Hello Reddit! I(F) am the only daughter of my parents. I have 4 brothers, two older and two younger. I’d describe myself as your average Quiet kid who mostly avoids drama, is a people pleaser, very kind and helpful and mostly keeps to herself. I still live at home with my parents and three of my brothers since the second oldest moved in with his girlfriend.
Now to my problem. My two younger brothers are basically Gen Z at its purest, tho I could sometimes swear they were supposed to be Gen Alpha. Basically I’m their main target, they don’t listen to me and don’t respect me, they call me names. Im probably the more sensitive sibling since I pick things up more serious and more hurtful than they are. The past few weeks my younger brother, basically the one before the youngest, has been calling me a whore and other hurtful names very frequently. I have told my parents about it and they only told him “(My brothers name) don’t do that” and did absolutely nothing else, he didn’t get any punishment for what he said or an hour of lecture from my father. Now, my brother’s friend’s sister had to euthanize her horse and my brother was really sad for them since he also knew that horse, I guess you could call it grief. That evening we played a card game as family and I kept winning some rounds much to my surprise, it was the first time in a while that I spent time with my family and it felt good. After a while tho, he started calling me names and a whore(mind you I’m a virgin and have never had a boyfriend or physical contact with a male that’s not related to me) while saying I should just stay in my room as always since nobody wants me here, all in front of my parents who just firmly told him to stop. Feeling frustrated that he didn’t get any more consequences and also tired of his constant comments I told him “Just because your friends horse died doesn’t mean you can talk to me like that”. He started crying and my mother told me to Apologize but I just walked to my room feeling absolutely hurt, tho I didn’t regret what I said.
To be honest, I still don’t regret it and still didn’t apologize, I only apologized to my Mom, but not to him, so, AITAH?
PS: Sorry for any Grammar mistakes, I’m not a native English speaker
Edit: Hey guys! Since it’s been mentioned a lot, firstly my parents are not bad parents and I’m not in any kind of danger or anything, don’t worry! My parents themselves know they fucked up a lot while raising us and even they struggle with my brothers behavior, especially since it’s also affecting the youngest and those two are like a team! They are actively working on trying and disciplining them but sometimes they are just very tired and done with everything since they also have their own problems! They never claimed to be perfect and are doing this the first time too! I also get help from my oldest brother but even he says it’s probably a lost cause! It’s also not always like this, it comes in phases which is why it sometimes comes off as normal sibling squabbling! He’s also not an entirely awful person, it kind of is like a phase since my oldest brother was like that too but got better when he reached adulthood and we now have a decent relationship!
Update 1: Hi guys, since my parents just came home I’ve decided to confront them now instead of later and sit down to talk with them using the advice I was given, I’ll Update you all later on the results of the talk!
Comments
YTA for posting some made up story that literally makes no sense. Best of luck with your diagnosis
“as a highly sensitive person”
Your brother sounds like a bullying asshole and your parents enable him – he got part of what he deserved from you.
NTA and you used your words well. Just because he is hurting, doesn’t mean he can take it out on you. I’m sorry about your parents. It’s frustrating not to be heard. Try writing it down in a letter, sticking to the facts. “My brother called me names and it hurt my feelings. I stood up for myself and he got emotional. You asked me to apologize. It makes me feel not equal as a family member.”
NTA every time he’s rude say it again if he can’t take the insults don’t dish it out 🤷🏼♀️🤣
You owe no one an apology. Ask your mother why she and your dad don’t stand up for you? You didn’t give your age, but I would be looking to move out and minimize contact with your dysfunctional family.
He calls you a whore call him a virgin or an incel every single time. If your parents say anything tell them you’re matching his energy. Also don’t take it to heart he is a bully and tbh not very smart, match his immaturity your parents will probably get irritated but that’s on them for being too soft on him.
Stop being a people pleaser it’s hard but not impossible and will set you up for being able to establish healthy boundaries in future. Being a people pleaser generally means getting treated like crap and taking it so stop. The sooner you start working on this the sooner you start earning more respect and the better you will be at dealing with conflict. You don’t need to be mean or aggressive about it but don’t let people walk all over you start learning how to set reasonable boundaries now.
