I’m still pissed just typing this. Like, I’m this close to cutting ties for good. So, my wedding was last Saturday. Nothing too fancy, just something small with close family and friends. I spent months planning it. Booked a little garden venue. Picked a playlist with songs that actually meant something to me. I wanted the vibe to feel personal and chill. Everything was going okay at first. Then my cousin showed up with her husband and I swear, the dude was already drunk before the ceremony even started. Like, swaying on his feet drunk. I smelled the alcohol when he hugged me. I tried to ignore it. I didn’t want to make a scene. Big mistake. At the reception, it went downhill fast. He was loud. Talking over the speeches. Making “jokes” that weren’t even funny one about marriage being a trap or something. He kept calling my husband “bro” and clinking glasses like it was a frat party. At one point, he tried to get on the mic. My dad had to block him. He pushed my dad. It got physical. I nearly lost it. Then, in the middle of the first dance, he stumbled right onto the dance floor and knocked over a table. A full f*cking table. Glasses shattered. Food everywhere. My aunt screamed. People gasped. And I just stood there, frozen, feeling like my face was on fire. I pulled my cousin aside and told her they had to go.
Now. She looked shocked like I was the bad guy. She said I was being “extra” and that “he’s just drunk, not dangerous.” And then she started crying. Like I ruined her night. I didn’t yell. I didn’t cause a scene. I just said, “This is my wedding. I need you both to leave.” They did. But now I’m getting side messages from family saying I embarrassed her. That I could’ve “handled it better.” That “we all have that one messy relative.” Yeah. Sure. But why did my day have to be the one he destroyed? I still feel sick thinking about it. I look at the photos and all I remember is that crash, and people whispering, and me trying to keep it together. So here I am, wondering… Was I actually wrong to kick them out of my wedding even if it made a scene? AITAH?
Comments
They were out of line, NTA.
If you wanted to have a wedding crashers theme, you could’ve just invited the whole cast of The Hangover. At least then you’d have some funny stories instead of a table-flipping disaster.
NTA – the husband made a fool of himself by showing up drunk and couldn’t even behave himself. You had every right to ask them to leave. It’s your wedding!
Send her a bill for the cost of the ruined food and items. Anyone else is welcome to help her pay for it. Consequences!
NTA. That was horrible. And to all the family who think you are over reacting- block their numbers. You spent time and money to make a beautiful event and these aholes see nothing wrong with their behavior. They would get a permanent ban. Ick.
NTA. If her side of the family knew she and her husband were the “messy relatives” then they should’ve babysat them to make sure the bride didn’t have to deal with the mess. It may be true that every family has messy relatives, though I’m not sure it is, but that doesn’t mean they get to just be messy and have everyone put up with it. There are consequences and this time those consequences were having to leave. And if you were charged any extra for the damage he caused I’d be looking to make him pay for that as well.
She embarrassed herself bringing that useless lump. Who in the hell does that?
NTA, stop being ‘this close’ to cutting ties and just do it already. Bottom line, it was your wedding, the people responsible for the wedding becoming a shit show don’t get a free pass because you want to ‘rise above’ or ‘be the bigger person’. Get tough and woman up!
You didn’t embarrass her…her husband did!
NTA
Congratulations on your new marriage.
NTA he needs to pay for what he destroyed. Updateme
NTA. Be clear they were both out of line and won’t be invited to anything ever again.
I fully believe that 110% posts on subs like AITAH are fake.
“Cousin embarrassed ME because of how awful her husband behaved at my wedding, I did not embarrass her. But I guess you are saying in your estimation it was perfectly okay for cousin’s husband to embarrass me at my own wedding, to get physical with my father, invade the dance floor during our first dance, knock over an entire table of food, glasses and plates all because he was sh*t faced drunk, but my asking cousin to take her drunk husband home embarrassed HER? Are you kidding me? I don’t speak alcoholic so I didn’t know how to reason with someone so out of control and the best option was for them to leave before he caused any more destruction and damage. I’m glad you consider what he did acceptable behavior so please feel free to invite him to alllll your events.”
