I (28F) had my son Kyson 4 months ago. At 22weeks I was diagnosed with partial placenta previa and we were hoping and praying it would resolve, but at 28weeks I was told I have complete placenta previa. This news hurt because I had a birth plan but my doctor still closely monitored it even though he made it clear that there might be less chance of resolving it and might have a C-section. At 35 weeks I had heavy bleeding so I delivered my beautiful baby boy through an emergency C-section. My son was in the NICU for 2weeks before we got to go home.
2 weeks ago there was a family party at my MIL’s house, I was sitting in the ladies when Ky started crying. So I breastfed him while chatting nobody had a problem with that them after that I handed him to my SIL since she wanted to play with him. While he was holding him she said something.
So they started talking about my SIL’s labour and she said it was a breeze. Then I said “aww thats nice, I hope to have a natural with my second some day”. Then she said “a natural birth needs preparation during the whole pregnancy.” Then she went on to say “you never worked out or got active much.” So I told her it was because of the placenta previa situation. This woman literally said “that’s not an excuse tho, I had Roud Ligament Pain and I still managed to keep active.”
I told her I was kept on bed rest half my pregnancy and had too many hospital visits so I didn’t wanna do anything to risk putting myself in danger.
Then she said “your body can feels the nerves and it reads accordingly, you should’ve relaxed and let nature take it’s course. That’s how natural births work, the C-section was avoidable.”
I told her to f herself and took my baby out her arms and went to my hubby. We left after. Apparently she told anyone who asked where I am got sensitive and left the party.
After a few days she asked to see Kyson and I said I’m not comfortable being around her at the moment. She accused me of weaponizing my son and using him to hurt her.
NOTE: Whole pregnancy she kept on giving unsolicited advice on how to “fix” the placenta previa and I feel like she thinks if I had listened to her I would have had Kyson naturally. I felt sad for a few weeks after birth cause my birth plan didn’t go how I wanted it to, these feelings just feel like they resurfaced tbh. I thought I was ok.
AITAH for Grabbing him and not agreeing to visit her.
Comments
NTA.
NTA, she sounds like an idiot. What part of bedrest did she not understand??
I went through a placenta abruption, almost died and almost lost my baby. The first thing my doctor said to me once I was coherent enough to hear it was “you did nothing wrong”.
If someone said to me what she said to you after what I went through (and in the same token, what you went through), I don’t know if I could ever speak to them again. What she said was cruel, vile, and more importantly, completely false.
Yes. You’re right… She does think that…but what she thinks is wrong. Yanta
Girl she’s lucky you grabbed your son and not her hair. She can kiss our ( my ) asses and go to H^eLL
NTA. SIL can stay in her judgmental bubble by herself. I would’ve humiliated her at the party by asking why she thought she knew more than the doctors who gave you the advice.
And ask her where she got her medical degree from, because you’d like to tell people to not attend that university since clearly their candidates are both ignorant and downright stupid with a capital S.
Sancti-mommies are the worst.
NTA maybe have your husband talk to her about boundaries and empathy. I’m a strong believer of having the spouse whose family it is speak up. If she drops her inappropriate behavior for good would you consider letting her around again?
Yes. You’re right… She does think that…but what she thinks is wrong. Yanta
She doesn’t sound like someone I’d spend time with… Or want to spend time with and I certainly wouldn’t hand my baby to her
She is very insenstitive and sounds so entitled. Her opinion was not valid either. You did the right thing by leaving but maybe could have left without saying anything to her. I think narcissists will use anything you say against you. Maybe leave and later inform your relatives that you left because the SIL was disrespectful of your health issues. Stay away from negativity. You don’t need that in your life.
NTA. Nobody’s giving out medals for having natural births and people need to stop looking down on c-section births like it’s a failing of some kind. You did what was advised based on professional opinion for the health and safety of you and your child.
You are not weaponising anything, she is just playing victim and you don’t need to be around this toxic attitude. If she doesn’t apologise or you can’t come to a point where you are comfortable to be around her, just keep enjoying your baby and motherhood without this negative energy!
NTA but you SIL sure is!!! There was nothing you did wrong and she needs to wake the hell up. Let her see the responses to this post!
Fuck SIL. Delutional git.
NTA… better get used to it now, parenting will never go “according to plans” your SIL is the worst example but everyone is going to offer you unsolicited advice for a bit, Thank You or that wouldn’t work for me (on repeat) are your two best replies, if their advice smells like bullsh**. OH and get your husband to keep his family in line, if he is letting you fight these battles it’s time to tag him in. If your MIL is a fire and brimstone matriarch and everyone is scared of her, just keep your distance
It’s a good thing I’m not a postpartum woman because I (65M) would have punched her, gotten arrested, been confined to house arrest, had a record and had zero regrets. You are NTA.
NTA. She sounds dumb. Start gaslighting her about round ligament pain. Tell her it’s not real. Tell her you heard it’s a result of misaligned chakras or a bad energy field. Tell her round ligament pain isn’t a real medical issue.
NTA. Your SIL is an absolute fucking melon with the intelligence of a fruit fly. Ask her where her medical degree is that proves she knows more than your doctors and midwives did, and tell her she can take her pretentious, vile and ill informed opinion and shove it very firmly up her probably bleached ass.
Caesareans are not the easy way out, they have to cut through and stitch back so many layers, move your literal organs out of the way, and grab a slimy little baby out of your guts. The recovery is brutal and hard, and for most women a natural recovery is a million times easier (I’m not included in those women, but the caesarean was still very far from a breeze).
Who are these people who care so much about how other people’s babies came into the world, why don’t they have anything else to think about, why do they think they know kore than medical professionals and why ON EARTH do they think anyone cares about their opinion?!
NTA – tell her you’re glad she got the message that you’re actively keeping her away from your son because she chose to prioritise her medically unsound and completely irrelevant opinion over being a supportive and loving human being. And then tell her she better head off to the research institutes cos she’s managed to solve a problem they haven’t managed yet!
Oh bet she’s an anti vaccer and and only feed her kids organic food.
Wow. Nta!! Comparing round ligament pain something every pregnant woman feels to placenta previa that legit forces you to have no choice but to limit activity is truly insane. If she said this to your face I can only imagine what they all say behind your back!! I’d send her and your MIL info on placenta previa and why you couldn’t work out and tell SIL you no longer want to be around someone like her and how hurtful it was to demonize a condition you had no control over that could’ve cost you and your son your lives!! She’s the type who’d give your baby something he’s allergic too bc she thinks you’re exaggerating it or he needs to eat it to grow out of allergy. I would not feel safe around her!!
Absolutely NTA. You are the mother. You decide who gets to hold her and for how long. You get to decide when time is up for anyone else holding your child. If you feel the need to hold your infant for any reason then it is your absolute right to insist that whomever else (excepting your husband) is holding the child surrender it to you pronto. Tell SIL to pound sand.
When she gets a medical degree, then she can offer medical advice.
NTA but i’m pretty sure once u get a c section, u have to get one for all of your following births