I 29F I have a 5 year old and 7 year old girls I lost my husband 2 years ago from brain tumor at 34 he would of been 36. I been suffering from mental illness since I was a teenager I couldn’t hold down a job I been surviving off my girls checks they received each month after he passed away. I got so angry sometimes I take it out on my girls. I’m to the point I can’t handle them anymore I was about to give them up to the state by sending them to foster home and my younger sister age 24 decided to take both of them. She works hard as a nurse she going to look for a 3 bedroom house or appartment for her and the girls. I told her not to worry about me though I been using my girls money for bills and roof over my head when we moved from house to 2 bedroom apartment. I may end up being homeless soon I don’t want to continue using my girls money because I’m not capable of working, so I’m signing that to my sister so she can handle the money as well. I love them and I wish I was a better mother and I wasn’t ready to be a parent.
AITAH for giving up on my girls?
r/AITAH
Comments
Letting your girls go to someone who can care for them isn’t giving up, it’s the most selfless, heart-wrenching kind of love there is.
NTA for wanting to give your girls a better life, but… you need to get help. Their lives will be better if they have you in them. They already lost one parent; don’t take away the other they have left.
Please don’t give up on yourself or your daughters! There is so much assistance out there so there is there is no need to feel along. Even if you feel overwhelmed space, please look out for yourself and your daughters.
Why couldn’t you and your sister move in together with the girls so she can help and support you in raising them while you receive care for your mental health issues? That way you could share expenses and remain with the children as a family. I think that would be the best way to approach this situation. You’re in a vulnerable place, trying to cope with such a traumatic loss, and you as well as your daughters need the benefit of family assistance right now.
NTA you are a selfless person for giving your girls the best shot at happiness with your sister! Take care of yourself and prioritize your health, that will be the best way for you to show up for your girls. Sending love and strength your way ❤️ you are doing the best you can and you deserve support and love.
Its not giving up on them, you have probably done the right thing here.
Now that their safety and well being with your sister has been assured, it’s important not to give up on yourself. Make use of any help and support systems that are available. Give yourself the best chance possible, so when it’s all over, at the very least you can honestly say you tried.
You spent time to write this out! So you’ve got the energy to make a phone call to get some help yourself. Go do it, please!
YTA. Not only are you failing to parent the children you brought into the world but you’re committing fraud by not caring for them yet taking checks you claim are theirs. Children arent disposable. You had a choice & you chose to get pied, carry to term & birth 2 children. Now, your sister has to be a mother for actions you took. Shameful
NTA for giving up on them, because it is the right thing to do – you cannot cope and cannot be a good mother, so let them be in a safer, better environment.
NAH. Why aren’t you on disability? There are resources and services for you too.
Your girls will be better off with your sister, but they’ll also benefit from having you in their lives. They’re too young now but they’ll understand when they’re older. Don’t give up.
Why exactly aren’t you capable of working?
Nta. your goal now is to get yourself healthy. There will come a day when your girls will need you, and you knowing that for now you are not the best person to care for them is very much your love in action. Your sister will look after them while you work on getting the right medicines, therapy and routine going to be able to get a job. Your sister can probably connect you to therapy and a social worker through your local hospital. You may also be qualified for disability benefits while you are being treated, ask the social worker or at your local homeless shelter. The library near you will be able to you where to go.
As someone who has anxiety and depression and TONS of trauma from childhood and religion, ask for help. It’s one of the hardest things you can do, but once you get that ball rolling, it gets easier. I started therapy at 21 and I’m almost 26. I’m moving to a new therapist to breakdown some of my childhood and it’s kinda scary, but each step takes me forward, little by little. You’re not a bad mom for trying to protect your kids; ask for help so that you can be there to see all their moments if you so desire in the future. You lost someone very close to you. Grief affects everyone differently and yeah it takes time to let it run its course, but it’s not always going to be a heavy burden. You’re gonna have good days and you’re gonna have bad days and it will always be there, but it depends on how you carry it. Don’t give up hope just yet OP. 💜💜
You need to find a way to work, whether seeking psychological/psychiatric help in social organizations, or things like that. You are only 29 years old, you can’t stay like that until old age, otherwise you will be able to retire if you want. I’m sorry for you and your daughters, I just hope you take care of yourself and don’t have any more children, because I don’t know if you’d be lucky enough to have family help a third time. The best thing you can do is actually pass the money on to your sister. I thought you were a bit of an asshole, but it’s better to leave them with your sister than to take your anger out on them, etc.
This is not giving up on them. This is giving them what they need even if it hurts you in the process. I hope you can find the help you need and heal.
