My sister wants to send her daughter (f10) to a different school because of bullying. The only other school that is an option is quite a bit further away. They’ve run into a timing issue because neither of them can drive her to school because they have to be at work, but they also can’t drive her earlier because the school doesn’t allow kids on the property before 7:15. Since the school is so much further away she couldn’t take the school bus and there aren’t any other kids around where they live that go to that school so she can’t get a ride with someone else. So basically I’m their last resort.
However, I have classes in the mornings. Now these aren’t college classes they are more like wellness classes that help me with my mental health because I have anxiety and depression. Right now I really don’t want to mess with a routine that is working for me, but I do technically have the option to take these classes in the evenings. However, I really am just not a night person and I feel like the morning classes help me feel better and more productive for the rest of the day. Which helps a lot because I work form home on my own schedule. I don’t think the evening classes would do as much for me because by then I would only have a couple hours before I go to sleep and I’m not much a night person in the first place.
My sister is less than sympathetic because she doesn’t think I need these classes at all because I don’t have kids and my work is easy compared to hers. So in her mind I don’t have reason to have anxiety or depression while her daughter obviously does and I technically have the ability to help her with that.
I should probably also add that taking my niece to school also makes me feel iffy because of how crowded and noisy it will be an I worry that it will make me on edge for the rest of the day.
Comments
Just say no. NTA
This is not your problem to solve.
Say no. NTA. You’re busy.
Your sister’s job is to prioritize her daughter’s mental health, and yours is to prioritize your own. NTA, set boundaries.
NTA. Your mental health routine matters, and it’s not selfish to protect it—especially when the alternative would actively harm your well-being. It’s your sister’s responsibility to figure out her child’s school logistics, not yours, even if that means she needs to explore less convenient options.
“I’m not changing my schedule. You are her parents, figure it out.”
And “I’m not playing ‘who has bigger problems’— I said no.”
> neither of them can drive her to school because they have to be at work
It sounds like one of them will need to change jobs if they can’t get more flexibility or a different schedule. Expecting someone else to change their routine before their willing to change their own is ridiculous.
Uber? But honestly, having an opportunity to build a bond with a niece could be as rewarding as any ‘class’ where a stranger tells you how to cope with being an adult.
It’s not your sister’s call whether you need the classes or not. She’s way overstepping if she says different. How about if she figured out all of the logistical issues before deciding to change her daughter’s school? Assuming you’d be able to help out was the wrong move. NTA
Both are very important mental health issues. The difference is you are responsible for yours. Your sister and husband are responsible for their daughter. If you did not have any barriers to helping that would not endanger your wellbeing, that would be a different discussion. Your sister does not get to make that determination, you do and you’re no help if you crumble. Be there in other ways for her. Also don’t let that kid shaming logic work on you.
NTA. It is her responsibility to get this done. Not yours. Might be time to start limiting your contact with your sister.
NTA. Your wellness and mental health are the priority. Your niece is your sister’s problem. Not yours.
NTA – I’ve had to change jobs and shifts before to accommodate my kids needs because I’m the parent. Yes, it’s nice when someone can help out, but you don’t ask them to be the one to rearrange their schedule to do it unless it’s a legit emergency, like husband was in car accident, I’m at the hospital, can you grab the kid from school so I don’t have to leave.
Does your sister not realize that your mental health is important? NTA
Soooo your sister demands you sacrifice your health, says you don’t have reason to have health or any other problems because you’re not a mother and can’t see what’s wrong here. Hint: All. Of. It.
No. No is all you have to say. Don’t explain. You don’t need her permission or approval. Just no. You can add “ that doesn’t work for me” but no more than that.
NTA. Parental responsibilities are not yours. They cannot solve their daughter’s bullying problem by bullying you.
So her mental matters, but yours doesn’t? The irony. NTA.
Your sister has no right to ask you to rearrange your schedule to take her child to school. Just say no.
NTA You have a schedule that works for you.
You are not obligated to ruin that for your sister.
SHE had a child. Her choice.
Say no, and don’t give reasons. They’ll try to negotiate if you do.
Sample script:
“No, I won’t change my schedule.”
“But whhhyyyyy?”
“Because I won’t change it.”
