My fourteen year old son loves to bake and he is really good at it too. He started with simple things like cookies but now he can bake just about anything from bread to pies, even cakes. Sometimes friends and people we know will ask him to bake them something and he will charge them a small fee. My mother has always hated the fact that my son loves baking.
She doesn’t understand ‘what kind of boy enjoys doing things that are meant for girls’. Ironically his younger sister hates baking. I tried explaining to my mother that there’s nothing wrong with my son’s love for baking and that she’s being sexist but my mother is stubborn and always makes sure to mention just how much she doesn’t approve of it every chance she gets.
She was visiting us for a few days and I came home from work to find my son distraught . When I asked him what’s going on, he told me that he came back from a friend’s house only to find that his baking things had disappeared. When he asked his grandma, she just said that now he can find a new appropriate hobby.
He has a specific kitchen cabinet where he stores all his baking things and sure enough it was empty, they weren’t in the trash either. I asked my mother what she did with my son’s things and she proudly told me that she got rid of them because I was clearly not going to do anything about it and that I was a bad father for allowing it to go on as long as it did.
These were approximately $200 worth of items collected over a period of time, hand mixer, scale, measuring things, pans etc. I told her that the only thing that I have allowed to go on way too long is the constant disrespect for my son and that she needs to apologize to him and either bring back his things right now or replace them.
She stubbornly said that she is not going to do that so I told her that first thing in the morning she needs to leave and she’s not allowed back here or around my children until she learns to respect their choices. She huffed and puffed all night and left in the morning. She was originally supposed to leave on Sunday, the day after my son’s birthday. She even took the gift she had bought him and left with it.
My stepdad called me to let me know just what a piece of s*it he thinks I am for treating my mother this way and kicking her out like some random stranger, I told him that she did this to herself and hung up.
Comments
Your mother’s actions were disrespectful and outright theft, aimed at controlling your son’s hobby. Protecting your child from her bigotry was absolutely the right call
It’s not the 1200s anymore your son is free to do whatever makes him happy
You let her stay til morning. That was the wrong decision. You should’ve kicked her out and held her belongings ransom. Fair is fair. Maybe then she’d find an appropriate hobby that isn’t bullying your kid.
You legit let her in your house with that behavior?
Apologize to your son for allowing it.
NTAH. Play stupid games win stupid prizes.
Lol she definitely got what she deserved. What an evil thing to do.
NTAH. Sounds like mom and step dad are. Keep them away from your kids permanently
NTA, and tell your mom to visit somewhere with elite cooking, like Italy or France, and see how many bakers are men.
She has some outdated beliefs that are her problem and not yours or your sons. I feel so bad for him though, that must have been really hard on him! Kudos for having his back.
>These were approximately $200 worth of items collected over a period of time
That is actual theft causing you actual material loss. Just saying.
NTAH
Kudos to your son for finding a healthy and potentially lucrative hobby. While some teens can be getting into trouble in their free time, your son is doing something wholesome.
Your mother is out of line and crossing boundaries.
You did the right thing.
Call the cops about the theft.
How can she not know of all those male pastry chefs? Or even in The Great British bake off, so many men
NTAH. Legally that is stealing, and even not considering that what she did was disrespectful to you and your son. You did a good job setting boundaries (clear and completely fair directions for what she needs to do, as well as consequences for what happens if she doesn’t comply that were then carried out as stated), hope she returns his things or at least that it doesn’t happen again!
NTA. Funny, I agree with stepdad’s description with one change – direct it to your mom.
NTA Out she goes,and tell stepdad when you want his opinion you’ll ask for it.
You are def not the asshole! Sounds like your mother was being one for sure. You 100% did the right thing in sticking up for your son. It is insane to me that someone could do something like that to their grandchild- it is so nasty to shit on a young person’s harmless interests just because they don’t fit within some stereotypical view of gender-not to mention how much everything cost and the literal theft. Very strange thing for someone to do imho! Good on you for drawing the line.
NTA. Kudos for supporting your son and removing your mom from your home. I sure as hell would not let her visit unless she apologizes to your son and replaces every piece of bakeware she threw out. Does she not realize that many talented cooks and bakers (who are men) are famous and have fulfilling careers? Supporting your son is the best thing you can do for him. I love the fact that he’ll bake something for a small fee. Smart and talented.
