So, this has been weighing on me because now work feels weird, and I don’t know if I handled it wrong.
One of my coworkers, Sarah, is raising money for her dog’s surgery. I totally get it—she’s devastated, and I feel for her. She set up a GoFundMe and has been going around the office asking people to donate.
Here’s where the problem started: I didn’t donate. Not because I don’t care, but because I literally can’t afford to. I’ve had some unexpected medical bills and car repairs, and I’m barely keeping up with rent. I also have my own pet who needs regular care, so I can’t justify spending money I don’t have, even for a good cause.
Sarah never asked me directly, but other coworkers did. When I said I couldn’t right now, they just went, “Oh… okay,” but the vibe shifted. Then, a couple of days later, I heard Sarah venting to another coworker in the break room, saying, “It’s just disappointing when some people act like they care but can’t even chip in ten bucks. I guess their morning lattes are more important.”
And yeah… I buy coffee most mornings. Because it’s, you know, part of my budget. But now I feel like I’m being judged for not skipping a coffee to donate.
It got worse. Someone put up a donation tally in the break room, listing how much everyone contributed. My name was the only one missing. Another coworker joked, “Oof, harsh,” when they saw it, and now I feel super awkward every time I walk into the kitchen.
I thought about donating something just to make the tension go away, but honestly, the pettiness is making me not want to. Still, I don’t want to be the office villain over this.
So, AITAH for not donating? Or should I have just thrown in a few dollars to avoid the drama?
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So, this has been weighing on me because now work feels weird, and I don’t know if I handled it wrong.
One of my coworkers, Sarah, is raising money for her dog’s surgery. I totally get it—she’s devastated, and I feel for her. She set up a GoFundMe and has been going around the office asking people to donate.
Here’s where the problem started: I didn’t donate. Not because I don’t care, but because I literally can’t afford to. I’ve had some unexpected medical bills and car repairs, and I’m barely keeping up with rent. I also have my own pet who needs regular care, so I can’t justify spending money I don’t have, even for a good cause.
Sarah never asked me directly, but other coworkers did. When I said I couldn’t right now, they just went, “Oh… okay,” but the vibe shifted. Then, a couple of days later, I heard Sarah venting to another coworker in the break room, saying, “It’s just disappointing when some people act like they care but can’t even chip in ten bucks. I guess their morning lattes are more important.”
And yeah… I buy coffee most mornings. Because it’s, you know, part of my budget. But now I feel like I’m being judged for not skipping a coffee to donate.
It got worse. Someone put up a donation tally in the break room, listing how much everyone contributed. My name was the only one missing. Another coworker joked, “Oof, harsh,” when they saw it, and now I feel super awkward every time I walk into the kitchen.
I thought about donating something just to make the tension go away, but honestly, the pettiness is making me not want to. Still, I don’t want to be the office villain over this.
So, AITAH for not donating? Or should I have just thrown in a few dollars to avoid the drama?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. The action I took that should be judged was not donating to my coworkers ‘go fund me’ despite me having a morning coffee every day and often eating takeout.
2. The action that would make me an asshole is that I didn’t donate to my workers cause and that resulted with me being effectively bullied by my coworkers, because in their eyes I have the cash, even though I don’t have the spare cash because I have budgeting for that spending.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Trying to hit up one’s co-workers for money (even for a worthy cause), and then guilt-tripping them, and then venting about them, and then trying to shame them publicly, is way over the line. Does your business not have supervisors, or HR, or some sort of code of professional conduct?
Sarah is the A here. You owe her nothing, including an explanation.
NTA
NTA. This kind of harassment is really inappropriate.
NTA
You should start a GoFundMe for your rent and put that up on the board next to her funding totals.
NTA and that sucks and is so unprofessional and she’s acting so entitled. You could be petty and say you’ll contribute if she contributes to your bills. I know this sound extreme, give her a print out of your budget. Of course. don’t include the actual amount of your paycheck, that’s none of her business. Good luck, it sucks that she’s making work such a toxic work environment.
