This a throwaway account, I 46f want to start by saying I have no problem with Muslims I respect them, even it I don’t personally follow their beliefs. I’ve known many Muslim women and it takes a lot to deal with the hate they get from American society. My 26f daughter converted to Islam when she was 21, I was shocked, but I supported her. I wanted her to do what makes her happy, I helped her research the best places to buy a hijab, how to put it on correctly, and tips to keep it in place. Each year she’s been fasting for the month of Ramadan, but I don’t. I do help her make the food and it’s like a bonding moment for us. This year my daughter asked me to join her in fasting, a little back story is that I suffered from eating disorders such I was a teacher, I’ve gotten better with therapy, but part of that is eating whenever I’m hungry so I don’t fall back into bad habits. I thought about and decided to ask my therapist so she can give some input. The therapist advised against it, because it could cause me to relapse. When I told my daughter this she got angry and said I was an AH for not even trying. She accused me of not supporting her and being xenophobic. I need outside perspective, am I in the wrong here.
AITAH for not fasting with my Muslim Daughter?
r/AITAH
Comments
NTA. Your daughter chose to be muslim. You did not and don’t have to follow their fasting rules. You have accepted her and helped her with her journey. Your daughter is acting like a selfish entitled brat who needs to be put in her place. Your daughter is the only AH here.
NTA
You don’t prevent her from partaking in your religion and she can’t insist that you do partake.
Xenophobia is a dislike or prejudice against people from other countries- she converted her religion not her place of birth.
Nta as a Muslim you’re daughter is being absolutely ridiculous. You cannot force people to fast period.
NTA! While I’m not Muslim, from Muslim friends I understand that there are exemptions in place for those with medical conditions- I’d imagine that’s enough for a non Muslim with a relevant condition to be excused.
I hope your daughter can see that… though it may not be till after the month is over as fasting can definitely play with ones ability to tolerate conflict.
NTA. You’re not Muslim, you don’t have to participate if you don’t want to, particularly if it’s going to damage your health.
Be careful, typically, some people who convert to a new religion tend to be particularly zealous about their newfound “truth”, especially with Muslims and Christians.
Muslims aren‘t even required to fast if there are medical reasons not to.
Boy, if you think baptists can be pushy, Muslims put them to SHAME in my experience. Get ready for constant needling about not being a Muslim and being accused of islamophobia.
You’re NTA but need to make this boundary clear and she’s going to be mad about it.
NTA. You’ve been very supportive of your daughter, but you cannot fast because of health reasons. Islam permits individuals who are ill or fear that fasting might worsen their condition to be exempt and they should prioritize their health. You certainly fall within that category. Your daughter needs to have a better understanding of her religion. Also, Ramzan is for blessings, compassion, kindness. For Barkat. If she doesn’t have that in her heart for a mother who’s been nothing but supportive, her own fasting is in vain as well.
NTA-you aren’t Muslim, so you shouldn’t be expected to fast.
The fact that you explained to her that you weren’t doing it because you didn’t want to risk a relapse of your eating disorder, and she still got mad is proof that she is acting like a selfish, spoiled child. She is 26 and needs to grow up.
NTA. Not even all Muslims fast. That’s a personal choice and no one can be forced.
Your daughter doesn’t seem to understand the basic rules of Islam. If someone has medical issues, they’re not required to fast, plain and simple.
NTA
AFAIK Islam does not require fasting for certain people. Old People, People in Hospital, Breastfeeding Mothers, People who are ill etc. If fasting wouyld adversley affect your health you are excused as the religion is there to help not hurt you.
Your daughter is a dumb fuck.
NTA.
NTA. She asked and you said no. End of story. You’re not Muslim so it’s not an obligation.
Also… your daughter needs some vocabulary lessons. She is using xenophobic incorrectly. She changed her religion, not her country.
She is trying to force her religion and beliefs on you. You declined. That’s not xenophobia, that’s exercising your rights of freedom of religion. NTA. She also is putting her religion over your own health. If she can’t respect your choices, you may want to rethink seeing her during Ramadan ever. If she lives with you, she needs to move out. Still have a relationship but with healthy boundaries.
