s a condom.
He is not a thoughtful kind person – he is selfish and controlling. He is willing to increase your anxiety and pleasure because he doesn’t want to.
Since it’s your first time, you should realize when the guy doesn’t want to wear a condom and suddenly agrees, it’s amazing how quickly they break or just magically come off
Give more thought to whether he is the one
How is he going to get a STD if he hasn’t had sex go get on control problem solved
This is not the political climate for an unplanned pregnancy and he obviously has no idea how it’ll feel either way. Dump his ass.
He’s selfish and ignorant and should not be allowed to have sex with anyone for at least a decade. By then he might have grown up.
Meanwhile – he’s not the guy you want to have sex with. He’s stupid and selfish and thoughtless.
He doesn’t care about you and only cares about getting his rocks off.
Dump his ass.
You should be angrier than you are.
NTA
Can you spell R-E-D. F-L-A-G ?
Too immature for a relationship. He’s all about him. Plus he’s incredibly reckless and dumb. Or maybe he doesn’t mind the prospect of being stuck with child support for 18 years.
If you’re not ready to have a baby then you’re not ready for sex. I am a teen mom of 2 babies both on birth control and it’ll change your entire life. I can tell from your responses you’re not ready for sex and he is not the one…YTA to yourself
Whatever you do, don’t sleep with him.
NTA If he won’t wear a condom then he’s not mature enough for sex. If he gets pushy then dump him
100% you are NTA and he is. So you’re supposed to have a SURGERY (whatever he’s talking about I’m not sure) to avoid pregnancy but it’s too big of a deal for him to wear a condom. So dumb. If he’s not willing to take responsibility for his part in preventing pregnancy then honestly he’s not ready for sex. And if he’s pressuring you into it when you’ve said you’re uncomfortable with that, please don’t let him do that to you. You deserve so much more love and respect, especially for your first time!
WHAT SURGERY
You need to keep your boundaries firm. If he isn’t willing to accept this boundary, it’s a red flag that he won’t accept others.
I was a virgin, along with my husband, when we got together. (Minus some messing around with an ex, but never the p in v stuff)
To this day, 13 years later, if I tell him to go grab a condom he is thrilled to death because….sex. And yeah, we’ve done it without protection, we have 2 kids. You can still have great sex with a condom. You cannot have great sex if you’re anxious about him being grumpy about it not feeling as good, or worrying about him stealthing you, or anxious that I’m the heat of the moment he pushed for raw and you gave in and decided just to get Plan B or something
The surgery for men is a simple procedure compared to women… however at your ages – it would be stupid. I doubt either of you would find a doctor to do it.
They are developing a pill for males. I don’t think it will work. It has a number of side effects, no more than what women go through. Do you really think men will take on that sacrifice?
There is no way you should have sex without protection. He doesnt deserve your attention. He is displaying lack of maturity and respect
Your boyfriend is an idiot.
He is putting his pleasure over your safety and comfortable. His pleasure is more important than you.
When people show you who they are, believe them
NTA- Leave him. Now. Attempting to pressure someone into a sex act that violates your consent is a form of rape.
NTA. He places his own sexual pleasure above everything else.
NTA. He has informed you in many words that he is not mature enough to have sex and that he does not deserve the privilege of being intimate with you since he doesn’t respect your body, wants or needs.
Cut him loose, this is too big a boundary to not stick too and once you allow him to cross this one he will cross every other one too
I think as adults ther eis nothing wrong with saying “if we are going to have sex i font want to have on a condom and asking how you feel about birth control” as long as youre respectful and accepting of her feelings which this guy clearly wasn’t being. So hes obviously the AH
Has not one of you see he is a Virgin . People don’t assume he isn’t. Don’t know a Virgin with a std. She is just as responsible. When I was going to have sex i got on birth control.
Dump. Him.
tell him you want him to wear a condom because with out it he will only last a sec. the condom will give him an extra sec or two.
Honey, he’s got to go.
This guy is too immature to have sex. NTA and don’t have your first turn with him
NTA. Dump his selfish asssss. And tell him I told you to dump him. Because that’s ridiculous, grow up dude. Sorrry I don’t think she’s the one for you
Edit: I will be taking down this post— I don’t really post my personal life on reddit, and I posted this because I was extremely pissed off, and believe me (I still am)
Thank you for the people giving me advice and support, however I know my boyfriend a lot more than people under this comment section do and I don’t mean that negatively. I know he’s a sweet guy, but sex has never been a sensitive topic for us. We ended up talking, and he agrees that it was selfish of him to act that way, and that it’s wrong to talk about medical procedures being done on me for his own pleasure.
