I 16F have a mother 45F and father 46M who share custody of me after their divorce 10 years ago. My mother remarried a year ago to her now husband 40M. Im split 50/50 between both parents, and currently I’m staying with my mother.
Now onto my mums husband, at first, he was rlly nice always trying to be involved, showed up for my volleyball competitions at my school. He would ask about my day, and give me small gifts. over the past couple months however, whenever
However over the past few months he has become much more weird, he maintains hugs for too long, his hand rests really low on my back and when I tried pulling away one time he just tightened his grip and said I was being shy, bare in mind he’s much taller/bigger than me. There have also been multiple times where he walks into my room without knocking and I’m in a towel, but it only happens then and never any other times.
Whenever I do raise a concern to my mother, she insists I’m exaggerating but she does sometimes talk to him and he backs off for a while but he does this thing where he will talk bad about himself when I’m near, and then overcompensate for making me upset with my favourite sweets/chocolate/ice cream.
A few days ago however, I was home alone with my mums husband and I was letting my dog out in the garden for a minute (it was raining heavily btw) when he came up behind me and hugged me. This of course made me uncomfy and I kinda pushed him off me with my elbow, he didn’t fall or anything just kinda stumbled. From that point I walked back inside and slammed the garden door shut and locked it, and just walked off into my room upstairs (with my dog ofc).
Now, when my mum got home around 30min- 1hour later she heard him shouting from outside and let him back in, he obviously told her what I did, he was soaked from the rain and just rlly pissed at me and so was my mother. He now currently has a rlly bad cold and has been sick since that day and they both blame me and constantly lecture me everyday which is rlly which makes me feel terrible as it wasn’t my intention to make him sick I just acted out of irritation. He technically didn’t rlly do anything so im second guessing myself.
I have talked to my dad about everything that’s been happening, he’s mad I didn’t tell him sooner how I felt around my mums husband so he’s coming to pick me up soon to stay with him after arguing with my mother for hours on the phone. I’m so sorry for this rlly long post I think I was ranting a lot.
So AITAH for locking my stepdad out the house and getting him rlly sick?
Comments
Your stepdad has repeatedly made you uncomfortable with physical contact, invading your personal space and entering your room inappropriately.
NTA. He was sick before being shut out in the rain. You honestly did what made you feel safe. What step-dad comes and hugs their teen step-daughter from behind? It’s creepy and wrong. Try not to be alone with him
Your dad should get full custody and at your age judges usually agree with a request from you. Too bad your mom isn’t protecting you but you need to protect yourself and stay away from the creepy dude.
Fake AI post, saw this exact same one like a month ago…
YTA
NTA except that you should have called your dad when that happened and asked him to take you for the night to avoid him. That behavior is not acceptable and you should look into staying with your dad full time if you can so you don’t have to be under the same roof as him. If not, get a door lock immediately. He give major paedophile vibes.
Youre definetely Not the asshole.
First of all, locking someone out for some time (just the Act itself) is bad (and the person suffering further from it), but especially after you feeling terrible for it, youre not an asshole. Furthermore with him being completely creepy your Action was completely understandable. I Hope everything will turn out Fine for you, your Dad Talking to him will help and maybe he isnt THAT Kind of interested in you and just doesnt know that hes acting weird (maybe thats just me coping) but if Not that then your mom realizing how weird he is and Letting him go. I wish you the best!
Nta. Your step-dad shouldn’t touch you without permission. End of discussion. Your mom should tell him that. No more hugs, surprise or not. Maybe a high five but that’s it. This isn’t normal. Start writing it all down. Ask your mom for a lock on your bedroom door for privacy due to him just walking in.
Not the AH. Stay with your father from now on. Never go back. The behavior with your step-dad will just escalate. Make a police report!
In which universe it’s ok to touch someone without their consent. Especially 16 year old!! You already expressed how uncomfortable it makes you. Your mother is POS. He’s pervrd. She should’ve divorced his as. Go live with your father. This will escalate.
TELL YOUR DAD! None of that is okay! He has no business touching you without permission and he certainly shouldn’t be walking into your room EVER! NTA.
Eww. NTA
Who cares if he’s sick? Your step father is trying to hit up on you and your mom is so desperate for a warm body to lay next to that she’s allowing it. Go live with your dad. This will only escalate. You are NOT overreacting. You are NOT imagining stuff. He is just as creepy and weird as you think he is. And as a mom, I’m so disappointed in your mom. She is supposed to protect you.
First, colds don’t come from rain. Are your mom and step dad medieval??
Two, absolutely NOT the asshole. You have numerously established (or attempted to) boundaries, particularly physical ones, and he keeps crossing that line.
