AITAH for not being friends with someone who seemingly slept with my crush

r/

I (28F) have had a crush on my coworker (25M) Randall since I started working at our current job (about 6 months). I’ve told my friend group about him and basically everyone in my life knew except for the people at my work. Our friend group went out for brunch on a Saturday and decided to go day drinking after. Long story short, Randall was invited by the boyfriend of one of the girls in my friend group (they’re roommates). As soon as he got there I noticed he was flirty with my best friend (27F) Maria. He was buying her drinks, putting his arm around her, etc. When me and Maria would go to the bathroom I would openly tell her like “wtf” and I was clearly getting a little upset. Pretty much everyone ending up leaving except for me, Maria, Randall, and this other guy who has a girlfriend (and basically wasn’t there, talking to other people all night). I felt like a third wheel. There were times where the 3 of us would be talking and Randall would wrap his arm around Maria and walk away leaving me completely alone. They would go off together to do things like find cigarettes, smoke them, get drinks, play games, etc and I was not included. I even said at one point that I could just leave like there was no point in me being there. We got food at a restaurant and I kind of just got up and left and went to my car to drive home (I was sober at this point). After I got home I looked at the location of Maria and she was clearly on her way to Randall’s place. She turned her location off and didn’t turn back on until the next morning and you could see her en route back to her apartment.

When I confronted her about it and said that I wasn’t going on our trips we planned together she completely denied that she spent the night at his place and was not apologetic about the night at all. No one believes her but I don’t 100% know that she slept with him, but I definitely feel like she is lying. The proof is in the pudding you know. AITAH for cancelling our trips and not wanting to be her friend anymore?

Sidenote: I know from a source that after I left the restaurant she told Randall that I was “pissed off bc I have a thing for him.” So she basically outted me right away and now he knows that I’ve had a crush on him and I have to see him every day at work 🙂 (he doesn’t know that I know)

Also edit: they did not know each other before this

Another edit: I just want to clarify that this post is NOT about Randall, it’s about Maria. He was literally just a work crush that I didn’t see it going anywhere with anyways. It’s not on him at all, we never talked about any sort of feelings with each other. I know I don’t “own” him. It’s pretty obvious he doesn’t like me yall don’t need to keep reminding me lol my friend knew that I liked him for months and that what she was doing was hurtful to me, I know she knows because she TOLD him 🙃

Comments

  1. AutoModerator Avatar

    Backup of the post’s body: I (28F) have had a crush on my coworker (25M) Randall since I started working at our current job (about 6 months). I’ve told my friend group about him and basically everyone in my life knew except for the people at my work. Our friend group went out for brunch on a Saturday and decided to go day drinking after. Long story short, Randall was invited by the boyfriend of one of the girls in my friend group (they’re roommates). As soon as he got there I noticed he was flirty with my best friend (27F) Maria. He was buying her drinks, putting his arm around her, etc. When me and Maria would go to the bathroom I would openly tell her like “wtf” and I was clearly getting a little upset. Pretty much everyone ending up leaving except for me, Maria, Randall, and this other guy who has a girlfriend (and basically wasn’t there, talking to other people all night). I felt like a third wheel. There were times where the 3 of us would be talking and Randall would wrap his arm around Maria and walk away leaving me completely alone. They would go off together to do things like find cigarettes, smoke them, get drinks, play games, etc and I was not included. I even said at one point that I could just leave like there was no point in me being there. We got food at a restaurant and I kind of just got up and left and went to my car to drive home. After I got home I looked at the location of Maria and she was clearly on her way to Randall’s place. Her location was sitting at his apartment for quite a while and then she turned her location off. It didn’t turn back on until about 9 am the next morning and you could see her en route back to her apartment.

    When I confronted her about it and said that I wasn’t going on our trips we planned together she completely denied that she spent the night at his place and was not apologetic about the night at all. No one believes her but I don’t 100% know that she slept with him, but I definitely feel like she is lying. The proof is in the pudding you know. AITAH for cancelling our trips and not wanting to be her friend anymore?

    Sidenote: I know from a source that after I left the restaurant she told Randall that I was “pissed off bc I have a thing for him.” So she basically outted me right away and now he knows that I’ve had a crush on him and I have to see him every day at work 🙂 (he doesn’t know that I know)

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  3. Existing_Intern_4764 Avatar

    She’s not a friend. You’re NTA. Move on from both of them.

  4. No_Jaguar67 Avatar

    Maria chose random dick over your friendship. Doesn’t sound like a great friend.

