My husband and I went on a cruise with our kids (two young, one teen). Any trips with young kids are a lot of work, especially when one is newly potty trained. He was expecting the kids to go to the kids only areas so we could have some time to ourselves. I had said (before we went) that we shouldn’t plan on that because kids are unpredictable. I said it would be more realistic to plan a date night for a time when we’re home, when the kids are somewhere familiar and babysat by people they know. He said “lots of people go on trips and find time.”
Well, it turned out like I expected and the kids didn’t stay in the kids areas very long (less than an hour, only one day). He decided to get mad at me for “not trying” or encouraging the kids to go back hard enough. I wasn’t comfortable pushing them to do something they didn’t want do. Instead I tried to make time for us when the kids were asleep. To him, that wasn’t good enough and I was “making us a priority.” He got really irritated and cranky the rest of the day and told me I “ruined” the trip.
Keep in mind, he does not make much effort at all to make “us time” in our every day life. He says that’s because he works a lot and gets tired. I also work full time and do the majority of the child care.
He is convinced he is 100% in the right on this. AITAH?
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Original copy of post’s text by /u/bib_1984:
My husband and I went on a cruise with our kids (two young, one teen). Any trips with young kids are a lot of work, especially when one is newly potty trained. He was expecting the kids to go to the kids only areas so we could have some time to ourselves. I had said (before we went) that we shouldn’t plan on that because kids are unpredictable. I said it would be more realistic to plan a date night for a time when we’re home, when the kids are somewhere familiar and babysat by people they know. He said “lots of people go on trips and find time.”
Well, it turned out like I expected and the kids didn’t stay in the kids areas very long (less than an hour, only one day). He decided to get mad at me for “not trying” or encouraging the kids to go back hard enough. I wasn’t comfortable pushing them to do something they didn’t want do. Instead I tried to make time for us when the kids were asleep. To him, that wasn’t good enough and I was “making us a priority.” He got really irritated and cranky the rest of the day and told me I “ruined” the trip.
Keep in mind, he does not make much effort at all to make “us time” in our every day life. He says that’s because he works a lot and gets tired. I also work full time and do the majority of the child care.
He is convinced he is 100% in the right on this. AITAH?
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NTA. You warned him outright, he thought he knew better than the one who does most of the child care. It’s not your fault that he can’t accept how wrong he is on this.
Dude you can’t be entitled to getting laid on a family trip with kids…. and blaming your wife for it doesn’t make you any more fuckable… learn some better communication and treat your marriage like a team partnership and you’ll get further with your goals.
NTA.
NTA Sounds like you should have left him in the kids area based on his maturity level.
He’s the one that should have been in the kids area since he acts like one.
Why didn’t he encourage them to go to the kids areas? Why was it YOUR job to do that?
NTA was he a only child? A family trip and a vacation are totally different things.
NTA but I also think you two need to talk.
“I also work full time and do the majority of the child care.”
That’s the key, he isn’t an involved enough parent to predict how this would play out. If he wanted a romantic couple’s vacay, he should have enlisted his parents to stay with the kids back home while the two of you went alone. Sorry he’s blaming you for his own bad planning, is that a common theme in your relationship?
His response is very immature.
Growing older is mandatory, growing up is optional, and it seems like he opted not to.
So I’m reading that he is one of your kids basically. Are you tired of doing it all alone?
His ideas are totally unrealistic. I would say he doesn’t spend enough time with the kids at home to realize that his ideas wouldn’t work on vacation in a strange environment. I don’t know that you’re going to get through to him either because I don’t think he wants to hear it. I think he’s the AH
NTA. He needs to find more connection with you in regular life so all his hopes aren’t on one trip. Need to have a frank conversation about both of your needs and how to meet those needs while respecting each other’s parenting.
Wow. What a jerk.
NTA Leave him and the kids home and you go! Or take your teen child with you. What a jerk!
Men. SMH.
Yeah, no.
Are straight men seriously graded on a curve? I mean, seriously?
I raised a child. I’m not parenting a pouty immature spouse.
A vacation with kids is a TRIP, not a true vacation.
NTA. I would tell him that the kids have two parents, and he cannot blame you, without also blaming himself.
Taking three kids on a cruise sounds like a nightmare. I understand being disappointed if you managed to fool yourself into thinking it would be relaxing only to be roven wrong. But he was fairly warned beforehand yet he decided to act like a baby. NTA.
This is why we take kid free trips, too.
Esh. I can see your point of view but I can also see his. Vacations you do need to push for a little alone time but he needs to make effort in day to day life. Sounds like you guys need a sit down.
NTA
This wasn’t a romantic getaway. It was a family vacation. Hubby seems confused about the difference.
NTA. Those kids areas suck. They’re boring.
NTA, but he is.
lol most families I know differentiate between “family trips” and “vacations”. Family trips are when we bring the kids and vacations are when we don’t have them. Your husband needs to grow up if he hasn’t learned that by now.
Leave the kids with him for a month and take your own vacation. By the time you get back maybe he’ll understand his children.
I’m a dad. He is an idiot- First for expecting alone time on a kid vacation (lmao) and second for picking a fight with you over how obviously right you were the entire time. Taking a vacation with the kids isn’t about him having a good time, and everybody (but apparently him) knows that. Tell him to grow the fuck up lmao he’s being a little bitch.
Does anyone else think it’s odd that OP works full time and then comes home to her second job, yet OP’s spouse is the one complaining that he “works a lot and gets tired?”
The BS detector is off the charts on this one. He‘s only got a day job – he doesn’t work enough to be tired.
The “us time” comment tells the story here. He doesn’t like having the kids around.
NTA but I think your husband is having an affair or thinking about one. He will use this against you.
Why didn’t he encourage the kids to stay there? Is he not a parent?