Yeah definitely NTA here. Sit down with your parents and fully explain how you’re feeling. But try to not let your emotions take over while doing so. Having this serious conversation will (hopefully) put into perspective for them how you’ve been treated and how you don’t feel like an equal family member.
I do like the letter idea as stated above also.
NTA
Updateme!
Would like ages before I respond. But me being a smart ass bitch, would fire back(if they are older) with…. Well, at least I’m getting some you needle dick loser. The only action you ever see is from Rosie Red Palm.
Okay, so both your parents are okay with your brother repeatedly calling you a whole and telling you to just leave because “nobody wants you here” but you have to apologize because you said something slightly mean but true in retaliation? Wow. You need someone to stand up for you. Do you have a grandparent, aunt or uncle who will take your part? How about a school counselor or someone in church?
Maybe your oldest brother?
You’re being targeted because you’re the only girl in the family and unfortunately, you parents will not stand up for you. Someone needs to talk to them, and if you can’t find a friend or relative to do this I would report them to Child Protective Services for being bullied by your brothers and not protected by your parents.
You didn’t say anything mean to him. but you did is take away an excuse that he may have used for being mean. He is a bully and I’m sorry you’re other siblings and parents aren’t speaking up for you more. Next time he says that to you if he does ask him what his intention is with his comment or ask him what emotion he was trying to evoke from you. The other question you can ask him is please explain to me how I am a whore. People usually just tell people to stop and don’t call them out on what their intention is. Bully’s don’t like to be put on the spot like that.
NTA, but being sensitive, regardless of if it’s a diagnosis or not, has nothing to do with this story. Don’t rely on that or use it to convince yourself that people owe you more sensitivity or kindness than they owe to anyone else. What your brother has been calling you is inappropriate to call anyone, regardless of if they are sensitive, a virgin, etc.
NTA they don’t make him apologize for calling you hurtful things but they make you apologize? I wouldn’t apologize either and if try moving out. Their disrespectful attitude will hurt them one day.
NTA. Your brother is an idiot and needs help
NTA Your parents are shit, complete worthless shit, and if I was in your situation, your younger brother would be beaten black and blue.
Next time sneak attack and put him in a choke hold til he passes out then blame your other brother. You have to establish dominance! But in all seriousness, your parents need to step the fuck up because that shit talk is unacceptable. Id NEVER let my sons call their sisters derogatory names. Ever!!!
He’s giving incel vibes- I’d have your parents look into his internet history
Nta, there’s no reason you shouldn’t apologize to your mother. She should’ve apologized to you for her and your father’s blatant favoritism toward your brother.
Edited for spelling error.
How does someone get diagnosed as highly sensitive 😂 that’s a personality trait
NTA. You should always stand up for yourself, protect yourself from your brother’s bullying. Every time he would say something like that to you, please make sure to be firm and reply with tough replies so he would stop bullying you. And don’t apologize to him, he is the one who should apologize to you.
I would talk to your mum and say that the word whore is hurtful and that his behaviour reflects on her . If that does not work call him pin dick
NTA. Your brother sounds like an incel. You should have your parent watch Adolescence…
Bully’s hate when they are made fun of back and ridiculed. You need to stand up for yourself more and he will stop.
Wtf your little brother is calling you a whore and you have never had physical contact with a male, you are not the asshole but you parents and brothers are. I would leave that house as soon as I could
NTA your brother is rude
How old are you?
Being sensitive is not a genuine medical diagnosis. Makes no sense to include that in this post. You are both annoying
You are not the one who needs to apologize. You brother is TA 100%. This happens far too often with the more sensitive siblings. I myself am the sensitive siblings and at one point had an eating disorder. My sister made anorexia jokes all the time but the one time I looked at her and said ” you’re just jealous because you haven’t seen this size without another number in front of it in years” she cried because I finally fought back and I had to apologize. This is our relationship until I was 30.
“I was diagnosed as a highly sensitive person” UMM WTFFF?!?!?!? LMAO
Don’t apologize to him when he repeatedly uses degrading abusive language to talk to you. If your parents don’t put a stop to his disgusting behavior he’s going to be an awful person.
I wouldn’t let my son call any woman that! Your parents sound messed up!
Nta. Despite your edit, your parents are treating you like you matter less than your brothers and that’s not ok. They (specifically the problem brother) needs real consequences or it’s never going to get better. And your parents need to stop allowing this. What you said is in no way something that you need to apologise for, especially when he’s openly calling you a whore in front of your parents.