Not to mention, this is creepy and unsettling as hell, and is often how patterns of abuse begin. Keep your bio dad close, and even ask to stay with him more often if that keeps you safe. I hope your mom will come around.
NTA. You were protecting yourself against a predator. Stay at your Dad’s house and if they try to make you live with them, tell someone at the school what is happening. A teacher, guidance counselor, or principal. They are all mandatory reporters and they can keep you away from your mother’s husband.
NTA – I am male and had a step dad who was similar over 40 years ago. It escalated to sexual abuse. There are predators who marry single parents to get to their children.
Leave. Now. Go live with your dad. This situation will only get worse.
You’re NTA. Talk to your dad, and ask him to go fight for a change in custody agreements. If you have any proof you have talked to your mom about this, make sure it’s seen. If you dont, get some. After your dad gets you, talk to her via text. Say you did it because he again made you uncomfortable like you have told her multiple times. Outline again the things you have told her. Get the text messages showing that she is aware you have said something before
You are old enough to have a say. Move in with your Dad full time. I had the same issue with my mom’s husband at around the same age. By 17 I had moved in with my grandparents full-time. Unfortunately they have a daughter, my younger sister, who was subjected to the same thing. She told me and I reposted it. My mom didn’t talk to me for years. Oh well. Shouldn’t have married a perv then.
Heck no! NTA
Its your Mom and Dad’s job to make sure your personal bodily autonomy is respected. Its now also your Step Dad’s job, bc he is another Parenral adult in your immediate family. Period.
If none of them are willing to do that, you’re stuck doing it yourself. Not your problem that he can’t (won’t) get the message and respect your boundaries with YOUR body. I can’t, for the life of me, figure out how a grown man thinks its ok to ninja hug any teenage girl who isn’t his own child from behind. And even if your were his child- once you make it clear you’re not comfortable with that- It should end.
At best, he’s a touchy feely type person who shows affection physically & isn’t respecting that not everyone wants that. Selfish!
At worst, he’s a PDFile that wants to get his hands all over you.
Either way- NO! NOPE! NUH-UH!
Kudos to your Dad for protecting you! Your Mom needs to get that Step Dad under control or get rid of him. You don’t need to come back until that has happened.
Textbook grooming behavior. Get TF out of there.
Also, he’s probably spying on you. With your father present, tear your room apart looking for cameras. Bathroom too.
NTA, and your mom has really let you down by not taking your concerns seriously. I’m glad your dad is coming to get you, and I hope he will try and get your custody rules changed.
And don’t waste a moment feeling sorry for stepdad. Germs make people sick, not getting wet. They’re only trying to make you feel guilty to distract you from the more pressing issue.
I’m sorry this is happening to you! And that your mom won’t protect you from this jerk. I think you should throw a really big fit, and DEMAND that they let you live with your dad (assuming your dad is willing to let you). I was sexually molested as a girl, and it’s 60 years later and I’m still not ok either it! If this fails, tell your teacher at school. They are mandatory reporters and can get CPS involved! Good luck honey. Use your words, you’re more powerful than you think!
NTA. He’s a predator. And my guess is YOU were one of the attractions to him in marrying your mom.
They do that.
NTA, red flags!!!! Find any article on grooming, print it, and give it to your mom, then go move in with dad. Not your fault one bit and don’t believe anyone who says otherwise.
NTA, you are 16, he is a grown up.
As someone who’s been sa’d by their father this is some BIG red flags, stay with your dad until this is sorted (she dumps him) as I don’t believe the hugs are the furthest he’d go… Sadly this is the world we live in, You’re not at fault here, you made clear boundaries (also obvious ones that he knows exist) and he broke them time and time again and only backed off for a bit after getting talked to by Ur mum… Seems like he’s covering for worse thing he might do… Sorry to say but he’s a creep and needs to be gone.
Repeat post
NTA. You erected put in a position where you felt unsafe. You did the right thing locking him out. Your mother needs to wake up and stop ignoring the facts.
NTA and unless you wanna “grow up” three decades in five minutes, you have to get away from that man permanently.
Tell your mother that you are done with her husband touching you inappropriately. That you are calling CPS and your dad immediately and asking that her parental rights are taken away. Also, if he touches you again, you will be pressing charges. She’s going to cry and he will plead innocent; when that happens tell everyone you are willing to take a polygraph, is he. He knows exactly what he is doing and it’s probably not the first time. Updateme
Your dad is on your side. I would report step-dad to your school councilor to start a paper trail on him. It might be worth filing a motion that he can’t be with you unsupervised during your time with your mom. You’re old enough that you may get some say in that.
NTA
SD sounds pervy
You can’t get a cold from being in the rain. He is lying to garner sympathy.
Glad your dad is protecting you.