Nah. Bouncers kick out drunk people from bars for a reason.
NTA, You couldn’t be farther from the asshole here if you took a flight to another continent. The only ones who embarrassed themselves are your cousin and her drunken ass of a husband. If there’s video of it, I’d post it because honestly, screw them and their flying monkey brigade.
There must be video of their antics. Post it on Facebook or wherever. Let every one of your family members see it. They’ll have to watch their bad behavior & hopefully they’ll be embarrassed enough to apologize & maybe get help.
OMFG. You did the right thing. It’s always the drama queen who will tell you that you are being extra.
You embarrassed her??? How about her husband who was inappropriate and knocked over a fucking table? These people are crazy and you should cut ties with the cousin and anyone who blamed you for this asshole ruining your wedding.
People just ignoring the fact that your cousins drunk husband got physical with your dad at your wedding and caused a damage….what a bunch of jabronis…send your cousin the invoice for all the damages and cc all the flying asshole monkeys….also if there’s any footage of this jackass include that as well
>But now I’m getting side messages from family saying I embarrassed her. That I could’ve “handled it better.”
Block every last relative who had anything to say about the matter. As for your cousin, now you know. Do not invite her and her unruly-flask-of-a-spouse to any events that you host. Period. And forever. If you want to invite her to female-only get togethers, fine. But anything where it’s mixed – no. He doesn’t know how to behave so that’s how you treat them. He wrote the ‘check’ so you have the spine to ‘cash it’.
If anyone, family/parents included, comment on their absence calmly, without any ‘heat’, state that you’re unaware of how it has anything to do with them. Then change the topic. If they do it again, LC them, and if they do it even after that – block them for at least 6 months.
If you fail to manage your boundaries now this nonsense will reoccur for baby showers, bbq’s, b-day parties that you host. Who your family invites to their events is their business but you are under no obligation to tolerate this type of behavior.
Let your parents know that your business is not to be shared. If your parents can’t keep their yap shut, then put them on the “need to know” list and leave them there. Also let them know that they are not to challenge your boundaries or they will share the same fate.
I would be absolutely livid if this happened at my wedding. 😡
So … go through your phone now, and everyone who had the audacity to say you should have sucked it up, block them without responding to them. If their sibling/parent try to bring it up, you already have the response 👆🏾.
NTA
Updateme!
NTA. Send them the bill for the reception. Since they decide they were doing it by being drunk off their ass
Ask your photographer if he got photos of the incident and make that your profile pic with a go fund me link “Pay for everything Cousins Husbands Name Broke when he showed up blackout drunk to my wedding” attach videos and photos and tag everyone giving you a hard time.
Lol.
I’ve been in both your position and (unfortunately) your doofus bro in law’s.
He owes you a heartfelt apology and offer of payment for the fucked up dishes/decorations/food he ruined.
You are in NO WAY the asshole.
NTA. You should have had them leave earlier.
You handled it a lot better than I would have. NTA and your family is messed up for taking her side. She embarrassed the hell out of you on the one day that mattered. If my husband was that smashed I absolutely would not have even gone to the wedding. Better you are upset for a no show than what actuslly happened.
NTA please file a claim against that incident. Whatever fits the bill. So the rest of the family that labeled you extra, bridezilla, over the top etc that IT IS NOT OK TO DO THAT EVER!
NTA. What gets me in this situations is that family are quick to text or msg you about your behavior, but not one of them cared enough about you and your special day to escort your cousin’s husband out of the venue. Shame on your cousin for even bringing him to a wedding while he was drunk and not taking action to get him out of there. She should be embarrassed and extremely apologetic to everyone, but esp you and your husband.
I am really sorry OP. Stand firm in knowing that you did the right thing because no one else did a damn thing.
Nope. Fuck both of them.
NTA they don’t actually think it was wrong to ask a drunk to leave. They just feel sorry for your cousin. When you sweep things under the rug, she gets to save face because everyone is pretending the behavior is normal and not a problem in front of non-family. But when you asked him to leave, it made it clear that he was out of line and has a problem. No more pretending for her.