NTA — fasting isn’t a team sport and relapsing isn’t a bonding activity. Supporting her faith doesn’t mean ignoring your health. Making iftar together sounds like the real family tradition anyway.
NTA. Your daughter joined a cult and you should not have to feed into her delusions.
NTA
Your daughter needs to read a dictionary. Not taking part in a religious practice for a religion you don’t follow isn’t hateful in any way.
You are xenophobic and it shows though. You couldn’t even stop eating for a bit for your daughter. I bet if she left Islam you would be overjoyed. I don’t even know why she keeps relationship with anymore, an unfaithful and sabotaging mother.
You are xenophobic and it shows though. You couldn’t even stop eating for a bit for your daughter. I bet if she left Islam you would be overjoyed. I don’t even know why she keeps relationship with anymore, an unfaithful and sabotaging mother.
NTA
It’s not your religion and Islam is bigoted as shit towards women. I wouldn’t do it either. Your kid sounds like they joined a cult.
Your daughter is a big asshole though.
NTA
your daughter is the AH here.
YOU are not a muslim, so no reason for you to hold ramadan.
YOU’RE DOCTOR TOLD YOU NOT TO. Also, this is no different than if she converted to any random religion (Catholicism, Buddhism, Joahovah Witness, Jewish) and expected you to do things even if you don’t believe. It’s silly.
So your daughter is already turned fanatic and abusive if other people don’t follow her religious regime, she’s a zealot. And doesn’t understand the meaning of xenophobia lol. Tedious and tiresome. NTA
NTA your not even Muslim and you have a very valid reason not to do it. If your therapist says not do not do it. Your daughter is in the wrong here and is being the AH
>She accused me of not supporting her and being xenophobic.
Ain’t this just a classic story where a young person adopts a new belief system and starts trying to force it on everyone while throwing around buzzwords to accuse everyone who doesn’t share their belief system of being hateful.
NTA.
NTA. This is HER religion, not yours.
Your daughter doesn’t seem to understand the basic tenets of her religion. It is also deeply offensive to accuse you of xenophobia.
I am interested in how she learnt about Islam, why she decided to join the faith, and who is guiding her through the religious conversation? You said you helped her with food and attire, does she not know any actual Muslims who could help with that?
NTA. As far as i know from muslims, they don’t need to fast, if they have a medical condition. And since you are not even muslim yourself, why force it? Why is she so pushy about it? Religion should be a free choice, in which you supported her, so she must respect your decision as well.
I like to bet, if you would try to force any other religious things on her, she would lecture you on how you can not do this! (Which would be right, but she can’t either)
Easter is this Sunday is joining you at church and receiving communion just to support you?
Nta. It is not even required from you as you are non Muslim, not even under sheria law…but I did see ppl try it to understand experience…:
NTA. If your daughter was truly Muslim, she would truly understand the religion and behave differently.
Is there such a thing as a MAGA Muslim?
NTA Your daughter’s reaction is inconsiderate and entitled.
NTA. You’re not Muslim, their traditions and festivities and holidays are not yours. Fasting for Ramadan in a Muslim thing, and you’re not part of the religion. That would be enough to say you’re NTA for saying no.
Adding the context of your past eating disorder and your therapists advise just makes you even more NTA. It’s insane to demand you take part in a religious tradition/holiday when you’re not part of the religion AND it could literally trigger a potentially deadly eating disorder you’ve worked hard to recover from.
Gotta ask, does your daughter know about the eating disorder? If she doesn’t, she may not realise what she’s actually asking of you, and it may be a good idea to explain that to her. If she already knows, she’s way out of line, even on top of demanding a non-Muslim adhere to Muslim traditions and holidays.