On my behalf I wasn’t on my best behavior either, and called him names and ranted about this online to a bunch of strangers that don’t know our relationship, but we ARE still very young. He has a lot to learn (severely) and so do I.
On his first time he’s worried he’s not going to get anything out of it? Bless his heart, my money is on the condom maybe making it last long enough for him to get something out of it. Otherwise, there’s a 100% chance that it will be over before it gets started.
OP, stick to your guns. Period. I have known more than one that got pregnant their first time. He will have no control over many things at first, no matter how bullheaded he may be.
Let me put it to you this way.. I lost my virginity to my extremely manipulative ex who was also virgin. He was fine wearing a condom. He did insist on taking it off later though. He is literally entering your body. You get that right? Literally inside of you. Right next to vital organs. Make him wear the condom, or don’t have sex with him.
If you’re both virgins, the STI thing is a pretty low concern. But having a child as a teenager should be.
Birth control pills are far more effective than condoms, but I also understand the health reason why some women don’t want to get near them.
I don’t think anyone is an asshole here. But this is one of the things couples need to be compatible in. This just might not be a good match for either of you unless someone is okay compromising.
Reddit can be down right cruel there’s literally no difference between wearing a raincoat and bareback where he’s gotten all that rubbish is anyone’s guess
You are NTA and he is sadly misinformed. Stick to your guns on this one. Just the idea of him telling you that you can get a surgery so that his peen can feel a little tiny bit happier during sexy time shows how immature he is. He sounds like the kind of guy who would slip it off without you knowing, just so he could feel more.
Condoms do not restrict pleasure THAT much. Condoms are a multi/billion dollar industry world wide. That should tell you something. If they were that uncomfortable or restricted feeling that much, they wouldn’t be that popular.
Just tell him that he is entitled to make his own choice. If his choice is no sex because he doesn’t want to use a condom, then that is his choice. But I have a feeling he will change his mind if he wants sex that badly.
Dearie I mean this is the nicest of ways, but he is not a sweet guy and you need to end this relationship.
he’s insisting on not wearing a condom because that will increase his pleasure He said you can get a surgery. He did not offer to go and get a vasectomy in order to make sure that he couldn’t get you pregnant he put it on you to deal with that. The communist party wishes they had red flags that big.
So yeah, you should be pissed at him. You are definitely not the a-hole, but you will be the a-hole to yourself if you don’t *NSYNC his butt out the door
In the end a solid take. You learned that people you don’t know giving advice about people they don’t know really isn’t as helpful as just talking things out with your partner. Best of luck to you both.
NTAH. Most teens in my day were in the opposite mindset because they didn’t want to get used to it without. He doesn’t know any different until he first experiences bare back and has something to contrast it with. Also, another bonus for him is that he might last longer. The cons certainly aren’t worth the pros till you’re both ready for a baby.
I mean if you’re actually both virgins then your concern about STI is a bit silly, your concerns about him ignoring your feelings and unwanted pregnancy are totally valid of course.
How does he know it will ruin his first time if he hasn’t ever had sex before (and presumably) has never worn a condom while inserting his penis into a vagina?
Spoiler alert: he doesn’t. He’s being a selfish man-child.
He also clearly has no idea that tubal ligation (the surgery he mentioned) is not reversible. It is permanent. And a woman should never EVER have her tubes tied to appease another person.
NTAH, Sorry, but this boy is not ready for you. He’s still playing at being selfish and needy like a child. He needs to grow the hell up and maybe try something the right way instead of his way. The right way, of course, using a condom. How does he know he won’t get the full effect? Nope. Leave him in the cold if he insists on not using a condom. And the damn audacity yo say you can have surgery to prevent pregnancy. Yeah, well, he can do that too. It’s called a vasectomy. He needs one to help in preventing the spread of stupidity.
Its super simple. no condom. no sex.
Tell him a condom will double his pleasure. If he wears one it might last 16 seconds instead of 8.
NTA. Leave him and I mean it girl. Save yourself the trouble
The edits added afterwards makes me sad. You should not have to make excuses for other people’s icky behavior. I can understand saying things out of anger or a conversation getting out of hand, but that’s not what this is about.
This is very much giving gaslighting on his part 😖 even the edits
You could take the pill?
Don’t have sex with a guy who refuses to wear a condom!
Nta, he’s a loser and so are you if you stay with him.