So I (27F) got married last weekend, and while overall it was an amazing day, there’s something that’s been bothering me and I’m honestly not sure if I’m overreacting.
My best friend (let’s call her “Maya,” 26F) has been with her boyfriend “Jake” (28M) for about 4 years. Everyone kind of expected them to get engaged soon, but nothing had happened—until my wedding.
During the reception, after dinner but before the speeches, Jake suddenly taps his glass with a fork and says he wants to “say a few words.” I assumed it was going to be a sweet toast for me and my husband. Instead, he pulls Maya up, gets down on one knee, and proposes.
Right there. In front of everyone. On my wedding day.
The room obviously erupted with claps and cheers, and Maya was crying and hugging him and showing off the ring. And just like that, the focus completely shifted from our wedding to their engagement. People were taking photos of her ring, congratulating them, and even asking me to take pictures of them together.
I was in shock at first, trying to be polite, but I honestly started getting upset as it went on. This was supposed to be my day—something I spent months planning and thousands of dollars on—and it turned into their engagement party for a solid hour.
Later that night, I pulled Maya aside and told her I was happy for her, but I felt it was really inappropriate for Jake to propose during my wedding. She looked surprised and said I was being dramatic, that it was “a beautiful moment” and that I should feel honored they chose such a special day. I was like—no, you didn’t choose it, I did.
Now some of our mutual friends are saying I’m being petty and jealous and should just be happy for them. But others (like my maid of honor and my mom) think it was incredibly rude and inconsiderate.
I haven’t talked to Maya since.
So… AITAH for being mad that my best friend got proposed to at my wedding?
Comments
NTA. Your wedding isn’t the stage for their spotlight grab. Some people just have zero chill
Nah, fam, ur totally NTA here. It’s basic etiquette tbh, ain’t cool at all to swipe ur bestie’s thunder on a day she’s spent time, energy n moolah on. No doubt, it’s a big moment for them but they should’ve respected ur day. Maya needs to get why ur mad, and Jake… dude needs some manners. Hang in there, might sound harsh but they owe you an apology, legit. I’ve got ur back on this one.
NTA. Someone else’s marriage is not the place for proposals unless the couple getting married is informed and consents to it ahead of time. Otherwise it’s a complete asshole move.
Sounds like you should be mad at Jake, not Maya..
The thing is: it happened. What you want now from Maya (or Jake)?
Your NTA for being mad, but staying mad has no point.
First be clear what you want from them and then talk to them.
After that you can decide what to do next…
But.. try to not let it ruin your memories from your wedding day
Edit: correct a mistake
You are allowed to have emotions, even if they aren’t the same emotions others think you should feel. So, no, you aren’t an asshole. However, I do agree with your friends that being “mad” about it, seems a bit petty. Weddings are a very love-infused event… the few weddings that I have been to with a date, made us both feel extremely lovey dovey and close to each other, as cheesy as that sounds. It is the perfect atmosphere for couples to realize how committed they are to each other, and your reaction does seem a bit… I don’t know, “narcissistic” doesn’t seem like the right word… maybe closer to “self-absorbed?”
NTA. I’d be livid
NTA that’s definitely the kinda thing you should get pre-approval for
This was an attention grab. Why are they looking for the congratulations of people who are not their friends and family, outside of a few mutual friends from the friend group. If they really wanted to share it with loved ones, he should have planned a proposal with their own friends and family- not yours. He was lazy and wanted to take advantage of your set up. Send them a bill for their half of the reception since they turned it into an engagement party. I would also be asking your friends if it would be acceptable to share your own pregnancy announcement at her wedding- since it is such a special day and all!
Nta and yta
NTA
Your friend and his now fiancé is a major asshole . Time to cut contact
So tacky and lazy to propose at someone else’s wedding.
NTA
I’d be mortified if I was Maya.
Send them an invoice for 1/2 your wedding costs.
Ask her to Google if you should propose at someone else’s wedding. Some people are simply clueless on ettiquette.
Announce a pregnancy at her wedding
Girl. Revenge is best served cold. Pretend all is good. Get in that wedding party and sabotage from the inside OR just make a big announcement at hers/encourage everyone you know to make big announcements at hers because obviously she doesn’t mind. NTA
NTA. Send Jake the bill, since he share your moment, he can as well share the cost.
NTA! I would have cussed his ass out!
NTA, it is only ever acceptable to do this if you have both the bride and groom’s approval. Otherwise, you’re a shitty friend. I’d be so embarrassed if my partner proposed to me at a friend’s wedding without approval from the people getting married. I don’t understand how people are so selfish? Like … wtf
NTA Send Jake a bill for the party he hijacked.
Ask her how she will feel if at her wedding you announce to everyone that you are pregnant? That being said, she didn’t ask at your wedding. He did. You should have pulled him a side and told him you didn’t appreciate it.
NTA
It’s VERY poor etiquette to propose at someone else’s wedding without the consent of the bride and groom.
It’s right up there with wearing a wedding dress at someone else’s wedding.
Don’t do it.
It’s also incredibly lazy. You’re just mooching off someone else’s effort to create a wonderful atmosphere. Creating a ‘special moment’ without any preparation whatsoever.
EVERYTHING, the ambiance, the people, the food, the music, the photographer, really EVERYTHING was arranged by you. He just got the ring, that she most-likely picked in advance.