I’m also wondering, how much is your daughter wanting to convert you? Converts are often the most likely to try to convert others, think of how bad some born-again Christians can get. You’ve shown support for your daughter’s chosen religion, and have even helped her prepare for stuff like this. I’m kind of wondering if your daughter is trying a slow conversion method, asking a little bit more of you every time, getting you more involved in the culture, traditions and holidays. She can word this as supporting her through the fasting period, when it’s really about normalising you taking part in these holiday traditions, until you suddenly realise you’re living like a Muslim, at which point your daughter will say ‘you’re already a practicing Muslim, may as well officially convert’.
Hopefully, this is just your daughter wanting support for the fasting, perhaps she struggles with it, and doesn’t realise how out of line such a demand actually is. But her anger at you saying no, immediately going to ‘you don’t support me’ is concerning. It’s basically a step down from calling you Islamaphobic. Or ‘if you love me you’ll do this thing you really don’t want to and is dangerous for you because I’m more important than your health, safety or life’.
Try having a calm conversation with your daughter. Explain that you do support her and her religious beliefs, but you’re not Muslim and have no intention of becoming one, you just don’t believe. Then tell/remind her of the eating disorder and how dangerous fasting is to your health and mental well-being. Hopefully this will get through to her. Her reaction to this talk is going to be very telling about what your daughter actually intends from this demand. If she comes around easily, or at least fairly quickly, then she likely just wanted some extra support and overreacted. If she refuses to listen at all, continues with the ‘you don’t support me’ b.s, then I think this is more about trying to convert you, even if that seriously harms you.
It’s her religion, not yours. It’s a tenent of Islam that you fast during Ramadan and unless you are Muslim, why would you practice a principle of a faith you don’t practice?
NTA – your daughter is way out of line.. she does not seem to fully grasp her new religion nor does she respect your autonomy, sorry to say
You not following a certain religion and culture isn’t xenophobic wtf? NTA
It seems like a slippery way for her to evangelize Islam upon you.
It is ‘her’ choice, not ‘yours’. Either she respects that or she can do it more independently without mom helping her out.
The worst kind of evangelicals are those who are new to any faith; They figure that part of their making up for not being born in to that belief system is to drag friend and family along. You see it in every religion.
Your daughter should know there is NO compulsion in religion. It’s in the Quran. Need more of my Muslim brethren to really live by this!
NTA, she absolutely cannot force you to fast.
You’re NTA your cultist daughter trying to browbeat you into following her cults bullshit is a major asshole. It will get worse.
Ask your daughter to attend a session with your therapist. I’d also ask her what her Imam would say about her behavior. There are plenty of women at her mosque who can support her. Could this be more about introducing you to her religion? NTAH
Quick search.
Sickness means everything that means that a person is not healthy.
Ibn Qudamah said:
“The scholars agree that it is permissible for the sick person not to fas t in general. The basis of that is the ayah in which Allah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“but if any of you is ill or on a journey, the same number (should be made up) from other days.” [al-Baqarah 2:184]
It was narrated that Salamah ibn al-Akwa’ (may Allah be pleased with him) said: “When this ayah was revealed – ‘And as for those who can fast with difficulty, (e.g. an old man), they have (a choice either to fast or) to feed a Miskin (poor person) (for every day)’ [al-Baqarah 2:184 – interpretation of the meaning] – those who wanted not to fast could do that, and pay the fidyah (i.e., feed one poor person for each day). That remained the case until the following ayah was revealed, i.e., the verse:
‘And as for those who can fast with difficulty, (e.g. an old man), they have (a choice either to fast or) to feed a Miskin (poor person) (for every day)’
[al-Baqarah 2:184 – interpretation of the meaning] – so it abrogated it.”
The sick person who fears that fasting may make his sickness worse or that it will slow down his recovery or damage a part of his body, has the option of not fasting, and indeed it is Sunnah for him not to fast and it is makruh for him to complete his fast, because that may lead to his death. So he has to be cautious and protect himself. Moreover, if the sick person is very ill, that makes it permissible for him not to fast. But if a healthy person fears difficulty or tiredness, it is not permissible for him to break his fast, if all that happens to him when he fasts is that he becomes tired.
