Messy af. I (30f) and my ex fiancé (29m) have been having a lot of trouble in our relationship the last couple months. He will admit that the problems are self induced on his end. He’s asked me multiple times to give him a chance to amend. But it goes without say that I had one foot out the door. Something we discussed frequently.
Y’all know the universe likes to be cute so I missed a period after a failed Plan B. Our relationship being so rocky, and me being the only financial support for the family (I have a 6 year old and he also has a 4 year old both from previous relationships) and that being a huge issue, along with our other turmoil’s, we decided on termination. I still stand by my choice. I chose the medication route. Which feels up to par with actual labor pains. The first night after the pills, he was good to me. Not overly nurturing or anything, but we weren’t arguing. So it was good. My daughter got dropped off a few hours into the painful part and he had promised me to take care of it all. He didn’t. But it’s okay. I told my daughter I was having a really painful period and we were just gonna couch rot. The next day though, nothing let up. The pain was starting to really get to me. I wanted to be in bed getting comfort. And I didn’t receive that. He was outside doing “chores” that had been neglected for weeks and decided they HAD to be done that day. Then I made us all breakfast, because he kept coming into the house and letting me know he was starving, even though I should be laying down, and he didn’t eat it because My daughter asked to FaceTime her father, something normal for our family, and he wanted to take that opportunity to leave and get water that we didn’t need at the moment. I asked him to stop. To stay and eat with me. He didn’t. When he came back we argued about my attitude. And how I’m not taking his feelings into consideration. He doesn’t want to be present while my daughter talks to her dad. I don’t understand that. I think it’s childish and weird. I tried to explain to him that it’s not okay to subtlety shame my kid for wanting to talk to her father by leaving like that everytime. We just argued and nothing was resolved. He said mean things and I told him to get out of the room. The pills I was given make me drowsy. I took a nap. Woke up with him next to me and my daughter in the living room. I got up to go check on her, and he stayed in the room. There was tangible tension in the house. So I decided I would contact my mother, someone I don’t go to for any kind of support, and see if I could come to her house and basically be taken care of cause I want/need that and wasn’t getting that. She said yes. As I was leaving I let my fiancé know where I was going. He told me “if you leave I’m leaving.” I said okay and left. Aitah for leaving
Aitah for letting my now ex fiancé move out after my abortion
r/AITAH
Comments
No, NTA, he is doing typical male behavior, but it is harmful, just the same.
The relationship that you describe does not have a happy or workable future.
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NTA. It doesn’t seem that your relationship was going in the right direction. He lacks emapthy towards you.
You are the only one working and supporting the 4 of you? No, hon, you deserve better. Good for you for going to your mom’s to get the love and care you need during this tough time.
Nah. Y’all are done. Let him go and move on.
NTA. You didn’t kick him out, he made a choice. If he can’t handle being around during basic co parenting stuff like FaceTiming another parent, that’s not your fault
You’re kind of the AH for allowing him to treat you this way. For example, getting up to cook because a grown ass man can’t cook for himself while you are not feeling well, and not seeing what a jerk this guy is. Cut your losses.
NTA. It does sound like you weren’t on the same page with the abortion and he was upset about it.
If he wasn’t there for you through one of the hardest things you can go through as a woman, then do not expect him to be there for you through anything else. Good on you that you left and hopefully you keep him away from your life permanently.
You’re only the AH if you dont actually move him out. You are teaching your daughter that an AH like this is all she will ever deserve. Getting him out and getting yourself healthy enough to never let someone like him in again is the only good way forward. Take care of yourself and her.
…and you were going to marry this man? NTA. You’ll be better off without him.
Send the hobosexual on his way.
NTA and you absolutely did the right thing. Imagine how much extra work and financial hole you’d be if you went ahead with this pregnancy when he couldn’t even be there for you while you were terminating.
He was nowhere near the basic standards of decency.
Goodbye. Put your other foot and whole body out the door. He will only get worse and your life will only get harder.
When we get rid of what weighs us down is when our souls can really soar. To good flying!!
You do not want a life with someone who is incapable of giving you any support when it’s needed.It will never get better. You are much better on your own. So just let him go.
It doesn’t sound like he’s the type of person you should be raising your daughter around.
You are so NTA. He is being a huge AHOLE. Girl love isn’t enough to keep a relationship going. If this is how he’s going to be when you need him to take care of you then. Good riddance to garbage. He obviously isn’t a real man if he can’t take care of his partner while she needs to be taken care of or leaving because his feelings are hurt when your child wants to talk to her father. It didn’t seem like he was bringing anything worth while to the relationship, good sex can only carry it so far. If he wants to leave then let him, you deserve way better .
I know a termination can take it’s toll mentally and physically… So I hope you got the care you needed from your momma and that you are feeling better.
I was going to say that maybe he wasn’t as above board with you on his feelings about the abortion, but having read further down and seeing he was on the ‘we can’t keep them’ side … he was being an immature dick … best shot of him …
As a partner in an ex relationship where an abortion was carried out, I can say that it hurts like hell physically for the person experiencing it and emotionally for both parties, but love, compassion, care, empathy and basic human decency on both parts should get you through it. You were most definitely NOT receiving this …
It was financially and emotionally necessary at that time in our lives in my experience … or so I thought … I walked when they accused me of being the sole one who wanted the abortion, who demanded we get rid … despite being the one who had the penis. I’m pro choice, not got a uterus, I shut my mouth … I actually would have loved that child but it was not the right time and I supported my ex in their assisted decision to terminate. Assisted as in I had input, but it was ultimately their decision as it was their body, and we both agreed we were too broke and too young! Today, I still think about what that child could have been, especially looking upon my 3yr old son … divorced myself now but genuinely happy I have him!!
You made the right decision for YOU AND YOUR KIDS on both counts OP … nobody needs that low level toxicity in their life. 🫂
NTA this relationship is over. It’s clearly been over, but this was hopefully the final straw for you. I hope you find better.