Your mother sounds horrid and isn’t very bright. Most professional chefs are men and about half pro bakers are. Regardless, it’s none of her damn business what your son does as a hobby if he’s not hurting anyone and you approve. She needs to replace everything she trashed and apologize. If you normally get her gifts for birthday, Christmas, Mother’s Day, etc. you could send her a postcard saying sorry no gift, I used it to replace some of what you threw away. Postcards are nice because the mailman can read if they want lol. Kidding but hey some people deserve pettiness.
NTA
NTA. And just became a hero to your son. And a role model to both your children.
lol most of the best pastry chefs and bakers in the world are men…what is she on about. The pastry chef I know has a Michelin Star and he can walk into any job he pleases. Your mums nuts
Sorry, but your mom is a bitch. NTA.
That is atrocious.
So men can’t cook or bake ? They don’t need / enjoy eating ?? … she’s lucky you let her spend the night…NTA
ESH except your poor son
Good on you for having your son’s back. It’s a damned shame so much was taken. I think you should stand your ground on having her return or replace those items. $200 probably won’t be high enough to go to small claims court, but the cops might not have a problem having a word with her. Those weren’t her things – it’s larceny.
The only pos is your mother. And maybe stepfather.
NTA, good for you! So happy you stuck up for your son and didn’t put up with her crap. Now buy your son new stuff for his birthday and tell your mother she will not see her grandchildren until she apologizes and pays you back.
Men have been bakers for centuries, probably millennia. Kneading bread is hard work.
The nasty grandmother must not know there are male chefs and male bakers.
I was pleasantly surprised when I read that it was Dad that said something. You are 100% NOT the asshole. Sounds like Grandma needs to learn boundaries or mind her own business.
Duff Goldman
Buddy Valastro
Adriano Zumbo
Just naming the famous male bakers that come to the top of my mind. I dare your mother to tell any of them baking is just for women.
NTA, thank you for being a parent who stands up for their kids. I would go no contact until your mom apologizes to your son and replaces everything she got rid of.
My brother (69) is amazing baking and an amazing cook. Much better than me.
Cut the stepdad and your mother off completely. You also owe your son an apology for letting it go on for so long.
the stupidity of my mother in this instance.
if you look at a list of to chefs, top bakers, top pastry chefs more than half are male.
gordon ramsey, who was famous as an ‘enforcer’ in football became a chef. if you go to many restaurants, most chefs are male.
so if you really want to fuck with your mom, you should agree to never go to a restaurant with a male chef, then whenever you guys go for a meal you should ask, and when they say the chef is male, walk out, passive aggressive defiance.
but down to the items.. what your mother did is basically theft. you can report her.
I’d tell her you have no interest in speaking again until she replaces all the items AND gives your son a genuine and heartfelt apology. Create an itemized list with your son so he gets the exact same quality items back. Don’t let her try to worm her way back in with cheap equipment. If i was your son I’d go out of my way to bake birthday cakes for everyone but her until the end of time, but I’m petty.
NTA & good riddance. Many men are chefs & bakers. She’s got some way outdated ideas about what’s for boys & girls. My husband is a chef. Several of my nephews are chefs. She does owe your son an apology, & $200! Encourage him to keep baking!
YTA for letting her stay until morning and not blocking her.
I would have had the cops charge her with theft.
Kudos… I would have caught charges. My son isn’t a fan of baking, but he is a chef.
She’s probably jealous cause she sucks at baking and your son rocks, what a bitch! NTA
NTA – You can let your step father know what a POS his wife and your mother is for intentionally hurting a child, her grandchild as well.
NTA. I am so mad at your mother! Her outdated attitude hurt her grandson. She caused him pain due to her inability to see that baking made him happy! Why destroy that? You did the right thing by telling her to leave. I personally wouldn’t have let her stay the night unless she told you what happened to his baking items. She needs to replace, apologize and never say anything about it again. Or go NC. Thank you for standing by your son.
The world needs more cakes and desserts. Screw your mom.