She’s attempting to inflict her religion on you . Tell her to back off.
NTA
Why does your daughter need support? Is her faith so weak? Don’t risk your mental health for your daughter’s fling.
NTA but your daughter is. I don’t think trying to force someone into a religion by shaming them is the essence of religion – and don’t you get passes for ramadan even as a muslim when your health is affectes by it? (Correct me if I am wrong there tho.)
Listen to yourself and your therapist, your daughter wanting you to risk your health for the sake of guilttripping is a little unhinged.
I remember when my nephew came over for dinner and I made fried pork chops for dinner. He informed me that he doesn’t eat pork anymore after eating it for 22 years. That’s fine, more for me. But he didn’t try to push that on me because I would’ve asked him to leave while I gobble down the chop chops.
NTA, I’m not going to starve myself because of fairytales. People can believe whatever they want but don’t push that stuff on me.
NTA Religion is bs. Why do these people always need to force their bs on others? And I am talking about ALL religions.
You’re NTA. You don’t practice the religion so you’re under no obligation. Your daughter is being unreasonable when you have supported her choices.
NTA and the fact that your daughter doesn’t even understand her own religion means she can (and should) fuck right off. I’m over people using religion to be pricks, especially converts. I don’t give a shit what religion you follow, I don’t bang on about mine and don’t want to hear about yours
Nope, she converted, you didn’t.
NTA – her body, her choice. Your body, your choice.
If you chose to eat only pork for some devout religious nonsense, would she follow your choice even though it conflicts with her choices?
NTA; You are respecting her choice but have no obligation to follow her in this. You are not Muslim, this is not your tradition.
It appears your daughter has been radicalised and turned fanatic if she is attacking anyone who doesn’t follow or even practice her beliefs. Slippery slope. Soon enough she will call for the beheading of all infidels. I would disown her now and distance yourself ASAP.
nta. your daughter needs to pull her head out of her ass.
Even Muslims don’t fast if there are genuine health issues. My boss is Muslim but she doesn’t fast for this reason.
Simple solution for you to deal with an ungrateful daughter who might become radicalized if she continues down the path of intolerance, tell her to go fly a kite!
NTA 100%
The fact you let her have her religious freedom is enough to show you aren’t xenophobic. I know a lot of people in the area I live, who’d kick their children out of their homes and lives over something like a change in religion.
Expecting you to fast with her is just gross. Let me repeat; the fact she expects you to is gross. It would have been perfectly fine if she’d asked you to, and accepted it when you said no. But her reaction is absolutely over the line and not okay.
You need to teach your kid about respect, and this is probably a good time: you respected her choice, she also has to respect your choice.
I am not Muslim, but I think there are rules in Islam that say if you are not healthy enough to fast. You shouldn’t fast.
You have an eating disorder, you cannot fast.
NTA at all. Your daughter is angry because she invited you to try observing a part of her religion with the intention of making you fall in love with the faith too. This is commonly advised practice, to make other people try on hijab, try the prayer or fasting, generally inviting them to convert. She might feel doubts about her choice or about being good enough Muslim and being the reason why somebody converts would get you a huge religious boost points and also good deed points to get closer to heaven. Her plan didn’t work out. Also Muslims believe that Islam is generally good and beneficial for anybody, so you telling her that you believe medical advice over religious practice creates cognitive disonance.
Another reason might be because she loves you and she genuinely believes as a non Muslim you will go to the hell in the afterlife and she wants to save your soul be making you become Muslim.
She wasn’t honest about her intentions. That’s why her feelings got hurt. You two should talk. Ask her about “there is no compulsion in religion” and if she thinks her reaction respected that principle.
Trying to force others to go along with their religion is a hallmark of Islam. I’m sorry your daughter fell into that. Support doesn’t have to equal participation. NTA
I just broke my fast like an hour before reading this. Your daughter is the one who is AH here. No one can force anyone to do anything. She should be more considerate. I would never make someone fast with me, let alone push them. NTA! You don’t have to justify yourself. No is a complete sentence.
