I live in the US where escorting is illegal; I was an escort for 10 years retired 4 years ago (simply because I outgrew it). Met my now fiance 5 years ago; he knew what I did from day one he’s very open minded and was okay with it; saw it as just a job. And no he wasn’t a client.
Background:
I went no contact with my parents a couple months before I met him (because they’re overly invasive, controlling, bigoted live in the 19th century, see themselves as perfect and will never apologize for any wrong doing), use church to justify hate but don’t follow religious tenants such as even attending church.
They hired a PI on me as they’re allergic to accountability of any kind; and my job was the PERFECT thing for them to blame for our no contact and they convinced themselves this must be the reason (it wasn’t); I was two steps ahead of them and figured they pull a stunt like this. They sent me PARAGRAPHS of the most vile and hateful emails and texts about what lowlife trash I am, about how no man would ever want me (I only told them about how I’m actually now seeing a wonderful man who knows everything and jokes on them, they accused me of making him up), and gave me an ultimatum of quitting immediately and moving home with them or they’d turn me in. They also threatened to apply to try and take custody of me citing that what I did was proof that I wasn’t mentally competent to make decisions for myself, and they’d get a lawyer and convince a judge I couldn’t care for myself and they’d be granted custody of me (this actually did scare me because they’re experienced with this; I have a high needs autistic sister so they do have experience with that sort of thing); luckily I had moved to a city where the DA was not prosecuting prostitution offenses and I consulted an attorney about them trying to take custody of me citing my concerns because they have money, lawyers and experience with this, my attorney said I have enough proof for harassment and blackmail and since my father is a physician he could lose his license to practice if he got a restraining order or convicted of any of the above offenses; so he sent him a cease and desist letter reminding him of the aforementioned then he backed off.
Back to the present day: some extended relatives on my Facebook saw I’m now engaged and word got around to my parents; relatives are pressuring me to forgive them and invite them; they agree my parents “overreacted” but they did it “because they were extremely worried and acted out if extreme desperation.” I told them it’s not my fault my parents believe everything they watch on TV, plus my mother disowned me while my dad did all this threatening and chasing.
Plus they accused my fiance of being a figment of my imagination and my uncle said “surely you understand why they thought that” and I said “no I can’t relate to bigotry”
In a nutshell, they say my parents are just “old fashioned, don’t understand and acted out of desperation and I should be compassionate and forgive them” but I say they can go to hell for calling the cops on me and my mom especially for disowning me.
AITA?
Comments
NTA
Disowning is disowning. If you sever all responsibility to your child you have no right to expect anything from them anymore. The context doesn’t even matter here tbh. They decided that for all intents and purposes they’re not your parents anymore. You have no obligation to let strangers into your wedding. Nta
Cool fake wedding story bro can I get an invite 😅
Nah, fuck them. If they couldn’t deal with you before, they don’t deserve you now. Let it be known to your other family members that if they show up, security or the police will escort them out. And any family members that take their side shouldn’t come
OP you are so NTA. You are just trying to live life without being controlled. plus, its your wedding. Not your familys, not your parents, its your wedding and your significant others wedding. it belongs to you and him alone. What you want for the wedding goes and everybody else can fuck off.
Are you serious?
It’s amazing that the one who has been wronged is also expected by others to be compassionate and forgiving. Your parents are the ones who should have been compassionate and forgiving towards you. They weren’t and that means you don’t owe them anything. Actions have consequences. Don’t enable your parents by inviting them, don’t reward them for what they did to you. You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.
So your folks attempted to save you from voluntary human trafficking? You’re not the AH, it’s your wedding, you can do whatever you want, but they weren’t 100% or even mostly in the wrong here.
NTA Your wedding your choice. I’d look at hiring security even if they are off duty police officers for your wedding and reception and give them photos of your parents and other extended family members who you think would cause trouble and then let security know that they can call the police and have them removed from the area
NTA
And any relatives pushing the issue can be discarded
NTA. You should only invite people to your wedding that you like and like you. Sounds like they fail on both.
NTA tell them you can’t take back a disowning, and God frowns HEAVILY on the act in the first place.
I find it difficult to believe that someone with the ovaries to be an escort (and for that long), and who had the brains and strength to have a lawyer send a cease and desist to her own parents, is now questioning her decision to not forgive and invite them to a huge occasion.
However, in case there are real people who benefit from reading here, yes, awful parents like this do exist. And under no circumstances are they entitled to forgiveness and inclusion in celebrations.
The next time you do something that frightens them, they’ll try to take you children (if you go there). You have zero obligation to forgive disownment. They don’t get to have their smug, righteous cake and also eat at your wedding.
NTA.
Your parents might need a reality check like, maybe binge-watching some actual parenting shows instead of whatever drama they’ve been tuning into.
Of course it is totally up to you, but if you allow them to come, you know they will cause a scene & ruin the happy occasion.
NTA. keep them far away from your life. Matter of fact. Make it clear to those family member that if they bring back up your parents again you will go no contact with them as well. You have no desire to hear about them or for them to hear about you
NTA. Don’t invite anyone who sides with your parents either.
NTA. They’re trying to save face. They made their bed, let them lay in it. To anyone who is advocating for them: “this topic is not up for discussion. Period.” If they can’t stop themselves, walk away or hang up.
1st of all – Congratulations on your upcoming marriage! 2nd – They disowned you, you didn’t disown them. Any family members pressuring you to invite them need to be reminded that they in fact told you that you were no longer their daughter. Since you are not their daughter there is zero reason to invite them to the wedding. It’s a parents job to support their children, even when they disagree with their life choices. They not only chose not to do that, they went above and beyond and took it to the extent of literally attempting to get you put in jail, a mental institution or be forced to live under their guardianship for no reason other than their own bigotry. Bigotry is not desperation. Family trying to cover it up as such are just as bad as they are IMO>
NTA. Also agree with others that you might want to uninvite relatives who are backing your parents, especially if you’ve stated what your parents harassment was. Also congrats on the engagement and upcoming wedding 😊
Your day should be about you.
It doesn’t seem like it could be if your parents came – especially if that was meant to be the reconciliation day – it would, instead, be all about that. Tensions would be inevitable. Drama, likely.
I don’t think you owe them reconciliation, and it doesn’t sound like you see a lot of hope for their being good for your life going forward.
If you do decide to try it – make things happen before the wedding and then decide if it is ok for them to be there. Or just say it can’t happen in time bc you need to see like a yr of accountable behaviour or whatever makes you comfortable before you will consider a real reconciliation to have happened – and if they are healthy they will get that. Keep drama away from a celebratory event and the start of your new life.
They are the ones who disowned you! Stick to your guns, OP. These awful, awful people will add nothing to your life.
Your parents are still the same exact people they were when you went NC. Keep them at bay forever. They will ruin your life.
Nta
Live your life, don’t let them control how
I think I would tell everyone “I don’t care if they over-reacted out of concern or not, if they are just old fashioned or not. If they are that incapable of restraining themselves, they are a danger to me and I refuse to invite a known danger to me to my wedding.” And then if they don’t shut up about it, uninvite them.