NTA
I strongly disagree with your stepfather. My only complaint about your parenting is that you didn’t rein your mother in many years ago with this sexist crap.
I absolutely think your mother should not be allowed to set foot in your house until she apologizes to your son and replaces his items. Her behavior is beyond appalling.
And honestly, I’d make sure that your mother understands that your stepfather isn’t allowed in your house anymore either until he learns to speak to you in a respectful manner.
Oh good gawd. Has that woman never watched a cooking or baking show in her life?
Who’s the star of the British Baking Show? Who usually stars in all the cooking shows? I grew up watching Graham Kerr and he knew all about using ovens.
Why doesn’t he have a stand mixer? Much better for baking. Never let your mother darken your door again, even if she “reforms.” And get him a good quality stand mixer!
Introduce her to Paul Hollywood.
NTA OP.
Your son wants to bake delicious goodies then by all means please kick your mother out for being a narrow-minded superficial AH to the wind.
Bullying a child smh what a bitch
Your mother is a c u next Tuesday. Protect you kids from those toxic weird things.
Good for you! And your son! Does she think all male chefs are “sissies?” Unreal to deny a grandchild’s skill and passion that may serve him well in life.
What an asshole your mother is. I applaud you for throwing her out. Don’t let her come back either.
NTA – your mother is a piece of work and as you know, you absolutely must support your son. This sounds like it has been going on for a long time and will take some time to heal.
Your son should absolutely be protected from that woman, regardless of any familial relationship. You did the right thing.
NTA Send her the bill for the cost of replacing all the equipment.
Also send her YouTube video’s of Duff Goldman, Buddy Valastro or Paul Hollywood.
Tell mom the best chefs in the world are men. 😯
Do you have any brothers? Are they absolute worthless of being adults and being fair equal partners with their girlfriends or wives? If you do I bet they are horrible.
You’re not the asshole. You are supporting and teaching your son and things that he enjoys and that will only bring joy to him and others around him.Tell your mother she needs to get with the current century.
Gordon Ramsay’s net worth is $220 million.
NTA !updateme
Not gonna lie but your mother sounds like the piece of shit in this scenario…your purpose is to encourage your children in what ever they enjoy doing and to guide them. He might be the next big chef that people fly internationally so he can bake for them……I hope he makes it huge and your mother can look from a distance in awe…..
/u/bot-sleuth-bot
I would threaten small claims court for her theft and destruction of property.
Just based off the title no, absolutely not. Often times parents need to protect their children from their grandparents. You did goo 👏👏
NTA. I’d let your mother know she can pay for the missing items or a police report will be filed. Her choice. Once she makes her decision, go no contact.
Good on you for sticking up for your son.
Why didn’t you tell her to leave immediately? Also you should try and get the police involved for theft. She stole from you, your son, if you don’t take some serious action against her now your son could remember your inaction. Don’t disappoint him.
Bot
u/bot-sleuth-bot
Does she not know who Gordon Ramsey, Bobby Flay, Anthony Bourdain
This account has existed for barely the time to write this post. What is the point of the bots and karma farming anyhow? I
In America there is a higher percent of Male chefs then female it’s %60 something to %30 something. And historically I think it has always been that way. I personally would have kicked her out on the spot not waited till morning. Good on you for standing up and defending your little baker!
NTA. I would cut her off until she replaced everything. Also, what a stupid person, baking is for everyone. Tell her to watch some British Baking Show.
Has your mother heard of Gordon Ramsey, James Beard, Duff Goldman, Pierre Herme, Emeril Lagasse, Buddy Valastro, Eric Ripert, Mike Johnson? All of these are famous celebrity chefs. Many are just bakers. For a very long time, professional bakers were only men. You absolutely did the best thing for your son. I think it’s great he likes to bake. For crap sake, he’s not doing drugs, vandalizing, or causing trouble. He has a hobby that other people are enjoying. Good for him. And this is a hobby he could actually turn into a career if he chooses.
NTA. Sue the witch.
I’m proud of you for sticking up for your son, and also for telling off your stepfather and hanging up on him.
NTA 💯
Paul Hollywood would like a word.
