I started subletting from my roommate, E, in January 2023 since I didn’t meet the credit requirements for a studio in NYC (700+ 🥲) and I needed a place that was budget friendly and could get me to my job in an hour or less. We later became friends and did the normal friend things like commiserate about our jobs, talk about relationships, life, etc. There would be times where they were cold and distant but I chalked it up to life happening.
Earlier this year, they held a “roommate check in” where they told me that they no longer wanted to have conversations with me after work because they were stressed and wanted to decompress. I obliged. A month or so went by with us just saying hello and then they struck up a conversation. I was excited and, will admit, talked their ear off about all the things going on. I genuinely missed having the conversations. This was apparently the wrong thing to do because they then held another meeting where they said I talk too much, don’t hold space for them, and they no longer wanted to speak. Again, I obliged, and for the next couple months we didn’t speak.
Come end of August, I got caught in one of NYC’s rainstorms and came home soaking wet. They asked what happened, I told them, and they asked how my day went. I told them and asked how their day went. The conversation was good so I thought, “maybe they’re ok now”. A week later, they came into my room for another “check in” and lambasted me for being “disrespectful” for speaking to them the week before and making it about me. They went on to say “You have a lot of friends, I’m surprised you don’t get the hint when someone doesn’t want to speak with you.” I was floored at this point and enraged. I was silent through this and at the end, flat out told them that I was done with their emotional merry go round and if this the way things were going to go, then we didn’t need to speak at all if it wasn’t about house things. They looked shocked, said OK, and left my room. A couple days later, I was still fuming mad, so I decided to send a text explaining how I felt. After that text was sent, all hell broke loose. They basically told me I wasn’t listening to them or their feelings and that if I didn’t walk it back, I needed to move out.
E tried to walk that statement back about me needing to move out a couple days later but the damage was already done. I immediately started looking for place since my credit had improved and got accepted for a place mid September. I told them via email that I would be moving out October 1st and they’ve been downright awful ever since. They’ve thrown my stuff in the common spaces on the floor, citing that since they bough the shelving units, they had the right to do so. They’ve moved all my stuff around in the kitchen, told me I couldn’t use the shelving units in the bathroom, and have been inviting their partner over every single night since to bother me. I haven’t said one word in person to them since August.
AITAH for moving out?
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT – DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything.
I started subletting from my roommate, E, in January 2023 since I didn’t meet the credit requirements for a studio in NYC (700+ 🥲) and I needed a place that was budget friendly and could get me to my job in an hour or less. We later became friends and did the normal friend things like commiserate about our jobs, talk about relationships, life, etc. There would be times where they were cold and distant but I chalked it up to life happening.
Earlier this year, they held a “roommate check in” where they told me that they no longer wanted to have conversations with me after work because they were stressed and wanted to decompress. I obliged. A month or so went by with us just saying hello and then they struck up a conversation. I was excited and, will admit, talked their ear off about all the things going on. I genuinely missed having the conversations. This was apparently the wrong thing to do because they then held another meeting where they said I talk too much, don’t hold space for them, and they no longer wanted to speak. Again, I obliged, and for the next couple months we didn’t speak.
Come end of August, I got caught in one of NYC’s rainstorms and came home soaking wet. They asked what happened, I told them, and they asked how my day went. I told them and asked how their day went. The conversation was good so I thought, “maybe they’re ok now”. A week later, they came into my room for another “check in” and lambasted me for being “disrespectful” for speaking to them the week before and making it about me. They went on to say “You have a lot of friends, I’m surprised you don’t get the hint when someone doesn’t want to speak with you.” I was floored at this point and enraged. I was silent through this and at the end, flat out told them that I was done with their emotional merry go round and if this the way things were going to go, then we didn’t need to speak at all if it wasn’t about house things. They looked shocked, said OK, and left my room. A couple days later, I was still fuming mad, so I decided to send a text explaining how I felt. After that text was sent, all hell broke loose. They basically told me I wasn’t listening to them or their feelings and that if I didn’t walk it back, I needed to move out.
E tried to walk that statement back about me needing to move out a couple days later but the damage was already done. I immediately started looking for place since my credit had improved and got accepted for a place mid September. I told them via email that I would be moving out October 1st and they’ve been downright awful ever since. They’ve thrown my stuff in the common spaces on the floor, citing that since they bough the shelving units, they had the right to do so. They’ve moved all my stuff around in the kitchen, told me I couldn’t use the shelving units in the bathroom, and have been inviting their partner over every single night since to bother me. I haven’t said one word in person to them since August.
AITAH for moving out?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I might be an asshole for the way I responded during that last roommate check in. I was angry and upset and did not take the moment to respond in a better way. Maybe I should’ve just apologized and left things alone.
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
They sound like an absolute peanut. NTA
Nta
Everything you said and did sounds reasonable. Why would you want to stay in this difficult situation with an volitile and controlling person?
May you find peace and pleasant conversation in your new situation.
NTA- You can tell by the way they’re treating you now that moving out was the RIGHT decision. Even when i was upset with my roommates, I never stooped to messing up their stuff and trying to attack or anger them any time they’re in our shared space. If they’ll do this over an argument, then it’s best to leave and never look back instead of stay and deal with another argument.
NTA and you’re in the homestretch. That’s an unreasonable way to expect someone to interact.
NTA. I’d also check your lease because it probably isn’t ok for roommate to have her BF over like that. Since your stuff can’t be on shelves in common areas, her man shouldn’t be taking up space, either.
NTA But If you could have moved faster I would have. The second time they complained, I would have made all my convos short. When they asked about your being wet, I would have said “rain” and kept it moving. They were looking for a reason to argue and still are because you are leaving now. You only have a few days left, just pack up all the stuff they threw out and be prepared to move when the first 1st comes.
NTA this sort of behaviour is abusive. You don’t know where you stand with someone like this.
Getting out is the best policy.