So backstory: my (30f) boyfriend (35m) broke up with his ex girlfriend (30f) in December 2024. She refused to leave his house. They were together for around 9 years and lived together in this home. They have a 8 year old son that is biologically his exs nephew, but have been caring for him since he was a baby. The house is his childhood home and he’s buying it from his mom. Every time he brings up that she needs to find a new place to leave she threatens to not let him see thier son. He finally has had enough of the threats and got an eviction notice from the county and gave her 90 days to find a new place. Her 90 days is up in exactly one month.
Since they broke up he has been sleeping on a love seat couch in his office. He let her keep their bedroom and his son has his own room. She went and house sat for her brother for a couple of weeks and in that time he moved back into his room and told her he was taking his room back. This was last week. She was pissed but moved into thier sons room, and thier son moved to the couch, but has been sleeping with his dad.
Today was our day off and after I dropped my kids off at school I went over to my boyfriends house. She was not home at the time I got there. I heard a noise and went to grab my drink from the fridge and she was sitting at the table. I said good morning to her and went back to my boyfriends bedroom. I told him she was home.
A while later he got up to use the bathroom and he came back and said she was still at home. He told me she said she had to work today he didn’t know what she was doing home. Maybe an hour later we started having sex. She texted him all pissed off saying she can’t believe he would be so disgusting to have sex with me while she was home. She turned it into a huge deal and said that better not happen again. He said if she didn’t like it then she could move out.
I honestly didn’t know or care if she was home, she wasn’t on my mind at all. And it’s his house, not hers and she won’t mive out. So am I the asshole? Or, are we the assholes for having sex while she was home?
Comments
“I honestly didn’t know or care if she was home, she wasn’t on my mind at all.” Yeah you did. You literally talked about seeing her, and your boyfriend said she was still home an hour before. You’re an AH for lying.
Your boyfriend sucks more. He should have gotten the courts involved and her out of the house long before he brought another woman into the house.
You im not gonna call an asshole, but definitely stupid.
ESH
NTA. Not sure I’d be willing to get naked with that kind of crazy just hanging out in the house though.
NTA
The ex is a squatter. Don’t get respect when you are a squatter.
But your boyfriend should get the courts involved in establishing paternity and custody with his child then make all communications with his ex gf via a court approved app.
She decided to be an asshole and try to force him to live with her despite their breakup. She’s shown zero respect for him, so why should he show her any consideration? He doesn’t owe her anything, let alone a place to live. If she doesn’t find a place he should talk to a lawyer about getting visitation with the little boy he helped raise. He may have grounds.
ESH
You suck because you definitely knew that she was still there, and so did you boyfriend. And you both still decided to have sex loud enough for her to hear.
She sucks because she should’ve moved out long ago, and if she had, this situation wouldn’t have happened.
Every last adult in this story is YTA.
Him: For not kicking out his ex when they broke up. Allowing his ‘son’ to be kicked out his room.
EX: Forcing her self in a place she’s clearly unwanted. Not getting her own place. Thinking she can police the actions of grown people in a house that’s not hers.
You: Lying and saying “I didn’t care or know if she was home” You knew. You knew exactly what you were doing and trying to get a rise out her. Congratulations you did it!
The only person not an asshole here is the kid that is surrounded by over grown children that won’t grow up. ALL of you need to do better.
NTA, she has officially been evicted and should have left based on what I’m reading. It’s his childhood home he is buying from his mother so the ex has no rights to the home. She don’t like it then she can leave. Sounds like she has family she could stay with but is choosing to stay out of spite and draw things out.
I’m not reading your post. You are NTA unless you manipulated or forced your bf to have sex with you.
Yikes @ all of you
Hahaha, to me she’s begging for you to have far more sex, and I would, just to piss her off.
ESH. There is a CHILD involved in this pool of toxicity. Everyone should be focusing on what is best for HIM, not how the adults can annoy each other the most.
Biologically related or not, the two of them have a child together that they have been raising for eight years. Unless one of them is a complete AH, they’re going to have to coparent for the next decade. Throwing fuel on the fire now is going to make that relationship worse.
They need to go to court to work out legal custody arrangements, particularly if the child isn’t biologically either of theirs. Have they adopted him? Do they have a legal foster arrangement? That poor kid.
Yall all need to stop having sex. Everyone has kids and kids with old baby mamas and dads and new kids and Jesus Christ.
NTA – she’s weird for still being there. Have sex whenever you want it’s his house. Out of curiosity, does he have shared custody of their son?
Everything you need is in this one detail: she made the kid move out of his room when it became inconvenient for her. This person is completely selfish and I wouldn’t feel bad about anything you do to her.
NTA,
It’s not her house anymore. It’s his house. He has the right to bring over and have sex with whoever he wants in his own house. The ex thought she was gonna make you uncomfortable by hovering so you decided to make her uncomfortable by doing your own thing honestly I think that was a power move lol
NTA: Why should you care if she is there? They have been broken up for almost a year. I understand What you mean when you said that You didn’t know if she was there, because yeah you knew she was earlier but he told you that she was supposed to work that day so why would you assume she was still there. I get you thought she may have left she might not have left, it shouldn’t matter anyway it’s his house If you guys want to have sex in his room, then why not. As long as a child wasn’t home and able to hear you then it shouldn’t matter. Were you guys being super loud and obnoxious that she could hear you or was she probably being a little too close that she knew what you guys were doing? She’s the asshole for making her nephew sleep on the couch. If he can sleep with your boyfriend, then they can also sleep in the same room. I would start preparing for when those 30 days are up and she decides she wants to start shit cause she has nowhere else to go.
That’s a lot of drama for little return.
NTA
She needs to move out
This is so damn messy. Ya’ll are all assholes except the poor kid caught in the middle of it all.
NTA – should have had sex all over the house, wherever she went.
She’s a piece of crap that person is. Neither you or he owe her anything. She messed up. She needs to go.
ESH. You, your BF, his ex. This is some seriously trash behavior by every single adult. That poor kiddo. The lack of self awareness in this post is staggering. I hope this is rage bait and not real.
ESH: there is a kid involved in this and you are only worried about trying to get under his exes skin. Grow up. Why you would ever involve yourself in this childish bullshit drama is beyond me.
He isn’t ready to be in a relationship. You will be a rebound. Don’t get too comfortable.
Have sex in front of her next time. Nothing she can do about it
THEIR
It’s spelled their.
NTA!
This is awesome! Keep having sex with him there and that should help reinforce that she needs to move out.
As a side note though, this is why I don’t recommend getting involved with someone that has a child. They will still have to deal with the ex, and by extention, so will you.
I would have been super loud I’m petty like that
Be Louder next time
Be Louder next time.
ESH – except the little kid – was gonna say, little boy but, given the childish behavior of your partner thought it might be confusing.
You could wait a month. I’m sure not defending his cling-on ex but, you relished in rubbing her nose in your relationship with her ex. Karma will punch you in the throat for making another woman’s life miserable.
He didn’t take action sooner – that’s 100% on him, not her. You don’t know that he doesn’t bone her occasionally. Maybe she can’t afford rent. Whatever her story is, you could’ve waited. Expect him to treat you just as disrespectfully.
I pity the child. He’s not with his bio parents and sucked into a space devoid of adults.