The only pos is these two so called grandparents. How does she expect him to eat when he moves out if he never learns to cook? Men like to eat baked goods to. Not to mention who goes in someone’s home and throws away their shit. I’d go to their house and just randomly throw their shit away and see how they like it.
She’s the AH. Good for you for protecting your kid
Yeah, you Were TAH. This went on far, far longer than it should have. Boundaries should have been firmly in place and adhered to Long before that evil wench was allowed in the house. Your son suffered far too long, and now, right before his birthday, all of his baking things need to be replaced.
You are Now NTA, for finally no longer allowing that POS any space around your son.
As for her? Absolutely disgusting POS who, apparently, has never heard of just about Any chef or baker out there. Yes, there are Of Course females who make it big in both industries, but has she Seriously Never Once turned on Food Network? She’s not just a POS, but she’s an idiot, and a dangerous one.
Please don’t let her back around your kids. She’s actively damaging them.
So you filed a police report and you’re taking her to small claims court, right?
“Fred the Baker” had to “make the donuts” in a Dunkin’ Donuts commercial for 16 years.
No one was scandalized as they waited in line for donuts.
Duff Goldman is a well known pastry chef in Baltimore, MD.
Rodney Henry started a business called Dangerously Delicious Pies
OP needs to do some baking videos with his son (apron and all) taking through recipe and chatting about how much he enjoys it, what it brings him, and what he wants to do in life. OP needs to also praise and comment about being a proud supportive dad. Post that for all to see. G-Parents will be shot down in flames.
NTA. Fuck gender norms and roles
You really should have stood up for him earlier. How would you let her bully him for this long?
Some of my fondest memories growing up are learning to bake from my grandmother. I’m a pretty good cook and still occasionally bake to this day. I would feel embarrassed not to be able to serve up some Yorkies to go along with a deer roast. Almost all the dudes I hunt with are good cooks and can bake.
I personally think you should have done this ages ago. If this is how he treats him, I can o my imagine what she might have put you through.
Well done for defending your child. Now I hope you can maintain your stand and not give in to any of their demands.
AI GARBAGE ONE HOUR OLD ACCOUNT GTFO ITLL BE DELETED SOON
Nobody can enter your home and throw away your property. You know you’re not the AH. Why are you even asking?
I am so proud of you. Thank you. 😊
NTA I can’t imagine what sort of grandmother would break her grandson’s beautiful heart by throwing away the tools he uses to create the things he loves.
Why does he have his very own special cabinet? No one else in the entire house uses mixers, baking sheets, measuring cups? Give me a break. I would love to be outraged on behalf of this mythical child but I’ve fed too many trolls today.
NTA. She clearly decided that she would rather not have a relationship with her grandson than realize that boys bake. I have no doubt she will spin this story somehow to make herself look like the victim. What a ridiculous person.
I hope your son heard you back him up and kick her out, otherwise you are the AH bc you let it go on for so long. What’s done is done, but please make sure he knows how proud you are to have a son like him. Then, stick to your word. She doesn’t deserve to be in his life, let alone yours. She’s the real AH here! I wish I could send you a replacement pan or two for your kiddo. He sounds much more talented than any “hobby” baker I know! 🍰
I just see. Gee is it wrong we let our son Bake? Because our mom is sexist? Geee what do you think bud? Answer the question.
Geez better not tell my late dad that baking is not a guy thing. After working in factories for a life time when he retired he took up baking. This man fought in WW2 so he’s about as manly as you can get.
Tell your stepdad, ” The only POS here is a sad old woman with her pathetic outdated views that have done nothing but point fingers towards herself to reveal that she is the problem. From now on, she will be a stranger because since she has chosen to behave this way, your family will, in turn, choose to keep her out of their life. She has no business in it anymore. This is solely her doing. “
NTA
NTA
If she wants to go back the ‘old’ ways inform her to stfu and she can only speak when spoken too. Tell her to clean the house like a woman should and to only ever speak when a direct comes her way.
Good job standing up for your kid. Your mother needs a harsher punishment though
NTA for finally kicking her out but YTA because you should have put a stop to this before she went ballistic. She is YOUR mother & you’ve pandered to her disrespect your whole life & now allowed it to hurt your son. Time to stop being a mommie’s boy.
