I 20F have been with my fiancé since we were young (4 years now) he is 22M. We got engaged earlier this year and have an amazing relationship, we have had rough patches and worked through it. We’re in an amazing place. The problem is his friend also 22M was stuck for somewhere to live. So we took him in, the agreement was temporary till he could sort something permanent. There was no problems till the comments started “this is permanent now then” and comments about how he was getting meals made for him (payed for by us too) and it was restaurant service, he would leave dirty dishes in kitchen after this. This I could get over but our situation is that my dad owns the house but lets us live on our own in it rent/utility free (I’m aware that our situation is very lucky), his friend knew this and started comments about how he had “more of a right to be here” as he was paying toward utilities to my dad. I did have to stop myself from being petty and commenting how this is due to the fact he isn’t family, I’m not proud that it came into my head but I also think I was correct and not in wrong, I didn’t speak this out loud. The friend continued to not help around the house and it came to a head, I told him to start helping or go somewhere else. He moved out and now is blaming me to everyone we mutually know that I kicked him out and that I was in the wrong. He was here for 6 months. So am I the asshole? I really want to know as I second doubt myself. I’m happy to answer any questions, thank you.
Edit:
My fiance has supported me through this and had spoken to the friend previously. Nothing changed, our engagement party is soon and he fully agrees with not inviting said friend even though he has left the house as he understands how this has all made me feel.
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I 20F have been with my fiancé since we were young (4 years now) he is 22M. We got engaged earlier this year and have an amazing relationship, we have had rough patches and worked through it. We’re in an amazing place. The problem is his friend also 22M was stuck for somewhere to live. So we took him in, the agreement was temporary till he could sort something permanent. There was no problems till the comments started “this is permanent now then” and comments about how he was getting meals made for him (payed for by us too) and it was restaurant service, he would leave dirty dishes in kitchen after this. This I could get over but our situation is that my dad owns the house but lets us live on our own in it rent/utility free (I’m aware that our situation is very lucky), his friend knew this and started comments about how he had “more of a right to be here” as he was paying toward utilities to my dad. I did have to stop myself from being petty and commenting how this is due to the fact he isn’t family, I’m not proud that it came into my head but I also think I was correct and not in wrong, I didn’t speak this out load. The friend continued to not help around the house and it came to a head, I told him to start helping or go somewhere else. He moved out and now is blaming me to everyone we mutually know that I kicked him out and was in the wrong. He was here for 6 months. So am I the asshole? I really want to know as I second doubt myself. I’m happy to answer any questions, thank you.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. Freeloaders are always going to try and take advantage, and it’s not surprising that he’s badmouthing you to others after the fact. Anyone whose opinion you care about, you make sure to let them know that he was living rent free and still couldn’t be bothered to contribute to dishes or housework. Otherwise he can pound sand and mouth off to whomever he likes.
NTA. He responded to your kindness with entitlement and insults. Why would you want to continue being nice to someone who is treating you poorly?
You did a very nice thing and gave him more than enough time to find alternate housing, and he chose not to. Actions have consequences.
Ignore his temper tantrums, and if anyone decides to be angry with you based only on his side, now you know they weren’t a real friend.
NTA
You didn’t kick him out.
You gave him a choice, help out or go somewhere else. He chose to go somewhere else.
Kick him out immediately.
Nta. Your dad and you and your fiancé supported him for half a year, and he’s complaining? The only words out of his mouth should be thank you. He’s not a friend, he is a freeloader, and the ride was over.
*paid, not payed
Info: how long after you told him to help out or get out did he leave?
NTA – you didn’t mention how your fiancé felt about this. If he wasn’t fully supportive of you on this maybe it’s time for him to go too.
NTA. Entitled friend needed to go. But… Where was your fiancé in all of this? His friend, his responsibility. Instead he let him treat you like a servant? I swear, whenever a teens/20-year old gets on here and starts with “the relationship is perfect”, the relationship is not, in fact, perfect. You don’t have a friend problem, you have a fiancé problem, and you need to work out this situation with him and get on the same page before it happens again.
NTA you need to tell everyone you gave him a choice and that’s what he went with.
NTA
My best friend lived with my family for a year during my freshman year of college. We never asked her to pay rent or utilities because… I’m not really sure why. She was a delight and the cleanest person in the house. My favorite memories are of us cooking dinner together and playing “guess who” games while we were falling asleep every night. We would describe someone we knew and the other one would have to guess who we were thinking of. One semester, I had a really early class so I would try to be as quiet as possible in the mornings and would often leave her silly notes on the desk.
We weren’t her maid. She was a lovely house guest… if you could call her that.
NTA, but why was both the serving as his housemaid and kicking him out on you, and not on your fiance? It’s his friend, he invited him, and he also seems to be living rent-free while you do all the housework. Then he makes you do his dirty work. Great deal for him, not so much for you.
NTA, even if you had kick him out without warning you wouldn’t be. It’s basic logic that if you’re offered lodging in a house you should support in basic household chores, clean up the mess you did, and most importantly: respect the owner
NTA.
Nah if he ain’t gonna do basic chores around the house then he can leave. It’s just that simple nothing else, sure he can help out with paying utilities but chores are not that hard to do.
Not…. He’s the Ahole… the place is not his Hilton… he’s fine right now…? He’s living, eating and sleeping on someone else’s time and couch…. Don’t worry about it…
Anyone who doesn’t have the nerve to say something to your face is always A classless Ahole in my book and I’ve dealt with many in my lifetime…
Don’t sweat it… if he’s talking cr@p it’s because he’s the king of cr@p…
Your bf doesn’t and shouldn’t be friends with someone like that… hope he opens his eyes and mind…
Enough said…
Who cares? He’s gone. That’s all that matters.
NTA. There’s a saying that no good turn goes unpunished, which unfortunately appears to be true. Might as well get that jerk out of your lives.
NTA. What part of temporary did he not understand?
W King! Slava VON Slava “O Block”