“But she’s your niece!”
“I’ve already told you I won’t”
“You’re so selfish!”
“Nevertheless, I won’t change my schedule.”
Note the lack of explanation.
NTA. In matters like this, the only ones that need to make sacrifices are her parents. This isn’t asking you to babysit occasionally, its a refusal to accommodate her daughters needs- that were very likely stressed to her by the original school or certain alphabet caseworkers.
And let’s be honest, if she’s belittling your mental health routines, she’s not being serious about her daughter’s mental health needs. They dont fit into her wants or make it easier on her.
Yeah. Only people with kids can be depressed. 🙄
NTA even if it costs you a sister you should not change your mind in this.
NTA, your routine is critical for your own mental health. Your sister can kick rocks.
Your sis’s spawn is not your problem … no .. it’s an unambiguous full sentence answer
I’m intuiting that your sister hasn’t offered to pay you anything for your time and expenses should you drive your niece to school.
So what you do is say you will gladly provide transportation, but it is going to cost her a shipload of money, as follows:
Once you have calculated a per-trip value that you think is worth your time, tell your sister that you will gladly drive her daughter to school each day AS LONG AS SHE PAYS YOU IN ADVANCE TO DO SO. (In cash, if you think she’s untrustworthy.)
And then stick to what you’ve told her.
Trust me, she’ll find another way to get your niece to school. And you won’t need to change your own schedule.
…the classes aren’t the point. The point is, unless there is a reason you owe your sister daily taxi service, you don’t, and can refuse just because you don’t want to. (When talking about it, you say that you “can’t” do it, and don’t elaborate on why.)
It would be very, very kind for you to take your niece to school, it sounds like there’s a good reason she needed to change schools, but it doesn’t have to be your problem.
You are not responsible for your neice, your sister is. It’s on her to figure it out without you, because this was her decision to begin with.
NTA . No is a full sentence here . Your niece is not your problem it’s an issue for your sister to deal with she doesn’t think your classes are important . So more than likely if your situation changes with work or classes she will still expect you to take her child to school . Limiting your growth and life as long as her child is in school .
You’re not the asshole at all, your sister is tbh. However…
From the child’s perspective, it can be nice to have an adult go above and beyond for you. She’s a child with little autonomy and no other options. Is there a way you can drop her off early (maybe y’all can work it out with the school) and then go to your morning class?
If you make your own schedule maybe you can squeeze in a nap in the afternoon if this proves to be an intense adjustment.
Your mental health matters and I generally don’t think breeders should rely on other ppl when they made their choice to have kids.
But I’m guessing you love this little girl and as a former little girl (with jacked up parents) I really remember very fondly the adults who took part in giving me a safe childhood.
Your sister does have another option… a nanny that drives, or finding before school options like a sitter or facility that can watch your niece and get her to school
NTA at the end of the day you’re an adult who can say no to things but if I were your sister in that situation being told that you can help you just don’t really want to would test my ability to be nice about it. Again you are an adult who can say no to any and everything if you want, you just have to accept what that looks like in practice.
Your sister had a kid, not you. How dare she tell you, your mental health is less important than her parenting choices. Once she insults you, you owe nothing. Let her contact her employer for a schedule change.
Curious, does she have a way for her child to get home, or will she dump that on you too?
Nta
NTA. This school doesn’t work for them. There must be other schools around.
I’m kinda amazed your sister and husband have the balls for such a big ask, although if I think about it, my own sister would have asked too. I got recruited to care for her newborn the summer before my senior high school year. They lived out the the boondocks about an hour and a half from my house and I was volunteered. Her husband expected a hot breakfast and that’s when I learned to cook grits. Never had them so it was hard to learn to cook them. It was hell. The baby had colic and I didn’t get paid. Don’t be like me. Find your voice. The people here gave great advice.
NTA. This isn’t your problem. Even if your mornings were 100% open, you can still say no.
Depends on who’s house you live in. If you live at sisters house or some other relative’s, you get off your ass and contribute to that household by taking the kid to school. If not, not your kid not your problem.
Sister & BIL can hire a child minder to get their daughter to the school; it is not your problem OP
Wow, so your niece was getting bullied and your sister’s solution is to bully you???