Me and my boyfriend of two years broke up recently because he didn’t like that I was going to wear cycling shorts for my pe kit. We are able to wear pe uniforms over our usual uniform due to the hot weather for a few days. When I said I would be wearing cycling shorts instead of the school shorts ( which are like football shorts ) he expressed disgust and basically said we should end things if I wear them. I said Im not changing what Im wearing because I don’t think they’re bad, I wear them at the length they’re supposed to be, I dont roll them up and I’ve worn them before outside of school setting without a comment. I dress appropriately and I do not wear revealing clothing and I never have. He says im choosing a pair of shorts over him and that its all my fault. am I just being petty ? Or am I right to think this is unreasonable and that hes acting insecure ?
AITAH for not changing my clothing choices for my partner
r/AITAH
Comments
Na he is already trying to control you don’t let him. NTA
You’re lucky that things ended. He is a controlling AH. NTA.
Fake and stupid
girl he really said “me or the shorts” and expected you to fold?? you’re not petty, you just didn’t let a man control your outfit like it’s the 1800s. he was insecure and weird about it, end of story. wear the shorts. free the thighs.
It sounds like he chose to break up over the cycling shorts. That’s on him, and now he can be a grownup about it and admit it. NTA.
NTA
I’m so happy to see a girl cut that shit off at the root.
Good on ya, sis.
It’s clear your partner struggled with insecurity rather than the shorts themselves… and it’s not fair to expect you to sacrifice your comfort for someone else’s discomfort, NTA, what’s next? How can you ensure future relationships respect your choices without compromising your values?
I don’t know if this is just incredibly dumb or fake AF. Either way, it’s pathetic
He sounds pretty petty and controlling so you’re probably better off without him.
Is he 14? I would absolutely NOT deal with that level of control and jealousy. He needs to heal himself.
NTA
He’s trying to control you. Call him out on being a controlling AH stuck in the 1950s and then run for the hills.
You’re not choosing shorts over him, you’re choosing self determination over his desire to control you.
NTA
NTA.
Your body, your choice, and you are not in the least being petty. He wants control, and good on you for choosing yourself over his bullshit.
This sounds like petty middle school stuff. He is controlling and he did you a favor by breaking up with you. Stay away from that person!
NTA. When someone shows their true colors, believe them. First, it is clothing… who knows what he will try to control next? Run.
Of course he says it’s all your fault because he’s a total scumbag asshole.
NTA.
>He says im choosing a pair of shorts over him
Yeah, he’s doing that, too. He’s choosing shorts over you. The thing is, he’s trying to control what type of shorts you wear; you’re not trying to control him. That’s the bigger issue. Controlling partners (of any sex or gender) start small and build over time. It’s like boiling a frog. Start the frog in a pot of cool water and slowly increase the heat.
How old are you? NTA, but that’s some bizarre behavior from a bf I’m assuming is a teenager. He’s definitely going to get worse unless he figures out fast that girls/women get to control their own bodies and clothing/makeup/style (plus everything else in their own damn lives!)
He has control issue’s. Find a man that can handle a woman wearing cycling shorts.
Definitely NTA! Did you explain that you are not choosing shorts over him but you are choosing freedom over control? You definitely made the right choice.
Don’t let anyone control anything about you. Ever.
OMG!! You hussy, how dare you wear something cool, and show your lower leg!! /s
NTA. Never let anyone control what you wear. He sounds immature and you are well shot if him.
NTA you’re not choosing shorts over him, you’re choosing to not let him exert unreasonable and sexist control over you and he didn’t like it. If the shorts are school appropriate, he has zero reason to think they’re inappropriate. He just doesn’t like it because they’re tight. If he thinks tight clothes are inappropriate, imagine what he’s thinking of every woman he sees in athletic wear.
NTA.
Men who think you should do as they say instead of what you want are not the guys to be in a relationship with.
Don’t understand his motivations, but I agree with everyone that this is not about shorts
NTA. He is choosing a pair of shorts over you. He is a controlling asshole.
NTAH. You shouldn’t be with anyone who has issues about how you dress, regardless of what the issue is. My mom thinks that wearing red automatically makes you promiscuous. As soon as you start compromising they’ll come up with something else.
NTA “he expressed disgust and basically said we should end things if I wear them.” Good riddance. Anyone trying to control you like that, good bye.
You’re simply dressing in a way that’s comfortable, modest, and practical for PE.
Sounds like he is choosing a pair of shorts over you, so not allow anyone to tell you the outfits you should wear. Yes certain things have a time and place but bike shorts during gym is completely acceptable. You aren’t wearing them to a funeral or wedding…. he sounds like an idiot and a bullet dodged
NTA
He’s the one who made the issue into an ultimatum and you chose wisely. He was being idiotic anyways.
NTA. Don’t let a boy tell you how to dress
Good on you and yes, choosing a piece of clothing over a controlling AH is always the right call.