I think you actually helped her because he isn’t going to even think of changing and she won’t leave him unless they experience the negative impact of his drinking.
I’m sorry they messed up your day.
Well it was dangerous, he knocked over a table with glass that shattered. He could have hurt a child or elderly person who could not move quickly. He ruined food and I am sure they charged you to replace everything he broke. I would never defend anyone that acted this way. She is in a very dysfunctional marriage and this is probably normal behavior for her at this point. Clearly he is an alcoholic. While she chooses to be ok with his behavior, no one else needs to.
I am not sure how else you could have handled it better. He needed to go ASAP. I would tell them they need to appreciate the fact you simply asked them to leave and not have the cops show up, nor did you invoice them for all the damage and wasted food. They should be seeking you out and apologizing to you. We may all have a messy relative but that does not mean we have to tolerate bad behavior. No one is doing him a favor by pretending like his behavior is normal or acceptable. It is not. Until he is forced to be held accountable he will never change.
I would say I am not married to him, nor do I have to tolerate an alcoholic. Everyone else is free to but I will not. NTA
Your family thinks you handled it badly, should have invited me, I would have made you look good after I got down with him.
NTA. You did the right thing. This drunk managed to make your special day miserable for you.
Block all of her supporters. People need to learn to keep their “messy relatives” at home.
He was obviously so drunk he was a liability to himself and others. You did what anyone with common sense would do. Imagine if they did that at a bar; they’d be kicked out sooooo freaking quick. NTA
NTA
“Hey! The guys a drunk. I tolerated the trash talking, the interruptions, the rudeness… long enough. If you think enabling that boorish behavior and alcoholic lifestyle is acceptable, then have a nice life.”
Then just stop engaging with them. Don’t respond to calls and texts. If they post on Facebook, post the videos of the microphone take over and the first dance interruption.
My little brother and 80yo father would have taken that guy out back and beat the shit out of him. The guy is lucky he was just asked to leave.
nta and you know you’re not
She embarrassed herself. You didn’t. Go full NC until he’s been sober for a few years. AA.
Should have done it soon as you saw he was blind drunk.
Nta. Send her a bill. And tell her till its paid back and they do a public apology they are banned from any event you do.
And tell anyone on their side to stfu and they can drop your number.
He got physical with your dad and directly caused broken glass in the venue. That IS dangerous, not just drunkenness. NTA.
If I was the cousin I would’ve got him out of there the second he started acting up. It’s your day. You had every right to tell them to leave. I agree to send a bill for damages
He embarrassed himself. You had nothing to do with it, except putting it to an end. In fact, you shouldn’t have had to be the one to expel them. The rest of your family let you down in that respect. NTA.
Tell your family to stop making excuses for poor behavior. You were not over the top. Ask them exactly what you were supposed to do with this drunk asshole. Were you supposed to let him knock over all the tables so nobody got to eat and peoples clothing got ruined?
And if there is one messy relative, why were you the only one who spoke up? Why didn’t her own parents speak up. Because every single one of them knew this was not acceptable behavior.
I would literally send an entire text or make a social media post… and I will tag my cousin, her idiot, your aunt, friends of the family, etc.… And I would tell them something like this…
“Hey everyone… I’m gonna just address this all at once because I’m tired of getting messages from family members or friends telling me I was too harsh with my cousin and her drunk husband when they tried to ruin my wedding.
And make no mistake, they were ruining my wedding. Please stop trying to couch his behavior and her enabling it and pretty phrases such as… We all have one messy relative.
The bottom line is that I planned my wedding. I paid for it. I spent so much time and energy and effort into Jamaican a nice day. And they almost ruined it. So yes… I asked them to leave.
He was drunk when he got there, which is unacceptable. He knocked in an entire table over, spilling all the food, etc.… They’re lucky I’m not suing them for the money. I put out that they ruined when he couldn’t even show up to one event not already plastered.
And your family members saying I’m too harsh… Where the hell were you? Aunt… Cousins mom… Why the hell didn’t you get your daughter and son-in-law check? Why did I, the bride, have to do the reasonable thing and tell them they needed to leave?