Nta. Life sucks and I’m so sorry you are dealing with this. Please try to stay strong and continue doing the right thing
Don’t give up on yourself, girlfriend! No, as things stand, you are not ready to be a mother. But you understand this, and signing them over to your sister, who has the emotional and financial stability to care for them is the most loving and kind thing you could possibly do for your babies. It’s the most difficult, painful, heart-wrenching decision for a mother’s soul to try to survive. You’re perfectly willing to risk homelessness by signing over all their money, so your sister can use it for THEIR care and feeding rather than for your own benefit, which SO many do… Promise yourself and them that getting help for YOU is of the highest priority now. There are many options through social services,AA and NA. This doesn’t have to be the end. You CAN come back from this. (I did) I’ll be praying for you! ♥️
NTA – you aren’t giving up on them (or yourself). What you are doing is making a choice to give your daughters a healthier and more stable home environment.
Now, your next steps will be equally critical. Use every resource at your disposable to fight for yourself. Get the help you need to heal and be able to manage your mental health.
Finally, stay part of your girls’ lives. They have lost one parent and do love you and need you. Once you are on the other side of this and in a better place you may feel differently about being a mom to those girls.
It isn’t easy to get to the decision you have made. But this is only clearing the way to do the hard part – work on yourself. Don’t give up on yourself
Nta, that sounds really tough, I hope you dont end up on the street. Please try and get some mental health help.
YtA for having kids when you are mentally unstable to even care for yourself. When you can’t care for yourself and abuse children, youre despicable no matter what you are.
Your mistake was having kids. So tragic that these girls will be abused their whole life.
I am sorry to read this. You are a good mom because you have realised your mistakes and you recognised the issue. You didn’t deflect. You did not find excuses. Mental illness is real.
You didn’t give up your children . You find her a better home. Your own sister is better than strangers. You didn’t dump them by the street, you are doing what you think is best for them. I understand you are not able to even take care of yourself , what more your children.
As a nurse your sister may be able to help you find a place for you to get treatment. A shelter. Maybe an NGO that can help you.
I wish you, your kids and your sister all the love, care and happiness. And.. try not to go no contact with them.. they have lost their dad. They don’t want to lose their mom too. I have dealt with orphans and this is what they told me.
NTA but do not have anymore children.
You’re doing what you feel is best but I would highly suggest lots of therapy, DBT specifically and anything that can help.
NTA. But your kids lost their dad already so dont let them lose their mum too. Its very courageous of you to give them tonsomeone that can care for them which is your sister. I suggest get yourself checkout with good therapist and work hard for your girls. They need you. Dont give up on yourself just yet.
NTA. Putting their children’s needs before her own is one of the most beautiful things a mother does. You can’t give them what they need right now and admitting that is a selfless act. I hope YOU get some help as well. Good luck with your future. It won’t always be like this.
Im sorry for your lost! What a releif the children can stay with your sister while you are going to make yourself stronger with therapie and help! Even its all dark for you at this moment, after a time you will be in a better place if you do therapy etc. I was in a very dark period to and i took a while to fight it, even i was thinking i couldnt, i did. Stay strong and best wishes for you and your girls.
Get help from CASA. It is possible that the kids could be officially placed with your sister, so your sister would get some state funds and you could visit.
YTA for having two kids on the first place. You knew you were incapable of being an independent, functioning adult, and yet you had not one but two kids you could neither support financially nor raise as a parent. Now there are two little girls abandoned by their mentally ill mother and your poor sister has to give up her life in a really young age to clean up your mess and save them from abuse in foster care. Yes, you are an irresponsible asshole.
NTA. You’re not mother of the year but at least they’re going to be safe with your sister. I’m sorry for what’s happened/happening to you. Life is cruel.
Imagine being those poor little girls without a father without a mother vulnerable to those predators that would take advantage of them. Crying because their dad is dead and their mom abandoned them. Without a guidance in their life. I wish this to no one.
Why not tag team this situation with your sister while you get into therapy and get better
I know you want to just give up but that’s not the answer, fight against the urges.
Between you and your sister, you might be able to get yourself out of this hole so you can be the mother you deserve to be and the mother your kids deserve
I wish you luck
You are doing the right thing. You aren’t “giving up”, you’re making the best decision for them. Giving up would be letting them down and ignoring what’s happening. Try to get yourself right and eventually explain to them what happened.
Can you check yourself into a facility? You need some help and support.🤍🙏
Let your sister care for them and get the therapy that you need to get better. Your kids need their mother in their lives, but it is absolutely ok to ask for help. Once you are better you can figure out what to do from there. Don’t give up on your life completely because that isn’t what your husband would want, your sister wouldn’t want that and it isn’t what your kids would want. Please seek therapy immediately. Depression isn’t good for anyone.
YTA for having kids you can’t take care of in the first place and for taking out your misery on them. Stop cashing in those checks and give them to your sister.
🙏
Give the girls to someone who cares and their money to feed and care for them .. youre a grown ass woman step up and stop feeling sorry for yourself