I’me (22M) And my girlfriend (21F) have been dating for about 2 years she’s always been an amazing girlfriend but whenever we’re with people she knows she becomes a different person.
Alright so this happened on saturday. my girlfriends birthday like the boyfriend I am I of course attend the party. At the party she drank and I mean drank. She was like 6 wine glasses deep because she was really excited to finally drink. she stood up and tapped her glass to make a toast. And said
“this is my special day my 21st birthday thank you everybody especially my boyfriend who pays for everything and no matter what I do hes still gonna come crawling back like the person I raised him to be”
I was beyond shocked. I was about to explode but I kept quiet and stood up and left without cussing without making a scene just left. When I was at the door to leave she yelled “oh come on we all know your just gonna come crawling back to me”
When I got to our apartment she texted me “why whould you ruin my party because of a joke asshole” i just sent her two words “were done” and instead drove to my parents house where I slept
I woke up at 11am with my phone hot as a oven with hundreds of messages from her friends calling me an asshole for doing that. She even tried to call me from I different number but I still didn’t budge I cancelled all our shared subscriptions and blocked her friends too.
Now she’s posting about selfish people who only care about them selfs knowing she was the one who made fun of me in front of her friends.
Now I’m getting messages from her family calling me a asshole for getting mad over a joke. Help me out what should I do?
Comments
You know what you should do. Block her and her friends and family. End of story.
And don’t go crawling back. She sees you as a doormat with a bank account. I totally understand why she wants you back. I don’t understand why you’d go back. She literally told you to your face that she has zero respect for you as a person.
She literally called you a doormat in front of everyone.
NTA don’t let these ppl back in you life and stay quiet about disrespectful your ex was. She’s going to be the one crawling back to you.
You did the right thing.
You have done what you should do. You walked away. This is the best thing you could do for yourself.
People who say shit like this and the accuse the person they’re abusive to of “not being able to take a joke” are the AH. It’s only a joke if everyone is laughing. You’re not laughing.
What you should do is tell them all the same thing:
‘It’s only a joke if both people are laughing. Well I’m not laughing.
I am a human being and I have self-respect. I have always treated GF with all the respect in the world, honored her as the strong independent person that she is. But I’ve also made no secret of the fact that I loved her with all my heart.
She chose to take that love and mock it, turn it into a joke, and imply that I have no self-respect. Sorry, but I have enough self-respect to not be with someone who’d mock me in such a way.
The sad thing is, 99.9% of the time she’s been a wonderful and loving and supportive partner. But when around a certain group, she turns into a different person, suddenly has to make herself look cool by putting others down. I don’t know why that is and I don’t care. But the girl up on stage isn’t the girl I fell in love with.
I’ll point out that none of the crap she’s said since that night was an apology. Just more accusations, saying I should be okay with what she said. I’m not. So we’re done.
Please stop contacting me. I’ve made up my mind.
And please tell GFName I don’t hate her, and I truly wish her the best. I hope she gets some counseling and resolves to be a better person. But it won’t be with me.’
Copy paste that to anyone who messages you then mute/block them.
Can someone explain the joke to me ? Because I’m not laughing NTA
You either do the right thing and stick to the relationship being over. Or you could go crawling back to her, like she said you would when she humiliated you.
You didn’t leave over a joke you left over disrespect wrapped in a punchline. A “joke” that humiliates you in front of others isn’t comedy, it’s a warning. You did the right thing by walking out instead of crawling back
Just don’t go crawling back to her.
I’ll update you guys in a few days
Block them all and walk away. Congratulations for having the spine to stand up for yourself. She sounds appalling.
NTA
I’ve never once said something while drunk that I didn’t at least think of while sober. You have your answer. NTA, move on
NTA. Drunk wprds are often sober thoughts. If she was that drunk she probably didn’t mean to say out loud what has been in her head for a while.
Leave and don’t look back.
Like others have said, leave, never look back.
One thing I can say with total certainty about drunk people. No one ever did anything drunk that they didn’t think about sober. Being drunk just turns off the little voice that stops you doing or saying those things. So in short, that’s exactly what she thought of you.
Also, her being different around other people was a huge red flag too. Not that it matters now.
Good luck man.