So if Maya comes running to you in 5 years saying he got her a vacuum for her birthday, you remind her that she’s the one that settled for a ‘stolen’ proposal, and she should’ve know right there that he was a no-effort guy.
Best friends don’t do that. Cut her completely out of your life (block her and her “alies, boyfriend included everywhere ).
Updateme
No, you are def NTA. What this couple did to you is really unforgivable. And it can’t be pushed off as just the boyfriend’s bad behavior, if she was a real friend, she would have shut it down, immediately. I have catered/ planned/managed literally 100’s of weddings, and seen some pretty horrible behavior of family and friends. Usually it is one of the parents behaving selfishly. This was really cold and in absolute terrible taste.. I am SO SORRY!. It is YOUR day, one day in your whole life time that was supposed to be JUST WHAT YOU WANT . If I had been your event manager I would have tried to find a way to make it nothing more than a five minute blip in the scheduled activities. Hopefully you can dump her and those friends that say you are wrong, all of them, completely, they are ALL TA.
NTA it was a day to celebrate you and your husband’s wedding. If they had spoken to you and you had agreed then that would be a different matter. As it is they blindsided you and that was not fair.
Ask every single person that calls you petty or jealous ‘How would/will you feel- after you have spent all this $ to celebrate your wedding, someone else turns it into their party?’
If you have to ‘Maya, how will you feel when I make the same thing happen at your wedding? Might not be me stealing the show but I WILL make sure it happens’
NTA, I have heard so many stories like this, I don’t get it her bf I don’t think would have any family members while he was proposing like that so weird thing to do,
I really want someone to take again the microphone and say that congratulations , but that was a total surprise to not only the one who was proposed but to us as well, and now I hope the new engaged would share some of bills as we have shared our big day with them.
NTA. He knew better.
NTA, and I can’t think of anyone that would think that is an appropriate thing to do at someone else’s wedding.
HOWEVER, I don’t understand why you pulled her aside and are so mad at her. It’s JAKE who did it, and him you should be mad at.
NTA. Proposing at someone else’s wedding without the brides approval is just tacky. She’s not your friend.
I would be mortified if my partner did that to me.
It’s beyond disrespectful and is Jake so cheap he can’t plan his own proposal, he has to use your hard earned money.
They aren’t your friends. I would go NC. Or be petty and go to her wedding and announce you’re pregnant. Then go NC.
Send the, a bill for 30% of the wedding. If they wanted to use the event you paid for then they can chip in. I hope it was expensive. Oh BTW they are AH’s and so are your gaslighting friends.
Good for your fake AI generated best friend
Formulaic fake story
You can’t change what had taken place, but now you know you can’t invite them to YOUR special occation. They might grab the opportunity to announce their pregnancy, divorce, miscarriage, cancer or what ever grabs attention.
Once burnt, permanently learned.
Send Jake a BILL for hijacking your wedding! Add up ALL your Reception costs, consider the length of time your Reception was (say 4 hours) and divide by FOUR. That ONE HOUR of time should be completely reimbursed. If Jake refuses, then SUE him in small claims court.
Personally, I’d block both Maya and Jake. Sure, she’s happy because SHE got an all-expenses-paid for engagement party! Before you block her, ask her how SHE would feel if you announced your pregnancy at THEIR reception?
Congratulations on your marriage! My sincerest condolences that you have such shitty, selfish, attention-seeking “friends!” NTA if there was any question. But Jake and Maya, massive assholes!
Venmo request them half the cost of your reception, since they turned it into their engagement party.
Is this fake or AI? I mean it’s pretty established that you don’T propose at someone else’s wedding without their consent.
NTA tell your friend, and the flying monkeys in a post on social media,,,”””that you are delighted your friend is engaged, so happy for her, glad she knows exactly who her fiancee is and accepts it. Your one and only concern was she didn’t warrant a special day herself, that he didn’t plan anything especially for her, just piggy-backed someone else’s without asking. But as she is happy then so are you, that you wish them but every happiness in the future””. Am sure they will be delighted to read that
ESH why you mad with Maya? Was she aware of this proposal? What did you want her to do? Say no. You can be mad at Jake as that’s completely understandable.
I’m looking at the comments and I’m thinking are you all bots? Do none of you know how a marriage proposal works? smh.
Drop it and when she has her wedding announce that you’re pregnant. NTA
OP absolutely NTA.
It’s like as if someone is wearing white/cream on a wedding reception, without.the bride’s consent or agreement due to couple’s colours choices. It is wrong.
If the friend’s boyfriend would have discussed it with the couple/bride, I’m pretty sure OP would have thought about it and could have decided whether or not would have been a nice idea and, in case, planned it properly in a way the proposal wouldn’t have shifted the attention to the couple’s special day.
Why is it the crowd always immediately shifts attention completely? Everyone attending can also not say anything at all and just look at the couple as if they grew a new head. A clear signal that what they did was rude and cheap.
This is the moment to say something like: “Congratulations lovebirds, we’re all happy for you. Now it’s time to(use one of the following options: cut the cake, serve the food, best man’s speech or start the music. This to get the attention back to the wedding and why people are there.
Send Maya’s fiancé an invoice for half the cost of the venue and catering.
Send them part of the bill for the reception as they turned it into their engagement party