I already have a strained relationship with in-laws as they have a history of overstepping boundaries and telling lies. We cut off contact for a few years but my fiance wanted to try again when we were having our baby hoping they would behave better.
We notified them we are having a christening for our baby girl and she will be 5 months on the day. We insisted that they put their very anxious, large jumpy dog in a kennels for the day, (frankly i am under the believe that you can never trust a dog no matter how good and loving they are and their will be alot of people and children present, I love animals and have had dogs growing up myself) they agreed and even said it was a good idea as a trial as they will be getting married in the coming months and so dog will need to be in kennels for their ceremony. They followed up a few weeks later saying that it had been booked and even made a point of how the kennels “wanted to know everything with proof about the dog”( of course they did.. they’re a kennels and need to protect the dogs?)
Months later the christening is 2 weeks away and my partner is suddenly admitted to A&E with a heart issue, his dad turns up and in passing small talk says “oh, dog will be coming along to the christening. We wasn’t able to get her into a kennels but I’ve already called the party venue and they’ve said its fine”
I feel like this was a strong arm to having us agree, my partner refuses and tells them to look in an alternative area, the dog isn’t coming
A week before the christening I have a bad feeling about it and we contact again and ask , they say they can’t get her into kennels as she hasn’t been vaccinated for kennels cough. My partner says he had the number for a dog sitter and his father says “I’m not leaving my dog with a stranger” . (Futher proof they had no intention?) We offered to house the dog in a ventilated covered room in the back of our house away from ourcat as it will be a very hot day and they’ve just completely ignored this offer, our home is maybe a 2 minute walk from the venue so he can check on her regularly. When my partner put his foot down the father tried to guilt him by saying one of them will have to miss the christening.
I feel this is a very weird demand, I’ve never known anyone to never be able to leave their dog for any amount of time (they have taken the dog to funerals before) , they want to have the dog in 29 degree weather but it was “too hot” for the dog to visit our daughter a few weeks back
Father in law ended conversation with “at the end of the day she’s been a part of the family for 3 years..”
Am I being cruel ? I feel like it is disgraceful to be putting a dog before your one and only granddaughters christening?
Extra details;
We have to keep asking them, they won’t tell us when they’ve not been able to arrange anything
The father in law said he will keep leaving the ceremony to check the dog
The venue is semi outdoors and will be 29 degree sunny weather (uk)
Comments
You’re not being cruel it’s completely reasonable to prioritize your baby’s safety and comfort over accommodating a dog at a formal family event.
You’re not being cruel at all, it’s your baby’s special day, not a dog’s day out. If they can’t put their granddaughter before their pet for a few hours, that says way more about them than it does about you.
you’re not being cruel. it’s your baby’s christening, not a place for a big, anxious dog. they agreed to kennel her, now they’re backing out. you offered a fair solution, and they ignored it. choosing the dog over their granddaughter’s big day is on them, not you.
Dogs do not belong at christenings. The fact they seem to think this is normal is delusional and narcissistic behaviour.
NTA and if they’re willing to miss their granddaughter’s christening over a dog, let them. Their loss, not yours.
NTAH + It’s time for you and your husband to drop the rope again but for good this time. These people have shown you that they will never change.
You’re not the AH. It’s your baby’s christenin, amd it’s totally reasonable to not want a large, anxious dog at a hot, crowded event. Your in-laws agreed at first but are now guilt-tripping and trying to push their way. You offered a fair compromise, amd they refused. If they miss the christening becoz of their dog, that’s their choice, not your fault.
NTA.
It’s a situation of their own making – if they can’t find someone to look after the dog, and they can’t leave it alone for a couple of hours, then yes, one or both of them will have to miss the Christening. You’ve given them plenty of options and they’re being ridiculous. I feel like it’s just to prove some kind of weird point, like a “nobody tells me what to do” thing.
I definitely empathise, OP. My parents live abroad and have two large, anxious dogs. One of my sisters is planning her wedding, and my dad is planning on missing his own daughter’s wedding to stay at home with the dogs because they refuse to consider finding a pet sitter. I’ve even offered to fly over there and look after the dogs so my sister can have both her parents at her wedding, but that’s not good enough either, apparently.
Are these people crazy? On what planet do you get to take your dog to these events? Their unvaccinated dog?? You’re definitely NTA, these people are…just wow 😮
They are very presumptuous. And a pair of AHs.
my dog will throw up if I leave her anywhere for more than a couple hours, and I still wouldn’t drag all. 15 pounds of her to a christening.
Do you have a record of when they said that they had booked the kennel and the kennel wanted to know everything about the dog? If you do, send that back to them saying “We’re not the ones responsible for you not showing up at the christening because we were led to believe you had booked a kennel back in X month. We’re sorry that this has apparently fallen through. Our suggestion is for you to make sure that Pooch has had all of their vaccinations so that you doing run into the same issue when it’s time for your wedding. We’ll save you some cake and drop it over to you on Y date when we’re next in your area. All the best”
Bonkers and no, you’re NTA
I love dogs. I don’t like dog people. You don’t have to bring your dog everywhere.
NTA.