Today is the 4th of July, in America this is a holiday celebrated usually with grillouts and other things. I told my family I wanted to do a simple grill out with burgers, chicken, some BBQ ribs, etc for our immediate family. Because I am a chef, the family decided to invite their friends over, say they wanted steaks, and asked what sides I was making for the event. I work 50+ hours a week and am too tired to do a surprise mini catering event on my day off. Despite having made all of this known ahead of time, am I the asshole for taking my daughter and silently leaving as all these people showed up at my parents home?
AITAH for not cooking for my family on a holiday?
r/AITAH
Comments
good for you! Enjoy your day with your daughter.
NTA. You are absolutely right to leave.
Not at all. Enjoy your day!
NTA. This is at your parents house? And they invited more guests? Nah. That’s on them to facilitate. You didn’t come so you could cook for someone else’s party.
I skipped a line and inferred that your family invited 50-plus friends over. Now that would be AH behavior!
Absolutely love, love, love that you stuck to your guns. Also, good job showing your daughter how a family member stands up to entitled behavior. Good job, papa!
It’s your parents’ home? Perfect, let your parents feed everyone.
You aren’t a servant. NTA
NTA. Not your event to cook for, not your problem.
Well done! NTA. Hope you had a lovely time with your daughter.
Are they paying you overtime? Didn’t think so. This is on your parents. They knew what you wanted to do and ran roughshod over you thinking you would cave.
NTA and don’t let them tell you that you are!
NTA
NTA.
Sounds like you’re celebrating your independence this holiday. Congratulations, and have fun with your daughter.
Not in the least. That’s very bad form on their part, assuming you’ll cook on your day off.
Put your phone on silent (or do not disturb) until tomorrow, and I hope you and your daughter have a fabulous day!
NTA at all! From now on don’t cook on the holidays except for just your daughter. Doctors don’t work on the holidays, you need a break!
Potluck, you are making potluck.
Idk, are you?? Did you just stick your parents with them??
My husband brought cooked ribs home from the grill man in our neighborhood.
NTA. Serves them right.
NTA. Take it as a lesson learned; hopefully your overstepping family members will do the same.
The shoemaker’s children go barefoot.
When it’s your job it’s the last thing you want to do on a day off. It’s not a ‘hobby’.
You are 100% NTA. Thankfully you didn’t inherit your family’s a-hole gene.
NTA. And well played!
My cousin had a gathering that was supposed to be like the ones my grandfather had. Come over, have some ham sandwiches, a couple other food options and hang out and have a good time. His wife is an amazing non professional cook who had won contests for her dishes.
I was hoping there would be a dish or two of hers. There wasn’t.
My response was to eat, hang out and have a good time.
You set expectations, people ignored them and had the nerve to make demands.
You are not the AH for not wanting to cook on your day off.
Absolutely NTA. It’s incredibly rude of them to basically demand you feed everyone.
Updateme
NTA
Good for you for walking out.
NTA. Your family is inconsiderate and extremely rude. They basically told you that you have to work overtime, for free, on your day off for the holiday.
You told them you were too tired to do lots of cooking. They ignored you. Walking out was mild compared to what many people would do.
NTA, I’d have loved to see their reaction when they realized you were gone. I hope you turned your ringer off lol
I’d like a follow up to this if possible. K thanks. Also, you’re NTA.
NTA…..
I hope you and your child had a good day!
nta they were presumptuous
NTA
They shouldn’t have made any demands. They certainly shouldn’t have invited more people. You did just right.
NTA
It’s your parents’ party. They can deal with the food.
I hope you and your kiddo have a great day!
“What sides are you making for the holiday, OP?”
“The only side I’ll be involved in is showing everyone my backside as I leave. Maybe you should turn this into a bring a dish party.”
NTA
Do you live with your parents – it sounds like it. Don’t you think you should have mentioned to them that you are leaving and not cooking? If they are providing you with a place for you and your daughter to live – I would think some sort of notification would be in order OP.
NTA, I would have left too
You’ll probably have to do the same thing quite a few times, OP, before they get the message that they have to ask if you’re willing to cook.
People are always slow to get messages they don’t want to hear
NTA enjoy the sweet sweet taste of the lesson you’re giving them.
Nope, they tried to take advantage of you. I hope you enjoy your day.
They invited the additional guests? They are responsible for feeding them FULL STOP
NTA. Good for you
You have the right to not be shit on like that. The arrogance from those people to assume that you could accommodate all of this. They can fuck off.
That was a smart move! NTA!
NTA you are not a doormat.
NTA. The audacity of your family!
I would like you to update me if there are comments from the family. You told them what you were going to do, they turned it into a circus.
I hope you and your daughter had some burgers or hot dogs and potato chips with Rocket Pop red, white and blue popsicles for dessert!
💡There is a Miss Manners approved statement. As the invited guests and the uninvited guests arrive, state, “John, you are so popular! You double booked yourself.😈 It was so sweet of you to stop by and apologize in person! What have you guys planned for yourselves?”
Good for you n daughter. No.. your few days off are not made to cater to people who don’t appreciate the effort it takes. And, don’t do anything to help: $$$, bringing food, helping prepare.
They bums can cook their own. Save your family BBQ for non-holidays.
NTA. Good! Now they can cook for their friends. I’m sure they’ll make you the AH for leaving. Enjoy your day free of work!
I call BS. Sounds like a karma farming post.
In this scenario the behaviour of the relatives is so obviously out of line nobody in their right mind would think for a moment they were wrong to step away.
Personally, if something like that really happened, I would prepare enough for what I originally promised, and make sure those who didn’t burn leeches were fed and let the rest fight over the scraps. But even that isn’t an obligation.
But again, I don’t buy it. Nobody would seriously think they were the AH for not providing a steak dinner for any stranger who showed up.
Enjoy your peaceful holiday and of course you are NTA. Your family decided that deviating from the plan was the way to go and maybe next year they’ll be smarter. You made a generous offer and they blew it.
You are not the AH! My daughter’s husband and her were invited to festivities today at her husband’s sister’s home. She is married and has 2 children, also invited was a 2nd sister, her boyfriend and their 2 children as well as his mother. My daughter and her husband have a son and also have his oldest sister living with him as she is unable to live on her own due to cognitive disabilities.
Last night, the sister hosting the affair — which she asked to do — dropped off a bunch of burgers, hot dogs, chicken and asked my SIL to get some steaks out of the freezer. Then asked him to have them grilled, smoked and at her house by 2PM. So basically, he was the caterer.
He did the BBQing, wrapped it up and took it over to her house and dropped it off and returned home to tell us that they were all aghast that my daughter and her husband would be the least bit upset about it.
Enjoy your day off and to heck with them!
You told them what you wanted to do. They ignored you. That’s on them. Let them cook. You go enjoy your time with your daughter. Happy independence day!
You’re NTA. You’re a legend. Brilliantly played, sir!
Good for you standing up for yourself!!
het your entitled you a day off , bit sad your family took you for granted because your a chief , thats a valuable lesson for them to listen to you and more importantly respect you nta