A couple of months ago, my neighbor “Chris” (38M) agreed to grab lunch with me one weekend. I thought it would be nice to start getting to know my neighbors better since I was new to the area. We had a few friendly conversations here and there, and it seemed like a nice gesture to connect.
The day comes. I got dressed, did my hair, put on a cute outfit—the whole bit. I even moved things around in my schedule to make time. I texted him to confirm we’re still on… and I get no response. At all. Not even a “Hey, can’t make it” or a “Sorry something came up.”
No explanation. No apology. Nothing. It was like it never happened. I felt so foolish, but I decide to treat myself to lunch anyway.
Now fast forward to today. I’m pulling into the driveway straight from work and see Chris struggling with his groceries. A big container of cat litter and toilet paper, with a bunch of bags he left on the sidewalk a few feet from my house. He also has his phone on speaker in his hand, talking to another girl, while holding the toilet paper and litter, He looks over at me like he wanted my help, and he even said hey. I could’ve helped. But all I could think about was how he didn’t bother to respond or have the courtesy to reach out after. So I kept it moving.
Could I have been the bigger person? I wanted to be kind. But I also think respect goes both ways.
AITAH?
Comments
You owe him nothing. He can be a “nod” neighbor. They are helpful in crisis situations. But nothing else lol.
NTA. What was his plan if you hadn’t been around? It’s like people with carryon luggage that’s clearly too heavy for them to lift.
You’re not TA. You’re allowed to hold a grudge since he just ghosted you. Also, helping someone out isn’t always required and if you weren’t there he would’ve done it himself regardless.
Fuck Chris
He could make multiple trips.
Nta
Most people take multiple trips. He doesn’t seem very smart.
The only thing I would recommend is to tell him to put the phone down so he could carry his groceries in easier! 😂
You should leave him
Definitely not the asshole. He wasn’t willing to give you basic courtesy, you have no need to give it to him. Telling people they should “be the bigger person” is often just a way of saying they should be a door mat and put in the effort that the other party isn’t willing to give themselves
Nta..he’s your neighbor..keep it moving
Yta. Hopefully things don’t come up for you ever where you don’t forget something or something came up in your life that a lunch with a stranger was the last thing on your mind.
No you don’t OWE him anything. But this ain’t about that. It’s about being the type of person you want to be and the way people in your neighborhood think about you. You didn’t HAVE to, but it would’ve been kind and you would’ve had an opportunity to find out what happened. Then you would’ve known if he was an AH or if you overreacted before YOU came across like a douche. Maybe he is an AH, but now he knows you are. There won’t be another lunch, an explanation, and likely there were other neighbors who will know or saw you first hand.
Being kind shouldn’t be transactional. You do kind things if you’re a kind person until someone takes advantage or you for granted. So now he thinks you’re an AH that doesn’t give anyone the benefit of the doubt.
That sucks that he just blew you off. Petty revenge definitely but I think well deserved.
NTA. He’s a flake. Even if he didn’t want to have lunch with you for whatever reason – he didn’t want to give you the impression he’s interested romantically for example – he should’ve been a grownup and told you he wasn’t available. You didn’t do anything wrong. Flakes can carry their own damn groceries.
He didn’t need help. He was trying to carry too much…AND talking on the phone.
For freaking sake, don’t date your neighbor!
He needs to make trips. Sounds like he was trying to carry more than he could handle. Which is something we do. But that’s on him. I would never expect my neighbors to help me.
Not your responsibility
Ask if you can give him a hand. When he says, “yes!”, you applaud.
NAH — as far as I can tell, he simply forgot, and that happens, even to adults. I forgot a therapy appointment the other day, and I had just confirmed it that morning! The therapist called my phone to make sure I wasn’t in crisis, and no, I just got busy doing taxes and completely forgot the time and date. My friend Michael and I made plans at 2pm today, for about 5pm, and then I was applying to a job and redoing my resume, and at 6:30pm he called, and we were apologizing over each other: he overslept and I forgot completely. It’s an ADHD thing, I’m getting treatment, but it takes time to fix old patterns.
It’s not that Chris’s a jerk for forgetting: he just forgot so completely he didn’t even realize there was something to apologize for. Or he remembered at 5pm, and since you didn’t call to see where he was, he figured it would be more awkward to mention it now.
And he was on the phone. Most people don’t want other people walking back and forth with them while they’re on the phone. He could have sat in the car to finish the call, told the person he’d call back in 5, or just muddled through as he was doing. He was probably nodding to be nice, not asking for help.
But I want you to think about this: what kind of person are you? And are you only that person conditionally, or are you always you? If you are the kind of person who lends a hand, then be the person who lends a hand, regardless of what kind of person the other is being. If you are the person who matches the energy around them, do that and own it.
But i recommend you don’t be the person who gets mad, says nothing, and punishes people around them without even telling them they are being punished. Chris is over here just living his life and oblivious to the problem, and you’re over there pissed off and feeling rotten, and the emotions you’re feeling aren’t doing you any good. I guarantee that Chris doesn’t feel punished, isn’t aware he needs punished, and is certainly not thinking about you as much as you are thinking about him. You’re poisoning your own head here.
If it bothers you that much, just ask the man “what happened last Tuesday when we were supposed to get lunch?” I bet you he facepalms and says he completely forgot and can’t believe he’s such a shit neighbor.
Good for you!! He’s the AH here!
You’re fine lol
NTA
Give him the Sup if there is eye contact. Ignore him if not…
He’s a self centered douche bag.
I would not ask a lady to help me schlepp anything. This might be due to my being raised in an archaic manner?
NTAH
NTA but why “doll up” for lunch with the neighbor seems like you thought it might have been a date or predate
Alot of ppl may disagree with this but I was taught that, you can’t judge a person by its cover. You had a nice conversation and it went but what if he lost someone close to him or was at the hospital that day. Sure, he should’ve sent a quick text “sorry next time” but you never know what someone is going through at that time. Let it go and move on.
So, you’re really just pissed he doesn’t want to date you.
For that, YTA.
NTA. Treat people how you’d like to be treated. That goes both ways. He couldn’t be bothered lifting a finger to let you know he couldn’t have lunch with you, that’s him indicating he wouldn’t go out of his way to do something for you, and wants to be treated in kind.
Maybe something big came up for him, but he could have just said “sorry about the other day” at any point. He chose not to. His loss!