She humiliated you publically and cant take a responsibility for that. I’m sorry OP but she is a shitty person. If a good friend of yours told you that story, wouldn’t you tell him the same?
Looking forward to the update
NTA
Drop all of them, this ain’t ok.
She’s a different person when she’s alone with you not when she’s with others. When she’s in a group she acts as she is. What is she like in a group when you’re not there?
This is massively disrespectful, it’s contempt. That she thinks it was a joke shows you it’s what she actually thinks. She thinks you are a door mat so saying it is no big deal.
Nta updateme
NTA
Your courage and ability to leave gracefully is honorable.
Your ex set out to humiliate, shame, disrespect, and subjugate you backfired on her. Sorry you had to experience that, and that you had to leave what ‘was a nice relationship’ that you valued.
You know the saying, a drunk person speaks a sober mind.
Did she ever amongst all the noise apologize? If not. Done, move on, find someone who sees you as an equal
I’m a girl and would never embarrass someone I love like that. She’s TA. Even when I’m drunk I know to keep my mouth shut about my relationship in public. Loose lips sink ships!!
NTA.
Her true feelings about you came out.
Good riddance.
Hey so I’m a girl, I’ve been known to make the occasional “ew men” joke or even A boyfriend joke. What your gf said was crazy out of line. I’m really sorry OP.
Every joke has a little truth to it, and her and everyone in that room knows that….leave her, however the “our apartment” part sucksss
When people show you who they are, believe them -Maya Angelou
Think about it. He response instead of apologizing was to rip you down and passive aggressive attack you. If you go back to her you will show her and the people attacking the bday that she has you whipped or trained. She is a terrible partner. The best response and cleanse your place of all her crap and save all the posts online they all make. Stay quiet and dont respond to anything. She wants a reaction to use against you. Give her nothing but silence. That will driver her insane. She will call begging. And that’s when you have to stay silent the most. Let those 2 words “were done” speak for you. Any girlfriend with commonsense would know how badly she effed up. FAFO. And she did. Remember… Shhhh. Be a ghost now. Let her deal with the silence. She wants the fight. Fighting shows you care. Walking away shows you are truly done
Remindme! -7days
She might’ve been drunk, try to get to a calm place, and ask about why she said it
You already did it. Now block her and move on. If the house is yours tell her she has however long to move out. If it is hers then just move out. If you are both on the lease talk to the landlord and see what you have to do to get out.
I’ll just say In vino veritas
Make of that what you want.
updateme
NTA. What’s that saying? I would rather adjust my life to your absence than adjust my boundaries to accommodate your disrespect.
That wasnt a joke, that was disrespectful
NTA, but when you do go back you are. She will be right.
Where’s the joke? There’s nothing to laugh at. Someone who loves you will never ever do that.
Most will tell you to walk away. If you are devastated by her actions, tell her that her AP told you out of guilt and let her get pissed at everyone.
She disrespected you. The definition of a joke, according to the dictionary, is: “a thing that someone says to cause amusement or laughter, especially a story with a funny punchline.” this didn’t cause you to laugh or be amused, but hurt your feelings. She drank 6 glasses of wine, so she probably was very drunk. But that’s no excuse, that’s actually worse, because drunk people generally speak the truth. This “joke” of hers tells you exactly how she feels about you: you’re a doormat with a bank account to her.
You wrote to her that it’s over. If you go running back, you just proof her right, and on the next occasion she’ll be joking about that, saying stuff like: “didn’t I say he always comes crawling back?” You just give her more fuel to disrespect you. There’s only one solution if you don’t want her to disrespect you even more. And that is to proof her wrong. Move on with your life. Block anyone who acts like you’re the villain here.
God I really can’t stand drunk people
NTA
Alcohol doesn’t change a person, it just lowers inhibitions. Her true feelings came out, she sees you as a financier who she can control and you’ll come crawling back for more. You did the right thing, cut your losses and move on. It’s obvious her friends and family share her feelings about you and men in general, so no loss cutting them all off too.
So, it is an ugly thing to say, for sure.
If it enough to end a relationship with “amazing girlfriend”? Only you can know that. She doesn’t sound that amazing to me, if she says that about you.
If this is the one and only time she ever treated you like this, it could be alcohol and party clowning that got better of her. You’re the one who knows her and your reaction hints at this being “the last straw”.