NTA. Men can be whores, too. Since there are no consequences, call him a whore back. Maybe he’ll fake cry some more.
Good for you standing up for yourself. If he continues calling you a whore, you should continue to fight back. When you and everyone else start clapping back his behavior should change.
He can dish it out but he can’t take it little cry baby 😭
Your brother is an absolute abusive narcissist, and he needed to be put in his place. Your parents further enable his behavior and are absolutely inexcusable as parents.
Good. Now keep doing it. Every time he calls you names (especially whore) remind him of the dead horse. Give him a taste of his own medicine. Some people don’t learn any other way. Let him find out that it’s not nice when the shoe is on the other foot. That’s the only language bullies understand.
Any other insecurities you can use against him? If your parents won’t protect you, you have to do it yourself.
You never said how old you are, but this sounds like adolescent bullshit. If your parents won’t shut your brother’s mouth, you’re the only one who can.
Using the death of animal to hurt him was weird. Why? That’s the best you could come up with? He always calls you a whore? You call him Little Dick. You have to settle on a name that’ll work. Yes, this is juvenile. But your brother constantly calling you a whore and, apparently your parents are OK with it means you have to stand up for yourself.
Or stop talking to all of them. The silent treatment… to your parents as well. Move out the minute you can.
YTA for using the death of an animal to hurt your brother. Leave the animal kingdom alone.
NTA for wanting this to stop. NTA for wanting your parents to help you out. I’d let your mom and dad read this post and then ask them for advice, too.
Myself, I get a water gun and put vinegar in it and blast your brother when he starts mistreating you.
Nta you know he has problems if he’s hung up on someone else’s horse
NTA.
He got what he deserved and your parents should have done something. They suck. It’s their fault that his feelings were hurt.
If I ever called my sister a whore (or literally any woman) my dads belt would wear down from the beatings.
Good thing i never did. Or even considered. Nor was it a part of my vocabularly. What has happened to children?
Stop defending your parents. You are not your brothers punching bag. They are shit parents. You will realise one day
Your brother is a bully and your parents don’t give a shit. I was tired too – full time hospice RN and if my son called one of my daughters a whore – well beside apologizing he would be doing chores; mopping, dog washing, car washing – no gas money – and my kids were not hit and they did what they were told- they had enough freedom to hang themselves and they liked it that way and towed the line when they messed up – mostly disrespect – it was nipped in the bud. Show your parents this and do not apologize to your asshole bully brother. One girl? You should be a treated really well. Seriously. Whore ? I would slap him into next week
If he has a nut allergy slide some pistachios on his plate you are best without a family member like that food riddance!
You said nothing wrong. You stated a fact. Just because it reminded him of something sad, doesn’t make what you said bad.
What he deserved was a slap, hard across the face. That’s what would be best for him in the long run.
Actions have consequences. Can be good or bad. Calling a girl a whore, usually leads to a slap or a punch in the face. Your slap is much softer and nicer than someone elses fist.
Ah right, you’re all just terrified of the bully and literally nobody in your family has a spine.
Give the gift of a buddy nose. Tell your parents not to worry, you’ve handled it. Teach him that stupid hurts!
NTA tell your parents to watch adolescence and figure out how to add money to a prison commissary account because that’s what they will be doing in the near future is they don’t curb his behaviour now.
Every time he calls you a whore just neigh at him while mock crying. Never let him live this down till he backs down.
UpdateMe
Nta, wtf is your parents doing?!? Like they should be grounding him, taking his electronics, no more hanging out with his friends, making sure he is not only doing extra chores but if that attitude is not fixed make him do volunteer work too and let him work and sweat out that attitude,
And, they definitely need to look through his phone, his laptop,a tablet, just basically anything with an internet connection and search engine with a history/any communication apps and social media,
And, after they get to the bottom of where this behavior comes from, put a parental lock, etc, on his electronics and let him know if he continues to act disrespectfully like that, not only he can say goodbye to his electronics but he will be left with just a flip phone to use for emergencies and that’s it, no internet, just to call for emergencies and to ask them to pick him up from school or whatever,
And that’s exactly what they need to do with him.