NTA. At first glance it seems like this is about your son but I get the feeling your mom has a history of behaving this way and getting away with it. The reason you didn’t let her get away with it this time is because your son was the target of her behavior. You need to redefine boundaries with her starting with the fact you are your son’s parent and you will decide how to raise him. You should also tell her that if she isn’t able to apologize to your son or return the items she took then you’ll be going no contact until she’s willing to behave like an adult and admit she was wrong. Be prepared for her to drag everyone and their uncle into this but be sure to hold onto your boundaries because she seems like the type that’s going to push them. You have to be the type of person who doesn’t let her.
Sue her.
Sue her for the cost to replace the stuff. NTA
Or file a police report for theft.
Thank you for being a good father here.
Alright Dad!! You know what your son will learn from this? Dad has his back, baking is OK for boys/men (hasn’t she ever heard of Paul Hollywood?), and unfortunately when it comes down to it, G-ma is a jerk who can’t be trusted. I hope son’s stuff is replaced and he becomes a world famous baker!
You are NTA! There is nothing wrong with boys cooking! He will be on his own some day
He will have to provide for himself somehow!
My father and grandfather both could cook and bake. They were full time farmers in the Midwest. I’m pretty sure it did not affect there masculinity at all.
My son, who also loves to farm, will come from working out in the field to making chocolate chip muffins.
NTA your mother is sexist and needs to pay back for the damage she did and apologise
Your mother is a bit of an ignorant twatwaffle isn’t she?
I was like your son at that age. I learned to cook, bake, do my own laundry, etc from about 12 on.
I also played football, baseball, wrestling, worked on cars, dated only girls, hunted, etc.
My son and I cooked many of the home’s meals from an early age for him. If I could go back and live those days again, cooking and talking with him again, I’d do so right this second.
She isn’t reachable. I’ll bet she also is a Fox News consumer and MAGA type also.
Three words: Gordon Fuckin’ Ramsey.
Call the police and report the theft. What a fucking old witch. I hope you never speak to her again.
My only issue is that she was not kicked out IMMEDIATELY.
File a police report. She stole from you.
> ‘what kind of boy enjoys doing things that are meant for girls’
Does your mom live under a rock? Is she jealous that maybe your son is better in the kitchen than she is? Does she know that some of the best pastry chefs in the world are men?
You don’t need this toxic shit in your family dynamic. Tell mom and stepdad if they both don’t apologise and return the equipment they will be banned from contact.
NTA
I tell my girlfriend the best chefs in the world are men. She says it’s women. We are both right. I like to cook too, always have always will. The amount it saved me in my early 20s was insane and me and the lady were already at my house omg. Tell meemaw to go to mickey Dee’s and encourage ANY interest with growth opportunities a young person might have.
NTA. Her butt would have been finding last minute accommodations, not staying under my roof. And she’d be sent a bill with a threat of legal action. Seriously, add up the cost to replace everything down to the tiniest whisk.
Men have baked for ages. If they didn’t, the name Baker wouldn’t have been passed down through the ages. Tell her Gordan Ramsey (who can also bake btw) called to say she’s an idiot sandwich.
NTA.
First of all, obligatory note that even if your son is gay or trans, that’s fine. And if he’s not, that’s also fine. Your mom is homophobic either way.
Secondly, baking isn’t a gendered activity. If you watch the Food Network there are plenty of men who are successful professional bakers. Has she never heard of Carlos from Cake Boss? He’s a cishet man.
I didn’t even need to read past your caption, NTA. You should ALWAYS defend your son (any children) against family members. You are their protector, their safe place. It may feel wrong to stand up to your parents, but you chose to have your son. He’s your closest family now, not your mom.
“…she believes that baking is only for girls?”
Prettttttty sure some globally Cordon Bleu trained, Michelin starred pastry chefs would laugh her into total humiliation.
NTA, OP!!
Your son should audition for the junior baker culinary competition (shows)!
What a gift! Keep it going!! 🎂🥧🍩🍪
Not the asshole.
Fuck that bitch.
You’re nice than me, I would have physically removed her from the house. NTA for defending your son, do it more immediately and dramatically in the future. Fuck your stepdad, fight the guy.