I (20F) share aan apartament with my roomie, and her bf has been over almost every night. He’s way too comfrotable here, uses our stuff, lounges around shirtless, and even showers here. I’ve asked my roomie to set some boundaries, but she always says, he’s basically part of the household now.
Yesterday, I was in my room getting dressed when he just walked right in. No knockin’ no warning. I was literally in my underwear. I screamed, grabbed whatever i could to cover myself, and he just stood there, acting all casual, saying: OH sorry I thought this was the Bathroom (The bathroom Really? lol)
That was the final straw. When he left later that night, I locked the door behind him. My roommate came home and freaked out when she realized he couldn’t get in. She said I was being ” petty and immature” and should have texted her first before locking him out. But like… this is My home, and i should feel safe in it?
Now she’s barely speaking to me and keeps saying I overreacted. But i feel like if anyone crossed a line, it was him. AITAH?
Comments
Things that never happened ..
Is he paying rent? If not, he is NOT part of the household and he can stay outside and your roommate can meet him outside the apartment unless she invites him to dinner in which case his ass should be in the dining room.
Why was he walking into your room? Was he looking for a back door love affair?
I would find a way to move at this point because if she can’t understand how this is wrong, I promise there’s at-least 1000 other things she doesn’t think is wrong but are. Super weird for him to do that and he was 100% trying to be weird. I won’t be surprised if it escalates into something weirder. I wouldn’t think the misunderstandings are going to stop here if I were you.
If he wants access to the home he should pay rent. Also your roommate is not a good friend if she knows you’re uncomfortable and doesn’t set boundaries. Get a lock for your door and hopefully find a better roommate to move with.
This is so fake.
YTA
Seriously? He just walks in? Your roommate needs to get a grip
NTA
Her boyfriend has been over often enough to know where the bathroom is
NTA and if she feels like he’s “basically part of the household now,” he needs to be contributing to a third of the expenses and be put on the lease.
He absolutely crossed a line. At this point he knows where the bathroom is. It feels very deliberate, especially since he waited to do it while your roommate wasn’t around.
Nah, you’re not the AH. Your home isn’t his frat house. If he can’t respect basic privacy (like knocking??), he doesn’t get 24/7 access. Roomie can be mad all she wants, but she’s enabling his weird behavior.
NTA – you need to either leave or get them
To leave… no extra free guests if any kind. Spilt the rent three ways and soon they will be hanging out at his place. I would never ever care about a friendship where i was disrespected to this point and also don’t care about what anyone else says in the friend group. She can’t have a whole person in just like that!!!
Your roommate and her boy friend are assholes. You pay rent there, not him.
Talk to your landlord about the extra tenant, and that you don’t want him there
If he’s not paying rent, he should not be staying the night all the time and should not be there every day. She needs to go to HIS place to visit him. If she won’t play fair, tell the landlord what’s going on and they will stop it.
Unless he is paying his share of the rent and the bills, he is not part of the household and he cannot be in the house unless his girlfriend is there.
If his girlfriend is completely happy with her boyfriend walking into your room without knocking or otherwise giving warning when you are changing your clothes, you need to leave promptly – tell the landlord you have concerns about your safely from your room-mate’s boyfriend and the landlord may assist.
2a But, I would talk to your roommate first. “He’s been here pretty often, there is no way he thought my bedroom was ‘the bathroom’, but he just walked in without knocking. Either he was hoping to catch me changing my clothes, or he didn’t know I was there and he meant to steal something. That’s why I locked him out. Are you on board with him doing that and that’s why you’re not speaking to me? This is something I have to know.”
NTA
NTA. Well done on locking him out. I would continue doing it as he doesn’t live there and let your landlord know immediately what’s going on
Did you tell roommate he walked in while you were changing? If she thinks your response is petty, she’s going to be a great victim for being cheated on. Unless he was inebriated, it sounds like he’s quite familiar with where the bathroom is. NTA, you pay rent and he doesn’t. He’s not your bf, he doesn’t need to be there while she’s not.
If he is ‘part of the household’ she nneds to go to the landlord /leasing office and have him put on the lease have him pay 1/3 of the rent and utilities and pay his share for any shared groceries and cleaning supplies.
If she doesn’t want to do that, you need to check your lease about guests moving in or how long they can stay and have a word with the landlord /leasing office if she is in violation of your lease.
You are going to be evicted if and when they find out on their own and will have a hard time finding another place to enter with an eviction under your name.
Beside the fact that he is a complete AH and POS for the way he behaves in a house he doesn’t contribute to and walking into YOUR bedroom without your consent.
In the meantime, get a lock for your bedroom door and find a way to separate your food and groceries from her.
NTAH
You’re NTA but your roommate and her boyfriend are, she’s enabling his shitty behavior and I would honestly report her for housing someone who’s not paying rent and not in the lease. They’d both get evicted real quick. Fuck the roommate and her inconsiderate boyfriend, you should feel safe in your own home
The fact that he didn’t instantly back out of the room apologizing in a panic indicates he knew exactly what he was doing. “Oh, I thought this was the bathroom” is a transparent lie, from someone who already has been around long enough to become a nuisance guest.
Probably also time to get a lock on your bedroom door. Not just a privacy lock. One with a key.
He knows damn well where the bathroom is.
It wasn’t an accident.. he knew what he was doing.. he was trying to creep on you