I shouldn’t have had to do that. If all of you are so bent on telling me there’s one messy relative… Then every single one of you should’ve had your eye on them and should have been ready to get them the hell out of there if shit like this went down.
Instead, you want me to accept your version that I was unreasonable for not wanting my wedding ruined. And you know why? Because you knew cousin and her husband behave this way. And none of you wants to confront them. You want to sweep it under the rug, no matter what the results are.
None of you wants to grow an actual spine to be an actual adult and confront them and tell them that their behavior at these events is unacceptable. That ruining another person‘s event is unacceptable.
No, you all wanna tell me fuck you. You should’ve just let her ruin your event. Seriously? So no, cousin and her husband are persona non grata to me. And any of you who continue to try to spend the narrative that they’re drunken behavior was OK in anyway… You can join them.
They brought that on them themselves. You did not cause their poor behavior. They did and I’m sure everybody at the wedding was glad to see them go and probably had a much better time after things settled down when they left. Congratulations on your wedding and all the best to you in the future and I hope you could remember the bright spots and the good things that happened that day and not focus on the drunks
He tried to fight your dad, but YOU embarrassed her?! Nah, eff that!
NTA! Time to start trimming the fat (i.e. all the family criticizing you!)
They’re saying you embarrassed her?!
Mmmmmkaaaaaaayyyyy…
NTA
TOTALLY NTA.
You DO need to cut ties for good. What your cousin’s husband did was and is unforgivable, disrespectful, disgusting, disturbing, horrible, and humiliating to you and your husband. Your cousin/husband not only owe you an apology but they need to grovel at your feet. I absolutely would not invite them to ANYTHING in the future.
“She said I was being “extra” and that “he’s just drunk, not dangerous.”
Is she delusional or just dumb. Could be both.
Congratulations on your marriage.
NTA- You need to tell her I did not embarrass you, your husband did that all on his own. I was just trying to save you from more embarrassment and save my wedding from being destroyed.
NTA. They embarrassed themselves. I’d be going low contact for a really long time.
NTA- It’s not like it was a small accident. He chose to be out-of-control.
So NTA. Cut that negativity out of your life. They didn’t care about you to be respectful on your wedding day, then get rid of them. Others will try to justify it, play it down, no.
Just say “Bye Felicia.”
NTA. You didn’t embarrass her, her husband did. He arrived drunk and caused a scene. Multiple scenes. and he is a danger, knocking over a whole table, broken glasses and dishes and all, is dangerous. he is dangerous. This was a wake up call about her husband, she is ignoring it. Kicking them out was the least you could do, if the venue hit you up for the costs of the knocked over table, you could pass that bill along too.
NTA. Her husband embarrassed her not you. Honestly she is a cousin, this makes it easier to cut ties. Do it. She ruined your day before it started. Any family that sides with them is ridiculous.
It’s hard to believe that anyone in your family would say YOU embarrassed HER by throwing her out after what you described her boyfriend did.
This sounds like a complete bullshit post.
SOMEBODY……. Please help me to understand why family get upset when another family member ruins someone event/celebration/etc & the person that they feel they need to chastise is not the one that came in sloppy drunk but the person whose event it is😩
First tell all them to kiss where the sun don’t shine & I agree with BestAd5844 & Lapsteelguitar, send all of them an invoice including crying cousin & drunk bunny….. ugh😡, they can all pay for the damages…. Unfortunately you can’t get a do over😔
NTA – and anyone who says otherwise is wrong. Your cousin’s husband “pushed” your Dad, not only was he drunk, he was violent. He knocked over an entire table spilling food and breaking glass. I don’t see how any of HIS ACTIONS were your fault. HE embarrassed himself, his wife, and his entire family. IMO, any of the family that sent you messages saying that you embarrassed her need to be blocked. Your cousin chose to come to your wedding with an already drunken husband, what the ever-loving f*ck did she think was going to happen? She and her husband literally wrecked your wedding and other family members are treating you like the villain? No, block them.