AITAH for leaving my “husband” when he went out of town all weekend while I was sick to “clear his head”

My “husband” (35M) left me (30F) when I was sick. He turned off his location, and did not answer my phone calls. He was gone for 4 days to “clear his head.” I left our home.

The night before, I told him that I didn’t like how he treated my parents this past weekend when they stayed at our home for the first time. I graduated from medical training and they were visiting for my graduation ceremony. He said that I was not prioritizing our marriage because I was defending my parents. He left at 6am to go to his office because my dad let the dogs out to go to the bathroom. He was upset that I did not defend him to my parents that he wants complete silence in the house. He also told me that my parents don’t love me or care about me and that they are only manipulating and brainwashing me to do whatever they want. Last year, his mother stayed with us for 4 months. She even tried to sabotage our wedding by taking a mix of pills and had to be rushed to a hospital the day before the wedding. She was always criticizing me and called me a b*tch to my face and I endured all of that. All he said was I need to be more understanding because him being married is also new to his mother because he is an only child. Meanwhile, he can’t even tolerate my family visiting us for a weekend to celebrate my graduation from my residency training. He ended up making that weekend about him and how my family visiting affected his sleep and increased his stress.

We were supposed to go on the trip together to buy me a car in the city because I got in an accident a month ago and my car was totaled. The night before the trip, he was upset that I defended my parents. He canceled our flight tickets and went by himself to “clear his head” and turned his location off and did not answer my calls. I also found out that same evening, he was trying to contact other women on Facebook including someone he used to sleep with, someone from yoga that he already tried to contact when we were still engaged, and even my younger sister’s friend who is 15 years younger than him. Then he told me that it is “not a crime” to add people on Facebook even though he told me before that I am not allowed to have male friends and I asked that he also not have female friends and he agreed. That evening, I was very sick with pneumonia (I also have autoimmune disease and taking immunosuppressants which makes me susceptible to infection) and contemplated calling 911. I called my parents who were at work because they work night shift. I asked them to take me home and I made a huge mistake because I have no car, no home, and no money. They told me not to worry about anything. They came to pick me up first thing in the morning, opened a bank account for me and put money in it, and got me a brand new car.

When we got engaged and moved in together, he made me close all my bank accounts and transfer my salary’s direct deposit to our joint bank account. After I left, he completely emptied out the joint account. He asked me to reimburse him for a flight ticket that we didn’t get to go because of the break up. I said I do not owe him money. Then he called me a gold digger. I am about to start a new job in a month and it would make me earn more than him. He was saying that my attitude is changing now that I am about to make more money.

I am now a board certified family medicine physician, I passed my boards in this year. He did not want to celebrate because he said passing the boards was the expectation and he has yoga and tennis (which he does multiple times a week already). He works as a petroleum engineer for an oil company. He minimizes my work and said that his job is harder. He also makes it a point that my salary during residency training was very little. He said “I am not sure you comprehend how much everything cost (housing, groceries, day to day expenses, etc) and how little was your contribution to our budget.”

For clarification, we had a wedding ceremony but not a legal court wedding. We were supposed go get legally married in November 2024, however his mother was staying with us and convinced him to postpone it. We had a wedding ceremony but it was not legally binding. He also said that there could not be a legal wedding yet because his mother’s lawyer advised him not to change his marital status while his mother’s immigration paperwork has not been finalized yet. When we had an argument, he said that “if the court wedding is even going to happen, it would be months and even years and you’re going to have to work for it.” He also told me that he told his friends everything and all of them said that I was wrong and they all advised him not to try and fix our relationship because I didn’t have the decency to break up with him face to face and did it over text.

He said that I abandoned him and everything in our relationship was all a lie because of me. He said that this gives him concerns if he needs to go on business trips for work because I am not content with being by myself and would leave without warning, especially when we start having kids. I told him that that’s a different situation because he clearly left to punish me. His response was, “If you love me, you would have endured and persevered.” I told him a date and time that I would came back to get the rest of my stuff. When I got there, he had left them all outside in the rain. Later that evening, he texted me, “You are welcome.” I blocked him on everything but he had tried to reach out a few times, asking me where his backpack was and saying he found more of my stuff. I haven’t contacted him since.

AITAH?