NTA.. I’d pop to HR with that. Pretty sure it’s breaking several codes of conduct , harrasment and bullying are the first two, certainly I am not allowed to fund raise or raise sponsorship through my work either.
NTA
There is NO reason for you to donate.
” I guess their morning lattes are more important.”” .. they ARE more important, and that is ok.
NTA, and your workplace sucks.
NTA
Do you have an HR? If so, report this bullying behavior to HR.
NTA, and Sarah and your other coworkers suck. I see you are in small business so it sounds as though speaking to your supervisor isn’t an option, other wise tht would be thething to do. As it is , I’d suggest that you drop a few comments about how difificult things are finacially, havng to ocover mediavcal bills for yourself and our pet.
Also, consider asking Sarah how her do is and saying you can sympathise ad you are still sruggling to pay for your own and your pets medical expenses, so you can sympathise een though you cant help.
I have to say, however, that that would purely be to help you feel a bit less awkward and to flag up for your inappropriate cooworkers that you have significnat clalls on your own money, not becuase you oweSarah an explanation. You are under no obligation to contribute and that would be true even if you were rolling in cash and could afford to pay for the whole surgery without noticing ! NO ONE has any right to your money
Put up your own GoFundMe link and list in the office, for a local child fighting cancer. Make a point of asking everyone to contribute ‘as least as much to help a child as you did a dog’. Hit up this coworker repeatedly and when they say no tell them ‘I’m very disappointed.’ Complain loudly that ‘some people say they value human life but don’t skip their lunch to donate a tanner.’ Take it from awkward to ridiculously awkward and weird. Then the boss can step in and make a snap policy of no fundraising at work and get you out of the parents selling cookies, gift wrap and candy bars too.
Absolutely NTA
NTA, and why is HR not being notified? Sarah should be disciplined or fired for fundraising at work, then harassing people who don’t donate. I can almost guarantee your workplace has policies against this, if not your state labor board.
I have dogs would never ask for go fund me. Your pet your problem . NTA
Overused italics are now the in thing in these stories
I hate gofundme. I’m not donating, I’m not “reposting” I’m not acknowledging them.
Im not explaining my personal business, I’m not playing office politics. I’m not engaging in poor behavior.
I would have a “chat” with your coworker and let her know she is a bully and you don’t appreciate it. At the end of the day, take down the board and put it in the trash, go home and enjoy your night. Stop in on your way to work and buy your coffee and enjoy it!
NTA. This is wildly inappropriate. I would be tempted to loudly confront coworker and tell her you shouldn’t have to share your private financial information to justify not being able to help her with HER responsibilities. You have your own financial challenges that are no one’s business and her gossiping about you is toxic and unprofessional. Put her in her place. They are already talking about you so you may as well go all in.
NTA. Whomever is the supervisor of this bunch is doing a poor job of supervising. Allowing an open display of who donated? Bad move.
NTA, remember you can still offer her thoughts and prayers.
Not the AH. She’s a coworker, not a friend. You do not have to donate a dime or owe her or anyone else an explanation.
NTA. Also it’s not a worthy cause, it’s her sick pet. Can you ask folks to donate to your car troubles and call it a ” worthy cause”? I think not!
NTA
Set up your own go fund me for your medical expenses and tell them your real reason for not donating. Things should get even more awkward.
NTA. At this point even if you come into a free $100 don’t donate!!! Your coworkers are wrong on so many levels. Just starting a fundraiser and asking at work is wrong. This is exactly why a lot of business do not allow this nonsense.
NTA.
They have pet insurance/credit cards. Look them up and sign up her email to get quotes. 😝 sign up in every website you find. Fill her inbox. Be petty.
NTA. People who work with you don’t get to decide how you spend your money.
NTA! If you don’t have it, you don’t have it.
You should feel obligated to donate money either.
She can post her go fund me on social media and hopefully some people can donate if they choose to.
