Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/sIbyh8vNlH
Update: I am definitely an idiot but the best lessons are learned first hand. A few days after my original post he came home. His mother had called me (we have always been on fairly good terms) asking what was going on since he wouldn’t tell her. I explained the situation and she told me she was very disappointed in him for starting all this over something so simple regardless of if I was willing to change it or not. Anyways he came home and apologized with the most sincere apology I’ve ever received in my life…or so I thought.
This weekend his job had a Labor Day party where all his coworkers and their families were invited over to the bosses house. We don’t normally go to these sort of things because our families are usually doing things the same days but this time we decided to go since my children were with their dad and our families were out of town.
We get there and I’m meeting a lot of new people but I’m most looking forward to meeting Danny, the guy I assumed was his best friend since he’s always talking about him. Danny is nowhere to be found until this drop dead gorgeous woman walks in…turns out Danny is actually Dani short for Danielle. I kept my cool at the omission of her gender but it all clicked when her and I had a conversation.
She is probably one of the most progressive women I’ve ever met but not in an aggressive manner. I honestly think I could be really good friends with this woman. She’s so poised and genuinely nice. She told me she recently got engaged. The funny thing is she owns a side business so she will not be changing her last name. Apparently my husband made a fool of himself to her as well by saying her fiancé wasn’t a “real man” because he’s okay with that. She told him off and didn’t speak to him for a few days. She said he apologized, get this, BEFORE he apologized to me!
Anyways turns out that whole argument was a projection of his own inner feelings and the discrepancy between him and Dani. I kept my cool at the party but in the conversation I had with him later he admitted to having a crush on her. I was so livid and hurt by this I kicked him out. I’m going to be calling divorce lawyers today because I’m done and will not spend the rest of my life worrying if he has something going on with one of his coworkers. I’m just thankful that the house was mine before we got married.
Comments
Yikes, good call. His behavior is a huge red flag—divorce sounds like the right move
Maybe couples therapy would help. I’m only suggesting even though I don’t believe airing your dirty laundry to a stranger helps. I do know it seems to be beneficial for some.
Yep, thank goodness the house is yours. I’m gonna go read your initial post now.
Edit: just read the original post and damn girl he’s acting like a toddler. What a pouty face. I still have my ex’s last name and my husband (now) could care less. I originally kept it because my kids have their dad’s last name and I had no intention of ever getting remarried. (Haha on me)
Pretty soon he would be demanding you put his name on the house. 🚩🚩🚩
When its something minor that causes a big fuss it usually almost always projection that has a bigger meaning behind it smh. Jerks please update as this goes if you can
I do personally think that talking to a counselor (if he would) might be a first step as a divorce over a crush seems extreme. BUT on the other hand his overreaction to her, to her chiding him AND your DoorDash order does indicate a HUGE ego problem and maybe insecurity about that and if he is unwilling to discuss things to work things out especially a tiny blow to his ego, perhaps you are making a wise choice.
To be honest, he doesn’t seem like ”REaL MaN”.
I’ve been married for 17 years and my PayPal is my maiden name. 50% of the stuff I order comes in my maiden name. Pure laziness on my part but, like it was my name and does not reflect my marriage at all. My husband would never care out this.
If your done your done. I imagine the name change was just the straw that broke the camels back for you.
Okay, this plottwist gave me whiplash. You’ll be hearing from my attorney.
Definitely befriend Dani, she sounds awesome.
Alex, I’ll take things that never happened for 100
the boy needs to learn that omission of facts / information is absolutely, conclusively, STILL FRICKIN LYING.
Befriend her.
I don’t understand this last name stuff , I could
Care less. Now my wife then wanted to keep her last name and I said fine but kids would have my last name and she said ok . It’s not a hard talk . We both agreed no hyphenated names
Glad you figured out what was actually happening, maybe keep Dani after the divorce? She sounds so cool and I feel like you two would be great friends!
Updateme!
What a dumbass. Good call OP.
I think we all like Dani here, so please make sure to befriend her while you divorce the insecure manchild
Updateme
0 days since last time someone attacked their partner because they themselves were guilty of some bullshit. You are making the right choice, good on you <3