  5. Mrs_Papermill Avatar

    You’re 28 and still playing these “dibs” games? Your friend doesn’t care about your feelings. There’s no “girl code” here. Hard truth. She put herself above your friendship and used what you confided privately to her against you. Accept this and move forward knowing you dropped some baggage.

  6. Frequent-Potato-5981 Avatar

    in a more considerate scenario where feelings between them just naturally happened, i would just say while it super sucks that it may be something to have to work through and move on from to be able to stay friends. however the way your friend handled this and the way she dismissively outed your crush to him once you left gives me the vibe that she was intentionally going after him and had secretly made it into a competition “to win” him.

    i also had a friend once that after i told her i had a crush on a guy (to which at the time she said he rubbed her the wrong way but that it was fine and cool that i liked him) ended up telling me two weeks later that she was now dating him. i feel like some people just get into a weird competitive complex that once they find out someone is desired, then they want to be the one to catch the prize, and it’s very toxic.

    unless you two can have a sincere and truthful heart to heart about where to go from here as friends and you receive a genuine apology for her behavior if there’s anything worth it to salvage and grow from, id say it’s time to move on from both of them or at least take some time and space away to feel it out if you’re not completely sure.

    this shit is super hard and it sucks

  7. Nerdymcbutthead Avatar

    if you haven’t had a chat with Randall you and him are NTA. Your friendship is probably over and I doubt you will be on as good terms with your co-worker anymore.

    Workplace relationships are always dangerous.

  8. sammac66 Avatar

    Maria’s not your friend, your NTA and Randall’s NTA . But just because you have a crush on someone for 6 months and do nothing about it doesn’t mean nobody else can go near him. However, if she really was your friend she would have kept her distance or at least confronted you and said hey I like him. He’s not interested in you. Are you okay if I hook up with him?. 100%. She slept with him. Move on from both of them.

  9. No_Confidence5235 Avatar

    Well, I don’t blame you for not wanting to be friends with her, but even if she hadn’t been there, nothing would have changed between you and your crush. He has made it clear that he doesn’t feel the same way about you. Move on, and find someone who does.

  10. CarrotofInsanity Avatar

    Unfortunately, Randall gave you a direct SIGN he isn’t interested in you. You need to accept that, with grace, because you don’t own him.

    He hit it off with Maria. Bummer.
    You share locations with Maria? Why?
    Just because you have a crush on someone doesn’t mean you own him. You never bothered to pursue him. He’s not interested in you. He’s free to see who he wants, as is Maria.

    I’m guessing Maria won’t be heartbroken about the canceling of her trip nor wanting to continue your friendship. She wasn’t your friend from the beginning.

    Show them both AND yourself that you weren’t that invested in the crush. Nor in the friendship with Maria.

  11. Late-Champion8678 Avatar

    I was going to say you were the AH – you’re not children, you can’t play dibs on other people like they are property.

    HOWEVER, Maria seems to have been sketchy from the start. I could understand random attraction between the two and á good friend would have approached you about this sincerely ánd given you room to feel hurt. Maria is a snake ánd doesn’t give a shit about your feelings. At all.

    Think back over your friendship. Thjs cant be the first time she’s behaved like this ánd disregarded your feelings.

    It’s time to cut her loose. Let have her random dick instead of her ‘bestie’.

    NTA

  12. Dangerous_Image5783 Avatar

    This is all actually good news. A guy you may have liked but were never going to be with ended up outing your friend as a completely untrustworthy AH.

    Thats important information to have and good you got it now before she attempted to sleep with someone you might actually be dating or serious/married to.

    You are not TA, Randall is not TA.

    Your hopefully now ex friend is a piece of s–t and an AH.

  13. JudgeLennox Avatar

    Don’t make a mess with co-workers. Find a new job or mature quick and put this behind you

  14. PeppermintEvilButler Avatar

    Hun that bitch aint your friend. She’s a pick me who decided to go after your crush when she knew. At any point this bitch could have said she knew him, or they had flirted etc instead she lied.

  15. Pure-Force8338 Avatar

    He’s not into you. Deal with it.

  16. cfrilick Avatar

    You have to have each other’s back, and she’s not a good friend at all. I have always said that if I ever started to have feelings for my sisters fiance or my friends boyfriend, you can cure that by staying away from them. I mean, keep to others in the group and don’t interact with them much. A person does not need to act on every feeling they have. She knows she did you wrong. Then she dug the knife in your back by TELLING HIM. That is wrong.