NTA – Tell your daughter you are fasting with her if she has pork chops after! It’s HER faith, HER religion. Expecting others to be understanding of her faith and be tolerant should make her understand that she too has to be understanding of your ways of life.
By her damands and calling you an AH, your daughter literally puts HER religion above your health. So would she be all right with you getting back into your eating disorder just so she can feel all great about herself having forced you into her religious traditions?
Your daughter is brainwashed and it will probably get worse.
NTA
Your daughter is TA and from religious perspective being a bad Muslim since Quran tells Muslims pretty clearly “Let there be no compulsion in religion” (Al-Baqarah 2:256)
She is trying to force her religious beliefs down her throat which is not cool, you need to enforce your boundaries that while your support her lide choices you are in no way obligated to practice anything she is practicing
Also (hypothetically speaking) even if you decided to convert to Islam, your health issues would exempt you from Fasting so she has no leg to stand on.
“Xenophobic” lol, what kind of insane BS is that. It’s her religion, not yours. Even if you didn’t have a good medical reason, you would still not be the AH.
Ramadan ended over 2 weeks ago, is she doing voluntary fasting now?
Your daughter is the ah for demanding you fast with her, and after being told you had eating disorders still demanding you join her, accusing you of not trying, accusing you of not supporting her, and falsely calling you xenophobic, ask her does she even know what xenophobia is or is she one of those who just spouts it and throws a temper tantrum when she doesn’t get her way.
NTA also you’re not obligated to fast if you have health concerns, so she’s actually in the wrong for pressuring you.
All kinds of religions out there you have to follow the one you do or do not choose to. She cannot impose her beliefs on you and she should not give you hell for not participating in that. Stand your ground politely, but stand your ground.
Your daughter sounds like a bigot tbh.
Even without your history of eating disorders you are perfectly entitled to just say no. Islam is her religion not yours, at 26 she should be adult enough to deal with that.
As a Muslim
It’s haram in Islam to force someone else to join or do acts of islam
So her being angry is outta line
NTA
NTA. Not wanting to follow religious traditions of a religion you are not is not xenophobic, especially considering your medical history.
Typical religious behavior. Their rules are everyone’s rules, too. Talk to your daughter and tell her things clearly.
NTA. Congratulations, your daughter is turning into a religious nut. Or I’m so sorry for the loss of your daughter. People who push their religion on others are assholes. It will get worse.
NTA
Your daugter needs to learn religious tolerance.
She is a bigot, and lacking respect for her parent and general empathy.
How is that a good believer?
I am amazed at self-hate of women to convert to ibrahamic religions.
If she likes women, she will hate herself. If she plans to marry, religious men are the worst. I am sorry for you, and your daughter.
Well, she’s not even a good Muslim bcz exemptions are made for health reasons, children, elderly, pregnant, etc. I feel she should know that. Your daughter reads as one of those who desperately crave a way to be seen as objectified, a phenomenon usually seen by those who have never had to experience that.
Even if your situation didn’t apply, not following someone else’s beliefs is not xenophobic in itself and it dilutes the meaning of that word when misusing it. You could have your own beliefs to follow OR u could choose to not follow any beliefs. Something else would have to apply here for that term to fit.
How dare your daughter not only dismiss your well-being but also label u as something so severe.
NTA. Health is actually a valid reason to not fast per their religion.
Religious people tend to think that their fantasies apply to everyone.
NTA, and WTF?
do you ask your daughter to participate in the rituals of another religion?
She could ask that you not make a big deal about eating, and only eat in the kitchen or dining room, instead of snacking in front of her. That would be respectful.
But…you’re not Muslim.
As a Christian, I have a negative reaction toward people participating in the rituals of my faith without really meaning it. Like people who don’t care about church who get their baby baptized because grandma insists, or something. Don’t cheapen my faith with your theater-only performance.
NTA Your daughter is being selfish.