Nope, you were smart you got out, they can say that cause they drink it’s good they truly think and feel, bullet dodged
You’ve done what you need to do.
Did she apologise at all?
People are the most honest during 2 phases, anger and drunk , it wasn’t a joke , she flat out disrespected you, not just as a person but as her boyfriend as well , she let you know exactly how she truly thought of you , not only did she initially say it but she reinforced the it by saying it again as you left , her and the people siding with her are extremely toxic, ask them if the roles had been reversed if they would be calling her names an telling her “it was just a joke” good move of ending things
Updateme
Obviously NTA
I am baffled that americans actually wait until they are 21 before they get properly drunk at parties. If you want to be a drunk fool, be a fool at 18 not 21.
NTA. She’s a piece of shit
Aren’t jokes supposed to be funny?
NTA
Block her, her friends, her family and anyone cosigning her behaviour
NTA block her, her family and friends
You YWBTA If you prove her right and crawl Back to her. She showed you who she is and what she thinks of you. Now show her that her actions have consequences.
>Help me out what should I do?
Start reminding people that “in vino, veritas” (while drunk, truth) and that all too many ‘jokes’ contain elements of truth in them.
Then explain that this “double whammy” of truth from her centered around, literally, her “raising / training” you to take her abuses then come crawling back for more is not conductive partner behavior, and as such you are not mad at her for being ‘this kind of person’, you instead are just walking away from (potential / already delivered – your choice) abuse.
Then maybe hint that if she “raised / trained” her romantic partner to accept abuse, what does she do for others she ‘cares for’ (family) – or worse – cares less (friends) about? Those quick to accuse do so because they ‘recognize the traits’ (as you show the accusations of narcissism and selfishness being levelled upon you).
Here for the gang bang
Don’t budge. The response of her and her friends and family is just validation that you are doing the right thing
Terminate the relationship with extreme prejudice
NTA – ‘In Vino Veritas’ (look it up if you need to)
being drunk only got rid of her filter.. This is how she really feels about you, and you shouldn’t take that disrespect… You don’t say things you don’t mean while drunk, you just say the things you don’t have the guts to say when sober
Is this real?! You actually dated someone who had the capacity to treat you like this?? And then after you break free of that, you come here to ask if you’re the asshole?!? How could you possibly be? Jeez man, you’re never the asshole if you’re leaving someone who mistreats you. You’re young and just dating, you can break up for literally any reason and still be NTA. I’m honestly just very concerned about how you could possibly be doubting yourself.
You’re NTA OP. I hope you learn greater love and trust in yourself though.
Updateme
NTA. Did you still pay for the birthday?
Nta
I’m not sure how calling you a doormat and basically belittling you in front of a group of people is a joke?
She does not respect you, that is very clear and the people telling you it was ‘just a joke’ enable her shitty bratty behaviour otherwise she wouldn’t have such a large ego.
I genuinely hope you actually end this relationship with her and respect yourself.
NTA. Alcohol is very often a form of truth serum. You now know what she thinks of you. Leave her.
The old truth serum backfired on her. Oh, well.
Send them all a group message. “Drunk words are sober thoughts. She showed me how little she respects me. Her words told me that she thinks that if she cheats, I will be a pussy and take her back. If she had any respect for me, she would have apologized, but she doubled down and insulted me even more. She has now pushed it further than just the “joke” she said it was. She has let her mask slip and shown me who she really is. I have no idea how she comes back from these insults”
This can’t be real, right? First of all, who says sheet like this, and who has friends and family that agree with it? If it is true, never talk to her again.
in vino veritas
once again – as it always used to be…
p.s.: NTA
Stand your ground. You deserve respect keep it. Don’t crawl back!
NTA and if the first thing she did wasn’t to immediately apologize the next day and say she was drunk and thought it would be funny… you dodged a bullet.
Block them all and move on, that’s not funny or appropriate in any way.
Definitely don’t prove her right.
This relationship has run it’s course.
NTA. That wasn’t a joke, and everyone involved knows it. Block her and block anyone who wants to side with her and pretend you’re in the wrong for standing up for yourself right after she publicly ridiculed you for not standing up for yourself.
looks like you never loved her so move on
You absolutely have the right to feel how you feel. Whether anyone agrees with it or not. NTA. I believe the saying goes “when someone tells you who they are, believe them”. She told you who she is and what she truly thinks of you. You deserve better than that for yourself and your future.