Mom should be ashamed of being such a crap parent. She is failing you.
NTA. Better him sick than you traumatized.
Your mom is ta tho
Please tell your father what he is doing. This man is a predator and the situation may escalate especially if you are left alone with him. You need to get out of that house
NTA. Your step dad was grooming you. And your mother was letting him.
Thankfully you told your dad and he knows exactly what the step dad is doing.
Hope you dad takes the next step, files report , and gets full custody.
Only person at fault is the creep of the guy you’re mum for some reason is sticking up for,
If it’s an option I’d live with your dad permanently and only visit your mum when he’s not around
Updateme
NTA. I’d insist on staying at my Dads house indefinitely. An adult man forcing hugs on a teenaged girl is so wrong. Your mom blaming you is clearly part of the problem. She’s in denial that her husband is a creep who is trying to feel up her own daughter. If you do find yourself around him again, say loudly to him in front of your mom that if he tries to touch you in any way, you’re calling the police and charging him with battery.
Not sure where you live, but where I live at 16, you can make your own decisions. You don’t need to stay with your mom and her creep husband. You did nothing wrong. Just protecting yourself against unwanted advances.
NTA
Even if he wasn’t a creep (which he is) if you are uncomfortable around him your mom should be doing something about it. Staying with your dad might be the best bet for you.
You are being sexually assaulted by your mother’s husband. Do NOT feel guilty for doing what your pathetic mother should have done: protecting you. Go stay with your dad and let your mother grovel. I’m disgusted with her. None of this is your fault. NONE of it. If you can, diarise all these incidents and tell them you’ll go to the police if he does anything like that again.
You kept yourself safe. If he gets a cold that’s a consequence. He wouldn’t have been in the rain if he could act right
NTA and you are my new hero! You absolutely did the right thing. I am also very happy your dad did what he did to protect you. You did not get your stepdad sick. He is already a very sick person. Stay safe and alert.
NTA. You have NOTHING to apologize for in this situation. Your Mother owes you a huge apology and several months of earning back your trust AFTER she boots your pedo Stepfather out.
Honey, this should have stopped the MOMENT you said it made you uncomfortable. His persistence makes him a predator and you took steps to protect yourself because your Mom wasn’t doing it.
Please stay with your Dad. Don’t go back to that house. It sounds like Dad is looking out for you and I’m glad to hear it. Take care of yourself.
Go live with your dad before that weirdo forces you onto something else, this so disgusting and no you’re Not an AH for this, you’re actually really smart and brave !
Staying in the rain does not make you sick. Viruses do. He was likely already sick. At a minimum you need to make a no touch rule at their house and insist on locks on your door. He is a pedophile.
Tell your mom and stepdad that they are showing a shockingly poor knowledge of basic science. Colds are caused by viruses. If stepdad got sick the next day or so he had already been exposed. Your stepdad may be working his way up to trying to SA you.
He’s slowly testing your boundaries to find how how touchy-feely he can get away with. He’ll keep pushing that boundary as long as he can without repercussions. In the future push stepdad away and firmly say/yell “Stop! I don’t want you to __ me.” (You can fill in the blank. Or just say/yell “I don’t like that.”)
NTA
Edit: formatting and judgement.
NTA he should not hug you, you have stated to not like it.
NTA. Your stepdad is making you uncomfortable and you have raised these concerns repeatedly and nothing has changed! He has zero right to hug you you don’t owe him that. He needs to keep his hands to himself always! Calling your dad was the right thing to do.
Call the police. He is trying to groom you. He is giving unwanted touching – period. No no no
NTA tell your mom it’s not about him “being a father figure” it’s about how he disrespects you and take your personal space away when in reality he’s some strange man still!
NTA. Congratulations for protecting yourself 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏❤️
People get colds from germs not the rain. So you can tell them both to suck it.
If he wasn’t constantly putting his hands on you after being told repeatedly that he makes you uncomfortable you would not have locked him out of the house. He’s not only invading your space and your bodily autonomy. He’s making you feel unsafe and your mother is ignoring it. I’m very glad that you told your father and that he’s coming to get you. And I would ask your dad to look into changing the custody order.
NTA
You are right to be concerned. It feels like you are groomed. NTA.
Ask your father to live with him full-time.
Too bad he didn’t catch pneumonia so bad he could never be a threat to you again.
I’ve seen so many times when mothers will choose a man over their children. I’m sorry but this is what your mother has done. You have a right to not be touched and if it continues, you need to bring outside adults into the situation. Whether it’s the police or a social worker or a school counselor. You have a right to feel safe within your own home. You sound like you are from the UK. I don’t know your laws or what resources are available to you but I know there has to be laws against srxual assault and pedophilia.