NTA
Honestly I would put up a list of all the things I pay for with my wages and percentages: 20% of ages towards grocery, 50% towards debt, .05% towards daily coffee because it’s the only treatment I can afford to buy myself, 0% towards people who talk about me behind my back when they have no idea of my financial situation. I’ve been in situations where throwing in town bucks would mean my child wouldn’t have bread for a sandwich so that’s A LOT of money to some people. Nobody should have an animal of they can’t afford to pay for it, and yes that includes I expected surgeries or accidents, because they rely completely on you and making their health another person’s responsibility is a crappy move.
NTA – sorry, but this is wrong and, I know I’m going to sound like “that person”, you need to go to HR over this. NO ONE should feel pressured to donate to anything at work.
We had a similar situation at my office years back. There was a very bold woman who was constantly asking for money for her “church” (I’m still not even sure if it was a legit church) and it got to the point that she and her cronies were starting to harass people about it.
Well word of this got to the owner of the company and he shut that shit down SO FAST. Literally, the next DAY, a notice went up saying that ANY in-office fundraising on office time or using office resources (email, phone, copy machine) was a fireable offense.
You could hear the “huzzah” as the message went out. Now, I do feel it penalized some people who were doing more legitmate things like selling girl scout cookies or butter braids for their school, but the line needed to be drawn and it was far better to put a stop to ALL of it then be faced with accusations of discrimination or picking and choosing which charities could be solicited.
Further, the memo stated that the company would be happy to support its workers’ favorite charities if the charities met certain criteria which were pretty much being non-religiously affiliated and a registered IRS 501(c)3 charity with an EIN. That eliminated nearly all of the “sus” fundraising that went on – the churchy stuff, the “mission trips” the candy bar sales for God knows what. You could apply directly to HR for a monetary donation from the company (and I actually got $500 from them toward a new playground at my sons’ school – AWESOME!).
I honestly think all companies should adopt this. NO ONE wants to be pressured to donate to anything at work. Some people simply don’t have the room in their budget, some people allot their dollars to other causes important to them and some just don’t want to. They are ALL valid reasons.
Set up a go-fund-me to cover your medical bills and other expenses.
Honestly, if you’ve got a pet and can’t afford the bills, you should have had insurance. This is their fault and they are asking you to bale them out for their own negligence and lack of care. NTA
Wow. That’s so tacky. And for a dog?? NTA
You are not obligated to donate. And you shouldn’t feel guilty. It’s not your responsibility to pay for her pet.
If you want to smooth things over (might be easiest for you due to office politics)- call it out directly, and you don’t need to be completely honest. Talk to this coworker in the break room, with others around so they can also hear. ‘Hey x, I hope dog is doing ok. So glad to see people pitching in to help you. I noticed the donation tracker, and I also heard your comment about giving up coffee in order to donate. I just wanted to let you know that I’ve been really thinking of you. Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to donate because my parent/neighbor/sister is having major medical issues, and I’ve been spending every extra dollar on their groceries/helping with their bills/paying for their 24/7 nurse. Actually the only way I can afford coffee is because I have a large gift card to x store from last Christmas. I don’t really feel comfortable sharing all the specifics, but our relationship is important to me and I wanted you to know.’
Even if the dog owner is still icy, if you can say this in front of others, they will likely spread the word and calm down with the constant donation requests.
Here’s how far I got before I knew you weren’t the AH.. “One of my coworkers, Sarah, is raising money for her dog’s surgery” NOPE ✋SARAHS DOG IS SARAHS FINANCIAL RESPONSIBILITY. I would mortified to ask my co-workers, let alone guilt trip them into giving me money for my pet. There is a reason why vet staff say 👏🏻If you can’t afford the vet, don’t get the pet! 👏🏻Sarah is an asshole and all of your coworkers going along with this shameless bullying are assholes too. I hope you get an extra large latte tomorrow and enjoy the shit out of it.