NTA
Be done with her. Move on with your life.
NTA
Joke my ass.
She’s not enjoying the FO part that always comes after the FA
I don’t know if it’s true that when you’re drunk, drunk, you would speak out what’s really on your mind or speak truths you have kept.
Remindme!
Very good way to show her and her friends that you don’t need to crawl back.
NTA
You did it already bro. 100% NTA.
Fake
Honestly, if she airs your laundry, you should do it too. Make a social media post, calling her out and then block everyone for good. Let everyone see the level of disrespect she can show a partner.
There’s a reason “drunk words are sober thoughts” is a common phrase, cause in a lot of cases, it’s true.
And then she doubled down on her “joke” as you were leaving? Um, no. Just no.
NTA. Drunk or not, she made it pretty clear how she sees you and your relationship.
This sounds made up to me.
Dude, if you have any sort of self love you need to break up and spend your time and energy with someone who doesn’t treat you worse than a dog.
NTA.
She got drunk and accidentally revealed how she truly feels about you. You showed that you have self respect and did the right thing.
Remindme! -7days
I’ve been married for almost 8 years. (29M) my wife is 30F. While you are not the asshole— if this is her first time doing something like this EVER— give her the opportunity to become a better person. Communicate to her that you didn’t like that at all. If she does it again, THAT’s when you leave. You gotta give people a chance to learn, man. Especially at 21?
I got married at 21. If I treated my wife this way, we wouldn’t be here. NTA, but a 2nd chance here is warranted.
P.S. do not take relationship advice from single people. I’ve learned that lesson MANY times.
Once you think about it with the understanding that she’s an asshole it doesn’t seem like the world against you . Check it out:
Gf is an asshole, and is trying to label you one… sounds like something an asshole would do.
The people who raised her into an asshole think you’re an asshole.. of course that checks out, they made the hell spawn.
The people that the asshole would grow up to call friends, likewise, the people who would find an asshole as someone to be worthy of being friends with – think you’re an asshole. Again, checks out lol.
Sometimes being disliked by someone is a compliment. You’ve gotten a lot of compliments this week homie!
NTA She spoke her truth. It’s not your truth though. At least you learned early before marriage or children. Go live a great life without her.
She sounds like a budding alcoholic.
NTA that wasn’t a joke, no part of it was humorous or funny.
If this is even real. She went straight to he’s the asshole. No friend or family even considering her being an asshole. No apologies, I was drunk sorry. So fake.
NTA. You should mark this as solved.
You blocked her and her friends yet you know what she posted?
Nta. No. We do not make jokes at our partner’s expense. I’m happy you got out appropriately and I hope she learned something.
She was drunk. Still bad but she was smashed.
My guy-
I live by the thought that people are generally good.
That we operate out of mindlessness, not malice.
This. Was. Not. That.
She knew what she saying. Her friends knew what she was saying.
If she was comfortable enough to say that shit AS A TOAST- WTF is she saying when you’re not around??
Dump the bitch.
You don’t talk about people you care about that way. You don’t.
Teasing, poking fun. Yeah.
That was straight up fucking disrespectful & insulting.
I hope she’s fucking embarrassed.
A la poubelle!
Because I love my partner I show them respect. NTA.
Tell her to come back crawling and to livestream it to her friends
Block all of them. The fact that she is showing no remorse and got other people on board to shame you when she’s in the wrong shows you dodged a bullet.
Not only is she the asshole, but she is a total POS. She doesn’t deserve an ounce of your attention and she’s clearly trying to get it back so she can say that “it works every time” and for some reason see that as a flex. Hold your ground and be strong, there are so many other women out there that are so much better than the child she mentally was.
Sounds like she’s doing the crawling now. Yeah, you did the only right thing by walking away with stoicism. Whether you see it or not, you just increased your value 100 fold as long as you stay grounded in self-respect.
Don’t cave.
Move away.
Don’t consider going back before SHE crawls at you. Then, demand public apologies from her, and apologies from her friends and families. Hint : it won’t happen.