You are not choosing a pair of shorts over him. You are choosing your own autonomy and dignity over a person who doesn’t love you and just wishes to control you.
He’s totally insecure. This is a red flag
Nta, it’s not just about the shorts and both of you know that. It’s about the fact that he feels he should have more of a say in your decisions than you do. That would be a deal breaker for me. Apparently, it’s a deal breaker for him that you want to retain control over your own life choices. Let that sink in. It’s about control and because it’s not about the shorts, it won’t end there. This is a glimpse into your future.
NTA at all. I’ve been in relationships where guys tried to police my wardrobe and it never gets better, only worse. You stood your ground and he showed himself out – sounds like a win to me.
NTA and you’re too young for this nonsense.
You’re not choosing a pair of shorts over him. You’re choosing him not controlling your clothing choices. And he’s portraying it that way because it’s manipulative.
I’m curious if it works both ways, do you get to tell him what he’s not allowed to wear out?
NTA and good riddance to bad rubbish. He might not have started out as a control freak but that is exactly where he is now. He chose his desire to control your clothing choices over a healthy relationship with you.
Sounds like he’s been listening to bro podcasts.
NTA, be glad he flew this MCB (Massive Crimson Banner) sooner rather than later, you don’t need a guy that is this insecure and or this controlling
NTA – you did it perfectly, innately knowing that you get to choose what you wear and he gets to choose if he wants to be with you wearing it.
And, it does NOT matter if it is revealing or not, no person should ever make you choose between a relationship and wearing what you want to wear. I mean, sure, if you wanted to wear rotten hot dogs all the time, that could be an issue. But same thing applies, you get to be yourself and they get to choose if they want to be with YOU.
For example, I don’t shave my legs or armpits and if some men don’t want to date me because of it, that’s fine – just like I’m not a huge fan of most facial hair so I don’t date those guys. I wouldn’t date someone and then tell them to change something about themselves that isn’t harming anyone.
Also, check out Burned Haystack Method…it’ll serve you well.
“he says Im choosing a pair of shorts over him” my brother in Christ he’s the one choosing a pair of shorts over you. He’s the one breaking up with you over a pair of shorts. He’s the fuckin weird one here. Obviously he’s trying to gain control n push you into a position where you have a need to do whatever he says just so that he has power but like, from a normal ass pov he’s being a fuckin dick and weird. I’m so sorry that someone you love is ending a relationship with you over a pair of shorts. I hope you find someone less insecure and less controlling
No, he’s choosing a pair of shorts over you. Don’t let him turn that on you. NTA
” He says im choosing a pair of shorts over him” Sounds like the opposite to me, he is choosing to NOT have you, over a pair of shorts.
NTA he is absolutely.
I stopped even reading after the part where he said change clothes or we’re over. Fuck (or perhaps, unfuck) that guy. The reasons for your choices are unnecessary. Who tf does he think he is? Fly free!
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Tell him he’s also choosing a pair of shorts over the relationship too, but he started the choosing game and you’ll bloody end it!
Good for you standing up for yourself lass. Stand proud in yer cycling shorts!!!! XXX
Good boundaries to have: Don’t tell me what to do. Don’t manipulate me. Don’t threaten me with a breakup to try to control me.
EW to his comments and making you choose…I mean really? Controlling much. Be your own person. NTA.
NTA run for the hills
He’s a huge fucking red flag no Man should ever tell you what you should be wearing. You are an independent autonomous being you wear what the hell you want best break up with him to be honest it will only get worse.
NTA
Good job standing up for yourself and recognizing he was being unreasonable and controlling. His insecurity ain’t your problem, sis.
NTA. Wear what you feel like wearing. You don’t even need to clarify that you don’t wear revealing things. It doesn’t matter if it’s revealing or not (I mean, it might matter for uniform, but outside of that), what you wear is your choice, never his.
He is choosing a pair of shorts over you.
Never mistake controlling for caring.
You fall in love with a person because of who they are. You don’t fall in love with what you can change about a person. If you want to change them you don’t love them. (There are exceptions like drugs etc.)
No one gets to dictate what another person wears beyond parents/guardians of minors. This guy is a control freak. Glad you broke it off.
Blaming you for choosing shorts over her when:
A. He’s the one who has an issue with them and is choosing to criticize you
B. He’s the one breaking up with you if you wore them.
This is just pure manipulation. If he wants to break up with you he can, but he’ll probably just continue using this as a tool to guilt and control you.
As a dude I support you removing that thing from your life. Good for you!! No one controls what you wear. Him trying to control your clothing choices is a planet sized red flag. Never go back there. Good luck going forward. On his birthday next year, send him a pair of bike shorts.
NTA It’s not choosing shorts over him. You are choosing being a person with agency over your life instead of being the subject of an over controlling jerk.