NTA. Stand your ground. You dodged a bullet! Just let her go and move on! How she talks about you drunk is how she feels deep down. Don’t crawl back. Find someone who respects you even drunk!!
Tell her parents they raised a pos and to fuck off.
You know drunk people say what they really feel right? Not only that but as someone that’s supposed to love you she embarrassed you publicly, and then got her friends and family involved who are all calling you names, AND THEN not any of them including your girlfriend have apologised, making your feelings invalid. If I did that to my boyfriend (which I wouldn’t because I’m not a C U Next Tuesday but if I did) I would be grovelling and apologising because I just really hurt the person that would matter to me the most. Instead they’re all telling you you ruined it and to get over it. How much more do you want to take? You’re clearly their little joke. You deserve so much better and no one should be made to feel how you were. That’s just like really gross behaviour, super gross not only from her but her friends and family as well. I could never be with someone like that.
Well, I would say that you overrated. A joke is just a joke, besides that she was drunk… but the point is what happened afterwards, it seems that she really believes it. So, in that case, you did the right thing!
If she would come saying that she was sorry, drunk and so on… you would see that was just something meaningless… but that was not the case.
The situation took a huge dimension. Her whole “gang” is against you! There is no coming back anymore, even if you wanted.
But, you did the right thing!
I bet she lied to the friends and family. You did the right thing. She sounds awful.
Fake story. “Wine cups.” 🙄
Updateme
My grandfather,said always :
Little kids and drunks always tell the truth !
And he was a smart man !
Why would her friends have your number?
NTA. Your gf is the AH. She showed her contempt of you, and that won’t get better with time. You’ve started to walk away — good job, keep going.
Hurt her own feelings while proving herself wrong.
Do you want to be petty or cut her to the bone?
Petty: you make post about how people show who they really are when they can’t handle their consumption.
To the bone: you take all the insecurities she has shared over the last two years and put her on blast. Then you block her. You so much as get a sniff of someone siding with her “BLOCKED”
Stat safe king and protect your mental health.
She was drunk, but her joke was inappropriate and she should be the one crawling back to you.
There are many women out there that will treat you with love and respect. She wasn’t one of them.
MY granddad always said :
Little kids; And Drunks always tell the real truth !
And my Grandad was a smart man !
NTA
Have the conversation and meet at a coffee shop. Have her pay for the coffee then get her to apologize. If she doesn’t it’s over for sure. If she does, it’s over for sure. And you have closure. She paid for something and you got the apology. This can only happen if you can remain calm and detached. Have fun with it.
You made the right move partner! Do not go back!
Fuck her. She’s self centered and you are better off without her
NTA, you sir have my respect!
You didn’t let her disrespect you and stood your ground.
She, her friends and family showed you what they really were. Block everyone and move on.
You dodged a bullet
Liquid courage or drunk words sober thoughts, it’s what she thinks. It’s not a joke and those who don’t appreciate a loyal loving partner don’t deserve them.
So, was it truly her or just a milestone birthday brazen comment?
How does or did she treat you in general? Do you do the things together you both like? Or just her?
Has she shown you a disrespect in the past? Blown you off for others? Not considered you when planning?
If there were no other signs maybe another chance is possible, but her doubling down after continuing to consider you an AH for not excepting her AH behavior is a bit of a negative on your relationship as well.
Again, if no prior indications of disrespect next time she reaches out talk to her about how you felt openly disrespected by her in front of a crowd. If she still doesn’t get it just call it. If she’s remorseful give her another chance.
I would also consider asking friends how she acted at the party after you left and the days you’ve been away. If she’s acting single it might be that she wants to be that way and is showing herself to someone she’s interested it.
Let them speak. Prove her she isn’t a trainer, just an idiot.
Updateme
“she’s always been an amazing girlfriend but whenever we’re with people she knows she becomes a different person.”
No, she was wearing a mask when there was just the two of you, because she had no audience for her “jokes”
At first I thought your age was showing and to just lighten up, but her lack of remorse and empathy makes me think you did the right thing… NTA… Find a nice girl that can hold her liquor
Your first instinct was correct. Walking out into a new life with someone who sincerely cares for you. But do update us.
You already did everything you need to do, just stick to it.
I guess when you get pissed off while getting humiliated is an asshole move.. let it be then, good for you 👏🏻👏🏻